The Project Gutenberg eBook, Our Deportment, by John H. YoungThis eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and withalmost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away orre-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License includedwith this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.orgTitle: Our Deportment Or the Manners, Conduct and Dress of the Most Refined SocietyAuthor: John H. YoungRelease Date: January 25, 2006 [eBook #17609]Language: EnglishCharacter set encoding: ISO-8859-1***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OUR DEPORTMENT***E-text prepared by Juliet Sutherland, MandM, and the Project GutenbergOnline Distributed Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net/)Note: Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this file which includes the original illustrations. See 17609-h.htm or 17609-h.zip: (http://www.gutenberg.net/dirs/1/7/6/0/17609/17609-h/17609-h.htm) or (http://www.gutenberg.net/dirs/1/7/6/0/17609/17609-h.zip)OUR DEPORTMENTOr the Manners, Conduct and Dress of the Most Refined Society;INCLUDINGForms for Letters, Invitations, Etc., Etc. Also, ValuableSuggestions on Home Culture and Training.Compiled from the Latest Reliable Authorities,byJOHN H. YOUNG, A.M.Revised and Illustrated.[Illustration]F. B. Dickerson & Co.,Detroit, Mich. St. Louis, Mo.Pennsylvania Publishing Co.,Harrisburgh, Pa.Union Publishing House,Chicago, Ill.1881.[Illustration]To go through this life with ...
The Project Gutenberg eBook, Our Deportment, by John H. Young
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
Title: Our Deportment
Or the Manners, Conduct and Dress of the Most Refined Society
Author: John H. Young
Release Date: January 25, 2006 [eBook #17609]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OUR DEPORTMENT***
E-text prepared by Juliet Sutherland, MandM, and the Project Gutenberg
Online Distributed Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net/)
Note: Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this
file which includes the original illustrations.
See 17609-h.htm or 17609-h.zip:
(http://www.gutenberg.net/dirs/1/7/6/0/17609/17609-h/17609-h.htm)
or
(http://www.gutenberg.net/dirs/1/7/6/0/17609/17609-h.zip)
OUR DEPORTMENT
Or the Manners, Conduct and Dress of the Most Refined Society;
INCLUDING
Forms for Letters, Invitations, Etc., Etc. Also, Valuable
Suggestions on Home Culture and Training.
Compiled from the Latest Reliable Authorities,
by
JOHN H. YOUNG, A.M.
Revised and Illustrated.[Illustration]
F. B. Dickerson & Co.,
Detroit, Mich. St. Louis, Mo.
Pennsylvania Publishing Co.,
Harrisburgh, Pa.
Union Publishing House,
Chicago, Ill.
1881.
[Illustration]
To go through this life with good manners possessed,
Is to be kind unto all, rich, poor and oppressed,
For kindness and mercy are balms that will heal
The sorrows, the pains, and the woes that we feel.
[Illustration]
Copyrighted
by
Freeman B. Dickerson,
1879 and 1881.
[Illustration]
Preface.
No one subject is of more importance to people generally than a
knowledge of the rules, usages and ceremonies of good society, which are
commonly expressed by the word "Etiquette." Its necessity is felt
wherever men and women associate together, whether in the city, village,
or country town, at home or abroad. To acquire a thorough knowledge of
these matters, and to put that knowledge into practice with perfect ease
and self-complacency, is what people call good breeding. To display an
ignorance of them, is to subject the offender to the opprobrium of being
ill-bred.
In the compilation of this work, the object has been to present the
usages and rules which govern the most refined American society, and to
impart that information which will enable any one, in whatever
circumstances of life to acquire the perfect ease of a gentleman, or
the gentle manners and graceful deportment of a well-bred lady, whose
presence will be sought for, and who, by their graceful deportment will
learn the art of being at home in any good society.
The work is so arranged, that every subject is conveniently classified
and subdivided; it is thus an easy matter to refer at once to any given
subject. It has been the aim of the compiler to give minutely all points
that are properly embraced in a work on etiquette, even upon matters ofseemingly trivial importance. Upon some hitherto disputed points, those
rules are given, which are sustained by the best authorities and
endorsed by good sense.
As the work is not the authorship of any one individual, and as no
individual, whatever may be his acquirements, could have the presumption
to dictate rules for the conduct of society in general, it is therefore
only claimed that it is a careful compilation from all the best and
latest authorities upon the subject of etiquette and kindred matters,
while such additional material has been embraced within its pages, as,
it is hoped, will be found of benefit and interest to every American
household.
J.H.Y.
[Illustration]
Contents.
CHAPTER I.
PAGE.
INTRODUCTORY 13
CHAPTER II.
MANNERS.
Good manners as an element of worldly success--Manner an index of
character--The true gentleman--The true lady--Importance of
trifles--Value of pleasing manners--Personal appearance enhanced and
fortunes made by pleasing manners--Politeness the outgrowth of good
manners 20
CHAPTER III.
INTRODUCTIONS.
