Baboo Jabberjee, B.A.

F. Anstey

Description

Get set for an uproarious Indian adventure from the renowned humor writer F. Antsey, the comedic genius behind dozens of beloved novels and stories. In Baboo Jabberjee, B.A., Antsey gently skewers the often-absurd clash of cultures that arose from the U.K.'s colonial incursions into South Asia.

Informations

• Publié par: The Floating Press
• Date de parution: 01 juillet 2012
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781775458128
• Langue: English

Extrait

BABOO JABBERJEE, B.A.
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F. ANSTEY
 
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Baboo Jabberjee, B.A. First published in 1897 ISBN 978-1-77545-812-8 © 2012 The Floating Press and its licensors. All rights reserved. While every effort has been used to ensure the accuracy and reliability of the information contained in The Floating Press edition of this book, The Floating Press does not assume liability or responsibility for any errors or omissions in this book. The Floating Press does not accept responsibility for loss suffered as a result of reliance upon the accuracy or currency of information contained in this book. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Many suitcases look alike. Visit www.thefloatingpress.com
Contents
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Introductory Letter from Baboo Jabberjee I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX X XI XII XIII XIV XV XVI XVII XVIII XIX XX XXI XXII XXIII XXIV XXV XXVI XXVII XXVIII XXIX XXX XXXI XXXII Endnotes
Introductory Letter from Baboo Jabberjee
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To the Hon'ble — Punch.
VENERABLE AND LUDICROUS SIR.—Permit me most respectfully to bringbeneath your notice a proposal which I serenely anticipate will turn uptrumps under the fructifying sunshine of your esteemed approbation.
Sir, I am an able B.A. of a respectable Indian University, now in thiscountry for purposes of being crammed through Inns of Court and LawExam., and rendering myself a completely fledged Pleader or Barrister inthe Native Bar of the High Court.
Since my sojourn here, I have accomplished the laborious perusal of yourtranscendent and tip-top periodical, and, hoity toity! I am like a duckin thunder with admiring wonderment at the drollishness and jocositywith which your paper is ready to burst in its pictorial department.But, alack! when I turn my critical attention to the literary contents,I am met with a lamentable deficiency and no great shakes, for I notethere the fly in the ointment and hiatus valde deflendus —to wit theutter absenteeism of a correct and classical style in Englishcomposition.
To the highly educated native gentleman who searches your printedarticles, hoping fondly to find himself in a well of English pure andundefiled, it proves merely to fish in the air. Conceive, Sir, thedisgustful result to one saturated to the skin of his teeth in bestEnglish masterpieces of immaculate and moderately good prose extractsand dramatic passages, published with notes for the use of the nativestudent, at weltering in a hotchpot and hurley-burley of arbitrarilydistorted and very vulgarised cockneydoms and purely Londonprovincialities, which must be of necessity to him as casting pearlsbefore a swine!
And I have the honour to inform you of a number of cultivated livelyyoung native B.A.'s, both here and in my country, who are quite capableto appreciate really fine writing and sonoriferous periods if publishedin your paper, and which would infallibly result in a feather in yourcap and bring increase of grit to the mill.
If, Honoured Sir, you feel disposed to bolster yourself up with the wetblanket of a non possumus , and reply to me that your existingquill-drivers are too fat-witted and shallow-pated for the production ofmore pretentiously polished lucubrations—aye, not even if they burn thenight-light oil and hear the chimes at midnight! I will not behoodwinked by the superficiality of your cui bono , and shall make youthe answer that I am willing for an exceedingly paltry honorarium torush into the Gordian knot and write you the most superior essays onevery conceivable and inconceivable subject under the sun, as perenclosed samples which I forward respectfully for your delightful andgolden opinions, guaranteeing faithfully that all of your readers inevery hemisphere and postal district will fall in love with such a newdeparture and fresh tack.
The specimens I send are not my best , only very ordinary and humdrumaffairs—but ex pede Herculem! Hon'ble Sir, and you will see howtranscendentally superior are even such poor effusions compared to thefiddle-faddle and gim-crack style of article with which you are beingfobbed off by puzzle-headed and self-opiniated nincompoops.
I can also turn out rhymed poetry after models of Poets TENNYSON,COWPER, Mrs HEMANS, SOUTHEY, & Co., done to a tittle , so as not to bedetected, even by the cynosure, as mere spurious imitation, but in everyrespect up to the mark and the real Simon Pure.
Therefore, Hon'ble Sir, do not hesitate to strike while the iron isincandescent and bleed freely, even if it should be necessary, prior toengaging your humble petitioner's services, to turn out one or more ofyour present contributioners crop and heels, and lay them on the shelfof their own incompetencies. Remember that the slightest act of volitionon your part can exalt my pecuniary status to the skies, as well asconfer distinguished and unparagoned ennoblement upon your cacoethesscribendi .
