Grit to Stay Grace to Go

Eva Burkholder, Sue Eenigenburg

Description

Don't Leave Too Soon, Don't Stay Too Long

Staying isn't always good and leaving isn't always bad. Both require grit and grace. Cross-cultural ministry presents us with many difficulties like transitions, loneliness, messy relationships, and the desire to escape. The lies we believe tempt us to leave our work too soon. But nothing tests our resolve to stay like seeing others go.Grit to Stay Grace to Go normalizes the challenges of ministry through honest and humorous stories from the authors' own lives as well as testimonies from many other workers. The point is to help cross-cultural workers not just to stay, but to stay well, by countering lies with truth. This workbook provides thoughtful reflection questions, practical action steps, and suggested prayers. It encourages stayers to process their grief, guilt, and relief when saying goodbye to goers. In this way, they can move forward with forgiveness and humility and truly bless the departing ones. Those considering leaving will find poignant questions and spiritual practices to help them make an intentional, not reactive, decision.Are you considering leaving the field? Or do you know someone who is? Work through this book by yourself or with others. You will gain wisdom to help workers develop grit and grace to stay or go.

Foreword

Introduction

Part One: Challenges to Staying Well—Grit Needed

Chapter 1: It's Harder Than I Thought: Missions is Difficult

Chapter 2: I Feel Like I'm Always Adapting: Continual Adjusting

Chapter 3: I Must Keep My Footing: Balancing Two Worlds

Chapter 4: I Can’t Anticipate Everything: Unexpected Challenges

Chapter 5: I Must Navigate Priorities: Juggling Multiple Roles

Chapter 6: I Feel Alone Even When I'm Not: Loneliness

Chapter 7: Why Can’t We All Get Along?: Messy Relationships

Chapter 8: I Must Sort Through Shoulds, Coulds, and Wants: Finding My Niche

Chapter 9: I Sometimes Feel Rootless: Transitions

Chapter 10: I’d Like to Escape: Wanting Easier

Part Two: Staying Well When Others Go—Grace Needed

Chapter 11: I Feel Betrayed and Let Down: Hurt and Disappointment

Chapter 12: We Were Going to Change the World Together

Chapter 13: I’m Sad and Grieving: Loss and Grief

Chapter 14: I Invested So Much and So Few Are Left: Rights and Scarcity

Chapter 15: It’s All My Fault, Yet What a Relief: Conflict and Guilt

Chapter 16: Wait, You’re Leaving Because of That?: Judging Motives

Chapter 17: I Will Overlook and Pardon Them: Forbear and Forgive

Chapter 18: I’m Still Meant to Be Here: Remember your Commission

Chapter 19: I Affirm and Bless Them as They Go: Speak Well Of

Chapter 20: I’ll Let Them Go: Relinquish and Release

Chapter 21: I’ll Concentrate on My Responsibilities: Readjust

Chapter 22: I’ll Invest and Nest Here: Stay Awhile

Part Three: Deciding to Stay or Go—Grit and Grace Needed

Chapter 23: What Is My Calling?: The Foundation

Chapter 24: What Are The Pros and Cons of Staying? Of leaving?: Weighing the Reasons

Chapter 25: Why Do I Want to Transition?: Determining Desires

Chapter 26: Who Should I Talk to and When?: Necessary Conversations

Chapter 27: What Part Do My Relationships Play in This Decision?: Resolution and Reconciliation

Chapter 28: What Would I Do If I Weren’t Afraid?: Facing Fear

Chapter 29: What Do I Know About Myself That Affects This Decision?: Self-Awareness

Chapter 30: What Changes Need to Occur for Me to Stay?: Making Adjustments

Chapter 31: What Key Scriptures Can Encourage and Guide Me?: Biblical Guidance

Chapter 32: How Do I Sense God Leading Me?: Seeking His Will

Chapter 33: Have I Already Moved On?: Staying Present

Chapter 34: What Would I Be Going To?: Next Steps

Chapter 35: Whether I Stay or Go, How Do I Say Goodbye Well?: Healthy Goodbyes

Chapter 36: A Closing Challenge

Appendix 1: Soul Care Rhythms Worksheet

Appendix 2: Sample Team Covenant of Relationship

Appendix 3: Six Lessons for Good Listening

Appendix 4: Loss and Grief Worksheet

Appendix 5: Exit Interview

Appendix 6: Losing a Team Member Team Debriefing

Appendix 7: Work Matters Reflection

Acknowledgments

Bibliography

About the Authors

Sujets

• Religion
• Christianisme
• Missions
• Christian Ministry
• Christian Living
• Mental Health
• Philosophie et théologie
• Counseling
• Calling
• List of counseling topics
• Workbook
• Minister (Christianity)
• Mobilization
• Vocation

