The Trouble Between Us

Sandy Grayson

Description

If you understand what ‘a living bereavement’ means, this book on family estrangement will bring you to a major turning point in your life.
"MAKING SENSE OF THE SENSELESS"

Did you think you were the only one suffering a family estrangement?
Did you know around one-third of UK families are estranged and numbers are rising?
Did you think there was no way out of this nightmare?

Whether you are an adult child, parent or grandparent, this is a must read for anyone going through ‘a living bereavement’ because only you know what that means.

Written from real-life experience THE TROUBLE BETWEEN US lifts the lid on this unspeakable subject and answers the one question on everyone’s mind. Why?

A major discovery bringing clarity when you miss the one(s) you love, empowering you to move forward at long last.

Sujets

• Vie de famille
• Parentalité et Éducation des Enfants
• Personal Memoirs
• Inspirational
• Help! (película)
• Estrangement
• Biography
• Feud
• Relationship
• Help
• Family
• Autobiography
• Challenges
• Life

Informations

• Publié par: Balboa Press UK
• Date de parution: 18 novembre 2020
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781982282493
• Langue: English

Extrait

THE TROUBLE BETWEEN US
WHY ADULT CHILDREN ABANDON THEIR PARENTS
SANDY GRAYSON


Copyright © 2020 Sandy Grayson.
 
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
 
 
Balboa Press
A Division of Hay House
1663 Liberty Drive
Bloomington, IN 47403
www.balboapress.co.uk
UK TFN: 0800 0148647 (Toll Free inside the UK)
UK Local: 02036 956325 ([phone] from outside the UK)
 
Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
 
The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.
 
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.
 
 
ISBN: 978-1-9822-8248-6 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-9822-8249-3 (e)
 
Balboa Press rev. date: 09/09/2022
CONTENTS
Foreword
Dedication
A Note from the Author
Chapter 1Duty calls
Chapter 2The box
Chapter 3Joining the old and new
Chapter 4Hello adult world
Chapter 5Eff haristo
Chapter 6Hooray for Dad
Chapter 7Moving on and out
Chapter 8Wedding Belles
Chapter 9The good news and the bad news
Chapter 10It’s a wonderful life
Chapter 11Treading new ground
Chapter 12On the up … or down?
Chapter 13Decisions, decisions
Chapter 14Beyond the unthinkable
Chapter 15Joining the new
Chapter 16Unhappy families
Chapter 17Expect the unexpected
Chapter 18Twinkle toes
Chapter 19Worst move ever
Chapter 20Crisis at Christmas
Chapter 21Hidden depths
Chapter 22The purpose
Chapter 23Timeless values
Chapter 24Congratulations
Chapter 25Goodbye and hello
Chapter 26What if?
Afterword

