Ok, God: I Need a Miracle!

Denise Lovell

Description

When no external answers or support existed and my life expectancy was fading fast, my only solution was to turn to God and success followed!
'Living my childhood with an alcoholic father and, later, going through a failed marriage, mental health breakdown and incurable cancer diagnosis, I often wondered if there was a God and why life can appear so cruel at times. However, as I reached out with unshakeable faith, I realised that every experience is a lesson to help us evolve. It was then that miracles really did start to show up in my life.
'Growing up as an empath, I have a strong intuition when it is called for. No more so than when my cancer became so aggressive that it threatened my life at the start of a global pandemic.
'I had to fully trust my intuitive choices because my life was dependent on them. Cancer was my wake-up call, but it is only through true self-love and self-care that we can learn to heal and live a life free from pain. This book has been written to inspire readers to never lose hope - and never stop loving yourself.'
Denise Lovell

Sujets

• Santé et bien-être
• Confiance en soi et estime de soi
• Confiance en soi
• Confiance
• Miracle
• Cancer
• Faith
• Journey
• Self-help
• Self-help (disambiguation)
• Self-Esteem
• Personal Growth
• Self-Help

Informations

• Publié par: Balboa Press UK
• Date de parution: 06 décembre 2022
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781982286606
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 3 Mo

Extrait

OK, God: I Need A Miracle!
 
Fighting Incurable Cancer During A Global Pandemic
 
 
 
 
 
Denise Lovell
 
 
 
Copyright © 2022 Denise Lovell.
 
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
 
 
Balboa Press
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Bloomington, IN 47403
www.balboapress.co.uk
UK TFN: 0800 0148647 (Toll Free inside the UK)
UK Local: 02036 956325 ([phone] from outside the UK)
 
Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
 
DISCLAIMER: The information given in this book should not be treated as a substitute for professional medical advice; always consult a medical practitioner. Any use of information in this book is at the reader’s discretion and risk. Neither the author nor the publisher can be held responsible for any loss, claim or damage arising out of the use, or misuse, of the suggestions made, the failure to take medical advice or for any material on third party websites.
 
 
ISBN: 978-1-9822-8659-0 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-9822-8660-6 (e)
 
Print information available on the last page.
 
Balboa Press rev. date: 03/23/2023
 
 
 

Contents
1.     IN A ROOM WITH DOCTOR DOOM
2.     GROWING UP AS A GUARDIAN ANGEL
3.     COMING BACK HOME
4.     BREAKING DOWN
5.     CANCER
6.     HEALING FROM WITHIN
7.     NO TRACE
8.     CANCER WAS MY WAKE-UP CALL
 
 
 
