Pun-Unciate

Heath Psy.D. Morrison

Description

Pun-Unciate contains humorous and thought provoking single sentence, poetic and short story interpretations of words and phrases that we use everyday. Altered, enhanced or created images have been included to compliment specific word definitions.

Sujets

• Jokes
• Riddles
• Humor
• Form

Informations

• Publié par: eBookIt.com
• Date de parution: 21 février 2013
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781456601386
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 4 Mo

Extrait

Pun-Unciate
An Imaginary Look at Our Spoken World
 
by
Heath Morrison
 


 
Copyright 2011 Heath Morrison,
All rights reserved.
 
 
Published in eBook format by eBookIt.com
http://www.eBookIt.com
 
 
ISBN-13: 978-1-4566-0138-6
 
 
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.


 
Section One
Y ou are about to embark on an imagination filled journey into the depths of what we read, what is written and what we hear and say. This journey may be paused and then resumed another day. Sit back with your favorite drink close by and take a walk on the why old side. It can’t hurt to try.
 

 
Gore-Techs
They are the talented men and women who put the “ooh that’s gross” in our favorite horror movies.
 
Sand-Witch
A more tolerant society has given Hazel the freedom to move her potion and spell operations to a beach front resort. The daily divination sessions were an instant success!

Afghan hound
Not to be confused with a Bedspread boxer.
 
Mayor-Aschino
He has gained respect and admiration for his dedication to building and maintaining a community worth living in. No one can say his life as a public servant has been a bowl of cherries.
 
Bay-Sick
It’s not quite as bad as sea sick.
 
Dope-A-Mean
Happy pills for mentally and physically abusive people.
 
Test-Tickles
COUGH! ___O.K. one more time, ___ thank you, pull up your pants and wait over there. NEXT!
 
Item-Eyes
Leading psychologists have agreed that this new term is less offensive than shopaholic.
 
Cleptoprin
New from the makers of Leptoprin, helps thieves control the urge to steal.

Cough-Fee
This is one of the prices that many of us pay for exposing ourselves to dusty environments, inhaling the fumes from hazardous chemicals and smoking.
 
Con-Stable
This is also known as a jail or prison.
 
Concentration Camp
Professor Schmidt has always lacked common sense and could not understand why no one would join his renamed focus group.
 
Con-Dumb
This thankfully applies to those of us who lack the intelligence to swindle others.
 
Amateurcrastinator
He or she will most likely get a little more done than a procrastinator.
 
Con Artist
The warden has given Vincent Van Nogo permission to paint for one hour each day.
 
Dr. Lance A. Boyle
He was born to be a dermatologist.
 
Calm-In-Eight
Has your boss made it his or her personal mission to get in your face over every meaningless little thing? Avoid a prison sentence, take a deep breath and pop a little forget about life for awhile happy pill. Valium to the rescue!
 
Cup-Board
A once secret group of elite thinkers who decide what shape, color and size your beverage holders should be.
 
Ignore-Ant
Mrs. Jones was sure that the countless hours of therapy would keep little Jimmy from wasting his summer days away by frying ants with a magnifying glass. We can only guess what he will do as an adult.

Ill-Eagle
Avian flu has taken its toll; Bald is too weak to fly and too tired to try.
 
In-Flu-Frenzy
Look out it’s the end of the world! So you go and go now, go ahead and get that flu shot.

Cattle-List
Festus is starting to worry; Bo and Elsie have been away from the herd far too long.
 
Honor-A-Bull
Howdy folks! Thank you for coming to the party. Just a few words for Bo; he did a darn good job for pretty near 12 years, kept the she stuff on their hooves and more than doubled the herd. I'm gonna miss um; well I guess that's all. Enjoy your steaks and try our homemade cheese curd!
 
Can-A-Bull
It’s just potted meat!
 
Poly-Tics
Run for your lives, those little blood suckers have invaded Washington D.C.!
 
Lamb-in-Eight
Busy couples are growing weary of the same old TV dinners.
 
Lie-Ability
Usually determines the success and popularity of politicians.
 
Metro-Gnome
Our dwarf of folklore has given up the country life to guard a lot more treasure.
 
My-Grain
Look out folks! Those farmers’ fists are flying over the last sack of feed.
 
Mule Team
They have ploughed 21 rows to 7 and the horses really do look demoralized.
 
Norman Leer
He is peeping Tom's best friend.
 
Off-Ten
A mob boss' hit list.
 
Oval-Teen
One who is overweight and under 20!
 
Type-Face
Secretaries and writers can put this on at the stroke of a key!
 
Kernel Sanders
They are the dedicated and hard working people that make sure that every puff you pop is the same size.

Pot Corn
It’s the full circle snack that’s far better than kettle corn. The more you eat the happier you feel and the happier you feel the more you eat.
 
Perma Grin
This is proof positive that not all drug side effects are bad.
 
Pro-State
Amateurs can not live there.

Cow-Word
Moo!
 
Rash-On-Al
Hurry, somebody get him some anti-itch cream!
 
Re-Seeding Hairline
This is the watch it grow benefit of minoxidil.
 
Re-Pair-Able
This is a drawer full of unfolded socks.
 
That Sucks!
This is a positive statement when referring to a vacuum cleaner.
Tramp O’ Lean
She is a slender Irish call girl.
 
Tie-Die
A ritual performed by many white collar retirees that brings a strangling decoration to an open flame.
 
Trial Offer
This may give you a choice, unlike jury duty.