Dr. Ruth's Sex After 50

Westheimer Ruth K.

Description

Enjoy the best sex of your life after 50!

Sure, growing older brings physical and psychological changes, and some couples have fallen into the rut of having sex the same way for years resulting in a severe case of the bedroom blahs. But many people enjoy the best sex of their lives after 50. More passionate, more thrilling, and more satisfying sex. The kind they only dreamed of before.

Keeping your sex life active is an important part of making sure your relationship is in good shape. And, while one needs to take certain steps to compensate for changes the body is undergoing, more important are the attitude adjustments that people must undertake if they are going to have a romantic, satisfying sex life as they grow older.

With Dr. Ruth’s Sex After 50, Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer, world famous sex therapist, guides you through the physical and emotional challenges of sex after 50, revving up the romance, passion, and excitement as only Dr. Ruth know how. Be sure not to skip Chapter 7 “Spicing Up Your Love Life”!

Sujets

• Santé et bien-être
• Santé du quotidien
• Santé au quotidien
• Santé au quotidien
• Self-help
• Ageing
• Aging
• Sexual Instruction

Informations

• Publié par: Linden Publishing
• Date de parution: 01 mai 2005
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781610350792
• Langue: English

Extrait

Copyright © 2005 by Ruth K. Westheimer. All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.
Printed in the United States of America
Published by Quill Driver Books
an imprint of Linden Publishing
2006 S. Mary, Fresno, California 93721
559-233-6633• 1-800-345-4447• FAX [phone]
QuillDriverBooks.com

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THE INFORMATION IN THIS BOOK IS NOT INTENDED TO SUBSTITUTE FOR EXPERT MEDICAL ADVICE OR TREATMENT; IT IS DESIGNED TO HELP YOU MAKE INFORMED CHOICES. BECAUSE EACH INDIVIDUAL IS UNIQUE, A PHYSICIAN MUST DIAGNOSE CONDITIONS AND SUPERVISE TREATMENTS FOR EACH INDIVIDUAL HEALTH PROBLEM. IF AN INDIVIDUAL IS UNDER A DOCTOR’S CARE AND RECEIVES ADVICE CONTRARY TO INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS REFERENCE, THE DOCTOR’S ADVICE SHOULD BE FOLLOWED, AS IT IS BASED ON THE UNIQUE CHARACTERISTICS OF THAT INDIVIDUAL.
Second Printing 2005 • ISBN 1-884956-43-2
Cover photo of Dr. Ruth by Pierre Lehu

