Smart Stepfamily Marriage

L. Deal Ron

Description

Make This Marriage Last a LifetimeLeading blended family authority Ron Deal and marriage and family expert David Olson show you how to build on your relationship strengths and improve your weaknesses. Whether you're dating, engaged, a young stepfamily, or an empty-nest couple, The Smart Stepfamily Marriage gives you the tools you need at any stage to create a remarriage that will last.Each chapter of this book explores one of the key qualities of happy remarriages as identified by research. Like a GPS for your relationship, this book has built-in discussion questions that can help you and your partner discover where you are, where you'd like to be, and how to get there. The online survey gives you a report with personalized results for your relationship."The Smart Stepfamily Marriage is the road map to a healthy marriage."--Gary D. Chapman, PhD, author, The Five Love Languages and When Sorry Isn't Enough"Remarried or marrying again? This book is loaded with specific, useful ideas for helping your marriage reach its full potential."--Scott Stanley, PhD, author, A Lasting Promise; research professor, University of Denver"This book is a must-read for any remarried couple. It includes the tools needed to create and maintain a wonderful remarriage."--from the foreword by Evelyn Husband Thompson, widow of Space Shuttle Columbia Commander Rick Husband, now remarried to Bill Thompson"The Smart Stepfamily Marriage is the most up-to-date, relevant, complete guide for remarried couples--I know of no other resource like it."--Francesca Adler-Baeder, PhD, professor and director, Center for Children, Youth, and Families, Auburn University; director, National Stepfamily Resource Center"This book will help you thrive in your marriage and beat the odds of divorce. The preventative information is the best I have ever seen, and the practical application covers it all. I have put The Smart Stepfamily Marriage at the top of my resource library for couples who find themselves in this beautiful and yet challenging world of remarriage."--Jim Burns, PhD, president, HomeWord, author of Creating an Intimate Marriage, Confident Parenting, and The Purity Code"Remarriages have unique challenges and different relational needs than first marriages. Based on a national study of 50,000 couples, this book is a wonderful resource for remarriage couples. Take the online Couple Checkup and get a report about your relationship, read the book, and build a relationship that lasts!"--Dr. Gary Smalley, author of The DNA of Relationships"You want a marriage that lasts forever, right? Blended family couples can beat the odds--this book will tell you how."--Dr. Dennis Rainey, president of FamilyLife, author of Stepping Up

Sujets

• Dating
• Christianity

Informations

• Publié par: Baker Publishing Group
• Date de parution: 12 mai 2015
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781441266330
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 1 Mo

