Complete Notes from Singapore

Neil Humphreys

Description

An all-in-one collection of Neil Humphrey's trilogy: Notes from an even Smaller Island, Scribbles from the Same Island and Final Notes from a Great Island.

Sujets

• Travel writing
• Singapore
• Singapour
• Humour

Informations

• Publié par: Marshall Cavendish International
• Date de parution: 01 décembre 2010
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9789814351881
• Langue: English

Extrait

What the media said about Neil Humphreys’three books, Notes from an even Smaller Island , Scribbles from theSame Island and Final Notes from a Great Island .
 
Final Notes from a Great Island
“Neil Humphreys gives readers a wonderfulinside look at Singapore from an outsider’s point of view. And it’s all writtenin an honest and humorous way. As soon as I started reading, it felt like I wasin Singapore and actually visiting the places Humphreys talks about. Hedescribes the people, places and the city in such vivid detail.”
—Galaxie Magazine (Malaysia)
 
“Final Notes from a Great Island is a great read because it’s full of little scenarios that we canrelate to in our daily lives. Far from trying to tackle the big issues,Humphreys is adept at capturing those tiny idiosyncrasies that make us who weare as a people.”
—IS Magazine
 
“Chock full of witty anecdotes, Final Notes from A Great Island: A Farewell Tour of Singapore should be made a mandatory History text for all Singaporeanstudents. See Singapore through the eyes of a true-blue ang moh as he puts a fresh twist on stuffyou thought was boring…like the Merlion.”
—LIME
 
Scribbles from the Sam eIsland
“Some of his observations are so bitinglyspot-on, you don’t know whether to laugh or just hit him over the head.”
—Her World
 
“He is that voice in your conscience that youwish will go away and let you be that kiasu, kaypoh and uptight Singaporean that you’ve become.”
—TODAY
 
“That’s Humphreys’s specialty—coaxing humorousthoughts from otherwise conservative minds, and making liberal thinkers guffawmindlessly.”
— Sunday Mail (Malaysia)
 
Notes from an even Smaller Island
“The book presents a warts-and-all view of thecity-state and celebrates many of the things most often criticised.”
—BBC World
 
“A  thoroughly enjoyable read on the virtues(or hazards) of living in Singapore through the eyes of a 6-foot-4-inch Britonwhose style is so disarmingly honest, you will laugh at the things you onceconsidered the bane of your existence…Decidedly Singapore, distinctly British.”
—Singapore FHM
 
“He pokes fun at Singaporeans ... but ratherthan bristle at his observations, you are likely to twitch with mirth. Theribbing is always cushioned by good-natured quips often sprinkled withhilarious anecdotes.”
—The Sunday Times
 
“Blatant prejudices are chewed on, digestedand spat out with an equal measure of candour and tongue-in-cheek.”
—Singapore Seventeen

 
© 2011 Marshall Cavendish International(Asia) Private Limited
 
Published by Marshall Cavendish Editions
An imprint of Marshall CavendishInternational
1 New Industrial Road, Singapore 536196
 
Photo in Foreword by: Gerald Gay, Copyright2002 - 2007
www.TalkingCock.com . Used withpermission.
 
Cover and illustrations by Lock Hong Liang
 
All rights reserved
 
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e ISBN: 978-981-435-188-1
 
 
 
 
 
 
For the women in my life
C ONTENTS

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
FOREWORD
INTRODUCTION
NOTES FROM AN EVEN SMALLER ISLAND
Acknowledgements
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
SCRIBBLES FROM THE SAME ISLAND
Acknowledgements
Introduction
The SPG
The Replies
The Doctor
The Crocodile
The Graduation
The Break-Dancing
The Geek
The Toilet
The Games
The Dance
The Trip
The Drive
The Snip
The Phantom
The Farecard
The Skin
The Ban
The Sex
The Wheel
The Freak
The Tourist
The Casino
The War
The Americans
The Spy
The English
The Campaign
The Romance
The Pyjamas
The Hookers
The Acronyms
The Thief
The Cyclists
The Family
The Lovers
The Hunchback
The Protectors
The Characters
FINAL NOTES FROM A GREAT ISLAND
Acknowledgements
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Epilogue
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
 