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Westheimer, Ruth K. (Ruth Karola), 1928-
Dr. Ruth’s sex after 50: revving up the romance, passion & excitement! / by Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer.
p. cm.
Includes index.
ISBN 1-884956-43-2 (trade pbk.)
1. Sex instruction for older people. 2. Older people--Sexual behavior. I. Title: Sex after 50. II. Title: Doctor Ruth’s sex after 50. III. Title.
HQ55.W47 2005
613.9’6’0844--dc22
2005002826
I loved you with an eternal love. Jeremiah 31:2
To that first couple in their 50s whose sex life I restored some 25 years ago.
Contents
1 Your Brain Is Your Most Important Sex Organ
Your brain is your most important sex organ
The empty nest
It’s not too late
A new need for foreplay
Too much togetherness
Developing common interests
New-found inhibitions
Body image issues
Dim the lights
The importance of good communications
One in a thousand
2 The Physical Changes Women Can Expect
Dispelling a myth
Sexual boredom
Physiological aspects
Ageism
Sex isn’t just for procreation
Sex isn’t a contact sport
Physical problems don’t preclude sex
Remedies
Cause or effect?
Turn a negative into a positive
Worry-free sex
Sex 365 days a year
The other shoe
Keeping the fires stoked
Overactive bladder
Other medical issues
Take advantage of your feminine wiles
True seduction
3 The Physical Changes Men Can Expect
The loss of psychogenic erections
Bring on the pills?
Erectile dysfunction
Male menopause
Consult a doctor
All said, the pills can be wonderful
Psychologically based erectile dysfunction
Viagra alternatives
Testosterone therapy
Caverject
Mechanical options
Herbal remedies
Overcoming embarrassment
Other changes
Problems men have with body image
The male ego
4 Shared Health Problems
Depression
An ailing heart
The first time
High blood pressure
Stroke
The pain of arthritis
The importance of timing
Diabetes
Cancer
Dementia
Hearing loss
5 Physical Fitness
Eat less together
Exercise together
Avoid competing
The seesaw
Back to back lifts
Couple crunches
Floor cycling
Hamstring burners
Wrestling
Dancing
Bird watching
Kegel exercises
Dr. Ruth’s personal exercise tips
6 Emotional Fitness
So, what is the state of your relationship?
Talk
Touch
"Romance" is a verb
Making love improves your emotional fitness
How to judge if you need professional help
Making the best use of therapy
Stay in a marriage at any cost?
Where to find a therapist
7 Spicing Up Your Love Life
The value of intimacy
Some strategies for increasing your intimacy
Sex toys
Sex games
Vibrators
The tie that binds
Dildos
Penis enhancers
Lingerie
Sex swings
8 Erotica
Getting erotic videos
Have we gone too far?
Cyber chatting
Other types of erotica
Making your own erotica
Final word
9 The Pitfalls of Retirement
A sudden change
Great expectations
Differing time tables
Talking to a wall
Arriving at a compromise
Other challenges
Getting on each other’s nerves
Setting up a schedule
Don’t get mad, get moving
Living longer
The empty nest fills up
Sandwich generation
Financial difficulties
Alcohol a retirement danger
Drugs
The changing role of retirement
10 Second Honeymoon: Firing Up The Romance
Planning makes the difference
Some cautionary words
What’s romantic
Keeping costs manageable
No time to introduce change
Avoid surprise second honeymoons
Renewing vows
Don’t expect perfection
Honeymoon with a grouch?
Luxury not required
Destination New York
Shopping
The second honeymoon schedule
Sex without orgasms
11 Finding A Partner
What singles want
Problems with body image
Fear of failure
Learning from your mistakes
Preparing to find a partner
Activities
Should you go alone or with a friend?
Picky, picky, picky
Tell the world
Using computers
10 safety tips for your next date
Is dishonesty the best policy?
When to do "it"
Too old for sex?
STDs
Safer-sex difficulties
12 Solo Sex
Permission to masturbate
Using fantasy
My secret garden
Masturbating techniques male
Speed
Techniques for women
When more is needed
Dildos
Water works
My view
Resources
Counseling
Sex Therapy and Sex Study
Health
Sexual Toys
Senior Sites
Miscellaneous
Books
Index
Acknowledgments
About the Author
1
Your Brain Is Your Most Important Sex Organ
W hen you were a young man or woman, you probably listened to the Who sing the line "Hope I die before I get old" and thought anyone over thirty was to be pitied. Now that thirty is a distant memory, my guess is you’ve revised your position. And you know what, this time you got it right!
Are there drawbacks to getting older? Of course there are. But let me say categorically, when it comes to the subject that is my area of expertise, S E X, there’s a lot of good news. Many people discover they have some of the best sex of their lives after fifty, sixty, and even after seventy. "Oh, come on, Dr. Ruth," I hear you saying, "You’re pulling our leg. You’re just trying to make us feel better about growing old." Wait a minute, I didn’t say all the changes were positive, just some of them. And, if you are sexually illiterate and don’t understand how to make the best use of sex at this stage of your life, your sex life can definitely plummet. So, while the prospects are good, it’s going to take a conscious effort on your part to make the most of your potential. But you know what? That extra effort is an important part of the reason sex can get better. Let me explain.
Couples go about having sex for years, even decades, and all that repetition can cause them to fall into a rut. If their sex life is like that old gray mare and it ain’t what it used to be, one reason might be sheer boredom. But, if you’re going to have a satisfying sex life as you grow older, you’re going to have to adapt to the new you, and those adaptations will relieve the boredom, thereby automatically making sex better. Now any of you readers who have been listening to me for the past couple of decades and are following my advice may already have kicked boredom out of the bedroom. However, I know books about sex are often treated like books about dieting. Millions of people buy diet books, a percentage of those actually read them, and an even smaller percentage follow the book’s advice long enough to lose weight. So, while I’ve sold lots of books over the years and talked myself blue in the face on radio, TV, and at lectures, I am certain most of you didn’t follow all my advice. You were having sex, and it was okay, at least enough so that you might not have bothered trying to change your ways to improve matters.
But this time it’s different. If you don’t change, your sex life may reach that stairway to heaven before the rest of you does. Now it’s time to get serious. Now it’s time to pay attention to Dr. Ruth so your sex life remains alive and kicking. And as I said, those changes may actually improve certain aspects of sex.
Since I want to begin by encouraging you, in this chapter I’m not going to get into the physical changes but instead will stay with the psychological ingredient, because improvements you make in this area will compensate for some of the physical changes that I’ll be getting to in subsequent chapters.
Your brain is your most important sex organ
Why do I put more stress on what is happening above your neck than below your waist? Because the libido, the part of your psyche that causes you to become aroused, resides in your brain. You can have a brand new sports car sitting in the driveway, but if you don’t have the key to start the engine, you’re not going anywhere. On the other hand, if you have the key to the older sedan sitting next to it, you can go as far as you like. You might not go as fast or hug the corners as well, but you’ll definitely get where you’re going.
Now it’s very difficult for you to control your body completely. Obviously, if you try to stay in the best shape possible as you grow older, it will help. But, for example, no matter how hard a woman works out, eventually she’ll go through menopause; there’s no stopping it. Yet you do have a lot more control over your brain. You can do many things to insure that your libido works properly until you’re in