Why I Stayed.

Celeste Graham

Description

An account of my life from when I married my Egyptian Husband. It went from a fairy story of love to that of terror and fear for my life. I stayed to protect my children from a life of misery from this man. I started writing things that he did to me as I thought that no one would actually believe me. The torment and domestic abuse I endeavored was beyond belief, this ranged from physical abuse to mental and verbal abuse to that of taking out a fatwa against my life and that of my children.
Being brought up in a family when I was young that was also ravaged by physical and mental abuse with the parents then progressing into a marriage and suffering worse was too much to endure, but I stayed because of my children. The rules are that of if a woman walks out the children stay and the thought of this was too much to bear. Writing it down was the best thing to do with the whole situation.
During the time with him, I supported my whole family with sometimes having 2 jobs to support them all as my husband did not work. I was working on my days off, I hardly slept, sometimes I went to work with 3 hours sleep. I managed in this time to complete my master’s degree and doctorate degree. I have managed to set all my children up with a decent life after we split.
I am still working and have a job in education and research within the area of teaching and learning in healthcare. I encourage all woman to be strong and believe in their dreams.

Sujets

• Biography
• Autobiography
• Isolation

Informations

• Publié par: Balboa Press UK
• Date de parution: 25 mai 2023
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781982287269
• Langue: English

Extrait

WHY I STAYED.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
CELESTE GRAHAM
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
Copyright © 2023 Celeste Graham.
 
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
 
 
 
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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.
 
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
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ISBN: 978-1-9822-8725-2 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-9822-8726-9 (e)
 
Balboa Press rev. date:  05/25/2023
CONTENTS
Preface
Introduction
26 th March 1982
Unemployed
New Job
Separate Bedrooms
Abuse
Conclusion
PREFACE
This is my own story and I will say that all the events within this book are real and I have made nothing up. Names have been changed to protect privacy and for security reasons. Geographical situations have also been changed for the same security and privacy reasons. My story is real and I survived to tell the story. I wanted to tell it as it was, I want to empower woman with the power of being able to stand up to an abuser and bullies of this world.
I partially dedicate this book to the memory of my late husband who encouraged me and restored my faith in marriage. His understanding and caring attitude was a lifeline for my family. He was selfless, kind, generous and is now an angel in heaven looking down, but taken too soon. He encouraged me to fulfil my dreams and finish and publish my story.
I also want to dedicate this book to my wonderful children who have been my source of energy to never give up. They turned out to be caring people who are hardworking and doing well in their careers. Their patience and understanding in why I had to write this will be my source of encouragement and love. They have become strong people with minds of their own, they remained respectful to their father which shows how resilient they have become. They could have done the opposite of respect but they did not and this shows that I brought them up well. Although I would not have disagreed to a total excommunication from their father as I have done. They are good people. He should be proud of them as he showed them no respect during their childhood. This book started because I felt that no one would believe the pain and anguish we all went through during the marriage. “Why did I stay?” This is what I get said to me all the time. Well it was because of my children, they would have been taken away from me and that I could not have endured.
INTRODUCTION
Having been brought up in a household of continuous fighting and arguing which at times were violent between my parents, I just dreamt of the time I could leave home from a very early age. My parents brought me up in a bigoted religion which meant going to church every Sunday and the schooling that was looking back, so biased and one sided, I thought I had it not so bad. I had my own bedroom. I had friends who had 7 siblings, sharing everything including rooms, so my life seemed to be okay.
The violence between my parents seemed normal to me anyway, as I did not know anything better. My mother was the violent and verbally abusive one to my father and at times to me. My earliest recollection of the violence, fighting and arguing was around when I was 3 years old. I used to be shipped out to my grandmothers in another city, she was the calming effect on my life, I loved her. I think she knew what was going on between my parents but never mentioned it or spoke to me about anything that ever happened. Everyone thought my mother was a bully and at times really aggressive, the hard one of the family, always searing and lashing out at my father. Everyone felt sorry for him, or so I thought. Turns out he was the one who had an issue. He was a sexual abuser and she protected him at all costs. She had been protecting him for many years in order to save her face and get on with her married life. At 5 years old she moved us to a small town away from where I was happy with my relatives, I missed the contact of cousins and my aunties. The town were we moved to was at that time far away from everything that we knew. It took 3 buses to get there and three hours travelling. This was her agenda. Because of my father she had to move to another town because of his misgivings and interference with other woman as well as having an unhealthy interest in children of all ages. Isolating him was her agenda to save her face among family and friends Instead of throwing him out and protecting her family, she moved us from the source of his maybe first, or maybe his 20 th incident. We will never know. But this issue with my father only got worse. Moving around did not curb his sexual interest in children and other females of different ages. He continued to abuse anyone who came within his reach. She still protected him. He was so good at it and being nice to everyone he would win over affections. Things were covered up as we went along with our daily lives. I do not have much recollection, but I am sure I have blocked things he did to me out of my mind. I remember fights with me in the middle and she was sending me to my grandmother’s house. Now I know why. He would kiss me inappropriately which at the time I was unaware of what he was doing. I was brought up in a household of continuous fighting and threatening even to me from my mother, who was protecting him and herself from the embarrassment that could have been. She always wanted to kill him, and nearly did a few times. He had the scars on his head to prove it. She would throw things at him and split his head open in places while thumping him on the chest and back. It was a dreadful upbringing when I look back. I do remember an incident when he was working as an insurance man in our town. He was sacked and there was some issue with money, but now I think it was another issue with a woman, as he mentioned that he had an affair a few years before to my daughter a few times in his later years. Why would you even mention that to a child. I was shocked when she told me. He would mention inappropriate things regarding his sex life to me of which I used to reply, “Not my business”. It still did not click that the one incidence with me were a continuous pattern of someone with a big problem.
He continued to abuse my friends, my aunties, neighbors and because of the protection he got from my mother he got away with it. I did not believe one of my friends when she told me my father had attempted to kiss his and fondle her in his car when he was picking us up from a party one evening.
When I was sixteen years old, he got into my bed and started fondling me in an inappropriate way, I was initially asleep, but suddenly woke up with him on top of me trying to kiss and fondle my chest. I pushed him off as he had been drinking and he left my room. Now, I am sure my mother knew what he did, but she now denies it and blames me. I was rather scared of my mother and did not want any more fighting in the house, so I decided not to tell her, she would not have believed me anyway. She had to know, he had a history, why would he come to my room late at night in the dark when I was asleep. This whole incident never left me, it was so inappropriate and I could not tell anyone at all. I was brought up that what happens in the house stays in the house.