CULTURE guide

Samuel R. (Samuel Roberts) Wells

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CULTURE guide

Sujets

• Arts

Informations

• Publié par: yzarabur
• Publié le: 08 décembre 2010
• Nombre de lectures: 112
• Langue: Français

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The Project Gutenberg EBook of How To Behave: A Pocket Manual Of Republican Etiquette, And Guide To Correct Personal Habits, by Samuel R Wells This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org Title: How To Behave: A Pocket Manual Of Republican Etiquette, And Guide To Correct Personal Habits Embracing An Exposition Of The Principles Of Good Manners; Useful Hints On The Care Of The Person, Eating, Drinking, Exercise, Habits, Dress, Self-Culture, And Behavior At Home; The Etiquette Of Salutations, Introductions, Receptions, Visits, Dinners, Evening Parties, Conversation, Letters, Presents, Weddings, Funerals, The Street, The Church, Places Of Amusement, Traveling, Etc., With Illustrative Anecdotes, a Chapter on Love and Courtship, and Rules of Order for Debating Societies Author: Samuel R Wells Release Date: September 12, 2008 [EBook #26597] Language: English Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOW TO BEHAVE *** Produced by Bryan Ness, Karen Dalrymple, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images from the Mann Library, Cornell University.) HAND-BOOKS FOR HOME IMPROVEMENT—No. III HOW TO BEHAVE A POCKET MANUAL OF Republican Etiquette, AND GUIDE TO CORRECT PERSONAL HABITS, EMBRACING AN EXPOSITION OF THE PRINCIPLES OF GOOD MANNERS; USEFUL HINTS ON THE CARE OF THE PERSON, EATING, DRINKING, EXERCISE, HABITS, DRESS, SELF-CULTURE, AND BEHAVIOR AT HOME; THE ETIQUETTE OF SALUTATIONS, INTRODUCTIONS, RECEPTIONS, VISITS, DINNERS, EVENING PARTIES, CONVERSATION, LETTERS, PRESENTS, WEDDINGS, FUNERALS, THE STREET, THE CHURCH, PLACES OF AMUSEMENT, TRAVELING, ETC., WITH ILLUSTRATIVE A NECDOTES, A C HAPTER ON LOVE AND C OURTSHIP, AND R ULES OF ORDER FOR D EBATING SOCIETIES. The air and manner which we neglect, as little things, are frequently what the world judges us by, and makes them decide for or against us.—La Bruyère. Order my steps in thy word.—Bible. NEW YORK: FOWLER & WELLS CO., PUBLISHERS, 753 BROADWAY . 1887. ENTERED, ACCORDING TO ACT OF CONGRESS IN THE YEAR 1857 BY FOWLER AND WELLS IN THE CLERK'S OFFICE OF THE DISTRICT COURT OF THE UNITED STATES FOR THE SOUTHERN DISTRICT OF NEW YORK CONTENTS [Pg v] INTRODUCTION. Politeness Defined—The Foundation of Good Manners —The Civil Code and the Code of Civility—The Instinct of Courtesy—Chesterfield's Method—The Golden Rule —American Politeness—Utility of Good Manners Illustrated. I.—PERSONAL HABITS. Where to Commence—Care of the Person a Social Duty—Cleanliness—The Daily Bath—Soap and Water —The Feet—Change of Linen—The Nails—The Head —The Teeth—The Breath—Eating and Drinking—What to Eat—When to Eat—How much to Eat—What to Drink —Breathing—Exercise—The Complexion—Tobacco —Spitting—Gin and Gentility—Onions, etc.—Little Things II.—DRESS. The Meaning of Dress—The Uses of Dress—Fitness the First Essential—The Art of Dress—The Short Dress Page ix 15 for Ladies—Working-Dress for Gentlemen—Ornaments —Materials for Dress—Mrs. Manners on Dress—The Hair and Beard—Art vs. Fashion—Signs of the Good Time Coming III.—SELF-CULTURE. Moral and Social Training—Cultivation of Language —Position and Movement—The Ease and Grace of Childhood—Standing—Sitting—Walking— Hints to the Ladies—Self-Command— Observation—Practical Lesson IV.—FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES. Manners and Morals—Human Rights—Duties—The Rights of the Senses—The Faculties and their Claims —Expression of Opinions—The Sacredness of Privacy —Conformity—Singing out of Tune—Doing as the Romans Do—Courtesy vs. Etiquette—An Anecdote —Harmony—Equality—A Remark to be Remembered —General Principles more Important than Particular Observances V.—DOMESTIC MANNERS. A Test of Good Manners—Good Behavior at Home —American Children—Teaching Children to be Polite —Behavior to Parents—Brothers and Sisters —Husband and Wife—Married Lovers—Entertaining Guests—Letting your Guests Alone—Making one "at Home"—Making Apologies—Duties of Guests —Treatment of Servants—Rights of Servants—"Thank You" VI.—THE OBSERVANCES OF EVERY-DAY LIFE. Introductions—Letters of Introduction—Speaking without an Introduction—Salutations— Receptions —Visits and Calls—Table Manners—Conversations —Chesterfield on Conversation—Music—Letters and Notes—Up and Down Stairs —Which Goes First?—An American Habit—Gloved or Ungloved?—Equality —False Shame—Pulling out one's Watch—Husband and Wife—Bowing vs. Curtseying—Presents— Snobbery—Children VII.—ETIQUETTE OF OCCASIONS. Dinner Parties—Invitations—Dress—Punctuality —Going to the Table—Arrangement of Guests—Duties of the Host—Duties of the Guests—The "Grace" —Eating Soup—Fish—The Third Course—What to do with your Knife and Fork—Declining Wine—Finger Glasses—Carving— Evening Parties and their Observances—French Leave—Sports and Games —Promiscuous Kissing—Dancing—Christmas—The New Year— Thanksgiving—Birthdays—Excursions and Picnics—Weddings—Funerals VIII.