Big Ups! NO Two

Description

FunDza brings you a second collection of its most popular short stories given Big Ups by FunDza fans. What does it feel like being bullied because you are different? Can a nerd get his dream girl? Should one marry for love or money? What would you do if you found a zombie in your back yard? To find out, read these exciting stories written specially for young South Africans by a range of Southern African authors.

Sujets

• Young Adult

Informations

• Publié par: Cover2Cover Books
• Date de parution: 29 novembre 2013
• Nombre de lectures: 3
• EAN13: 9780992201883
• Langue: English

Extrait

Contents
1 She’s the one
Ros Haden
2 For love or money
Jenny Robson
3 Beads under my shirt
Sonwabiso Ngcowa
4 After the fire
Michelle Faure
5 One night
Wame Molefhe
6 None of our business
Lauri Kubuitsile
7 Bona fides
Julie Barker
8 Things to do in Durban when you’re dead
Sarah Lotz


1
SHE’S THE ONE
Ros Haden
Girls! What can I say? Eish, it’s not easy, especially for a guy like me. You could call me a late starter. I’m the shy guy who never gets the girl. I’m the guy who girls just want to be ‘friends’ with. They are happy for me to help them with their maths, or even to write their essays for them, but there is this unspoken rule. It’s like I can hear it, even when they don’t say it. “Make one wrong move and my chommies will sort you out.” And I mean these girls stick together like gum. And you won’t believe the vicious words that come out of those sweet lips – it’s ‘Guilty Until Proven Innocent’ with them. And half the time you don’t even know what you’ve done wrong when they give you the ‘speak to the hand’ treatment.
You’d think I’d give up on girls, if that’s how I feel. But you see, despite all of the above, the thing is I really like them. And yes, there is one in particular. Her name is Phathokazi. I’ve said it so many times. What a beautiful name. It sounds like the pitter-patter of raindrops. Phathokazi, Phathokazi. Oh, so refreshing and sweet. You should see her. She is so cute! Phathokazi! I’ve written her name all over the back page of my English book – with some hearts here and there. Problem is, so have just about all the other boys in the class, except for Thatho. He’s more interested in books and chess and blowing up the science lab. Sometimes I think he doesn’t know what a girl is.
You’d think I wouldn’t get anywhere with a girl like Phathokazi. But you would be wrong. I’ve got way past the ‘first base’, as they say in those American movies. I’ve invited her to a dance – yes, we’ve waltzed and jazzed and mapantsula’d our way into each other’s hearts. We’ve had photos taken and framed. I’ve asked her to marry me and she said YES. We’ve gone down the aisle – her in a beautiful white flouncy dress, and me in my tux. AND we’ve already got three children. In my DREAMS!
In real life I’ve got as far as sitting next to her in class. And I only got to do this by bribing Zuki to swap seats. Everyone wants to sit next to Phathokazi. It’s obvious – she’s the prettiest girl in the class, with the sweetest voice and the cutest smile.
~•~
I am chatting with my bras at break time and the subject of girls comes up. It’s like we always start with sport: Who’s going to win the match this weekend, Swallows or Pirates? Amakhosi or Ajax? Then it’s: What car are you going to drive one day? Audi 3 series or Mini Cooper? Beamer or a C-class? That’s where Vusi always chips in with a Rolls Royce – he’s very ‘old school’. And then there’s a pause. We all know what’s coming next, the subject of GIRLS.
That’s when Dumi, always full of advice and ‘wise words’ says, “You need a game plan.” He’s says it every time, like love is a soccer match and with the right strategy I am bound to score! And then the others join in.
“Ja, get your game on, dog,” Bubby chips in, like he’s one of those Idols judges. “Get your game on …”
“But girls are so different, so complicated,” I tell them.
“You gotta find a common language,” says Dumi, rolling his eyes.
“Like what?
“The Language of Love.” They all tease me and laugh, because I’m not exactly experienced. Dumi on the other hand has worked his way through two thirds of Grade 10. The girls can’t get enough of Dumisani Dolo! They buzz around him like bees round a honey pot. “It’s because I don’t care,” he tells me. “You gotta make like it doesn’t matter to you, whether you get the girl or not. They’ll come running, believe me. It’s all in your attitude.”
