Sacred Stress

Heather Wright, George R. Faller

Description

Stress is a part of modern life―discover how to use it to grow spiritually, emotionally and psychologically.
"Stress takes life and gives life.... It can propel us forward into new opportunities but can also hold us back in fear and exhaustion. It is our mission to help you learn how to adopt [new] strategies and turn stress into a positive force in your life."
―from the Introduction
Stress can limit our perspective, leaving us feeling trapped and out of control. But stress can also be a force for good: It is our challenges that most compel us to reach out for relationship. And our proudest moments come after overcoming obstacles we thought were insurmountable.
Based on personal experience and their work as therapists, and drawing on decades of psychological research, George R. Faller, MS, LMFT, and The Rev. Dr. Heather Wright have come to see that stress can be healthy and positive. They equip us with the skills and the knowledge we need to reframe our thinking about stress, understand and embrace our darker emotions, and become stronger through difficulty.

Sujets

• Santé et bien-être
• Bien-être émotionnel
• Développement personnel
• Bien-être
• Bien-être
• Bien-être
• Bien-être
• Stress Management
• Self-Management
• Self-help
• développement personnel

Informations

• Publié par: Turner Publishing Company
• Date de parution: 20 avril 2016
• Nombre de lectures: 2
• EAN13: 9781594736247
• Langue: English

Extrait

Praise for Sacred Stress: A Radically Different Approach to Using Life s Challenges for Positive Change
A thoughtful and compassionate book, filled with wisdom and kindness.
- John Eldredge , author, Wild at Heart
George Faller and Heather Wright s wise counsel offers a whole new path to hope and healing for readers courageous enough to receive the gift of sacred stress.
- Ian Morgan Cron , author, Chasing Francis: A Pilgrim s Tale
Use[s] vivid stories to advocate a transformative and very helpful paradigm shift . Many readers living fast-paced, pressured days will greatly benefit from their ideas, as I did.
- Rev. Lynne M. Baab, PhD , author, Sabbath Keeping and The Power of Listening
A great book for stressful times. Written from the authors heart and the heart of God.
- Kenny Sanderfer, LMFT , certified EFT therapist, supervisor and trainer
Stress, motivating and challenging, is simply part of our lives. These two colleagues and authors approach its dynamics with great experience, sensitivity and honesty.
- Rev. Dr. James B. Lemler , rector, Christ Church Greenwich
A gift of a book-with solid science to back it up, Sacred Stress will help you, uplift you, educate you and engage you . You will walk away with a lot of new tools for relieving stress in your life.
- Diana Fosha, PhD , director and founder, AEDP Institute; developer of AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy)
Uplifting and evocative.
- Jim Sharon, EdD , coauthor, Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship
Highly recommend[ed] . Will help transform stress in your life from a limiting to an enabling force.
- Michael Lee Stallard , author, Connection Culture: The Competitive Advantage of Shared Identity, Empathy and Understanding at Work
A highly effective roadmap . A wonderful resource.
- Rabbi Mitchell M. Hurvitz , coauthor, Encyclopedia of Judaism ; cofounder, Sholom Center for Interfaith Learning and Fellowship
Inspiring deep wisdom about adversity and resilience.
- Froma Walsh, PhD , Firestone Professor Emerita, University of Chicago; author, Strengthening Family Resilience
[An] indispensable, compassionate and accessible handbook for every minister and caregiver.
- Rev. Drew Williams , senior pastor, Trinity Church Greenwich
Poignant vignettes, scattered with pearls of wisdom . Take[s] us on a journey of transformation and growth.
- Richard Ager, PhD , dean, Tulane School of Social Work
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From George: To the strong women in my life- Sue Johnson, for seeing something in me I didn t know was there; Mom, for passing down your love of reading, family, and faith; Kathy, for living the words of this book and inspiring me to aim higher.
From Heather: To my husband, Mark, and our blended family, Douglas, Catie, and Alyse (and our dog, Sadie). Each of you, every day, teach me the value of connection and the power of love. I am forever grateful.
Contents
Prologue Our Stories
Introduction
Part 1 How Stress Affects Our Interior World
1 Reframing Thinking
Expanding Our Perspective
2 Creating Connections
Learning to Embrace Our Emotions
3 Opening the Door to Transformation
Knowing and Naming Our Emotions
Part 2 How Stress Breaks and Makes Relationships
4 Nurturing the Ultimate Connection
Romantic Relationships, Sex, and Stress
5 Enjoying the Wild Ride
Parenting and Stress
Part 3 How External Realities Shape Our Stress
6 Breaking a Dependency
Handling Money with Integrity
7 Claiming Strength and Resiliency
Overcoming the Wounds of Trauma
Epilogue Befriending Stress
Notes
Suggestions for Further Reading
About the Author s
Copyright
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PROLOGUE
Our Stories