DARE TO BE TRUE
NO PLEASURE IS COMPARABLE
TO THE STANDING UPON
THE VANTAGE-GROUND OF TRUTH
Francis Bacon 1561-1626
FOREWORD
Estranged: adjective (of a person) no longer close or affectionate to someone; alienated. Oxford Dictionary
At least one-third of families in the UK are currently estranged from family members and we do not know for sure how many children, siblings, parents, cousins and grandparents globally are living with an estrangement. Here are just a few names in the media currently experiencing this ever-growing problem:
• Nicole Kidman
• Ryan O’Neal
• Mia Farrow
• Tom Cruise
• Billy Ray Cyrus
• Martin Sheen
• Jackie Chan
• Curtis James Jackson
• Woody Allen
• Warren Buffet
• Kelly Rowland
• Lindsay Lohan
• Marshal Mathers ‘Eminem’
• Beyoncé
• Courtney Love
• Christina Aguilera
• Meg Ryan
• Kate Hudson
• Drew Barrymore
• Rosanne Barr
• Ariana Grande
• Justin Beiber
• Jennifer Aniston
• Steven Spielberg
• Macaulay Culkin
• Michael Jackson
• Adele
• Demi Lovato
• Kate Hudson
• Drew Barrymore
• Jay-Z
• Meghan Markle
• Anthony Hopkins
The list grows and one thing is for sure if you are estranged … you are not alone.
References: Wikipedia2020/NinjaJournalist2020
It is estimated that over five million people in the UK are estranged from a family member, but despite being so common it is not something that is widely known about or discussed. Over 9000 students at UK Universities are estranged from their families, leaving them financially, materially and emotionally vulnerable during their studies. These talented, committed young people may be up to three times more likely to drop out of University as a result.
Ref: Family Estrangement and the COVID-19 Crisis: A closer look at how broken family relationships have been impacted by the COVID-19 crisis . Report by Dr Lucy Blake (Edge Hill University), Dr Becca Bland (Stand Alone), Dr Sarah Foley and Dr Susan Imrie (Centre for Family Research, University of Cambridge). June 22nd, 2020
DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to the grandchildren I hope to know one day and Caraline Neville-Lister. A magazine article showed pictures of her and her pathetic body. Caraline was 29 years old and the article was promoting the BBC2 ’40 Minutes’ TV programme highlighting her shocking life. She was suffering from extreme symptoms of anorexia nervosa and had said “I want to be thin, but it’s not to do with magazines and models. I want to be as slim as a shadow so nobody can hurt me anymore. I want to take up as little space as possible. Her past was riddled with harrowing stories of how her mother had treated both Caraline and her six brothers and sisters with serious neglect and abuse. The consequences for her, and probably her siblings too, were to grow up only feeling as worthless as humanly possible and to show the world in the most natural way, by starving herself.
I was compelled to write to her and tell her my story, thankfully nowhere near as severe as hers, although I was near to anorexic myself at the time. In my mind I had been near to where Caraline was and thought my support might help.
I contacted the magazine’s offices and they said they would be happy to send my letter to her along with the others, as they had received a huge response to the article. Whether she read my letter I will never know. I very much doubt it. Caraline died shortly after the programme was aired. Intelligent and logically minded, the one thing she could not break through was the conditioning both her mother and society had drilled into her mind ‘You can trust your mother’s judgement.’
That’s fine when you are blessed with a mother who understands the part she plays in your life. For the right reasons, to help you grow and blossom and bring out the best in you. But sadly not all mothers are like that. In fact, it seems there are more and more victims living through damage from mothers than ever before. Perhaps emotional abuse is a better description than damage.
People like Caraline were emotionally abused, no doubt about it. So conditioned with “mother knows best” they relied on that way of thinking to know where their place in life was. And because we trust our mothers implicitly, we never question the place they give us in the world. But their idea of ‘you’ is not necessarily correct.
To constantly to be told your place is nowhere, hurts. The emotional pain endured is far worse than any physical pain and because it’s inflicted by someone you trust, a figure of authority, you feel you must believe them.
This author knew so well just how Caraline was feeling. She too only wanted to exist with no fuss. Her mother was her authority and so she should be. Or so she thought.
Ref: TV Quick Magazine 1994
A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR
Anyone suffering the effects of an estrangement with a close family member knows this is personal and private, feeling stigmatised and can experience anything from despair to shame. No ethnicity, race, colour, creed, caste, religion or even a member of royalty is immune from this condition. The pain of missing a loved one is constantly exacerbated by the portrayal of happy families in the media and just seeing a mother walking arm in arm with her adult daughter in the park can be distressing for some sufferers. Each and every version of a family estrangement is unique and can last for so many years that the often vague or sometimes unknown reason for the initial falling out may be lost in time. For some, the rift may be short-lived when the people involved get the chance to thrash out their differences, making amends, forgiving and forgetting. While for others there is simply no opportunity for the stalemate to be overcome and the years pass with no movement or contact on either side.
Sometimes misplaced loyalty can go unnoticed for decades and what we innocently believed was the right thing to do only now exposes how terribly wrong our judgement may have been. This is the true story of one person’s life which, when examined closely, highlights the very thing that perpetuates the estrangements to come. It might be too late to put things that happened in the past right but counting losses can be much more beneficial than we can possibly imagine.
No academic or other qualification attained anywhere in the world can prepare us for the change a family estrangement will make to our lives and in order to validate my authority on this subject I put before you my own personal experience which I hope assures the reader how familiar I am with the emotional pain, distress and sadness of family rifts. I had doubts about my own sanity for a very long time but now I have found my voice and I’m not afraid to use it. This is a factual account of what happened to me and I have only