Saving Civility

Sara Hacala

Description

"Each of us has the power to make the planet a more hospitable, pleasant, caring, and safe place to live.... It starts with respecting others and recognizing their right to be here. Saving Civility is about how we contribute to society and work together—locally and globally—with greater respect, awareness, understanding, and acceptance of one another. A polite planet embodies a worldview of a civilized society—one that is enlightened and empathetic."
—from the Introduction

Cyberbullying, hostile and polarizing political infighting, and tasteless and tactless behavior may be on the rise, but it doesn't have to be this way. Sara Hacala, a certified etiquette and protocol consultant, offers a definitive look at what civility means and how it can change the nature of everyday interaction. She goes beyond a superficial discussion of proper manners to present civility as a mind-set that encompasses values and attitudes that help you embrace your connections to others and repair society. Tapping the wisdom of ancient spiritual luminaries as well as the latest social science research, she provides fifty-two practical ways you can reverse the course of incivility and make the world a more enriching, pleasant place to live.

INTRODUCTION
The Rise of Rude, Crude, and Attitude
How We're All Part of the Problem . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1
How Rude Can You Be? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
The Disconnect. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10
Incivility Bites . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22
The Polite Planet Action Guide
How You Can Be Part of the Solution
1 Know Who You Are . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35
2 Live in the Present Moment. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38
3 Smile. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41
4 See Yourself as Others See You. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45
5 Sharpen Your Social Antenna . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48
6 Respect the Boundaries of Others . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51
7 Listen Up. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55
8 Discern the Right Meaning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59
9 Strike a Tone . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61
10 Recognize the Power of Words . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 64
11 Hold Your Tongue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 68
12 Resist Rhetoric . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 72
13 Disagree Agreeably . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 75
14 Keep a Negotiation on Track . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 79
15 Don’t Burn Bridges . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 82
16 Set Your Moral Compass . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 84
17 Build Trust. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 86
18 Strive for Truth. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 89
19 Take the High Road . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 92
20 Laugh at Least Once a Day. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 94
21 Just Be Nice! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98
22 Cultivate Optimism . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 101
23 Embrace Kindness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 105
24 Live Generously. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 108
25 Practice Gratitude. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 113
26 Embody Enough . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 117
27 Adapt Adeptly. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 122
28 Practice Patience. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 125
29 Drive Gently on the Road . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 128
30 Pick Your Battles Wisely. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 131
31 Remember What Your Mother Taught You. . . . . . . 133
32 Teach Your Children Well . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 136
33 Bring Back the Magic . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 140
34 Mind Your Cybermanners . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 143
35 Time It Right. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 146
36 Delight Your Host, Please Your Guest . . . . . . . . . . . 149
37 Dress to Fit . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 153
38 Apologize. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 156
39 Learn to Forgive. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 161
40 Celebrate Diversity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 165
41 Travel Often and Well. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 168
42 Consider Your Fellow Travelers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 172
43 Practice Nonviolence. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 174
44 Judge Not Thy Neighbor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 176
45 Play Fair and Everyone Wins . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 178
46 Put All Hands on Deck. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 180
47 Choose Your Heroes Wisely . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 183
48 Enhance Your Likeability . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 186
49 Work at Workplace Civility . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 189
50 Grow a Very Big Heart . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 193
51 Reel in What’s Real . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 198
52 Plant a Seed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 200
A Call to Action
Plea for a Polite Planet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 205
Acknowledgments . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 213
Notes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 217
References . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 223

Sujets

• Santé et bien-être
• Développement personnel
• Personal Growth
• Self-help
• développement personnel

Informations

• Publié par: Turner Publishing Company
• Date de parution: 14 décembre 2012
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781594733765
• Langue: English

Extrait

Saving Civility: 52 Ways to Tame Rude, Crude Attitude for a Polite Planet
2011 Quality Paperback Edition, First Printing 2011 by Sara Hacala
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
For information regarding permission to reprint material from this book, please mail or fax your request in writing to SkyLight Paths Publishing, Permissions Department, at the address / fax number listed below, or e-mail your request to [e-mail] .
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Hacala, Sara, 1949-
Saving civility: 52 ways to tame rude, crude, and attitude for a polite planet / Sara Hacala. -2011 quality pbk. ed.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references (p. ).
ISBN 978-1-59473-314-7 (quality pbk.)
1. Courtesy. 2. Etiquette. I. Title.
BJ1533.C9H33 2011
395-dc23
2011020140
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Manufactured in the United States of America
Cover Design: Jenny Buono
Interior Design: Heather Pelham