So of course the next day I try this out. I walk like I don’t care. I talk like I don’t care – I’m avoiding girls left, right and centre. Only it’s difficult because how do you ignore someone who is already trying to avoid you? But I do my best. And when Betty asks me what our homework was for Maths I just look away into the far distance, like there’s something really interesting out there. I shouldn’t have done that. I told you girls always move in groups. Well, the next minute Petunia Panda, who is also Phathokazi’s bodyguard, and the loudest and scariest girl you’ll ever meet, says. “What’s wrong with you? You think you’re too good for us now? What does it smell like up there in the clouds?” And of course they all giggle and mock me saying things like, “Mmm … I always knew he was stuck up.” And “ I bet he’s a mommy’s boy.”
We’re hanging around the locker room after soccer and I tell Dumi what happened. He just shrugs. Then he tells me another plan. “Girls love it when you’re really good at something.” And I’m thinking that’s just great! I mean Dumi is one of the best soccer players at our school. During matches the girls practically throw themselves on the pitch and faint and scream when he scores a goal.There’s this cool thing he does with his eyebrows that gets them screaming for more. They all wait outside the changing rooms afterwards, tearing each other’s hair out to be the one who carries his sports bag for him. “Find something you are really good at.” Ja, right!
So that night I lie in bed thinking. It’s tough, you see I’m average at most things, but not outstanding at any. There is one thing though I am very good at but it’s really not that sexy – it’s algebra! But when I tell Dumi the next day his eyes light up. “That’s it,” he says. “You cannot fail with equations!” I look at him like he can’t be serious.
“Think of the lines, bra ,” he says. “Let’s divide our time together. I’d like you to be my latest addition. Let’s multiply, just you and me, baby.” You see, coming from Dumi they sound quite convincing and the girls would probably faint – coming from me, I’m not so sure. But I give it a try!
Every time Miss Nqweniso asks a question in algebra class my hand flies up – I practically throw myself across the desk. “Let me be the one, miss. Let me be the one!” What happens? After Maths Phathokazi comes up with her bodyguard Petunia in tow. Petunia stops in front of me. My heart is beating so fast I think it’s going to burst. I can’t believe it. I’m going to die before I get the chance of a lifetime – to be together with my dream girl! Then Phathokazi gives me this sideways look. Dumi’s giving me the thumbs up from behind the girls. And then I say, “Hi,” in this squeaky voice. And Petunia says, “What was that about? We hate braggers, don’t we?” She turns to the other girls and they all nod. “We hate teachers’ pets!” And then they flounce off. And Dumi is just there shrugging his shoulders.
You see none of these things Dumi keeps convincing me to try will ever work. Because it’s not about being good at stuff, or ignoring girls, it’s about the X factor! The X factor is like a gene you’re born with. Well I was born without it. It is nowhere to be found in Thando’s DNA! When I realise this it really depresses me. What’s worse is Petunia comes waltzing over the next day and says, “Give it up, skinny boy, Phathokazi has a boyfriend!”
I rip the page out of my book, the one with all the hearts, and I burn it. I know it’s quite a ‘girl’ thing to do, but it makes me feel better for a few minutes.
Next day the guys they come up to me in break. “Thando, this is no good, man. What happened to the game plan?” I don’t have one, that’s what happened to it.
“I can’t even get close to Phathokazi. Petunia’ s always there between us. She looks like she’d like to chop me up and have me for breakfast with extra lashings of peri-peri sauce and atchar.”
“So …?”
“So, what?”
“So, you’ve got to get Phathokazi alone. Then you’ve got to sweet talk her.” Dumi’s practically written the Dictionary of Love he’s got so many ‘sweet words’ up his sleeves.
“Sweet talk …?”
“Make up a little love poem, girls love that …”
“Like what?” And then Dumi just starts to chant all this romantic stuff.