Encountering My True Self
GEORGE
On September 11, 2001, the New York City Fire Department (FDNY) lost 343 members, the largest loss of life of any emergency response agency in history. 1 In one brief moment, the world turned upside down, throwing most firefighters headfirst into a raging ocean of chaos and distress. Shortly after the first plane struck the North Tower of the World Trade Center, I left my home and my crying wife, Kathy, as she was holding our newborn son, and reported to Ground Zero. As a New York City firefighter, I could not stop to comfort her; I had a duty to fulfill. Worrying was not an option. I had to trust my training, get into survivor mode, and concentrate on the mission of rescue and recovery, not knowing which of my friends were dead and missing. Burned into my memory is the disarray I encountered right after the second tower collapsed, a scene of surreal devastation unlike anything I had ever seen before. The twisted steel, smoke, dust, eerie silence, and frightened faces jumbled together into a real-time nightmare. My impulse was to flee, but I chose to go forward.
The first day was a blur as I fought to suppress a multitude of feelings- frustration while I waited to do something, helplessness when I finally was able to search but found nothing, sadness for the emerging long list of lost friends, anger toward the attackers, and fear about what could happen next. On September 12, I was part of a team searching for victims and remains in the burning debris deep inside Ground Zero. Our task was to squeeze into voids created by the collapse, working in limited visibility due to the smoke, and try to find bodies, alive or dead. All rescue workers were informed that if we heard a loud gonging sound, it was a warning signal that the damaged adjoining buildings might collapse and firefighters engaging in search operations needed to find safe shelter away from the collapse zone.
My team and I had just discovered a cavernous void within the twisted steel when we heard unmistakable gonging. I will never forget the panic that arose in my chest when I thought about being buried alive and never seeing my family again. I remember thinking I didn t even have a radio to call for help, and it would probably take weeks for other rescuers to find my body. Fighting the urge to run, I also realized that someone might be alive just a few feet away from me. I knew if I left I would be breaking my oath to give my all to rescue a victim or fallen brother. Our team decided we were safely below the collapse zone, although in truth we didn t really know where we were. We recognized this might be our only chance to find survivors, and if roles were reversed, we would expect other firefighters to push ahead and try to find us. So we ignored the gong, put fears aside, and pressed on with the search.
I am so thankful for my training to turn off my fears during a crisis and focus on the tasks at hand. In life-and-death situations, the ability to stay calm under pressure is incredibly adaptive. Our society values steady performance during times of stress. No one wants his doctor before surgery expressing her doubts and insecurities, or a firefighter talking about being scared while heading toward a fire. Short doses of managing stress by suppressing emotional signals are sometimes absolutely necessary.
Nevertheless, managing stress with habitual emotional avoidance exacts high costs. Chronically disregarding the emotional signals accompanying stress leads to imprecision and lack of awareness. When someone doesn t listen to his inner world, he doesn t develop words to articulate his experience. When a child cries and no parent responds, the child learns to stop crying. As the child grows she continues to feel sadness, but the ability to express sadness is compromised. Over time the unused muscles wither, and crying is no longer a viable option. As an adult, her ability to express sadness takes on a vague and nameless quality. The emotional signals are still internally active, but the individual is not tuned into the frequency.
Those who study stress have found that long-term emotional numbing leads to a sense of self that lacks coherence, continuity, clarity, and comprehensiveness. 2 No wonder I was so confused in the days after September 11. I had stopped listening to the messages my body was trying to tell me. Disregarding the wisdom of my emotions made me susceptible to the negative impacts of stress-sleeplessness, loss of appetite, moodiness, and an inability to concentrate. Not listening to my distress signals of helplessness and sadness, which were pleading for me to reach toward comfort and connection, left me utterly alone to face unrelenting stress. When I returned home exhausted on September 13, I did not tell Kathy about my experiences in the previous days, nor did I have the energy to ask about hers. She already had too much to worry about, and I could not add more to her plate. I shielded her and our relationship by further burying my emotions. There is a saying proudly displayed in every firehouse: Everything you see here stays here -and I followed all the rules I had learned about separating family from work.
Over the ensuing months after 9/11, I was unable to share with Kathy the horrible things I was seeing or the risks I needed to take. Working day and night, I moved from the rescue and recovery effort at Ground Zero to the survival effort at home, protecting my wife by keeping inside the awful realities I witnessed every day. I hid my powerful feelings of anger, sadness, shame, fear, and helplessness. Kathy adopted a similar coping strategy. Realizing I was overwhelmed, she did a noble job of sheltering me a