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ci vil i ty n . Respectful and considerate behavior that enables us to live and work together-locally and globally-embracing our shared humanity and interpersonal connections.
A human being is a part of a whole, called by us the universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.
-ALBERT EINSTEIN
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION
The Rise of Rude, Crude, and Attitude How We re All Part of the Problem
How Rude Can You Be?
The Disconnect
Incivility Bites
The Polite Planet Action Guide How You Can Be Part of the Solution
1 Know Who You Are
2 Live in the Present Moment
3 Smile
4 See Yourself as Others See You
5 Sharpen Your Social Antenna
6 Respect the Boundaries of Others
7 Listen Up
8 Discern the Right Meaning
9 Strike a Tone
10 Recognize the Power of Words
11 Hold Your Tongue
12 Resist Rhetoric
13 Disagree Agreeably
14 Keep a Negotiation on Track
15 Don t Burn Bridges
16 Set Your Moral Compass
17 Build Trust
18 Strive for Truth
19 Take the High Road
20 Laugh at Least Once a Day
21 Just Be Nice!
22 Cultivate Optimism
23 Embrace Kindness
24 Live Generously
25 Practice Gratitude
26 Embody Enough
27 Adapt Adeptly
28 Practice Patience
29 Drive Gently on the Road
30 Pick Your Battles Wisely
31 Remember What Your Mother Taught You
32 Teach Your Children Well
33 Bring Back the Magic
34 Mind Your Cybermanners
35 Time It Right
36 Delight Your Host, Please Your Guest
37 Dress to Fit
38 Apologize
39 Learn to Forgive
40 Celebrate Diversity
41 Travel Often and Well
42 Consider Your Fellow Travelers
43 Practice Nonviolence
44 Judge Not Thy Neighbor
45 Play Fair and Everyone Wins
46 Put All Hands on Deck
47 Choose Your Heroes Wisely
48 Enhance Your Likeability
49 Work at Workplace Civility
50 Grow a Very Big Heart
51 Reel in What s Real
52 Plant a Seed
A Call to Action Plea for a Polite Planet
Acknowledgments
Notes
References
INTRODUCTION
The Rise of Rude, Crude, and Attitude
How We re All Part of the Problem
Civility costs nothing and buys everything.
-MARY WORTLEY MONTAGU
We have committed the Golden Rule to memory; let us now commit it to life.
-EDWIN MARKHAM
A s a certified etiquette and protocol consultant, I teach corporate personnel, university students, and youth in at-risk high schools how to communicate respectfully and behave appropriately in business settings so that they can achieve greater success in their lives. I am blessed, for those who seek my expertise already have a vested interest in improving their interactions with others, so that they can develop stronger interpersonal relationships and enhance their professional presence.
What I find alarming is how polite and respectful behavior is vanishing from our world today. We behave and treat one another badly in our day-to-day lives, conduct that causes our relationships and our society at large to fragment and deteriorate, and we are all suffering as a result. Treating people well, and having the crucial ability to develop and maintain meaningful relationships, provides the essential grease that makes our own lives and the rest of the world go round. When that art is lost or missing, we spin out of control into chaos. In a cacophonous sphere, where everyone talks at once but no one listens, where we say hurtful things and do harmful deeds at will without remorse or punishment, and where outrageous exploits are protected by a veil of anonymity, I fear that we are fast approaching that danger zone. Without any resistance, bad behavior continues to spread, threatening to become the new normal. Enough is enough. It is time to become uncommonly polite for the common good of all.
While I am not to the manor born, I grew up in a culture of Southern manners in which we were accustomed to ritualized ways of conveying respect toward one another in our interpersonal relationships. There was a standard of codified behavior that was both accepted and expected. Although we may not have had online social networks back then, word of any misbehavior or lack of compliance with those social codes would have spread to our parents faster than on the Internet, and they would have reprimanded and shamed us into mending our ways. A person s reputation was valued and was always at stake. We were also, by and large, friendly and helpful, and we looked out for one another. Uncommon courtesy was, indeed, very common.
By comparison, I am appalled by and fed up with many of today s free-for-all standards. I am peeved when someone doesn t listen when I speak, continually interrupts our conversation by answering cell phone calls or responding to text messages, stampedes ahead of me in a line, makes tasteless and tactless comments without discretion, or behaves as though he is the only guy on the planet, without any regard for others. I feel angry when a colleague rolls her eyes disparagingly at me, or cuts me off as though my opinion doesn t count.
I am incredulous that please and thank you are disappearing from our vocabulary. I am distressed when a celebrity who behaves outlandishly in public is idolized as a cultural icon. I am deeply saddened by cruel bullying or invasions of privacy, whether face-to-face or on the Internet, especially when it leaves teenagers feeling so distraught that they believe their only recourse is to take their own lives. I am disgusted by political interactions that are hostile and polarizing, fueled by fevered distortions and mean-spiritedness designed to smear the opposition. I am disturbed that our sense of caring and responsibility is impeded by our own self-absorption.
Perhaps you share my frustration with these types of offenses, which I ve dubbed rude, crude, and attitude. Sadly, rudeness and nastiness are pervasive in our society. Harsh and brash, incivility permeates our interpersonal relationships, the workplace, our schools, and the world at large with devastating effects. There is nothing productive about incivility, and the costs to us-individually, economically, and as a society-are astronomical.
However, it doesn t have to be this way. There are ways that we each can contribute to a polite planet, which is why I have written this book. Your polite and civilized behavior-respectful, thoughtful, kind, inclusive, and generous treatment of others-is not only powerful but also contagious, yielding untold rewards and benefits. Taking a few simple actions described in this book can help you deepen your interpersonal relationships and connections, allowing you to live a life that is ultimately more satisfying. You can make a difference in the lives of others as well as in your community. Moreover, when you treat people with civility, they are more likely to pay this behavior forward to others, creating a planet that is a more enriching and pleasant place to live.
While you may not realize it, you are connected to a great, big universe in which your life powerfully touches the lives of many others. In their extraordinary book Connected , Harvard professor and health-care policy specialist Nicholas A. Christakis and University of California, San Diego, political science professor James Fowler analyzed the multiple ways that social networks (not the online variety) shape our voting patterns, happiness, obesity levels, smoking habits, whom we marry, the way we conduct our business, and more. In their findings, Christakis and Fowler determined that our world is governed by the Three Degrees of Influence Rule: we inf