In 5 Easy Steps

Lum Kit-Wye

Description

All Elaine Chan has ever wanted is a loving husband and a houseful of children. But when her almost-fiance unceremoniously dumps her after a humiliating episode involving childhood enemies, condoms and puking, Elaine realizes that a change is in order. Armed with an article promising to show her how to re-invent herself in just 5 easy steps, Elaine finds herself on a one-way coach ride to a new life, a new future, a new her. But the complete makeover of Elaine is an arduous process, and is threatened with derailment by distractions like the mystery of the neighbour's vanishing Indonesian maid, with which Elaine finds herself strangely obsessed. Her efforts to keep all the balls in the air as she plays glamour-puss, model girlfriend (to Evan, a hotshot young lawyer form work) and sleuth extraordinaire all rolled into one enticing depilated package, frequently lead her into situations that verge on the bizarre. Thank heavens through all the perils that seem to dog her evolution, and whose relaxed attitude to life reminds Elaine of how she used to be.As Elaine struggles to emerge as an elegant butterfly from the dowdy chrysalis that was her former self, she cannot help asking if these five steps are taking her to where she really wants to go.

Informations

• Publié par: Marshall Cavendish International
• Date de parution: 04 novembre 2009
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9789814677417
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 1 Mo

Extrait

2010 Lum Kit-Wye and Marshall Cavendish International (Asia) Private Limited
Co-published with National Arts Council, Singapore
Cover art by Opal Works Co. Limited
Published by Marshall Cavendish Editions
An imprint of Marshall Cavendish International
1 New Industrial Road, Singapore 536196
All rights reserved
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the copyright owner. Request for permission should be addressed to the Publisher, Marshall Cavendish International (Asia) Private Limited, 1 New Industrial Road, Singapore 536196. Tel: [phone], fax: [phone]. E-mail: [e-mail] . Website: www.marshallcavendish.com/genref
The publisher makes no representation or warranties with respect to the contents of this book, and specifically disclaims any implied warranties or merchantability or fitness for any particular purpose, and shall in no events be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damage, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.
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National Library Board Singapore Cataloguing in Publication Data
Lum, Kit-Wye.
In five easy steps / Lum Kit-Wye. - Singapore : Marshall Cavendish Editions, 2009.
p. cm.
ISBN-13 : 978-981-261-888-7
e-ISBN : 978 981 467 741 7
1. Women - Singapore - Fiction. 2. Life change events - Fiction.
I. Title.
PR9570.S53
S823 - dc22
OCN460817359
Printed by Fabulous Printers Pte Ltd
I dedicate this book to my entire and very extended family (so no one will feel left out) but especially to my niece Nui Nui who shares my obsession with books, and even more especially to my mother, who s always wanted to write a book herself and who is the only person - aside from my editor - who has read (and proofread) my drafts.
Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
1
Eh, Miss..Eh, Miss! What drink you want? Kopi ? Milo dinosaur?
Eh, Miss! Cannot sit here, lah . You cry, you go home.
The voice was exasperated and steadily growing louder by the second. Finally, it reached a pitch that couldn t be drowned out even by Elaine s unrestrained sobbing. Without raising her head from where it lay cradled in her arms on the greasy table-top, Elaine reluctantly cracked open one swollen eye. From under her arms that were shiny and slick with tears and snot - the same arms that not so many hours ago had been shimmery and sparkling with Moondew, Luminescent Body Glitter for an All-over Glow - she could make out a pair of dark feet, the toes clenched angrily around the thongs of grubby white slippers. The feet tapped impatiently and then, with a disgusted Tchah! Gila! turned abruptly around and slapped furiously off.
Elaine lifted her head cautiously and, looking blearily around her, realized for the first time that she had, to put it mildly, attracted quite a bit of attention. There were about a dozen other tables scattered on the blocked-off road around her and most of them were occupied. And every single one of these occupants was staring at her, either with frank curiosity or with pitying frowns on their faces. In horror, she quickly bent her head. She could feel her face burning up with shame as she stared unseeingly at her lap and, for want of something better to do, started to fumble with her miniscule beaded evening bag. At least it gave her an excuse not to look up. She sniffed vigorously and willed herself to stop crying.