I remain, respected Sir, Your most obsequious Servant,
HURRY BUNGSHO JABBERJEE, B.A.
P.S. and N.B.—Being so unacquainted with the limner's art, I cannot atpresent undertake the etching of caricatures et hoc genus omne .However, if such is your will, Hon'ble Sir, I will take the cow by thehorns, after preliminary course of instruction at Government Art School,all expenses, &c., to be defrayed on the nail out of your purse ofFortunatus, seeing that your esteemed correspondent is so hard upbetween two stools that he is reduced to a choice of Hodson's Horse!
H. B. J.
I
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Mr Jabberjee apologises for the unambitious scope of his work; sundry confidences, criticisms and complaints.
When I first received intimation from the supernal and spanking hand ofHon'ble Mr Punch , that he smiled with fatherly benignity at my humblerequest that he should offer myself as a regular poorly-paidcontributor, I blessed my stars and was as if to jump over the moon forjubilation and sprightfulness.
But, heigh-ho! surgit amari aliquid , and his condescending patronagewas dolefully alloyed with the inevitable dash of bitters which, as PoetSHAKSPEARE remarks, withers the galled jade until it winces. For with aniron heel has Hon'ble Mr P. declined sundry essays of enormous lengthand importance, composed in Addisonian, Johnsonian, and Gibbonianphraseology on assorted topics, such as "Love," "Civilisation,""Matrimony," "Superstition," "Is Courage a Virtue, or Vice Versa ?" andhas recommended me instead to devote my pen to quite ephemeral andfugacious topics, and merely commit to paper such reflections, criticalopinions, and experiences as may turn up in the potluck of my dailycareer.
What wonder that on reading such a sine qua non and ultimatum my voxfaucibus haesit and stuck in my gizzard with bashful sheepishness, forhow to convulse the Thames and set it on fire and all agog withamazement at the humdrum incidents of so very ordinary an existence asmine, which is spent in the diligent study of Roman, Common,International, and Canonical Law from morn to dewy eve in thelecture-hall or the library of my inn, and, as soon as the shades ofnight are falling fast, in returning to my domicilium at Ladbroke Grovewith the undeviating punctuality of a tick?
However, being above all things desirous not to let slip the goldenopportunity and pocket the root of all evil, I decided to let mydiffidence go to the wall and boldly record every jot and tittle,however humdrum, with the critical reflections and censoriousobservations arising therefrom, remembering that, though the fabulousand mountain-engendered mouse was no doubt at the time considered but afiasco and flash in the pan by its maternal progenitor, neverthelessthat same identical mouse rendered yeomanry services at a subsequentperiod to the lion involved in the compromising intricacies of alanding-net!
Benevolent reader, de te fabula narratur . Perchance the mouseybantlings of my insignificant brain may nibble away the cords ofprejudice and exclusiveness now encircling many highly respectableBritish lions. Be not angry with me therefore, if in the character of adamned but good-natured friend, I venture on occasions to "hint dislikeand hesitate disgust."
The majestic and magnificent matron, under whose aegis I reside for rs.20 per week, is of lofty lineage, though fallen from that high estateinto the peck of troubles, and compelled (owing to severely socialdisposition) to receive a number of small and select boarders.
Like Jepthah , in the play of Hamlet , she has one fair daughter andno more, a bewitching and well-proportioned damsel, as fine as afivepence or a May-day queen. Notwithstanding this, when I summon up mycourage to address her, she receives my laborious politeness with acachinnation like that of a Cheshire cheese, which strikes me all of aheap. Her female parent excuses to me such flabbergasting demeanour onthe plea that her daughter is afflicted with great shyness and maidenlymodesty, but, on perceiving that she can be skittish and genial in thecompany of other masculines, I am forced to attribute hercontumeliousness to the circumstance that I am a native gentleman of adark complexion.
In addition, I have the honour to inform you of further specimens ofthis inurbanity and bearishness from officials who are perfect strangersto the writer. Each morning I journey through the subterranean bowels ofthe earth to the Temple, and on a recent occasion, when I wasdescending the stairs in haste to pop into the train, lo and behold,just as I reached the gate, it was shut in my nose by the churlishnessof the jack-in-office!
At which, stung to the quick at so unprovoked and unpremeditated anaffront, I accosted him severely through the bars of the wicket,demanding sarcastically, "Is this your boasted British Jurisprudence?"
The savage heart of the Collector was moved by my expostulation, and heconsented to open the gate, and imprint a perforated hole on my ticket;but, alack! his repentance was a day after the fair, for the train hadalready taken its hook into the Cimmerian gloom of a tunnel! When thenext train arriv