Informations

• Publié par: William Carey Publishing
• Date de parution: 30 mai 2023
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781645084846
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 8 Mo

Extrait

A sîgnîIcan sît în cross-cuura mînîsry as come rom e abîîy o rave o any par o e word în suc a reaîvey sor îme. Mobîîy as încreased access o more paces and as provîded a means by wîc more peope are abe o parîcîpae în sor-erm mîssîon endeavors, producîng many wonderu oucomes. owever, one derîmena aspec îs e unorunae undersandîng o mîssîons as beîng abe o be accompîsed în brîe perîods o îme. Hose wo ave ye o ear o e reasure o e gospe are e mos dîicu o reac, and îs workbook addresses one o e cenra componens necessary: grî îved ou graceuy! Sue and Eva ave bessed us wî wa ï beîeve wî be a cenra oo o prepare or, graceuy persevere, and navîgae ransîîons în e work God guîdes eac o us as members o Crîs’s body o engage.

Steve Coffey, DS Crîsar, US Dîrecor

ï wîs ï’d adGrî o Say Grace o Goîn my resource îbrary wen ï served în eadersîp and member care. ï îs an exceen book. He auors, scoars emseves wî a grea dea o îe and mîssîon experîence, sare vuneraby wî courage and skî. He book îs rank, no goss ere. ï îs a workbook a wî connec wî every reader. ï begîns wî ex, en moves îno reLecîon quesîons, addîîona resources, bîbîca suppor, and proposed responses. He bîbîograpy îs robus and broad. He bes audîence or e book îs new workers, eaders, member care saf, capaîns, and personne overseers. Laura Mae Gardner, DMîn Deveoper o Member Care, Wycîfe and Sï

ow ceary ï remember ose dîicu days wen my usband and ï decîded we needed o eave Egyp. ï was our seven year în e counry, and rom e ousîde, e work we were conneced o was goîng we. Our work wî a semeser abroad program a înroduced Crîsîan coege sudens rom e Unîed Saes o a e reîgîous and poîîca compexîy o e Mîdde Eas was în îs îrd year and we were busy raîsîng our amîy în a cross- cuura conex wen e wîspers we bo e became conversaîons a aways began wî “ïs î îme o go?” ï remember ongîng or a map o sors, a guîdebook a coud ep sow us e way. ïnsead, we Loundered roug e process în oney îsoaîon. ï îs îs sory a brîngs me o endorse wî graîudeGrî o Say Grace o Go,e very guîdebook a woud ave eped us roug e decîsîon-makîng process. ïndeed, î îs a book a îs muc needed în e îbrarîes o cross-cuura Crîsîan workers.Wîe roug e years a arge body o work as emerged wî memoîrs, persona essays, adjusîng, and reenry, îs book ofers someîng dîferen, summed up în e senence “Do ï say, or do ï go?” Hîck wî pracîca advîce, never gossîng over e ard, oferîng însîg rom saîns wo ave gone beore, and acîng Scrîpure rougou, Eva and Sue wî be your gene guîdes as you read îs exceen voume. Marilyn Gardner Auor,Beween Words: Essays on Cuure and Beongîng andWords Apar: A hîrd Cuure Kîd’s Journey

Sue Eenîgenburg and Eva Burkoder do my avorîe îng—ey “pu up a caîr” and e eîr sorîes, and ï îsened! Wî candor, auenîcîy and convîcîon, ey sare eîr own experîences and essons earned wîe observîng and workîng wî îndîvîduas and eams durîng eîr years o servîce. Hey adepy drîve ome e ru a servîng cross-cuuray wî requîre bo grî and grace, ye wî grace ey come aongsîde o nurure and nudge us wîpracîcaappîcaîon. Heîr reLecîon, suggesed response, and prayer caenge ses us on a new pa, and en cemens our oundaîon wî an arsena o good resources. Bravo or suc an auenîc read and a oo we can appîy pass on o equîp uure generaîons. Dorcas arbin Execuîve Vîce Presîden, One Anoer Mînîsrîes ïnernaîona

