Pretty Girl with Sad Eyes

Maggie Ontiveros

Description

The about the book information is not available as of this time.

Sujets

• Ontiveros
• Poetry

Informations

• Publié par: Xlibris US
• Date de parution: 19 décembre 2022
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781796081435
• Langue: English

Extrait

PRETTY GIRL with SAD EYES
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Maggie Ontiveros
 
Copyright © 2023 by Maggie Ontiveros.
 
Library of Congress Control Number:
2022922769
ISBN:
Hardcover
978-1-7960-8145-9

Softcover
978-1-7960-8144-2

eBook
978-1-7960-8143-5
 
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.
 
The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
 
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.
 
 
 
 
 
Rev. date: 12/17/2022
 
 
 
 
Xlibris
844-714-8691
www.Xlibris.com
788458
Contents
Unpicked
What Loving You Felt Like
We Exchanged Such Beautiful Words
You Were It
It Was Blinding
It Was
It Was Isolating
It Was My Greatest Sin
But It Was a Pleasure
Even the Things I Knew Were Not Real
You Were My God When I Believed in None
It Had Always Been Laced with a Tragic Ending
The Scars Were Too Visible to Ignore
What You Turned Me Into Was So Strange
Happily Ever Afters—We Learned the Hard Way They Don’t Exist
One Day with a Lot of Pain We Found This Happiness, This Idea of Perfection
The End?
Pure Anguish
The Voices Awakened with Your Leave
Insane Much?
You Thought I Would Always Be There at Your Beck and Call
With Your Leave, I Saw Things
I Saw the Many Nights I Waited
I Remembered a Night When I Did Attempt It Or Thought I Would, Or at Least Wanted To
I Found a Strength in Knowing You Were a False God
You Were My Drug; My First Step to Recovery, Admitting It
Slowly, the Impossible Became Truth
Whose Loss Was I Mourning?
I Stopped Being Scared of the Dark a Long Time Ago, but Now
It’s Knowing They’re in My Head
It Would Be a Crime to Let It All Fall upon You
Many Just Thought I Was a Bit Sad
Nobody Seemed to Think That She Needed Help
And So I Cried
In the Later Future, You Will Ask, “How Were We Supposed to Know?”
Again, the Voices, They Spoke
The Voices Always Had Different Faces
I Was Just Too Used to You
I Found Warmth in the Cold
It Has Become Very Compelling
But Again, I Came Back to You
I Dreamt of Nonexistence
I Examined My Choices; They Weren’t Really Wrong, Were They?
And Again
In the Overpowering Shadows of Lost Lovers, a Light Flickered
I Was Forced to See That You Too Felt Pain
She Was Just as Lost as I
With All This Pain I Had to Question, Why Does It Exist?
Is Human Error Not Everywhere?
And Again
In My Solitude, I Questioned Myself
I Told Myself
I Wanted to Believe I Was Okay
Lord, How Much Will Do I Have?
Survive the World, but Most Survive Ourselves
And Again
Being Able to See the Happiness We Held and Not Kill for It
Push Out the Bad Thoughts, and Learn to Survive without a Heart
With Such Things Faith Was Tested
But with Every Waking Minute, I Seemed to Fall Further
Cope with Feeling Something
In Trying to Accept the Pain, I Retouched Every Scar, Even the Many Still Healing
I Asked Questions to Myself of Why?
Why Did You Do What You Did?
Why Did Everyone?
But Do We Ever Listen?
Thoughts of You Were Still Too Comforting to Dismiss
How Do We Define Love?
How the Mighty Fell
We Knew Better but Still Dreamt
But I Am Better
Was the Pain You Felt So Blinding You Could Not Believe Mine Was Real
I Tried to See This through Your Eyes
Do You Remember That Morning?
It Wasn’t a Dream
With Everyone Telling Me I Was Fine, I Soon Convinced the World I Was
Was I Okay?
I Began to Hate Them for Choosing My Life
Their Love Is Suffocating
My Anger Was Years of Suppression
Hating You Both Fueled My Fires
The Fire Burned Out, and I Was Left Again with Nothing to Feel
It Was Just Me
My Words Meant Nothing
I Just Wanted to Run
For How Could I Live in a Place Where I Was Seen but Not Heard
Who Do I Cry?
My Will and Anger Still Tipped the Scale
I Still Questioned the Reason for It All
Too Often I Think the World Would Not Miss Me
My Pain Was Relevant
Loneliness Was So Much to Me
I Wanted to Allow the Demons’ Release
But When I Did, the World Did Not Approve
