Ghanta College

Clyde D'Souza

Description

From copying to bunking lectures, making friends to making girlfriends, college life is filled with questions that don't have textbook answers. Until now! For the first time in India comes a non-pakao book that gives students straight answers to nervous questions. From the author of Kissing Ass: The Art of Office Politics comes Ghanta College: The Art of Topping College Life-the ultimate college guide as you go from nervous fresher to confident graduate! With true college stories from celebrities and gyan in the form of Professor's Tips, Topper's Secrets, and Nerd's Warnings, if there's any book you even pretend to read during college, make it Ghanta College.

Sujets

• Short story
• Humour

Informations

• Publié par: Random House Publishers India Pvt. Ltd.
• Date de parution: 23 septembre 2013
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9788184004816
• Langue: English

Extrait

By the same author
Kissing Ass: The Art of Office Politics
RANDOM HOUSE INDIA
Published by Random House India in 2013
Copyright Clyde D Souza 2013
Illustrations Manisha Chatterjee
Random House Publishers India Private Limited
Windsor IT Park, 7th Floor, Tower-B
A-1, Sector-125, Noida-201301, UP
Random House Group Limited
20 Vauxhall Bridge Road
London SW1V 2SA
United Kingdom
This eBook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author s and publisher s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.
EPUB ISBN 9788184004816
To E (Actually there s no such person, but I know better than to leave a page blank.)
To students-both in and out of college
Any names or likeness to celebrities are used in a fictitious and parodic manner.
T HIS B OOK B ELONGS T O

Name

Ghanta Name

Professors I Like







Professors I Hate







Dating







Subjects I Like







Subjects I Hate







Favourite Hangouts
CONTENTS
Foreword
Introduction
1. Leaving School
2. Choosing a College
3. Fresher Year
4. Academics
5. Being Cool
6. Dating Relationships
7. Parties Dancing
8. Hostel Life
9. Internet Mobile
10. Alcohol Drugs
11. Beyond College
Acknowledgements
A Note on the Author
FOREWORD
L ast year I accidentally bumped into Clyde D Souza s first published book Kissing Ass. Well, that s not entirely true-since Clyde owed me for all the cutting chai I bought him while at MTV, he very kindly mailed me a copy. It was one of the more fun books I read all year and Clyde s asked me to write this foreword to his next one, Ghanta College .
You must however bear in mind that this foreword comes from someone who knows very little about what happens in colleges.
Or on Tuesdays.
You see, most of the education I received while supposedly at college came from conversations at the canteen, heartbreaks, and drunken confe-ssions of DJ friends. Heartbreaks and hyperactivity drove me to dance music (the repetitive kind with a monotonous beat, best heard at dangerous decibels) and we all know how that turned out, with the creation of Submerge first and then Sunburn.
Nevertheless, a lack of direction or not knowing which day of the week you re in, should never come in the way of having fun and this little book will help you understand that there are more important things in college than pesky little things called books.
Like oxymorons, idlis, and what happens in hostels at 3:00 am. Though I suspect that Clyde may have to leave that last one out.
So turn the page (I can t believe you ve come this far already without choking) and enjoy what s bound to be a hilarious adventure replete with jokes, anecdotes, and garnished liberally with ghantas.
-Nikhil Chinapa
(Music entrepreneur and evangelist who, to the surprise of his parents and professors, also has a degree in Architecture and a thesis in hospital design)
INTRODUCTION

You have passed school. Get lost!
This is to certify that _______________ never has to wear a uniform again in his entire life. (Unless he gets a job that requires him to.)

April 2013
LOL
Controller of School Uniforms

Hey Students!
F irst, pat yourself on the back-for you have survived school, made it to college, and have actually managed to pick up a book!
Welcome to the very best days of your life. No really. This is the phase that you ve been waiting for all along. It s time to say goodbye to sucky school uniform and hello to body hair! No more strict teachers, compulsory attendance, and clean nails.
Plus, with college comes this sense of adventure, of finding something interesting to do with your life, finding a career, and maybe even that certain someone to hold hands and spend the rest of your life with! The question is where do you start?
Right here with Ghanta College .
Before you begin, keep in mind that the best things in life aren t learnt from the pages of a book. Yeah, not even this book! The best things in college are learnt by interacting, experiencing, making mistakes, and going on adventures.
Like Google, this book will act as your guide, telling you what kind of experiences to look out for, where there may be hidden adventures, and yes, even some tips on fun stuff like how to have your first kiss!
So while you re pretending to read all those textbooks, make sure this is the one book you really read.