ï know you are no supposed o read e as caper o see ow e book ends, bu î you coose o do so, ï beîeve you wî be drawn în by Sue and Eva’s cosîng caenge. ï îs packed u o poweru însîgs o ep you navîgae e roug waers o a poenîa ransîîon. ï wî enîce you o read e capers a peraîn o your unîque sîuaîon, înger ong în e reLecîon quesîons (a make you pause and wrese!), process poenîa responses, and deve deepy îno e abundan resources provîded. Hank you, Sue and Eva. May e ord use e gît o îs pracîca andbook o ep bo Goers and Sayers! Lorrie Lindgren CEO/Presîden, Hrîve Mînîsry

ï ound e book epu în so many ways. ï enjoyed e persona îusraîons rom peope wo ave bo goen î rîg and messed î up. He auors ceary ave îved wa ey ak abou and ofer grea advîce, pracîca însîgs, and appîcaîons. Hîs workbook wî be useu or ose goîng roug ransîîons—eîer one o eîr own or someone near o em. ï apprecîae a îs book ooks a severa sîdes o e îssues: one wo îs ryîng o decîde weer o say or go, one wo as aready decîded o eave and as o wak a ou, and one wo îs sayîng wîe oers eave. He use o Scrîpure îs epu and reassurîng. ï apprecîae eîr abîîy and wîîngness o go deeper and acknowedge e paîn and grîe e by everyone. Houg no an easy opîc o address, Sue and Eva presen a reaîsîc and baanced approac o e sorrows and joys o mînîsry. Steve Maybee Member Care Dîrecor, TEAM

Hîs îs a wonderu resource or a o us wo are caed o do “e ardes work în e word.” Grî o Say Grace o GooverLows wî e kînd o bîbîca and pracîca însîg ï wîs we’d ad wen my wîe and ï sared our own mîssîonary journey years ago. ï ackes e oug quesîons a every cross-cuura worker encouners sooner or aer, wen e sakes are îg and e answers ee eusîve. Sue and Eva ave gîven us a precîous gît rom eîr decades o experîence. Steve RicHardson

Presîden, Pîoneers USA

ïn eîr bookGrî o Say Grace o Go, Sue Eenîgenburg and Eva Burkoder provîde neary everyîng a cross-cuura worker needs în a sînge, sand-aone voume. Bîbîca wîsdom and persona experîence are woven ogeer wî pracîca seps and ear-ocused reLecîon quesîons. Hîs book wî ep you persevere roug e caenges o cross-cuura mînîsry, sor roug your emoîons durîng îmes o ransîîon and arewe, and dîscern weer î’s îme or you o say or move on.Grî o Say Grace o Goîs a rue “cross-cuura manua,” and every worker needs a copy. ElizabetH Trotter Auor,Servîng We: Hep or e Wannabe, Newbîe, or Weary Cross-cuura Crîsîan Worker Edîor-în-Cîe, mîssîons websîeA Lîe Overseas

ï’m gad Eva and Sue wroe îs book because î îs împoran o say and rîve, bu wen î’s îme o go, o eave we. Joan Wilcox Former cross-cuura worker on Eva’s eam

Grî o Say Grace o Goîs a mus-read or a cross-cuura workers because î equîps peope a ree key oucpoîns în eîr overseas îves: wen îe îs ard (very ard!), wen you say goodbye as oers eave (agaîn!), and wen you’re dîscernîng your nex sep.Grî o Say Grace o Goîs desîned o become one o e books a makes e cu wen you ave o decîde on your “keepers.” Amy Young Auor,Loomîng Transîîons Founder, Goba Treîs

Grit

toStay

Grace

toGo

Staying Well in CrossCultural Ministry

Sue Eenigenburg|Eva Burkholder

Grî o Say Grace o Go: Sayîng We în Cross-Cuura Mînîsry

© 2023 by Sue Eenîgenburg and Eva Burkoder. A Rîgs Reserved.

No par o îs book may be reproduced, sored în a rerîeva sysem, or ransmîed în any orm or by any means—eecronîc, mecanîca, poocopy, recordîng, or oerwîse—wîou prîor wrîen permîssîon rom e pubîser, excep brîe quoaîons used în connecîon wî revîews în magazînes or newspapers. For permîssîon, emaî permîssîons@wcbooks.com. For correcîons, emaî edîor@ wcbooks.com.