I should recognise the persistence of thegang at Marshall Cavendish and Pansing. They insisted that an omnibus editionwas the way to go. I had reservations. I wasn’t sure what an omnibus was. But Iagreed when they allowed me to include pictures of semi-naked women.
Puay Koon drew those naked women with anaccuracy that was altogether rather alarming and Colin Goh found the time tomake up some kind words and produce a remarkable Singapore movie in the sameyear ( Singapore Dreamin g, go see it).
My old mates, Scott and David, madeinvaluable contributions to all three volumes and I’m genuinely grateful thatthey’re still talking to me.
Tracy will begin divorce proceedings if I donot acknowledge that she took the photograph that graces this omnibus edition.She took the cover photograph on my first book, received no credit and went asfar as contacting a solicitor. Thanks for the photo. Thanks for not divorcingme. Thanks for always being there.
Going through the three books again, I noticethat one character crops up more than any other. It’s extraordinary. She livesin England, yet still manages to pop up all over the pages to discuss hernurse’s underwear and kangaroo cemeteries. So I dedicate this special editionto a special woman. Thanks mum, for contributing to every chapter of mySingapore story.
FOREWORD
 

Looking back, I don’t know exactly what itwas that made us cast Neil Humphreys as Sir Thomas Stamford Raffles, thefounder of modern-day Singapore, in our low-budget, low-brow comedy film, TalkingCockthe Movie.
Firstly, he looked nothing like Raffles, andsecondly, he had an unusual accent. Although he was an Englishman, he didn’tspeak like he had a potato stuffed in his mouth like Raffles probably did.While I recognised traces of Cockney in his accent, more than anything, hesounded, well, Singaporean. And not in that fake, condescending way that manyexpatriates do whenever they try to speak Singlish, the local creole. This manknew the difference between a lah, leh and a hor.
Perhaps wefound it appealingly subversive to cast someone so post-colonial as Singapore’sbiggest colonial bigwig. Or maybe it was just Neil’s infectious sense of humourand obliging manner that made him so much fun to have on set. Or perhaps it wasbecause he was willing to work cheap, just like the rest of us.
Whatever the reason, now, whenever I thinkof Sir Stamford Raffles, the image I see in my head is not the SingaporeTourism Board-approved statue that stands outside the Victoria Theatre, butrather, Neil in his muddy track shoes, white knickerbocker trousers, and anill-fitting black jacket that calls to mind an organ grinder’s monkey.
And why not? Neil spent more time inSingapore (over 10 years) than Raffles ever did (around 5 years, and even thenwith lots of travelling in between), and probably mingled far more with thelocals. Also, while Raffles drafted Singapore’s first constitution, I dare sayit is nowhere near as entertaining as what you’re about to read.
With the clear affection he’s demonstratedfor Singapore in his writings, and judging by the popularity of his books, Neilis definitely the front-runner for the title of Singapore’s favourite angmoh (literally: ‘red-haired one’, meaning ‘Caucasian’ in the SouthernChinese Hokkien dialect).
There are, however, some narrow-mindeddetractors who would seek to deny Neil this singular honour by pointing to hisrecent departure from Singapore for Australia. To them I say: what couldpossibly be more Singaporean than emigrating to Australia?
Good luck, Neil. And be careful not to jiseow the dingos too much, hor.
 
 
Colin Goh
Founding Editor
www.TalkingCock.com
Singapore’s most popular satirical website
INTRODUCTION
 
WHEN I found myself peering down at myelderly landlady’s exposed breasts, I can honestly say I never thought, “Overten years from now, I’ll be introducing an omnibus edition of my books withthose two swingers.” But there you go. It’s been 11 years since my oldSingaporean landlady flashed me. Yet I still get asked if she really didperform ‘the twin potato sack routine’ every Saturday. Three books havesubsequently been written, hundreds of column