—THE ETIQUETTE OF PLACES. How to Behave on the Street—Stopping Business Men on the Street—Walking with Ladies—Shopping—At Church—At Places of Amusement—In a Picture Gallery —The Presence—Traveling—The Rush for Places —The Rights of Fellow-Travelers—Giving up Seats to the Ladies—A Hint to the Ladies on Politeness —Paying Fares 31 42 48 56 [Pg vi] 64 83 100 IX.—LOVE AND COURTSHIP. Boyish Loves—The Proper Age to Marry—Waiting for a Fortune—Importance of Understanding Physiological Laws—Earnestness and Sincerity in Love— Particular Attentions—Presents— Confidants—Declarations —Asking "Pa"—Refusals—Engagement—Breaking Off —Marriage X.—PARLIAMENTARY ETIQUETTE. Courtesy in Debate—Origin of the Parliamentary Code —Rules of Order— Motions—Speaking—Submitting a Question—Voting—A Quorum The Democratic Principle—Privileged Questions—Order of Business —Order of Debate XI.—MISCELLANEOUS MATTERS. Republican Distinctions—Natural Inequalities —American Toad Eaters—General Lack of Reverence for Real Nobility—City and Country—Imported Manners —Fictitious Titles—A Mirror for Certain Men —Washington's Code of Manners—Our Social Uniform —A Hint to the Ladies—An Obliging Disposition —Securing a Home—Taste vs. Fashion—Special Claims—Propriety of Deportment—False Pride —Awkwardness of being Dressed XII.—MAXIMS FROM CHESTERFIELD. Cheerfulness and Good Humor—The Art of Pleasing —Adaptation of Manners—Bad Habits—Do what you are About—People who Never Learn—Local Manners —How to Confer Favors—How to Refuse—Spirit —Civility to Women XIII.—ILLUSTRATIVE ANECDOTES. Elder Blunt and Sister Scrub Taking off the Hat, or John and his Employer—A Learned Man at Table—English Women in High Life—"Say so, if you Please" 110 116 124 135 139 [Pg vii] PREFACE. his is an honest and earnest little book, if it has no other merit; and has been prepared expressly for the use of the young people of our great Republic, whom it is designed to aid in becoming, what we are convinced they all desire to be, true American ladies and gentlemen. Desiring to make our readers something better than mere imitators of foreign manners, often based on social conditions radically different from our own—something better than imitators of any manners, in fact, we have dwelt at greater length and with far more emphasis upon general principles, than upon special observances, though the latter have their place in our work. It has been our first object to impress upon their minds the fact, that good manners and good morals rest upon the same basis, and that justice and benevolence can no more be satisfied without the one than without the other. As in the other numbers of this series of Hand-Books, so in this, we have aimed at usefulness rather than originality; but our plan being radically different from that of most other manuals of etiquette, we [Pg viii] have been able to avail ourself to only a very limited extent of the labors of others, except in the matter of mere conventional forms. Sensible of the imperfections of our work, but hoping that it will do some acceptable service in the cause of good manners, and aid, in a humble way, in the building up of a truly American and republican school of politeness, we now submit it, with great deference, to a discerning public. [Pg ix] INTRODUCTION. ome one has defined politeness as "only an elegant form of justice;" but it is something more. It is the result of the combined action of all the moral and social feelings, guided by judgment and refined by taste. It requires the exercise of benevolence, veneration (in its human aspect), adhesiveness, and ideality, as well as of conscientiousness. It is the spontaneous recognition of human solidarity—the flowering of philanthropy—the fine art of the social passions. It is to the heart what music is to the ear, and painting and sculpture to the eye. One can not commit a greater mistake than to make politeness a mere matter of arbitrary forms. It has as real and permanent a foundation in the nature and relations of men and women, as have government and the common law. The civil code is not more binding upon us than is the code of civility. Portions of the former become, from time to time, inoperative—mere dead letters on the statute-book, on account of the conditions on which they were founded ceasing to exist; and many of the enactments of the latter lose their significance and binding force from the same cause. Many of the forms now in vogue, in what is called fashionable society, are of this character. Under the circumstances which called them into existence they were appropriate and beautiful; under changed circumstances they are simply absurd. There are other forms of observances over which time and place have no influence—which are always and everywhere binding. Politeness itself is always the same. The rules of etiquette, which are merely the fo