Calming the Emotional Storm

Van Dijk Sheri

Informations

• Publié par: New Harbinger Publications
• Date de parution: 01 janvier 0001
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781608820894
• Langue: English

Extrait

“In my twenty-two years in the field, I have not encountered a more comprehensive guide to managing one’s emotions. Sheri Van Dijk has taken complex psychotherapeutic processes and broken them down in an easy-to-read, accessible format. If you have ever been paralyzed with intense emotions, this is a must-read. I will be recommending this book to my patients.”
—Jody Joseph Levac, MSW, RSW, PhD, director of mental health at Southlake Regional Health Centre
“ Calming the Emotional Storm is simple, comprehensive, effective, and doable. This encouraging book inspires hope without minimizing that it can take a lot of hard work to make the changes necessary to start living an emotional healthy and balanced life. I will definitely recommend this book to my clients. The exercises in the book support understanding by helping readers stabilize emotional reactions while exploring ways to make positive changes.”
—Melanie Williams, registered social worker at Ontario College of Social Workers and Social Service Workers and certified trauma specialist
“In a world where emotions are at the root of much pain and suffering, Sheri Van Dijk has written a skillful guide to help us acknowledge, experience, and, most importantly, bear the emotional landscape of our lives. The combination of concise language, clear explanations, accessible exercises and insightful case studies make this an exceptional tool for individuals, families, and clinicians alike.”
—Glenys Smith Elliott, MEd, mental health case manager at York Support Services Network in Ontario, Canada
“ Calming the Emotional Storm is a reader-friendly manual that will teach readers how to manage difficult emotions. Each chapter prepares readers for helpful exercises on noticing and validating emotions. The dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) skills taught here are effective tools for improving self-esteem and work and personal relationships that will undoubtedly help readers gain a healthy balance in their lives, even in moments of crisis or stress. Calming the Emotional Storm will be a valuable asset to my clients and help them improve their overall well-being.”
—Barbara L. Anschuetz, EdD, CTS, certified trauma specialist and traumatologist
“Sheri Van Dijk’s new book is a well laid-out, user-friendly manual that can assist people in learning new skills to live a calmer, more effective life. I would recommend it to anyone who feels intense emotions.”
—Cheri Faris, BMgt, MSW, RSW, clinical social worker at the Canadian Mental Health Association
“Many can relate to experiencing the ‘emotional storm’ within. In this book, Van Dijk teaches fundamental DBT skills for helping manage these distressing emotions in a way that is accessible to all readers. The exercises and tips offered make this resource practical and easy to use. It provides readers with the skills they need to feel more in control of their emotions and make their lives more manageable.”
—Diane Petrofski, MSW, RSW, Family Health Team
“This book provides a crystal clear, concise, and lively introduction to DBT techniques for the general reader. It should be helpful for anyone who is interested in growing emotionally and learning how to have a healthier life.”
—Paula Fuchs, PsyD, assistant clinical professor of psychology in the department of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School
using dialectical behavior therapy skills to manage your emotions and balance your life
Sheri Van Dijk
New Harbinger Publications, Inc. -->
Publisher’s Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books
Copyright © 2012 by Sheri Van Dijk
New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
www.newharbinger.com
Cover design by Amy Shoup; Text design by Tracy Marie Carlson; Acquired by Tesilya Hanauer; Edited by Brady Kahn
All Rights Reserved


Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Van Dijk, Sheri.
Calming the emotional storm : using dialectical behavior therapy skills to manage your emotions and balance your life / Sheri Van Dijk.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-1-60882-087-0 (pbk.) -- ISBN 978-1-60882-088-7 (pdf e-book) -- ISBN 978-1-60882-089-4 (epub)
1. Emotions. 2. Dialectical behavior therapy. I. Title.
BF511.V36 2012
152.4--dc23
2011039780
As always, for my family—thank you for your love and support, without which this book would not have been possible.
And for those experiencing difficulties managing their emotions—may you find calm and peace in your lives.
Contents
Introduction
1. Mindfulness: Seeing Things As They Are
2. Don’t Just React: Choose How to Act
3. Learning about Your Emotions
4. Quieting Your Emotions
5. Leave the Judgments Out of It
6. How to Be More Effective in Your Life
7. Getting Through a Crisis without Making It Worse
8. Accepting Things As They Are
9. The Building Blocks for Positive Emotions
10. Improving Your Relationships
Conclusion
references
Introduction
Pain is a natural part of life. We all experience disappointments: not getting the promotion we wanted at work; finding out the person we had a crush on is involved with someone else. We grieve when we lose the people we love: when a relationship doesn’t work out, our best friend moves away, or someone we care about dies. We may feel anger when something happens that we feel is unjust, whether it be a killing oil spill, a racist comment, or someone cutting us off in traffic. Anxiety, too, is a natural part of being human; we may feel anxious when we have to give a presentation at work, when we’re out on a first date, or when we’re asking someone for something really important to us.
All of these emotions are painful for us. And yet we understand them, they make sense to us, and so we allow ourselves to experience them and move on. But what happens when the emotions you’re experiencing don’t seem to make sense and you can’t understand them? When the emotions you have are so strong that you can’t manage them appropriately and move on, and instead you act out in negative ways as you try to get rid of them? What happens when other people don’t understand your emotions either, and these emotions wreak havoc on the relationships in your life? This experience is known as emotion dysregulation .
What Is Emotion Dysregulation?
Emotion dysregulation means that you react emotionally to things that most people wouldn’t typically react to, your reaction is more intense than the situation warrants, and it takes you longer than the average person to recover from it or to get back to feeling like your usual self. People who have difficulty regulating or managing their emotions usually also find it difficult to tolerate their emotions and often have trouble identifying, understanding, and expressing how they feel.
Take Mary, for example. Mary has always had a hard time holding down a job. Many times, she’s gotten lucky and found a job that she mostly really likes. But once she’s been there for a while, feeling comfortable and confident, she always starts to criticize her superiors and how the organization is being run. Inevitably, she has a conflict with someone, and her anger gets out of hand; she loses her temper, says things that she will later regret, and loses her job as a result.
Tim is another good example. Divorced for five years, Tim has been looking for that special someone. He’s been spending a lot of time dating online, but each time he goes out on a date and it doesn’t work out, he finds himself devastated all over again. He can’t help thinking that he’s going to be alone for the rest of his life. Not only does this worry him, but it causes him to feel so sad at times that he doesn’t even want to get out of bed.
Emotion dysregulation is not uncommon. It often goes hand in hand with mental health problems, such as borderline personality disorder or mood and anxiety disorders, but it can also be present in people who have no specific mental health problems. Difficulties regulating your emotions can often lead to all sorts of other problems in your life. Trying to avoid or tolerate your emotions, you may engage in unhealthy behaviors, such as drinking or using drugs, disordered eating, gambling, overspending, or dangerous sexual practices (such as having sex with strangers). The list goes on and on.
In addition, your relationships and your self-esteem may suffer, as a result of your inability to manage your emotions or as a result of the unhealthy behaviors just mentioned. I work with people on a daily basis who have difficulty regulating their emotions, and I see firsthand the problems it causes in their lives, and all because they didn’t learn certain skills to help them deal with their emotions as they were growing up. The good news is that it’s not too late. You can learn these skills at any time.
What Causes Emotion Dysregulation?
Unfortunately, when it comes to the brain, there’s a lot we still don’t know. With mental illness of any sort, the prevailing theory is that there is no one cause. Rather, it takes a genetic or biological predisposition, along with certain environmental factors, for a particular mental disorder to evolve.
With respect to emotion dysregulation problems, this theory applies as well. There is evidence that the way we experience emotions is hardwired into us; some people are simply born more emotionally sensitive than others. When this is the case, you are more vulnerable to emotion dysregulation problems because you are more likely to be overwhelmed by your emotions.
But our environment also plays a large role in the development of emotion dysregulatio