Can I Sit on Your Lap While You're Pooping?

Carroll Matthew

Description

As a single dad, Matthew Carroll didn't always have someone to share in his frequent laughter and incredulity at the various things his daughter, Morgan, said. Hoping to document some of her best commentary, Carroll took to recording her choicest quotes on his iPhone when she was between the ages of three and five. He then compiled them chronologically in a small homemade volume for friends and family who, compelled by the hilarious and touching content, encouraged him to share it with a larger audience. Can I Sit on Your Lap While You're Pooping? is the record of the hilarious, crazy, and touching pronouncements of a little girl, but it's also the irresistible documentation of the love between a parent and child.

Sujets

• Humour

Informations

• Publié par: ABRAMS BOOKS
• Date de parution: 08 mars 2016
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781613129333
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 1 Mo

Extrait

AN EXPLANATION FOR THE EXISTENCE OF CAN I SIT ON YOUR LAP WHILE YOU RE POOPING?
I think I can speak on behalf of parents everywhere in saying that babies are super boring.
But when my daughter, Morgan, stopped being a baby and started talking, things got interesting. Talking is how she tried to figure everything out. And the way I talked back to her was-and still is-very honest and open. I considered it a noble way to engage with a curious child, but, in hindsight, it may have contributed to her early preoccupation with having David Bowie s babies and, also, my imminent death.
As a single dad (or whatever you call a man who spends half his time raising a kid by himself), I had no one nearby to raise my eyebrows at, or whisper Holy crap did you hear that? whenever Morgan said something especially weird or bizarrely insightful. Instead, I wrote down the things she said and shared them with family and friends. After a while, it started to feel like this collection of quotes might be valuable, like a portrait or a home movie, so I organized them into this book.
I don t know what kind of woman Morgan will become, but hopefully that woman will one day read the things she said and A) forgive her dad for finding yet another way to embarrass her, B) recognize herself in the crazy, amazing ways she looked at the world when she was just starting to figure it all out, and C) not hook up with super-old David Bowie.
MATTHEW CARROLL DECEMBER 2014
7:25 AM | THURSDAY APRIL 30 | 2009
Play me a harmonica song about a cat doing a backfloat.
6:22 PM | THURSDAY APRIL 30 | 2009
I m going to get big and you will get small and I will carry you.
5:16 PM | FRIDAY MAY 1 | 2009
Bears bite lions and lions bite bears.
6:58 PM | WEDNESDAY MAY 6 | 2009
I m going to grow up to be a woman, Benjamin will be a man, and Gordon will be a woman.
3:45 PM | SUNDAY MAY 10 | 2009
Some snakes don t bite, did you know that?
3:49 PM | SUNDAY MAY 10 | 2009
It s a good idea to pee in the swimming pool because you can t see it.
6:52 PM | SUNDAY MAY 24 | 2009
I feel quite sick. I think I am going to throw up on you.
10:27 AM | SUNDAY JUNE 7 | 2009
I m going to catch a salmon with my arms and eat it all up. I m going to eat the eyes.
10:57 AM | TUESDAY JUNE 9 | 2009
I need to take a break.
10:59 AM | TUESDAY JUNE 9 | 2009
I could ride in a wheelchair when I get bigger. I will push it with my arms really fast.
5:56 PM | WEDNESDAY JUNE 17