Unexpecting

Rachel Lewis

Description

What to Expect When You're No Longer Expecting When your baby dies, you find yourself in a life you never expected. And even though pregnancy and infant loss are common, they're not common to you. Instead, you feel like a stranger in your own body, surrounded by well-meaning people who often don't know how to support you.What you need during this time is not a book offering easy answers. You need a safe place to help you navigate what comes next, such as: · Coping with a postpartum body without a baby in your arms.· Facing social isolation and grief invalidation.· Wrestling with faith when you feel let down by God.· Dealing with the overwhelming process of making everyday decisions.· Learning to move forward after loss.· Creating a legacy for your child. In Unexpecting, bereaved mom Rachel Lewis is the friend you never knew you'd need, walking you through the unique grief of baby loss. When nothing about life after loss makes sense . . . this book will."The guide that all parents experiencing pregnancy loss need when leaving the hospital grief-stricken, without a baby in their arms."--LINDSEY M. HENKE, founder of Pregnancy After Loss Support

Sujets

• Philosophie et théologie
• Pregnancy

Informations

• Publié par: Baker Publishing Group
• Date de parution: 10 août 2021
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781493433353
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 3 Mo

Extrait

Cover
Endorsements
“Rachel Lewis has created THE guide that all parents experiencing pregnancy loss need when leaving the hospital grief-stricken, without a baby in their arms. In Unexpecting , Rachel wraps you in a warm embrace and takes your hand as she gently walks you—the newly bereaved—through your heartbreaking ‘new normal’ of what to expect when you are no longer expecting.”
Lindsey M. Henke, MSW, LICSW, founder of Pregnancy After Loss Support
“Rachel has an authenticity that few are able to convey with such compassion. She is relatable because she’s been there. She’s struggled with the same faith questions and platitudes and has done the work to find where her strength and joy truly come from. She doesn’t shy away from hard things that we all-too-often like to avoid or wrap with bows to cover up the heartache, and she shares her heart in the most positive and uplifting way.”
Lori Ennis, MS Ed, editor, Still Standing Magazine
“Rachel’s book provides a much-needed resource for a common, yet rarely spoken of, time in many women’s lives. She speaks tenderly and yet candidly about the physical and emotional experience of losing a baby, providing reassurance to any parent who reads her words. I have had multiple children pass away at various ages, and this book would have been an invaluable resource during those times.”
Diana Stone, editor, Still Standing Magazine
“After experiencing miscarriage and stillbirth, I searched for community and that is exactly what I found while reading Unexpecting . Rachel’s writing is validating of an experience that others urge you to ignore. She helps you embrace the heartbreak of loss and reminds you that you’re not alone in doing so.”
Rachel Whalen, author of An Unexpected Family Outing blog
“ Unexpecting is a comprehensive, gentle, and real conversation with a friend who intimately understands the complexities and heartache involved in pregnancy loss. Rachel compassionately helps parents who have lost a baby navigate the unrecognizable land of life after loss, all while assuring them their grief is valid and necessary.”
Jenny Albers, loss mom, founder of the Still Loved pregnancy and infant loss community, and author
“Rachel Lewis is a well-known inspirational leader for women who’ve navigated infertility and pregnancy loss. She speaks into the lives of women with vulnerability, hope, and encouragement. Across the nation, women read her words so they can connect with someone who offers them truth and light in a time of personal darkness.”
Sarah Philpott, PhD, founder of Loved Baby Support Group, author of Loved Baby
“The power in Rachel’s story is matched only by the strength of her writing. Her ability to connect at a soul level with her readers is a rare gift. Hurting moms will be heartened by her message of hope, hard-earned through her own struggles to build a family.”
Kathi Lipp, bestselling author
“Rachel Lewis is a powerful storyteller. Part of what makes her writing so captivating is that she holds nothing back, sharing experiences and the resulting emotions that so many women can relate to (pregnancy loss, self-doubt, sadness) but are unable to talk about themselves. Her voice represents all of us who have lost a child. I would snap up her book in an instant!”
Heather Morgan Shott, former editor in chief of Momtastic and Today Show contributor
“Rachel Lewis does a masterful job of portraying the heartbreaking reality of miscarriage, infertility, and loss with an honesty and rawness that draws readers in and lets them know they are not alone. But, in a stunning way, she weaves a beautiful tapestry of hope and strength, even through the darkness, through her words in Unexpecting . This is a must-read for any person who has personally gone through this type of loss.”
Mike Berry, author of Winning the Heart of Your Child
“I personally haven’t experienced pregnancy loss, but Rachel’s words always draw me in and captivate the readers on our website. She has a way of igniting compassion for those who have dealt with loss while simultaneously teaching and leading gently through a topic many people see as taboo. Her words captivate and teach all at the same time, and I have no doubt that her message will help many people.”
