Broken Tree

Anita Venes

Description

As she was growing up, Anita Venes forgot many things about her origins - who she was, where everybody else was, why she had a strange name which people kept changing. She worked hard to forget about the past, avoiding questions about her parents and other family members who had all disappeared. This was often the case for an abandoned child growing up in the care system in the 1940s. It was best to focus on the future when you might have some control over events. Fostering experiences can be good - for Anita they were not.This is her story, a story of survival and inspiring courage to overcome the traumas of her abusive childhood. She chose to workwith severely disabled children and that developed into her passion for over 40 years, eventually achieving the rewarding role ofheadteacher of a new school. The memorable stories of those years feature inThe Broken Tree,and Anita also goes into detailabout her search for her long-lost family members and the impact each made upon her life. This includes the journey of findingher brother, an internationally famous clown and mime artist, known as Potts. His story is still to be told.Tragic at times, her tale is ultimately uplifting and inspirational for all those who struggle in life to overcome the hand they'vebeen dealt.

Sujets

• Family history

Informations

• Publié par: Troubador Publishing Ltd
• Date de parution: 04 décembre 2019
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781838597832
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 4 Mo

Extrait

Copyright © 2020 Anita Venes

The moral right of the author has been asserted.

Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of research or private study, or criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988, this publication may only be reproduced, stored or transmitted, in any form or by any means, with the prior permission in writing of the publishers, or in the case of reprographic reproduction in accordance with the terms of licences issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency. Enquiries concerning reproduction outside those terms should be sent to the publishers.

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ISBN 978 1838597 832

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.


Matador is an imprint of Troubador Publishing Ltd

Dedicated to Shaun and David
for their love and understanding.



Contents
Preface
The Venes Family Tree
The McCallum Family Tree

Part One

Chapter One
Who Am I?
Chapter Two
A Long Way Away
Chapter Three
Village Life
Chapter Four
Cottage Discomforts
Chapter Five
What’s the Gossip?
Chapter Six
The Rhythms of Life
Chapter Seven
The Dark Side of Care
Chapter Eight
Grammar School Days
Chapter Nine
A Break Away
Chapter Ten
A New Beginning

Part Two

Chapter Eleven
A ‘Mentally Handicapped Teacher’
Chapter Twelve
Starting Work
Chapter Thirteen
College Life and Wedding Bells
Chapter Fourteen
Mums and Dads
Chapter Fifteen
Going Solo
Chapter Sixteen
A Bobby, Bombs and a Bingo Hall
Chapter Seventeen
Much-loved Grandparents
Chapter Eighteen
“I Am Your Mother”
Chapter Nineteen
Life and Death
Chapter Twenty
A Sad Ending
Chapter Twenty-One
A New Role
Chapter Twenty-Two
Choosing My Team
Chapter Twenty-Three
New Ways
Chapter Twenty-Four
Fun and Games
Chapter Twenty-Five
A New Son
Chapter Twenty-Six
Changing Times and a Trip to Italy
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Breakdown
Chapter Twenty-Eight
That’s My Dad

Part Three

Chapter Twenty-Nine
Inspiring Others to Achieve Their Dreams
Chapter Thirty
Help Needed
Chapter Thirty-One
Taking Care of the People
Chapter Thirty-Two
The Women’s Group and a Support Group for Men
Chapter Thirty-Three
Changing Lives – Unusual Work Experiences
Chapter Thirty-Four
The New Deal
Chapter Thirty-Five
Venes Family Reunited



Preface
Many people – friends and family, and those whom I have known and worked with – have encouraged me to write about my experiences. This book is about a search for answers.
I have had a long and interesting life, consisting of a traumatic childhood followed by a wonderfully rewarding career – two careers, in fact. I have discovered much of my family history along the way, but many memories were lost to me over my lifetime. I much regret that I was unable to ask my parents about their lives and the reasons behind some of the things that happened to me.
I am lucky to have two loving sons, whose successes in their lives give me so much pleasure. They do not know all of this story because, over the years, I have found it difficult to begin to tell them. This book is for Shaun and David, for their love and understanding. I am grateful to my husband John for his love and support throughout the writing of this memoir. I have the huge joy of being a grandmother to our four bright grandchildren – Dylan, Abigail, William and Natty. My story is also for them, so that they may know their history.
My book is also dedicated to my complex, funny, loving sister, Sandra, who has come through so much heartache to be reconciled to all that happened to her. We are now enjoying the happiest times together. Thanks to my brother Graham and Pat for the joy they have brought to us, and to all my nephews and nieces and all the members of our complicated family tree, thank you for your love, friendship and support.

Anita Elwell
2019
The Venes Family Tree


The McCallum Family Tree



Part One



Chapter One
Who Am I?
“You’ve talked a lot about your mother; tell me about your father?”
“I never had a father,” I declared.
There was a long pause.
“That’s strange, Anita; how did that come about?” my therapist continued.
“Well, I mean I never met my father and I don’t know anything about him. I was put into a children’s home when I was three, along with my baby sister,” I explained.
“So, you probably spent three years living with him before that time?”
“I suppose I did.”
“Did you never wonder why he gave you away? Why he never came to find you? Why he didn’t love you?”
At these words, I fell apart. All the loneliness, hurt and longing of my early years – all that I had suppressed and forgotten – came flooding back to me. I felt an overwhelming surge of pain, anguish and loss as my therapist said these words. I cried for a long while.
In the following silence, I said, “I never thought about him in that way; well, actually, I never thought about him at all. I must have pushed those events to the back of my mind. I was too small to ask questions.”
Suddenly, a scenario occurred to me about the day I was taken away from my parents: What did I do wrong? How did that happen? Did my dad or my mum or both of them contact The Children’s Society to ask them to take my baby, sister, Sandra, and me away? Why? Did I cry and struggle, or did I meekly hold the stranger’s hand and walk away? Children of three are very attached to their parents and familiar people, and can declare what they want – loudly. Did I object that day?
The only memory I have of my father was of once climbing up a dark staircase and standing on a narrow landing by a door, and my father – having struggled up the stairs, with my sister in a pram – said to me, “Don’t let go of the pram; hold tight, there’s a good girl.”
He disappeared through a door. I looked back at the long staircase and was afraid of falling down. I have no other memories of him. I never saw him again.
***
During 1986, in the weeks following counselling, long-forgotten snatches of memories would flash into my mind without warning, many of them very painful and with more questions: What happened? Where were you? Why didn’t you want us?
All my life, I have had huge problems with loss, particularly with an irrational fear of losing people and of being alone. I had a sense of not being worthy of love from anyone; I was very angry inside about lots of things and felt unable to rationalise those emotions. I began to understand, for the first time, where those feelings might stem from. I knew I would have to explore this turbulent past to find answers before I could move forward. My mind was in turmoil as I tried to carry on as normal.
I began receiving counselling support when I was forty-one and at a very low point in my life. I was stressed, overworked and lonely, with a failing marriage. I needed to find a way out of the hole I was in, to unburden myself from all the thoughts that kept me awake at night, and were leading to bad judgements at work and neglect of my family’s needs. Those questions about my parents were unexpected, but they opened the floodgates.
“Why don’t you try to find him?” my therapist asked.
“I wouldn’t know where to start. He might be dead. He might not want to know me,” I stated.
As part of my therapy, I was encouraged to take positive steps to take control and begi