Cosmopolitan

Irma Kurtz

Description

Five years of the famous Agony Column from Cosmopolitan with answers written by the wise and fair Irma Kurtz. Subjects covered include sex and sexuality, guilt, depression, Married men, affairs, parents, the maternal urge, jealousy, eating disorders, independence and sexual equality.

Sujets

• Dating

Informations

• Publié par: Hearst Magazines UK
• Date de parution: 10 août 2012
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781905563692
• Langue: English

Extrait

Table of Contents
Foreword
Sex & Sexuality
Relationships
Marriage
Affairs
Children & Babies
Divorce
Men
Married Men
Weight
Parents
Grow Up, Be Yourself
Anxiety & Depression
Friends
Drink & Drugs
Guilt
Health
Doctors
More Books from British Cosmopolitan
Copyright
Foreword

The first issue of British Cosmopolitan went on sale in March 1972. It was a publishing sensation and all 350,000 copies had sold out by lunchtime the first day. By the time the second issue went to press, 100,000 copies had been added to the print run. But British women still could not get enough and the magazine sold out again within two days of publication. The philosophy behind this ground breaking magazine was simple but, in those days, radical. American Cosmo legend Helen Gurley Brown wanted her readers to live big, go for it and be the best you can be in every area of your life.
British women had seen nothing like it. Cosmopolitan was the first magazine aimed at young women and the first women's magazine not to focus on women and the home. Never before had British women seen a publication filled with racy articles about sex and relationships running alongside the book reviews, novel extracts, career advice and fashion pages. Interestingly, the feminist magazine Spare Rib was founded just a few months later, aimed at the politically minded woman, but Cosmopolitan was happily read by feminists and non-feminists alike. It was glamorous and bold, embracing many of the messages of the growing women's movement but always presented as a friendly, glossy package. It was also the first magazine to have an agony column that was almost exclusively about sex and relationships in the broadest sense.
In 1976, Irma Kurtz, a young American journalist who had moved to London with a young son, was taken on as Cosmo 's Agony Aunt, having written popular features on sex and relationships for several years. Her first agony column was published in the May issue. Women of all ages wrote to her - teenagers, wives, mothers, widows, divorcées, virgins, lesbians - all hoping that this broad-minded, intelligent woman would have the answers to their problems. And men wrote in too. Irma's advice was consistently wise, firm and supportive. Again and again she encouraged people to grow up, find themselves, and live life to the full. She encouraged women to invite men out rather than wait to be invited. She extolled the pleasures of sex and deep relationships but encouraged her readers to be individuals in their own right, not dependent on anyone else. She assured people that masturbation was not a sin and that cruel and jealous men were not to be tolerated.
The first volume of The Agony Column covered the years 1976-80, the second covered 1980-85. This is the third volume, covering the years 1985 to 1987. As with the first ten years, it is fascinating to see how many of the questions could have been asked today, for the problems are perennial, as are the answers. Certain subjects cropped up over and over again: married men, sexual identity, affairs, jealousy, loneliness and depression. It is striking that young single women were not the only ones seeking advice: numerous middle-aged women wrote in with their questions and dilemmas, aware that times were changing for women and that they hoped to benefit. Many were married or divorced, showing how in the days before the internet and confessional TV shows, sources of advice about embarrassing problems usually suffered in secret were practically non-existent. It is no wonder that Irma was seen as a friend to all. Rather than run the problem pages in chronological order, we have organised the questions and answers in themes for easy reference, hoping that many of them offer advice and information that are still relevant today.
Louise Court, Editor, Cosmopolitan
London, 2012
Sex & Sexuality

Q: About five years ago, I met a man whom I fell in love with and was heartbroken when he ended our relationship after two years together. Thereafter I entered into relationships very warily and no man seemed to compare with my ex. Six months ago I started seeing a man and I knew I was falling in love again. Although I tried to hold back, I just couldn't stop myself. Two months ago, he ended our relationship and I am devastated. People say time heals and that I'll meet someone else, but I have got to the stage where I am no longer interested in other men if all I'm going to get is heartbreak. The reason my ex-boyfriend gave me for parting was that he was frightened to commit himself. I do know that he is generally a loner and doesn't have another girlfriend. I cry most nights and I can't get him off my mind. To say I'm fed up is an understatement. We're both 22. Do you think there's any chance of a reconciliation?
A: “People" are right. Time really does heal. And you will no doubt meet someone else. Or perhaps when you and the sensible young man, who at 22 is afraid to commit himself, are older you will both be - not reconciled, for there is no quarrel, as he told you nothing but the truth - ready, I'd rather say, to try again. Nevertheless, it would be foolish at your age to shut your mind off from contact with other possible lovers. The young heart is a resilient organ that bounces and mends; as long as you hope to find a lasting love you must risk having it bruised.