Meredith Ethington, author, Mom Life ; editor, That’s Inappropriate
“As the editor for the Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death ( M. E. N. D. ) magazine, I see firsthand how personal stories of loss and infertility benefit and encourage families who struggle to travel the same road. Rachel’s unique way of writing captures every moment and thought, the battles within our hearts and minds. While we struggle to make sense of it all, Rachel’s experience and insight help us to understand our own grief of empty arms. While pregnancy loss is very common, there are not enough resources to minister to us during this journey. Rachel has that ability to reach women in a way others cannot.”
Jennifer Harrison, writer and editor, M. E. N. D. magazine
“The journey after pregnancy loss is often a lonely, unlit path, full of the unknown. Through her writing, Rachel becomes a gentle guide for the reader—shining a light on the path and leading them through the twists and turns that follow loss. As a woman who has experienced pregnancy loss firsthand, I found encouragement and hope in Rachel’s story and her trust in God throughout her journey.”
Kim Nowlin, life coach and former pastor
“Rachel has the ability to draw you in, tell a story, and educate you, no matter what topic she is covering. I have had the pleasure of working with Rachel, as she served on my leadership team for a local pregnancy loss support group. Her invaluable experience and words helped many people feel as though someone understood them. Rachel truly has a gift for putting her thoughts on paper, and it is through her struggles that she writes what so few are able to and reaches families who are struggling with loss.”
Stacy McGhee, M.E.N.D. chapter director for NW Washington
Half Title Page
Title Page
Copyright Page
© 2021 by Rachel M. Lewis
Published by Bethany House Publishers
11400 Hampshire Avenue South
Bloomington, Minnesota 55438
www.bethanyhouse.com
Bethany House Publishers is a division of
Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan
www.bakerpublishinggroup.com
Ebook edition created 2021
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
LiLibrary of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4934-3335-3
Scripture quotations are from the New American Standard Bible® (NASB), copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. www.Lockman.org
While this book has been reviewed by a licensed obstetrician and a mental health professional, it cannot substitute for medical advice from your doctor or from your mental health practitioner. Always refer to your doctor for your individual medical needs.
Cover design by Kathleen Lynch/Black Kat Design
Cover illustration by Kristina Boothe
Author represented by the Steve Laube Agency
Dedication
For Olivia Joy Lewis & The Lewis Babies
You didn’t get a chance to change the world. But you changed me.
Contents
Cover 1
Endorsements 2
Half Title Page 5
Title Page 7
Copyright Page 8
Dedication 9
Introduction 13
Part 1 Loss 19
1. Holding Space 21
2. Body 27
3. Heart 33
4. Mind 37
5. Soul 45
Loss Journal Prompts 53
Part 2 Lament 55
6. Choices After Loss 57
7. Caring for Your Body 65
8. Complicated Emotions in Grief 75
9. Minding Your Mind 87
10. The Struggle of Faith 97
11. Grief Triggers 109
Lament Journal Prompts 121
Part 3 Love 123
12. You Are (Still) Mom and Dad 125
13. A Father’s Love, a Father’s Grief 135
14. Helping Your Child Grieve 151
15. Hurtful Words 163
16. Finding Your Support 175
Love Journal Prompts 187
Part 4 Legacy 189
17. Your New Normal 191
18. Trying (or Not Trying) Again 201
19. Pregnancy After Loss 213
20. Parenting After Loss 225
21. Creating Your Baby’s Legacy 235
Legacy Journal Prompts 245
Appendix A: Workplace Rights in Pregnancy and Pregnancy Loss 247
Appendix B: Book List for Extended Reading 249
Appendix C: Support Resources 251
Acknowledgments 255
Notes 259
About the Author 269
Back Cover 271
Introduction
When you lose a baby in pregnancy or shortly after birth, some people act as though you’ve only lost the potential for a baby.
You had a near miss, an almost-kid, a chance to have a baby, but no more.
But you know what you lost:
You lost your daughter’s first smile.
The first time your son rolled over.
The look on your sweet girl’s face when you soothed her tears.
The way your son nestled at your breast.
Her first steps . . . and every step after that of her running to your arms.
Your son burying his eager fists into his first birthday cake, then smearing chocolate frosting all over his cute little cheeks.
The first day of preschool . . . kindergarten . . . high school . . . college.
Every one of his T-ball games.
Her honor roll report card.
His first crush.
Her daddy-daughter dance.
The excitement on his face when his dad took him for his first drive.
Wedding-dress shopping.
Watching your son become a dad.
Your first, second, and last grandchild being born.
A whole generation, a whole lifetime of memories—gone the instant your baby’s heart stopped beating.
Grieving the past and the future
People will say you were lucky it happened early. Or that you should be glad you weren’t too attached. But you know your baby was yours the moment that second line appeared on the pregnancy test.
So when you grieve, you not only grieve for the weeks or months you