Damn the catch! The heinously ingenious mechanics of the clasp that pretended to be just another beaded flower on the bag, so clever when she fashioned it a week ago, were definitely not what she needed right now. As she struggled clumsily with it, her stylishly chunky silver ring became entangled with the intricately sewn beads. She tugged unthinkingly at the ring, ripped off the whole clasp, and sent the bag and its contents flying onto the tar surface of the road. That was the last straw - her precious bag, the one that she had spent the last two weeks painstakingly sewing tiny little beads on, in preparation for tonight. Hah, tonight! What a prized idiot she had been!
Elaine slid off the stool and, taking deep breaths to stop the tears that threatened to overwhelm her again, ducked under the table after her belongings. Wham ! Her head banged painfully on the edge of the table. She sat back on her heels and howled like a child, one hand rubbing her forehead and the other arm wrapped round her knees. Perhaps a bit extreme as a response to a bumped head, it was true, but she felt entitled to it after all that she had been through.
When the initial outburst had subsided, she remembered why she was under the table in the first place. By groping blindly on the ground, she managed to somehow find most of her stuff - tissues, lip gloss, mascara, mobile phone, even her two paper wrapped toothpicks for those I-just-can t-get-it-out-no-matter-how-much-I-suck-at-my-teeth emergencies - everything in fact except the most important things of all, the two packets of condoms that she had tucked into her bag at the last moment.
Her last minute decision had been based entirely upon something that Fanny had read to her from a woman s magazine a couple of months ago: You should never leave the house without makeup because you never know when you might run into an ex-boyfriend and you should never leave the house without protection because you never know when you might run into a current boyfriend. Well, she had taken that wise saying to heart but fat lot of good that did when your current has just become your ex!
Where were those blasted things? She had to find them. All she needed now was for the mamak stall man to come back round and tell her off for littering the ground around his stall with condoms. That would really round off a perfect night!
She hunted desperately round under the rickety table for the condoms, half blind with tears and running mascara. She found discarded chicken bones and mushy bits of mee goreng and roti canai as well as other unidentified delicacies but no condoms. Oh, to hell with it! So what if they were discovered lying under the table by some other unsuspecting diner; so what if the whole world knew that it was she, the pathetic, dumped girlfriend, who had dropped them. The humiliation would be nothing compared to what she had suffered tonight.
Sniffing defiantly, Elaine was beginning to crawl out from under the table when she became aware of a pair of silver stilettos standing a few tables away. As she watched, these were joined by a red pair with gold buckles and another two black pairs, one with diamante bows at the sides and the other with silver straps around the ankles. Elaine froze in terror. She recognized those shoes. She had just seen them all tonight. But it couldn t be. Surely not. This could not be happening. It had to be a dream, the mother of all nightmares, and it would all go away. Soon, she would wake up to her mother s morning call of Ning! Breakfast! Eat it while it s hot! .
But even as she squeezed her eyes shut and sent fervent prayers to whoever was up there, she could hear the unmistakable voices as they fussed over where to sit, what to order, how fattening everything was, how dirty the tables and chairs were and a whole host of other things that were not to their satisfaction.
What on earth should she do now? She couldn t jolly well remain under the table until they were gone. Even if her legs could take the strain of being frozen in the position of a duck-walk for the next hour or so - which was highly unlikely given that they were already trembling from the exertion now - her tight mini-dress was definitely not up to the task. She could just see how it would all pan out - she squatting ingloriously under the table as her dress ripped slowly and loudly starting at the point under greatest duress, aka the butt.
She would have to come out and the sooner the better, since the longer she stayed under there, the weirder it would look to the spectators, of which she was certain she had quite a number, when she finally emerged. Which was not to say that it didn t already look pretty darned strange at this point, but maybe if she crept out quietly enough, she might at least be able to slip unobtrusively away before all the shoes spotted her.
Gritting her teeth and holding her breath, she inched with great deliberation out from under the table in the opposite direction from the dreaded collection of feet. After what seemed truly to be the longest distance she had ever travelled, her head was finally clear of the underside of the table and she was able to lift her eyes to gaze upon the rapt faces of the diners facing her table as they watched her in fascinated amazement. Another moment to tell the grandchildren of. And what a grandmother she would make - if she could live through tonight. Returning their gaze, Elaine slowly exhaled and clamped her evening bag firmly between her teeth, dimly aware that she had miraculously stopped crying and that she wa