Beyond Contempt

Erica Etelson

Description

How liberals can talk and listen to Trump supporters without blowing a fuse

• Author is a former human rights lawyer, community activist and certified non-violent communication trainer
• A communication manual for liberals who want to create meaningful conversations with Republicans and other with differing views
• Liberal distain for Trump supporters inflames their resentment, entrenches their loyalty to Trump and enhances Trump's populist appeal
• This book shows how to use Powerful Non-Defensive Communication™ to engage in respectful dialogue to defuse hostility, build trust and open hearts and minds
• Vilification of the other, superior, antagonizing behaviour, self-righteous and condescending behaviour simply makes matters worse.
• Find out how to communicate respectfully and effectively across the great divide
• Contains dozens of examples of questions you can ask and position statements you can make on hot button issues such as abortion, immigration, terrorism, climate change, racism and sexual misconduct
• Empowers the reader to express passionately held beliefs in ways that inspire open-minded consideration rather than defensive rejection
• Similar to The Opposite of Hate by Sally Kohn and I'm Right and You're an Idiot by James Hoggan however this book includes specific advice on how to communicate across lines of difference

Audience:
Resistance organizers, get out the vote organizers and trainers, liberals and progressives with conservative family and friends, democratic party candidates

Canada:
These tools will translate easily into Canadians speaking with Americans and, with election of Doug Ford and upcoming Federal election candidates, will be applicable to Canadian politics as well.

Practical tools for finding common ground and healing a politically divided America   

Liberal and progressive frustration, grief, and alarm over Trump's destructive political agenda and behavior have prompted mounting disdain for Trump supporters and other conservatives. This reaction is contributing to political polarization and unwittingly serving to strengthen Trump’s hand as he sows divisiveness and hatred. In Beyond Contempt, Erica Etelson shows us how to communicate respectfully, passionately, and effectively across the political divide without soft-pedaling our beliefs. Using Powerful Non-Defensive Communication skill sets, we can express ourselves in ways that inspire open-minded consideration instead of triggering defensive reaction. Providing detailed instruction and dozens of examples of how to discuss hot button topics,Beyond Contempt is a must-have guide to productive dialogue that can defuse hostility, build trust, and open hearts and minds in unexpected ways. 

About the Author

Erica Etelson is a writer, community activist, and certified Powerful Non-Defensive Communication facilitator. A former human rights attorney, she has advocated in support of welfare recipients, prisoners, indigenous peoples, immigrants, and environmental activists. She has also organized for clean, community-owned energy as part of a just transition to a local, low-carbon economy. Following the 2016 election, Etelson became active in the resistance movement and in left-right dialogue initiatives. Her articles have appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle, San Jose Mercury News, Progressive Populist, Truthout and Alternet. She lives with her husband and son in Berkeley, California.

Acknowledgments
Introduction

1. Contempt and Its Discontents
2. Class-Based Contempt — Red with Shame
3. Why Not Everyone Is a Liberal
4. Curiosity — The Antidote to Contempt
5. Speaking Your Peace
6. Putting It All Together

Conclusion: To Bridge or to Break
Notes
Index
About the Author
About New Society Publishers

Sujets

• Social Psychology
• Political Advocacy
• Political Process
• Political Ideologies
• Political Science
• Dólar
• Political discourse analysis
• Identity politics
• Right-wing politics
• Psychology
• Liberal
• Democrat
• Activism
• Canadian
• Libéralisme (homonymie)
• Social
• US

Informations

• Publié par: New Society Publishers
• Date de parution: 10 décembre 2019
• Nombre de lectures: 1
• EAN13: 9781771423052
• Langue: English