Acquaintances thus formed--Promiscuous, informal and casual
introductions--Introduction of a gentleman to a lady and a lady to a
gentleman--Introduction at a ball--The manner of introduction--Introducing
relatives--Obligatory introductions--Salutations after
introduction--Introducing one's self--Letters of introduction--How they
are to be delivered--Duty of a person to whom a letter of introduction is
addressed--Letters of introduction for business purposes 31
CHAPTER IV.
SALUTATIONS.
The salutation originally an act of worship--Its form in different
nations--The bow, its proper mode--Words of salutation--Manner of
bowing--Duties of the young to older people--How to avoid
recognition--Etiquette of handshaking--Kissing as a mode of
salutation--The kiss of friendship--The kiss of respect 42 CHAPTER V.
ETIQUETTE ON CALLS.
Morning calls--Evening calls--Rules for formal calls--Calls at Summer
resorts--Reception days--Calls made by cards--Returning the first
call--Calls after a betrothal takes place--Forming new acquaintance by
calls--The first call, by whom to be made--Calls of
Congratulation--Visits of condolence--Keeping an account of
calls--Evening visits--"Engaged" or "not at home" to callers--General
rules relative to calls--New Year's calls 52
CHAPTER VI.
ETIQUETTE ON VISITING.
General invitations not to be accepted--The limit of a prolonged
visit--Duties of a visitor--Duties of the host or hostess--True
hospitality--Leave-taking--Invitations to guests--Forbearance with
children--Guests making presents--Treatment of a host's friends 69
CHAPTER VII.
ETIQUETTE OF CARDS.
Visiting and calling cards--Their size and style--Wedding cards--Leaving
cards in calling--Cards for mother and daughter--Cards not to be sent in
envelopes to return formal calls--Glazed cards not in fashion--P.P.C.
cards--Cards of congratulation--When sent--Leave cards in making first
calls of the season and after invitations--Mourning cards--Christmas and
Easter cards--Cards of condolence--Bridegroom's card. 75
CHAPTER VIII.
CONVERSATION.
Character revealed by conversation--Importance of conversing
well--Children should be trained to talk well--Cultivation of the
memory--Importance of remembering names--How Henry Clay acquired this
habit--Listening--Writing down one's thoughts--Requisites for a good
talker--Vulgarisms--Flippancy--Sympathizing with another--Bestowing
compliments--Slang--Flattery--Scandal and gossip--Satire and
ridicule--Religion and politics to be avoided--Bestowing of
titles--Interrupting another while talking--Adaptability in
conversation--Correct use of words--Speaking one's mind--Profanity
--Display of knowledge--Double entendres--Impertinent questions
--Things to be avoided in conversation--Hobbies--Fault-finding
--Disputes 84
CHAPTER IX.
DINNER PARTIES.
Dinners are entertainments for married people--Whom to invite--Forms of
invitations--Punctuality required--The success of a dinner party--Table
appointments--Proper size of a dinner party--Arrangement of guests at
table--Serving dinner a la Russe--Duties of servants--Serving the
dishes--General rules regarding dinner--Waiting on others--Monopolizing
conversation--Duties of hostess and host--Retiring from the table--Calls
required after a dinner party--Returning hospitalities--Expensive dinners not the most enjoyable--Wines at dinners 106
CHAPTER X.
TABLE ETIQUETTE.
Importance of acquiring good habits at the table--Table appointments for
breakfast, luncheon and dinner--Use of the knife and fork--Of the
napkin--Avoid fast eating and all appearance of greediness--General
rules on the subject 123
CHAPTER XI.
RECEPTIONS, PARTIES AND BALLS.
Morning receptions--The dress and refreshments for
them--Invitations--Musical matinees--Parties in the country--Five
o'clock teas and kettle-drums--Requisites for a successful
ball--Introductions at a ball--Receiving guests--The number to
invite--Duties of the guests--General rules to be observed at
balls--Some suggestions for gentlemen--Duties of an escort--Preparations
for a ball--The supper--An after-call required 129
CHAPTER XII.
STREET ETIQUETTE.
The street manners of a lady--Forming street acquaintances--Recognizing
friends in the street--Saluting a lady--Passing through a crowd--The
first to bow--Do not lack politeness--How a lady and gentleman should
walk together--When to offer the lady the arm--Going up and down
stairs--Smoking in the streets--Carrying packages--Meeting a lady
acquaintance--Corner loafers--Shouting in the street--Shopping
etiquette--For public conveyances--Cutting acquaintances--General
suggestions 145
CHAPTER XIII.
ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES.
Conduct in church--Invitations to opera, theatres and concerts--Conduct
in public assemblages--Remain until the performance closes--Conduct in
picture galleries--Behavior at charity fairs--Conduct at an artist's
studio 157
CHAPTER XIV.
TRAVELING ETIQUETTE.
Courtesies shown to ladies traveling alone--Duties of an escort--Duties
of a lady to her escort--Ladies should assist other ladies traveling
alone--The seats to be occupied in a railway car--Discretion to be used
in forming acquaintances in traveling 167