Secret Letter to Students
Welcome to Ghanta College. Make yourself comfortable. This is a secret letter to you students. We all know why you re going to college. One-it gives you a legitimate reason to get out of home and meet girls/guys. Second-going to college is what everyone else is doing. Admit it now-actual studying is the last thing on your mind, but hopefully you ll somehow learn enough to get an awesome job by the end of your term.
Some of you may even take your studies so seriously that you ll go on to become doctors, engineers, MBAs. Maybe one of you will become a future Prime Minister (or a national scamster). Hopefully at least one of you will go on to become a writer like me. Whatever you may become, your college experience is going to be the bestest one of your life and this book will ensure that you know exactly what to look for.
This book is for students. Not parents, not professors. Although let me say here that there are a couple of chapters of interest to them so that they ll buy the book and maybe even insist that you read it (that s our little joke). So listen, there s all sort of awesome advice here-bunking, dating, copying-and trust me all of this will go to making you a successful person. The goal of this book is not to make you a loser but to help you enjoy life as a college student. And that experience goes beyond studying.
Now that you ve read this secret letter, please tear it or stick a serious looking page on top of it!

Dear Parents!
What are you doing here? No, seriously. Are you snooping in your kid s bag again? That s illegal, you know. Okay, just kidding. Whether you were snooping around and found this book by mistake or you actually bought it for him, we re glad you re here both ways. After all, you re the parent, you re paying for your child s so-called college education and all the other pocket money your kid is going to ask you for. You do have some rights!
So, your child is all grown up and going off to college and you re feeling like you re losing control, aren t you? You re not sure what kind of experience your child will have and what sort of friends they will make. You want to ensure they make the most out of college and not just waste it away.
If you ever went to college, you would know how everyday was a learning experience since you had no idea what was going to happen next. If you didn t go to college and your child is the first person in your family who has been given the opportunity, then this book will give you and your kid a quick glance at all the milestones that lie ahead.
Right now your kids are probably acting all cool and rebelling against you, spending more time with their phones than you. Don t worry-they still want advice. Just leaving this book with them may do the trick.
Also let me be honest here-this is not a goody goody first bencher type of a book. Ghanta College is a book (probably the first of its kind in India) that s going to talk about college stuff you probably don t want your child to ever know about-sex, drugs, bunking lectures, and so on. The thing is, sooner or later your child is going to find out and probably experiment with some of these things anyway. So why not let him know how to deal with these things in advance? At least he ll be better prepared! Now be a good parent and go fill his pockets with your money:)

Good Morning Professors!
You re a professional with years of teaching experience behind you, so you probably know what it means to handle students. I am writing this book so students know what to look forward to in college-from studies to numerous other experiences.
As college students we have a love-hate relationship with our professors-some we make fun of, some we openly hate, and some who become mentors for life. You re also the guy who collegians will remember fondly long after they have passed out, even if they made fun of you or called you names back in the days. College would be incomplete without you. As a professor you are a student s official guide, bestowed with the power to teach him much more than what lies within the pages of a text book. And if you re hot, we love you even more:)

How To Use This Book
Every chapter in Ghanta College follows a fixed format so you know exactly what to look for and where.
Symbols and Icons
Look out for these useful one-line tips by students, professors, and toppers.
Nerd s Warning
Professor s Secret
Topper s Tip

Guest Lecture
Celebs and some fun and funny people share their real life college experiences.
Ghanta Lesson of the Day
A quick, final tip that summarizes the most important lesson of the particular topic.
1
LEAVING SCHOOL

Y ou made it through uniforms and tiffins and recess and finally as a reward you get to go to college. Hang on a second-there s still the whole process of collecting your report, choosing a stream, applying to college, and hopefully getting into one! Let s start with your last day
The Last Day in School
So you ve either come to collect your report card or it s the last day of school before you get study leave. Whatever it is, this is a good day to remember all your fleeting school moments. Moments that you