I Felt That When the Time Came, the World Might Shudder for Not Anticipating My Rise
Of Course, There Is Failure. Would I Ever Rise?
Again, but This Time Was Different
You Didn’t Touch Me the Same
The Small Light Flickered
But That Light Was Not Enough to Wash Away the Already-Done Damage
Be Better.
Just Like the Drug You Were, I Had a Relapse
I Feared Your Return
With Your Return, I Am Reminded of the Horror Story We Wrote
You Were a Temptation beyond All
If a Minute, If Not a Second, I Felt Vengeful
I Am Too Grown for This; Let’s Face Reality
Considering a Different Ending
I Too Was at Fault
For the Last Time, I Tore You off My Soul and Returned to My Pain
I Always Blamed Myself Because Whose Fault Was It Really?
I Crawled Back to the Loneliness
Demons, They Still Live
They Grew
Eyes Closed, I Hoped
Prayed to Myself at Night
But Like Most Prayers, They Went Unanswered
Thinking of the Past Hurts, Doesn’t It?
Why Couldn’t My Life Simply Be Mine
Be Perfect?
We Fail a Lot
Of Course, You Had an Opinion
But There Are Things We Could Not Say to Each Other
There Is Never a Correct Amount of Time; It’s Just When You Are Ready
A True Love? Only in My Dreams
Every Word I Spoke Only Added Pins to Your Heart
You Told Me I Would Survive This
You Couldn’t Even Survive Me
Taking Deep Breaths, It Was Time to Admit—Not Accept, but Admit
I Am Sorry
Why Do I Hurt Myself?
Why Do We Like to Pretend the Young Do Not Feel Pain?
We Hurt People Too Often without Trying
This Isn’t What I Wanted in My Life
Thinking of You Is Always So Nice
But We’re Just Strangers Now, Aren’t We?
As the Loneliness Became Quiet, Sorrowful, I Missed Being Wanted
But Who Would Want Such a Broken, Bitter Thing?
He Was Never My Lover, but I Still Wanted to Know What Lies He Might Tell for Me
It Still Hurts
Men Are Too Privileged at Times
I Hate Writing about You
Why Had So Many Expected So Little of Me?
Some Are Disgusted by What I Am Now
We Like Pretty Things, but They Are Too Fragile
With the Many Lessons Learned, Observance Was Key
Don’t Ever Glorify Me
I Am Flawed
I Will Say the Things No One Ever Said to Me
With the World Rumbling in Terror, I Came to a Conclusion
Everything You Do Matters
Flawed as Humans
Everything You Do Matters, Again
Even the Things We Are Told Not to Think Of
Female Bodies Are Weapons
I Wish Only to Be Now the Thing You Crave
My Thoughts Raced at Speeds That Made Living Too Slow
They Came in Speeds I Could Not Even Grasp
Questions: Too Many of Them
Who Was I Now?
Why Did I Do Those Things?
But I’ve Always Had the Answers
I Still Looked Back and Reflected
We Have to Remember the Past
Now I Realize
How to Describe My First Love
Being Deprived of You Called for Pain, but Tears No Longer Fell
On Certain Days, We Were Almost Friends
This Time When You Came Around, I Relished in the Delight That Our Story Was Over
Unpicked
un·picked
,ǝn’pikt/
adjec tive
            not selected.
 
To you, the Romeo in my story.
You die, I die
All I ever said.
 
This was written in the darkest moments of my life. Every time I read this, I can see how far I am from this person haunted through expectations and loving to the point of pure obsession.
 
I hoped for many things. I searched for many lights. They tell you you’ll never want to fall in love again.
They don’t tell you the light’s in you.
What Loving You Felt Like
Truthfully, in thought, even the sweet lust of his existence is a miracle of both devil and God.
He feels what most cannot; he loves and forgives without thought.
I wish to be that love he would go mad for,
the love that consumes him.
And lose himself as I did in the colliding circle of love,
In the endless, infinite bottomless bit.
A star-crossed lover told thee once
Never to swear upon the moon. Yes, monthly changes but always does it not come back?
To his full capable love.
Always, I said,
As the maze in his eyes enchanted me.
As the thrust of his hips moved.
Side to side his body followed like the end of a snake
Ready to leap and kill aye prey.
As he injected his venom into my soul, he took control.
All movements are now by his choice.
It is a blinding love, they say; nor do they lie.
One would jump off the ends of the earth to prove love.
To prove all bo