 
To Mum, Harrison and Kenzie, the 3 most precious people in my world, I love you more than words
Thank you for your unconditional love – it’s what keeps me going
Dad, your love still surrounds me. Thank you, I love and miss you lots
1
IN A ROOM WITH DOCTOR DOOM
J anuary 2020. The man sat across from me with his eyes fixed on the computer screen. His qualifications hung above his desk like medals in polished frames
– did all the doctors have their degrees hanging in their offices or was this man particularly keen to show me his credentials? The consultant was obviously highly qualified. That’s why I was here.
He didn’t look at me as he clicked through the grey-and- white platform on his screen. In fact, he hardly looked me in the eye for the next 20 minutes.
‘Denise, thank you for coming in today. Your test results are back in . . .’
The room at the hospital was painted white. From the outside, the Glasgow hospital was vast – a modern, futuristic- style building surrounded by more concrete than trees. I had come to realise that all hospital consulting rooms looked the same: plain, unassuming, a place to absorb bad news.
‘Last year’s surgery was not as successful as we had hoped. I’m afraid the cancer has come back. There are now three tumours: two in your neck and one at the back of your throat. The affected area is extensive. There is no cure,’ he said flatly. ‘There is nothing more the hospital can do for you.’
I held my breath. In that momentary silence, I could hear my heart hammering at my ribs, chiselling its way out of my chest. There was the whir of the desk computer. The footsteps walking quickly in the corridor outside sounded like another heartbeat – as if the hospital was trying to match my erratic pulse. I must have asked a question because the consultant spoke again.
‘There is no cure.’
I felt numb with fear, the panic playing in my chest like a scratchy violin.
In the moments that followed, the consultant told me yet again that they had done all they could. Not once along my 18-month-long cancer journey had I been offered any emotional or psychological support, and none came now.
I had been diagnosed with throat cancer in June 2018. After several months of feeling a small lump in the right- hand side of my neck grow to the size of a grape, I went to the doctor expecting it to be a benign cyst. When the result came back, I was absolutely shocked. Me – how could this be happening to me? I was fit and healthy, always smiling, a Zumba instructor, surrounded by loving family and friends and was the mother of two boys. The doctors told me that we had caught it early, and they looked relieved to tell me it was perfectly treatable. My family, and partner Alexander, were so supportive, accompanying me to appointments and on the long regular trips from Glasgow to London for hospital visits and always being there to provide the positive network I needed to stay upbeat and manage the discomfort that came with cancer. But after several rounds of radiation therapy and a failed invasive surgery, here I was at one of the top cancer facilities in the UK being told that there was nothing more the medical profession could do for me.
I was being shown the door with no hope whatsoever. During this whole time, my consultant hadn’t looked at my face. Were his thoughts on other things? Was he mentally preparing for his next meeting? Wondering what was on the menu for dinner tonight? His delivery of the news had been so shocking: emotionless, cold and without an ounce of compassion. I hoped with all my heart that this was not the bedside manner that all doctors had when they were telling someone their biggest fear had just come true. In my head, I nicknamed the man in front of me ‘Doctor Doom’; someone who doesn’t show an ounce of humanity, someone with an ego and a title telling me that without medicine, there was no hope.
I had first been treated in Glasgow during August and September 2018. The radiotherapy and chemo had been brutal, almost barbaric, the effects of which caused me to lose three stone (at a time when I needed every ounce if I was going to have the strength to fight this disease). The treatment didn’t work, and I was sent to the Royal Marsden Hospital in Chelsea in July 2019. Here, I was given a world- renowned professor as my surgeon; I had every faith in him and felt like I was in safe hands as I knew this man was determined to get me well. He spoke to me one-on-one and was impressed by my fighting spirit. He was keen to take my case on despite the rapid spread of my tumours and was going to use a pioneering robotic technique that had had great success so far. But the surgery was a disaster, leaving me with long-term complications and cancer cells still in my body. I returned home, coming back to the Royal Marsden for follow-up appointments later that year, but in mid- December 2019, the top professor couldn’t even look me in the eye. He wanted nothing more to do with me now he had realised he’d failed, so he sent me back to the hospital in Glasgow. I felt like I was being passed from pillar to post. That’s when I ended up with Doctor Doom back in Scotland.
As we sat there, I was rapidly losing respect for these educated medical professionals who could barely give me the time of day.
I left to go to the bathroom and compose myself. While I was out of the room, my partner asked, ‘How long do we have?’
The answer came starkly, as clear as day. ‘Six to 10 months.’ But Alexander didn’t tell me this for some time. We were all in shock that day. The consultant never said it to my face either.
When Alexander and I left the hospital, we went to pick up my son from school. Something so normal, so everyday – but how could things ever be normal again? For the next few hours, I was distraught. It was the worst diagnosis, made worse (if possible) by the brutal, abrupt delivery. Not only this, but in just a couple of short months, I would soon be facing my cancer alone as Covid-19 restrictions shut down the world en masse.
However, what the doctors didn’t know about me is that my fighting spirit is a lot stronger than they had originally thought. I am not the sort of person who gives up easily – I’ve lived through many hardships, and I have always been determined to survive, learn and thrive through the bad times.
I was going to prove Doctor Doom wrong.
I left the hospital with a new sense of resolve. I needed to face the situation head-on – I wasn’t ready for my time to be up. Everything in me was so angry that the medical profession had abandoned me and told me I was ‘done’. This couldn’t be it – I still had so much hope.
I was about to take matters into my own hands. I was going to make myself well. I wanted to live.
***
My name is Denise, and I’m a survivor of stage IV throat cancer. How did I do it? Well, it certainly wasn’t easy, but I have been on a journey that has healed me from more than cancer.
In this book, I want to share with you the path I took, the discoveries I made and the lessons I learned about myself and the world. Cancer is a terrible disease that can take you to a dark place inside yourself that you didn’t know existed, and I would not wish that on anyone. It is a diagnosis that can turn your life upside down and make you consider your mortality in a way you never thought you’d have to. However, what I do want to offer is hope.
I had my ‘no trace’ scan in December 2020, showing that there were no cancer cells left in my body. This incredible result was after I had been dismissed by doctors as a lost cause. I was determined to not let this illness beat me, and here I am: happy, healthy and filled with gratitude for my life and the abundance I have been given. I have a beautiful home,