Dad Jokes: Hall of Shame
194 pages
English

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194 pages
English

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Description

A POPULAR WEB PARTNER: Since 2011, HowToBeADad.com has provided a humorous perspective on fatherhood, parenthood, and marriage, with a range of tips and advice, instructions, and no shortage of amusement by way of "My Kid Just Said..." "My Wife Just Said..." and many other categories, including an ever-growing list of Dad Jokes that are among the most memorable on the internet. As active promo partners, they will leverage their 1 million social followers and extensive media network. The site’s success is down to its engagement and shareability of memes. Content has been shared on HuffPo, Parenting, Reddit, Yahoo, NYT, Babycenter, Funny or Die, Chicago Tribune among others.
MASSIVE GENRE POPULARITY: Dad Jokes have exploded in popularity in recent years. Top Social pages dedicated to Dad Jokes boast over 100m social followers combined.
PORTABLE AND AFFORDABLE: Printed in a softbound format, Dad Jokes: Hall of Shame is perfect for gift-giving: birthdays, holidays, and especially Father's Day.

Sujets

Informations

Publié par
Date de parution 27 avril 2021
Nombre de lectures 5
EAN13 9781681888064
Langue English
Poids de l'ouvrage 69 Mo

Informations légales : prix de location à la page 0,0250€. Cette information est donnée uniquement à titre indicatif conformément à la législation en vigueur.