Extrait

Praise for Beyond Contempt
Whether you re debating a talk show host, co-worker, or Fox addicted Uncle Ralph at Thanksgiving, this book will teach you how to reach people s minds and hearts without wounding them in ways that produce the opposite result you wanted. Brilliant!!
- Thom Hartmann, NY Times bestselling author and America s #1 progressive talk show host
Read this book! Connection is the deep strategy for winning in politics and in life. Beyond Contempt shows us ways to align our communication style with our values of inclusion, open-mindedness, and kindness.
- Joan Blades, co-founder, Living Room Conversations, MomsRising, and MoveOn.org
Etelson channels her first-hand experience going door-to-door in this insightful exploration of how to connect with people, bridge divides, and communicate effectively across differences. She highlights the principles our canvassers practice every night: rather than tell voters what they believe is wrong, start by listening, treat people with respect, and introduce new information.
- Matt Morrison, executive director, Working America, AFL-CIO
Etelson s book is a true gem. It poignantly and compellingly captures the disdainful attitudes and counterproductive conversational strategies that many progressives employ when talking to conservative people. There are numerous clarifying examples provided to help support the sharp and probing analysis, as well as numerous gems of insight about the predicament we are in. The extremely illustrative and practical suggestions in the second half of the book about what folks can do is wonderful. The book helped improve both my thinking about the divide and the language that I will use when trying to nudge other progressives toward greater compassion and effectiveness. Beyond Contempt is an excellent resource for any liberal who wants to heal our divided nation or to pursue the goal of becoming more persuasive with conservatives.
- David Campt, principal, The White Ally Toolkit, an initiative of The Dialogue Company
An extraordinary work, simultaneously sharply critical and brilliantly optimistic. Beyond Contempt makes the profound case that style is content , and the quality of our rhetoric matters. Here s a brilliant book that maintains that the goal for progressives is not merely recovery of leadership and power, but the creation of frameworks of logic and values that are consistent with our longer term goals. This is a revelatory work, positive and brilliant.
- Jerry Mander, founder, International Forum on Globalization, and author, The Capitalist Papers , and In the Absence of the Sacred
Beyond Contempt carries a profound message that is beyond the scope of any brand of partisan politics. It is a map for how to create sustainable societal change from a place of integrity that aligns with the kind of world we want to create.
- Fareen Jamal, lawyer, accredited mediator, past chair, Ontario Bar Association (OBA) Family Law Section, 2014 OBA Heather MacArthur Memorial Young Lawyers Award
Erica Etelson has the courage to hold up the mirror-first, to look at herself with unflinching honesty, and then to invite the rest of us to see how our disdain exacerbates the divide. She does not stop there, thankfully, but goes on to offer us a solution-a tool for changing our attitude so that we can be curious, direct, true to ourselves, and kinder to others. Erica Etelson can be our guide back to humanity. I hope you will take the mirror, and then follow her lead.
- Carolyn Wilkes Kaas, associate dean, Experiential Education, co-director, Center on Dispute Resolution, Quinnipiac University School of Law
In a political environment marred by Trump s extreme impropriety, it s easy for progressives to lose sight of our own role in deepening the divide. Beyond Contempt shows us why treating all people with respect is essential to our democracy and the key to building a winning coalition for 2020 and beyond.
- Karin Tamerius, MD, founder, Smart Politics

Copyright 2020 by Erica Etelson.
All rights reserved.
Cover design by Diane McIntosh. Cover Image: iSock.
Printed in Canada. First printing November 2019.
Inquiries regarding requests to reprint all or part of Beyond Contempt should be addressed to New Society Publishers at the address below. To order directly from the publishers, please call toll-free (North America) 1-800-567-6772, or order online at www.newsociety.com
Any other inquiries can be directed by mail to:
New Society Publishers
P.O. Box 189, Gabriola Island, BC V0R 1X0, Canada
[phone]
L IBRARY AND A RCHIVES C ANADA C ATALOGUING IN P UBLICATION
Title: Beyond contempt : how liberals can communicate
across the great divide / Erica Etelson.
Names: Etelson, Erica, 1967- author.
Description: Includes bibliographical references and index.
Identifiers: Canadiana (print) 20190169958 | Canadiana (ebook) 20190169966 | ISBN 9780865719170 (softcover) | ISBN 9781550927092 ( PDF ) | ISBN 9781771423052 ( EPUB )
Subjects: LCSH : Interpersonal communication. | LCSH : Political culture-United States. | LCSH : United States-Politics and government.
Classification: LCC HM 1166 .E 84 2019 | DDC 302.2-dc23

