Marrying Out

Keren R. Mcginity

Description

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When American Jewish men intermarry, goes the common assumption, they and their families are "lost" to the Jewish religion. In this provocative book, Keren R. McGinity shows that it is not necessarily so. She looks at intermarriage and parenthood through the eyes of a post-World War II cohort of Jewish men and discovers what intermarriage has meant to them and their families. She finds that these husbands strive to bring up their children as Jewish without losing their heritage. Marrying Out argues that the "gendered ethnicity" of intermarried Jewish men, growing out of their religious and cultural background, enables them to raise Jewish children. McGinity's book is a major breakthrough in understanding Jewish men's experiences as husbands and fathers, how Christian women navigate their roles and identities while married to them, and what needs to change for American Jewry to flourish. Marrying Out is a must read for Jewish men and all the women who love them.

Preface
Acknowledgments
Introduction: Of Mice and Menschen
1. Professional Men
2. Sex and Money
3. Shiksappeal
4. Heartbreak Kid
Conclusion
Notes
Suggested Reading
Index
About the Author

Sujets

• Men's Studies
• Jewish Studies
• Jewish
• HISTORY
• Histoire
• Jews

Informations

• Publié par: Indiana University Press
• Date de parution: 01 septembre 2014
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9780253013156
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 1 Mo