Extrait

Copyright © 2010, 2015 by Ron L. Deal and David H. Olson
Previously published as The Remarriage Checkup
Published by Bethany House Publishers
11400 Hampshire Avenue South
Bloomington, Minnesota 55438
www.bethanyhouse.com
Bethany House Publishers is a division of
Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan
www . bakerpublishinggroup . com
Ebook edition created 2015
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4412-6633-0
The poem “In Everyone’s Life . . .” by Susan Staszewski is from the Blue Mountain Arts book Love Isn’t Always Easy. Copyright © 2001 by Blue Mountain Arts, Inc. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Unless otherwise identified, Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ESV Text Edition: 2007
Scripture quotations identified T HE M ESSAGE are from The Message (a Bible paraphrase). Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.
The authors are represented by MacGregor Literary, Inc.
Cover design by Eric Walljasper
“This book will help you thrive in your marriage and beat the odds of divorce. The preventative information is the best I have ever seen, and the practical application covers it all. I have put The Smart Stepfamily Marriage at the top of my resource library for couples who find themselves in this beautiful and yet challenging world of remarriage.”
Jim Burns, PhD, President, HomeWord, Author of Creating an Intimate Marriage, Confident Parenting, and The Purity Code
“This book is a must-read for any remarried couple. It includes the tools needed to create and maintain a wonderful remarriage.”
From the foreword by Evelyn Husband Thompson,Widow of Space Shuttle Columbia Commander Rick Husband, now remarried to Bill Thompson
“With the high divorce rate among second and third marriages, this book is long overdue. Ron Deal and David Olson have done their homework, and what they have learned can help you beat the odds. It will take time and effort, but The Smart Stepfamily Marriage is the road map to a healthy marriage.”
Gary D. Chapman, PhD, Author of The Five Love Languages and When Sorry Isn’t Enough
“Remarried or marrying again? Ron Deal and David Olson have a gift for you. This book is loaded with specific, useful ideas for helping your marriage reach its full potential. Using a combination of built-in assessment tools (and online tools if you want to go deeper), they will help you identify where you are at right now in your relationship. Drawing on surveys with 50,000 remarital couples, you will pinpoint your strengths and weaknesses and develop a realistic plan for having lasting love and joy in your marriage.”
Scott Stanley, PhD, Author of A Lasting Promise: The Christian Guide to Fighting for Your Marriage, Research Professor, University of Denver
“Remarriages have unique challenges and different relational needs than first marriages. Based on a national study of 50,000 couples, this book is a wonderful resource for remarriage couples. Take the online Couple Checkup and get a report about your relationship, read the book, and build a relationship that lasts!”
Dr. Gary Smalley, Author of The DNA of Relationships
“The passion that Ron and David have for strengthening remarried couples is evident throughout this wonderfully crafted and easy-to-navigate tool. From the first page, you are drawn in and feel a sense of excitement and hopefulness. You are encouraged to be proactive and intentional about growing a strong, nurturing couple relationship and family. The recommendations are incredibly comprehensive and practical and are based on sound evidence from research on remarried couples. The Smart Stepfamily Marriage is the most up-to-date, relevant, complete guide for remarried couples—I know of no other resource like it. You will be educated, enlightened, and inspired.”
Francesca Adler-Baeder, PhD, Professor and Director, Center for Children, Youth, and Families, Auburn University, Director, National Stepfamily Resource Center
“You want a marriage that lasts forever, right? Blended family couples can beat the odds—this book will tell you how.”
Dr. Dennis Rainey, President of FamilyLife, Author of Stepping Up
To all couples willing to risk again: Love like you have nothing to lose.
Contents
Cover 1
Title Page 3
Copyright Page 4
Endorsements 5
Dedication 7
Acknowledgments 11
Foreword 13
Preface: Discover Your Couple Positioning System (CPS) 17
1. Checkup and Check-in 21
2. Building on Your Strengths 29
3. Beating the Odds of Divorce: The Stepfamily Connection 43
4. Positioning Yourself for Change 51
5. Mapping Closeness and Flexibility 65
6. Eyes Wide Open: Finding Realistic Expectations 87
7. Children and Parenting: When Kids Are Part of the Package 101
8. SCOPE Out Your Personalities, With Peter J. Larson, PhD 119
9. The Vital Importance of Healthy Communication 139
10. Managing the Fires of Conflict 157
11. Extinguishing the Fires of Conflict 169
12. Leisure: Maximize Your Fun Factor 185
13. Remarriage Finances: Yours, Mine, and Ours? 191
14. The Sex Connection 207
15. Finding Your Spiritual Core 223
16. Can We Get There From Here? 233
Appendix A: National Sample of Couples and Remarriage 239
Appendix B: If You Have Ongoing Relationship Problems: Finding Help When You Need It 243
Notes 247
About the Authors 253
Books by Ron L. Deal 255
Back Ads 256
Back Cover 258
Acknowledgments
From Ron:
Every researcher stands on the shoulders of other researchers; good research paves a path for more. The landmark research behind this book is built on countless marital and family researchers (too many to list, I’m afraid), but mostly it is born out of the work of my coauthor, David H. Olson. An innovative family systems theorist, an author, and a researcher, Dr. Olson’s lifelong dedication to helping families has equipped therapists and educators to be better helpers, and it has taught millions of couples throughout the world how to have a better relationship. It has been my honor (and candidly, my awe) to work with him on this project.
I also owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to Dr. Olson’s team, past and present, at Life Innovations. Amy, Peter, Matt, Shar, et al.—it’s been fun being part of the Couple Checkup Research Team.
To my family team—Nan, Braden, Connor, and Brennan—you know I couldn’t do this without you. You are my inspiration and joy. I love you.
Special thanks go to my agent, Chip MacGregor (you worked twice as hard on this one!); our editor, Ellen Chalifoux; and Bethany House Publishers. What a partnership!
Others who have encouraged this journey include Bill and Evelyn Thompson, who have seen the darker side of life and still love like they have nothing to lose. It’s an honor to know you.
And finally I’d like to acknowledge the thousands of remarried couples I have met over the last two decades through my live conference events, personal therapy, and Web page SmartStepfamilies.com : Thank you for sharing your stories and life journeys with me. But most of all, thank you for inspiring me to love more deeply. Despite your loss and pain, you find a way to fight for love. Well done.
From David:
Writing a book with another person can be challenging as you work to blend your ideas and writing styles. But working with Ron was a true pleasure, as he brings his years of experience with stepfamilies as well as a fluid and clear writing style. He also has an intellectual curiosity about research, which has helped crystallize our data analysis. He was a pleasure to collaborate with on this book.
I want to thank the team of professionals at Life Innovations who helped with the data analysis and critiquing of the book. They include Karen Olson (my partner and best critic), Amy Olson-Sigg (my daughter and an exceptional writer), Sharlene Fye (computer expert and master of data analysis), and Peter Larson (former president of Life Innovations, who knows how to integrate clinical and research ideas).
This book would not have been written without the data from the 50,000 couples who took PREPARE-MC (Marriage with Children), a premarital relationship profile that is designed to help couples get their stepfamilies off to a great start. The data from their lives informed us about the strengths and challenges that stepfamilies face. We have learned from their experiences and integrated their insights into this book. We thank them and wish them well.
Foreword
C ongratulations! You are wisely seeking vital information concerning stepfamily marriage. Whether you are considering remarriage or have already remarried, this book will provide revelations derived from extensive research and profound insight. The results may surprise you. Some areas of remarriage are not too difficult, and yet there are many areas that are surprisingly challenging.
I was married to my college sweetheart for almost twenty-one years. He died tragically during the failed reentry of the space shuttle Columbia in February 2003. In an instant, I became a widow and a single mom.
Rick and I met in college and married after he completed pilot training in the Air Force. We both grew up in Amarillo, Texas. During our engagement, many showers and parties were given in our honor. We had dated five years before marrying, and it was a wonderful celebration.
Five years after Rick’s death, I met the second love of my life, Bill Thompson. Our families were well acquainted with one anothe