New Society Publishers mission is to publish books that contribute in fundamental ways to building an ecologically sustainable and just society, and to do so with the least possible impact on the environment, in a manner that models this vision.
Note to Readers
The names and personal details of some people in this book have been changed to conceal their identity.
In writing this book, I ve had to do something I try to avoid, which is to give unsolicited feedback concerning other people s speech. For every example I cite, there are hundreds more, including my own. The people whose speech I critique are not the villains of the story.
Book website: ericaetelson.com/beyondcontempt
Note to Conservative Readers
This book is written with a left-leaning readership in mind, and all of the analysis and examples stem from a left-wing perspective that takes for granted certain beliefs conservatives probably don t share. Powerful Non-Defensive Communication (PNDC), the technique used throughout this book to articulate political opinions, is itself nonpartisan. Sharon Strand Ellison s book, Taking the War Out of Our Words , teaches PNDC in a non-ideological context.
Contents
Acknowledgments
Introduction
1. Contempt and Its Discontents
2. Class-Based Contempt-Red with Shame
3. Why Not Everyone Is a Liberal
4. Curiosity-The Antidote to Contempt
5. Speaking Your Peace
6. Putting It All Together
Conclusion: To Bridge or to Break
Notes
Index
About the Author
About New Society Publishers
Only when you ve
seen it all,
the depths and heights
and breadths of pain
inside yourself
and then begin
to recognize
it s really no different
in essence
from anyone else s,
anyone who hurts in mind
heart, body
who feels as you do -
angry, beaten, in despair -
that we all feel enough
in every breath -
whatever we needed,
did or didn t do
Only when you ve
let it all,
this knowing, take residence
inside your heart, mind -
the loving thought, its evil twin,
petty, noble, sleazy, enlightened,
the beauty-filled or horror-ridden,
that the evil of the
torturer, murderer, or terrorist
is pain that can t be managed -
and realize it s all a part of you
and every other being,
that you and he or she are kin
same blood,
same breath

the worst not worse
than your worst,
the best not better
than your highest good
And only then
when you fall on your knees
before such Beauty,
can you apprehend
that a mighty kindness
is, in the end, your only Calling.
- Excerpt from A Mighty Kindness in forthcoming collection, Conscientious Objections , by Dr. Monza Naff
Acknowledgments
I could not have written-or even conceived-of this book without the brilliant input of Sharon Strand Ellison, creator of Powerful Non-Defensive Communication (PNDC). Sharon s genius is the intellectual foundation underlying this book. Sharon, I m so glad you got your chocolate in my peanut butter-thank you! And huge thanks as well to my extended PNDC family, whose unflagging support kept me afloat when waves of doubt were crashing down on me.
A big thank you to those who read early drafts and book proposals: Carrie Kaas, Don Moore, Ned Reifenstein, Marc Staton, and Karin Tamerius. Your validation that I was on the right track gave me the confidence to proceed.
Thank you, Monza Naff, for your beautiful poetry and spirit. And thanks for the 12 hugs a day and the oatmeal in Bend.
Muchas gracias to Jesse Combs for building out my website, to Simon Johnson for wrangling the voluminous endnotes into shape, and to Chris Cook for all manner of helpful advice and support.
I m grateful to these people who gave generously of their time to share their thoughts and experiences with me: Michael Bell, Helena Brantley, Erica Buist, Ami Atkinson Combs, Anthony Fauci, Nell Fields, Dave Fleischer, Alex Gibson, Kaitlyn Harrold, John Hibbing, Paula Green, Gwen Johnson, Angela King, Luke Mahler, Marshall Mason, David Matsumoto, and Ira Roseman.
Thanks to the terrific crew at New Society Publishers-especially to Rob West for seeing the potential in this book and to Claire Anderson for top-notch copyediting. A round of applause, too, for the stellar services of the Berkeley Pub