Extrait

Marrying Out
THE MODERN JEWISH EXPERIENCE
Deborah Dash Moore and Marsha L. Rozenblit, coeditors Paula Hyman, founding coeditor
Marrying Out
Jewish Men, Intermarriage Fatherhood
KEREN R. McGINITY
INDIANA UNIVERSITY PRESS Bloomington Indianapolis
This book is a publication of
INDIANA UNIVERSITY PRESS
Office of Scholarly Publishing
Herman B Wells Library 350
1320 East 10th Street
Bloomington, Indiana 47405 USA
iupress.indiana.edu
Telephone [phone]
Fax [phone]
2014 by Keren McGinity
All rights reserved
No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher. The Association of American University Presses Resolution on Permissions constitutes the only exception to this prohibition.
The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of the American National Standard for Information Sciences - Permanence of Paper for Printed Library Materials, ANSI Z 39.48-1992.
Manufactured in the United States of America
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
McGinity, Keren R.
Marrying out : Jewish men, intermarriage, and fatherhood / Keren R. McGinity.
pages cm. - (The modern Jewish experience)
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-0-253-01315-6 (eb) - ISBN 978-0-253-01319-4 (pb : alk. paper) 1. Interfaith marriage-United States. 2. Jewish men-United States. 3. Jews-United States-Identity. I. Title.
HQ 1031. M 3937 2014
305.38 8924-dc23
2014004438
1 2 3 4 5 19 18 17 16 15 14
To my fathers
MICHAEL AND MYRON
and brothers
DAVID, JEFF, AND JOSH
with love and understanding
In our life there is a single color, as on an artist s palette, which provides the meaning of life and art. It is the color of love.
-Marc Chagall
Who is rich? He who is happy with what he has.
- Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers) 4:1
Contents
Preface
Acknowledgments
Introduction: Of Mice and Menschen
1 Professional Men
2 Sex and Money
3 Shiksappeal
4 Heartbreak Kid
Conclusion
Notes
Suggested Reading
Index
Preface
RESEARCHING INTERMARRIED JEWISH MEN HAS BEEN DISTINCT from any other endeavor I have undertaken for several reasons. I had to step outside my comfort zone as a woman and try to see the world through men s eyes. In the process I dismantled some of my own beliefs that I came to realize were, like so much else about gender, socially constructed and engrained. When I first began my research, I thought that it would be difficult to find male subjects willing to talk to me. This idea assumed that men are not good verbal communicators, which, it turns out, could not be further from the truth. My initial request for study participants immediately netted dozens of phone calls and e-mails from gentlemen eager to be interviewed. They were pleased that someone was taking an interest in their side of the intermarriage story and, although pressed for time, happy to schedule an hour or more to meet. The only incentive was the opportunity to express themselves behind closed doors. My findings led me to reinterpret feminist theory. While working on this book, I came to realize that it is much harder to be an intermarried Jewish man than an intermarried Jewish woman, because ethnic gender ascriptions assigns descent to women while simultaneously distancing men from their own heritage.
As I progressed with my research and writing, I began to notice that people reacted differently to what I was doing. In academic circles, when I said I was working on intermarried Jewish men, my colleagues laughed. A single woman at the time, I can understand why my office neighbors would tease me that my door seemed to be revolving with men coming and going in rapid succession. In Jewish feminist circles, when I told people I was working on Jewish men, I was greeted with laughter and the question: Aren t we all? 1 When I mentioned being interested in Jewish masculinity to relatives, friends, or acquaintances, invariably the men responded in one of two ways: either they immediately burst out in a big grin as if we were sharing an inside joke and asked something akin to, Is there such a thing? which perhaps subconsciously echoed the historical notion of Jewish men as physically feeble; or they simply stared at me with a completely blank expression as if I had just told them that the sky was green and therefore I must be totally out of my mind. Conversely, women would nod their heads, conspiring with me about the desperate need to better understand Jewish men. Whenever I mentioned Jewish fatherhood, the response was a request to repeat myself, as if the listener thought I said motherhood and they had misheard. The highest compliment I received during this six-year project was when a man called me the Jane Goodall of the Jews. 2
Conceiving and writing this book have convinced me that chronicles of American Jews must incorporate analyses of both genders. While the field of men s studies has gained a presence on college syllabi, it lags far behind women s studies with regard to ethnicity. Jewish men s studies as a sub-field occupies an even smaller space, with only a half dozen or so titles on the bookshelf. Just as coming to understand the feminine mystique led to a breakthrough in understanding women s experience, so too does the exploration and discussion of the Jewish masculine mystique. The goal of this book, however, exists far outside any classroom and in the homes of Jewish husbands, fathers, and sons. I wrote this book about men primarily for men and for the women who love them, whether they are wives, mothers, sisters, daughters, or other relations. If you, the reader, find the language on these pages accessible, then I have done my job as I defined it. Books that are passed from parent to child, and from friend to friend, have lasting influence beyond measure. I sincerely hope this book qualifies.
Acknowledgments
MY DEBTS OF GRATITUDE RUN DEEP AND WIDE. IT TOOK A generous philanthropist and a visionary scholar to bring this book to fruition. Bill Berman funded the Mandell L. Berman Postdoctoral Research Fellowship in Contemporary American Jewish Life, which called me to Ann Arbor, where I conducted the primary research. His support and interest extended beyond my fellowship term, for which I am most grateful. Deborah Dash Moore, whose hands were already quite full directing the Frankel Center for Judaic Studies, served as my steadfast mentor. She believed in this project from proposal to printer. Her critiques provided wisdom, inspiration, and unparalleled commitment to excellence. Fifty-four men and women made this history of Jewish intermarriage possible by sharing their experiences and emotions. I hope that they will read it and feel heard. Sarai Brachman Shoup was a superb liaison between my work and the Berman Foundation, as well as an ethical friend. The Lucius N. Littauer Foundation offset the expense of transcription of the interviews. Indiana University Press proved exceptionally dedicated and supportive. Janet Rabinowitch, Peter Christian Froehlich, Dee Mortensen, Sarah Jacobi, June Silay, and Dave Hulsey, along with anonymous reviewers and keen-eyed copy editor Debra Hirsch Corman, ensured that this book would resonate well beyond academia. I am deeply honored that it is included in the Modern Jewish Experience series. The extraordinary legacy of founding coeditor Paula Hyman, z l , emboldened me every step of the way.
Living and working in the city locals call A2 was a profoundly positive existence in the most stimulating of environments. The University of Michigan campus was fertile ground for reaching across disciplines and fields. I received numerous social invitations before I d even finished unpacking my books, a welcome change from New England, where invitations are extended more sparingly. My colleagues became friends, and my friends became family. Oren Gutfeld, whose Israeli accent I cherished hearing through the wall that separated our offices, became like a brother. David Schoem and Magda Zaborowska provided a web of intellectual engagement and encouragement. Numerous individuals graciously discussed my project and offered cogent suggestions. Michal Kravel-Tovi, Vanessa Ochs, Hana Wirth-Nesher, and Chava Weissler, Frankel Fellows at the time, included me in their discussions. I am also thankful to Gabriele Boccaccini, Todd Endelman, Elliot Ginsburg, Mikhail Krutikov, Julian Levinson, MacDonald Moore, Anita Norich, Regina Morantz-Sanchez, and Genevi ve Zubrzycki. The Frankel Center staff members Tracy Darnell, Stacy Eckert, Kim Kunoff, and Cheri Thompson were invaluable. Many members of the Ann Arbor academic and Jewish communities gave freely of their time and insights. My thanks to Michael Brooks, Rabbi Robert Dobrusin, Greg Dowd, Karla Goldman, Rabbi Bob Levy, Lisbeth and Mike Fried, Ed Rothman, David Shtulman, Arland Thornton, and Alford Young. The Chervin, Eichner-Portnoy, Levin, Helton-Kaplan, and Steiner families were wondrously hospitable, and Amanda Fisher taught me how to cook by example.
I was fortunate to also have conversation comrades around the country. Kirsten Fermaglich, Ethan Segal, Ken Waltzer, and Steven Gold hosted me for a guest lecture at Michigan State University in Lansing and offered useful feedback. Caryn Aviv, Tobin Belzer, David Bernat, Simon Bronner, Sergio DellaPergola, Eric Goldstein, Harriet Hartman, Bethamie Horowitz, Debra Kaufman, Shaul Kelner, Helen Kim, Josh Lambert, Noah Leavitt, Rebecca Kobrin, Rachel Kranson, Lor