Q: I feel at rock bottom and yet here I am with a house, car, good job, lovely parents, good friends and a kind, caring, generous man whom I love dearly. There is only one problem: he's homosexual. I have been friends with this man for years. We have never slept together although I would jump at the chance. We see each other once or twice a week. It was 18 months ago when he told me of his sexual preference. I already had an idea. At first I was very practical, but I can't go on, I will go insane. He told me he'd understand if I didn't want to see him, but if anything I love him more. I cry a lot and tell him how upset I feel. Although he's sympathetic, he doesn't really understand my feelings. I can't sleep, I eat all the time for comfort. I am an emotional wreck.
A: You cannot change the fact that the man you love is homosexual. I think you must examine your problem from the other side. Instead of going over and over how much you love him, start thinking about why you love in such an impossible way, not unlike a teenager's love for a pop star. Why have you fallen in love with someone you will never be able to claim? Why are you letting him take you out of circulation? And even using him as an excuse for undisciplined eating which in the end is going to make you feel unattractive to other men? To love him for his kindness, generosity and caring is to love him as a friend and perfectly worthy, but to desire a homosexual man as a lover is folly and maybe even a way to protect yourself from a more promising sexual union. You haven't told me your age. To fall in love with an inaccessible star is a very youthful, even virginal, thing to do because it allows the thrill of lust without the threat of sex. If, indeed, you are young then you will have to wait this infatuation out and if you can be good to yourself, see the man less often and see more of other friends. If you are older, over 23 say, then you ought to give serious thought to the self-destructive aspect of an obsession with the impossible. Try to be wise and think of this desire as something to overcome. Do everything you can to put time and distance between you and this man until you know you are at least able to see him as a friend, no more and no less.

Q: While my husband sleeps he has erections. He says it is a natural thing to do. I've always thought that you have to have some kind of physical or visual stimulation. He says he doesn't dream of anyone else, but I find it hard to believe. Is he thinking of having an affair?
A: It is perfectly normal far young men to become sexually aroused in their sleep. It is a physiological process. It is also virtually impossible far anyone to control what he dreams. What would be the point of a subconscious we could programme like a video machine? And what makes you so certain, anyway, that he isn't dreaming about you? In any case, even if he is dreaming all night long about mermaids, princesses and film stars, make sure when he opens his eyes, it is you he sees.

Q: A friend of mine is very concerned about her daughter's marriage. The girl came upon her husband masturbating in front of the TV. He tells her he doesn't know why he does it. She has since developed a strong feeling of rejection and resentment, though she maintains that their sex life was good. She is now pregnant. Could you recommend some literature that will convince her that this is not an unusual activity? He adamantly refuses to go to marriage guidance or sex therapy. The girl's mother, too, seems very innocent about the subject, and can only find scant reference to it in the large sexual tomes she has consulted.
A: Your friend must have consulted tomes written before the flood of sexual enlightenment. If she and her daughter go into any well-stocked bookshop or library and leaf through the contents page in various sex books, I'm sure they will find a sympathetic explanation of the practice. Masturbation is not an unusual activity. On the contrary, it is a sort of bonus for the libido. Try to reassure your friend that to masturbate is only suitable for treatment when it replaces marital sex. Of course, if there is any chance the husband is feeling deprived, especially now his wife is pregnant, then that is a problem they ought to discuss calmly together and do something about, not necessarily needing marriage guidance. If the written word won't put the young woman's mind to rest, she ought to consult a gynaecologist or make an appointment to ask a sex therapist about the incidence of masturbation among married men. Maybe she will come to und