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Cover and ïnerîor Desîgner: Mîke Rîeser

ïSBNs: 978-1-64508-483-9 (paperback)  978-1-64508-485-3 (epub)

Prîned Wordwîde 27 26 25 24 23 1 2 3 4 5

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îbrary o Congress Conro Number: 2023938179

Dedication

To my parens, Buck and Ne Downey, wo modeed îeong ove and commîmen în amîy reaîonsîps. To my eammaes rougou e years wo ave dîspayed grî and grace în mînîsry. And o my usband Don, wo înspîres me wî îs aîuness în ovîng our amîy and servîng our God.—Sue

To my ombok Team (you know wo you are), wo embraced me, oved me, beîeved în me, served wî me, raîned me, and e me go. ï woud no be servîng oer cross-cuura workers now wîou you and your înLuence.—Eva

Contents

Foreword . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . x Introduction. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . xiii Part One: Challenges to Staying Well—Grit Needed Chapter 1: It’s Harder Than I Thought: Missions Is Difficult. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 Chapter 2: I Feel Like I’m Always Adapting: Continual Adjusting . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10 Chapter 3: I Must Keep My Footing: Balancing Two Worlds. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16 Chapter 4: I Can’t Anticipate Everything: Unexpected Challenges . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22 Chapter 5: I Must Navigate Priorities: Juggling Multiple Roles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .31 Chapter 6: I Feel Alone Even When I’m Not: Loneliness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38 Chapter 7: Why Can’t We All Get Along?: Messy Relationships. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45 Chapter 8: I Must Sort Through Shoulds, Coulds, and Wants: Finding My Niche . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52 Chapter 9: I Sometimes Feel Rootless: Transitions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59 Chapter 10: I’d Like to Escape: Wanting Easier . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 65 Part Two: Staying Well When Others Go—Grace Needed Chapter 11: I Feel Betrayed and Let Down: Hurt and Disappointment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 76 Chapter 12: We Were Going to Change the World Together: Unmet Expectations. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .81 Chapter 13: I’m Sad and Grieving: Loss and Grief . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 86 Chapter 14: I Invested So Much and So Few Are Left: Rights and Scarcity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93 Chapter 15: It’s All My Fault, Yet What a Relief: Conflict and Guilt . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98 Chapter 16: Wait, You’re Leaving Because of That?: Judging Motives . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 104 Chapter 17: I Will Overlook and Pardon Them: Forbear and Forgive . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 111 Chapter 18: I’m Still Meant to Be Here: Remember Your Commission . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 117 Chapter 19: I Affirm and Bless Them as They Go: Speak Well Of . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 122 Chapter 20: I’ll Let Them Go: Relinquish and Release . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .127 Chapter 21: I’ll Concentrate on My Responsibilities: Readjust . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 133 Chapter 22: I’ll Invest and Nest Here: Stay Awhile . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 138

Part Three: Deciding to Stay or Go—GritandGrace Needed Chapter 23: What Is My Calling?: The Foundation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 150 Chapter 24: What Are The Pros and Cons of Staying? Of Leaving?: Weighing the Reasons . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 154 Chapter 25: Why Do I Want to Transition?: Determining Desires. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 158 Chapter 26: Who Should I Talk to and When?: Necessary Conversations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 161 Chapter 27: What Part Do My Relationships Play in This Decision?: Resolution and Reconciliation . . . . . . . . 165 Chapter 28: What Would I Do If I Weren’t Afraid?: Facing Fear. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 169 Chapter 29: What Do I Know About Myself That Affects This Decision?: SelfAwareness. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .173 Chapter 30: What Changes Need to Occur for Me to Stay?: Making Adjustments . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 178 Chapter 31: What Key Scriptures Can Encourage and Guide Me?: Biblical Guidance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 182 Chapter 32: How Do I Sense God Leading Me?: Seeking His Will . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 187 Chapter 33: Have I Already Moved On?: Staying Present . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 191 Chapter 34: What Would I Be Going To?: Next Steps. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 195 Chapter 35: Whether I Stay or Go, How Do I Say Goodbye Well?: Healthy Goodbyes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 198 Chapter 36: A Closing Challenge . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 202

Appendix 1: Soul Care Rhythms Worksheet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 204 Appendix 2: Sample Team Covenant of Relationship . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 205 Appendix 3: Six Lessons for Good Listening. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 206 Appendix 4: Loss and Grief Worksheet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 207 Appendix 5: Exit Interview . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 208 Appendix 6: Losing a Team Member Team Debriefing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 210 Appendix 7: Work Matters Reflection . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 211 Acknowledgments. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 212 Bibliography . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 213 About the Authors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 216