Exrait

hall of shame
D
a
d
D
a
d
hall of shame
Andy Herald
An im print of W eldon Owen International
© 202 1 W eldon Owen International
All rights reserved, including the right of
reproduction in whole or in part in any f orm.
Printed in Turkey
ISBN: 978-1-68 1 88-7 60-9
First printed in 202 1
1 0 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Thanks to Mariah Bear , Madeleine Calvi, Ian
Cannon, Allister Fein, Lizzie Herald, Katie
Killebrew , Chrissy Kwasnik, Lauren LePera,
Finn Moore, Sean Moore, and R oger Sha w .
hall of shame
Andy Herald
ǀ INTRODUCTION
6
ǀ ANIMALS
8
ǀ ART MUSIC
21
ǀ BOOKS
30
ǀ DAIL Y LIFE
34
ǀ F AMIL Y
47
ǀ F ASHION
50
ǀ FOOD DRINK
56
ǀ GOING OUT
75
ǀ HEAL TH
80
ǀ HISTORY
97
ǀ HOLIDA YS
99
ǀ HOME
10 2
CONTENTS
ǀ L ANGU AGE
110
ǀ L A W OUTL A WS
1 17
ǀ LOVE ROMAN CE
12 0
ǀ MATH SCIEN CE
12 5
ǀ N AMES
13 3
ǀ N ATURE
13 9
ǀ PETS
14 4
ǀ SCARY STUFF
14 8
ǀ SCHOOL
15 4
ǀ SHOPPING
15 7
ǀ SPORTS G AMES
161
ǀ TECHNOLOGY
16 7
ǀ TR A VEL
17 8
ǀ WORK
18 3
Cong ratulations! With this book you ha ve armed
yourself with the dadliest and most pun-encr usted
quips and jests that ev er yone loves to hate . . . or
sim pl y hates to love.
Either wa y, you are now punstoppable and able to
entertain and ir ritate men, women, and children of
all ages. Marv elous.
WHA T EXA CTL Y IS A D AD JOKE?
The classic Dad joke is a short joke with a punc hline
that is usuall y a predictable pun or corny pla y
on words, and commonl y judged to be endearingl y
cheesy or cring e-inducing ly unfunn y . They’re of ten
wholesome, but alwa ys a wfulsome. Exam ple:
SON: Dad, I’m hung r y .
D AD: Hi, Hung r y . I’m Dad!
Despite the name, Dad jokes are f or ever yone!
Whether you’re male or f emale, young or old, y ou
don’t even need to ha ve kids to inf lict these goofy
g roaners on your unsuspecting victi—uh, your
chosen jok e recipients.
Read this book pretty much the way that you’d read
an y other book but do it at a 90-deg ree angle to stay
warm. Kidding! R ead it howev er you’d like. Which is
probabl y going to be on the toilet or ma ybe even on a
riding mow er in your backyard. Y ou do you.
INTRODUCTION
SOME POINTERS
Launch yourself into the dadosphere with these tips
f or how to deliv er a good(ish) dad joke.
• First of f, realize that the goal isn’t to tell a “good”
joke, but one that’s so c heesy bad that it becomes
oh-so good.
• Even if people start g roaning like a co w delivering
triplets bef ore you’ve ev en finished, just keep on
Dad-joking on!
• It’s good f orm to chuckle or guffa w at your own
punchlines, especiall y since you may be the onl y
one laughing and people just want to punch you.
• Signs you’re on a roll: g roans, sighs, facepalms,
eye twitc hes, and the occassional dr y hea ve.
IT’S YOUR DOOD Y!
Laughter reall y is one of the best medicines, so
recognize that you’re helping with the health and
wellness of society . Y ou’re improving
the world, you hero, you!
Andy Herald
HowtobeaDad.com
I’m practicing f or a
bug-eating contest and
I’ve got butterflies in
m y stomach.
What do you call a gorilla
wearing headphones?
An ything you’d lik e;
it can’t hear you.
Wh y are giraffes so slow to apologize?
Because it tak es them a long time to
swallow their pride.
Wh y did the octopus beat the
shark in a fight?
Because it was w ell armed.
My father has the heart of a lion...
and a lif etime ban from the local zoo.
ANIMALS
8 | D AD JOKES
ANIMALS | 9
Wh y do bees ha ve
sticky hair?
Because they use
honey combs!
What do you call a beehive without bees?
An eehiv e.
Where do bees go to the bathroom?
The BP station.
What goes
zzub-zzub?
A bee fl
ying
backwards.
Wh y did the bee g et
married?
Because she
f ound her honey .
What do you g et when you
cross a bee and a sheep?
A baa-humbug.
What creature is smar ter
than a talking par rot?
A spelling bee.
BEES
1 0 | DAD JOKES
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gumm y bear!
How do you tell the
diff
erence between a
crocodile and
an alligator?
Y ou will see one later
and one in a while.
Wh y do ducks make great detectives?
They alwa ys quac k the case.
What do you call a
pig with three ey es?
A piiig.
Wh y did the Cl ydesdale giv e
the pon y a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
ANIMALS | 1 1
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
A pork chop!
My wif e told me to take the
spider out instead of killing
it... we had some drinks,
he’s a cool guy , wants to be
a web dev eloper .
Wh y did the chic ken
g et a penalty?
For f owl pla y .
Knock knoc k.
Who’s there?
Owls sa y .
Owls sa y who?
Y es, they do.
T wo silk wor ms had a race.
They ended up in a tie.
1 2 | D AD JOKES
Wh y are fi sh
so smar t?
Because they live
in schools!
What did the fish
sa y when it swam
into a wall?
“Damn!”
Wh y are fi sh easy to weigh?
Because they ha ve their own scales.
What do you call two
bar racuda fi sh?
A Pairacuda!
D AD: What do you call a
f ish with an eye missing?
KID: I don’t know .
D AD: A Fsh.
Wh y do fi sh live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze!
FISH
ANIMALS | 1 3
What do you g et when you
cross a chic ken with a skunk?
A f owl smell!
Did you know crocodiles
could g row up to 1 5 feet?
But most just ha ve f our .
What do you call a
fl
y without wings?
A walk.
What do you call
two octopuses that
look exactl y the
same? Itenticle.
Where do sheep go to g et their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
Wh y do
bears
ha ve hair y
coats?
F u r
protection.
1 4 | DAD JOKES
D AD: A kangaroo can jum p higher
than the Em pire State Building.
SON: N o way!
D AD: Of course. The Empire S tate
Building can’t jum p at all.
Which side of the c hicken
has more f eathers?
The outside.
It’s onl y a murder
of cro ws if there’s
probable ca ws.
Knock knoc k.
Who’s there?
Kanga.
Kanga who?
Actuall y , it’s kang aROO.
ANIMALS | 1 5
What’s the
difference
between a seal
and a sea lion?
An ion!
What do you call a monkey in a mine field?
A babooooom!
What do you call a snake
that’s 3.1 4 f eet long?
A π-thon.
They tried to make a
diamond shaped lik e
a duck. It q uac ked
under the pressure.
What’s the difference
between a hippo and
a zippo?
One is reall y hea vy and
the other is a little lighter .
1 6 | DAD JOKES
Wh y should you never
tr ust a pig with a secret?
Because it’s bound
to squeal.
What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?
A steg a-snore-us.
Wh y did the
f eline f ail the lie
detector test?
Because he
was a lion.
Wh y did the lion
eat the tightrope
walk er? He wanted a
well-balanced meal!
Just read a f ew facts
about frogs. They
were ribbiting.
ANIMALS | 1 7
How do you kno w
if there’s an
elephant under
your bed?
Y our head hits the
ceiling!
What do you g et when you cross
an elephant and a rhino?
’Eliphino!
What’s the diff erence between an African
elephant and an Indian elephant?
About 5,000 miles.
Wh y do you never
see elephants hiding
in trees?
Because they’re so
good at it.
What’s larg e, g ray , and doesn’t matter?
An ir relephant.
ELEPHANTS
1 8 | DAD JOKES
Knock knoc k.
Who’s there?
Rhino.
Rhino who?
Rhino ever y
knock-knock
joke there is!
What does a f emale snake use f or support?
A co-Bra!
Just watched a
documentar y about
bea vers. It was the
best dam prog ram
I’ve ev er seen.
What do you
g et if you
put a duck
in a cement
mix er?
Quacks in the
pa vement.
What do you call an
ant that has been
banished by her
friends? A sociall y
dissed ant!
ANIMALS | 1 9
What do you call
an owl that does
magic tricks?
Hoo-dini.
What do you call an alligator in a v est?
An inv estig ator!
How man y tickles doe

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