Summary of Aziz Gazipura's Not Nice

Everest Media

Description

Please note: This is a companion version & not the original book.
Sample Book Insights:
#1 Nice is a word we all use, but seldom stop to think about. It’s a confession that being nice is the same as being a good person, and behind that is the fear that if you’re less nice, you are selfish and bad.
#2 Being nice is about making everything smooth for others, based on the theory that if you please others, give them everything they want, and keep a low profile, they will like you and love you. But this theory is inaccurate.
#3 The opposite of nice is being real. It’s being direct, honest, and truthful. It’s saying what you really think, feeling how you really feel, and sharing what’s true for you in that moment. This authenticity allows others to see and know the real you, which allows you to feel love and connection.
#4 I understand the urge to be nice. I know how strong the invisible forces of guilt and fear can be. It can be difficult to push through this to say what you really want and express what you really think and feel.

Sujets

• Santé et bien-être
• Confiance en soi et estime de soi
• Confiance en soi
• Confiance
• Love
• Love (disambiguation)
• Personal development
• Self-esteem
• Sexualité
• sexualité
• Sexualité

Informations

• Publié par: Everest Media LLC
• Date de parution: 20 mars 2022
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781669355816
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 1 Mo

Extrait

Insights on Dr. Aziz Gazipura's Not Nice
Contents Insights from Chapter 1 Insights from Chapter 2 Insights from Chapter 3 Insights from Chapter 4 Insights from Chapter 5 Insights from Chapter 6 Insights from Chapter 7 Insights from Chapter 8 Insights from Chapter 9 Insights from Chapter 10 Insights from Chapter 11 Insights from Chapter 12 Insights from Chapter 13 Insights from Chapter 14 Insights from Chapter 15
Insights from Chapter 1

#1

Nice is a word we all use, but seldom stop to think about. It’s a confession that being nice is the same as being a good person, and behind that is the fear that if you’re less nice, you are selfish and bad.

#2

Being nice is about making everything smooth for others, based on the theory that if you please others, give them everything they want, and keep a low profile, they will like you and love you. But this theory is inaccurate.

#3

The opposite of nice is being real. It’s being direct, honest, and truthful. It’s saying what you really think, feeling how you really feel, and sharing what’s true for you in that moment. This authenticity allows others to see and know the real you, which allows you to feel love and connection.

#4

I understand the urge to be nice. I know how strong the invisible forces of guilt and fear can be. It can be difficult to push through this to say what you really want and express what you really think and feel.

#5

I was so afraid of being rejected that I never spoke up in groups, and I was always afraid of being too weird or uncool. I tried to be like everyone else, but I still had all sorts of uncool things in my house.

#6

I heard a high-pitched laugh coming from somewhere in the apartment. I was scared at first, but then my mind instantly identified the source: a woman laughing. I heard a second, deeper voice, and realized my roommate was home with his girlfriend. I sat there, frozen, listening to their laughter.

#7

I’m willing to do whatever it takes to break out of the cage I’ve built around me. I will not quit. I will not stop. I will study whatever I need to, practice what I need to, and force myself to take action and do anything - no matter how scary or uncomfortable - again and again and again until I break out of this cage.

#8

I learned how to be more confident and initiate conversations with women, but soon I discovered that I could not say no to my nice guy impulses. I would take responsibility for all her feelings and avoid difficult conversations. My romantic relationships didn’t last.

#9

I met a woman named Jamie at a Whole Foods supermarket in the Bay Area. We instantly connected about health and nutrition. I was infatuated. We dated for two months, and then four months into our relationship, I began having panic attacks when I spent time with her. I knew the pattern well, and this time I resolved to not act on it.

#10

I had a terrible belief about myself: I was not capable of close connection, an intimate relationship. I felt like whatever was wrong with me was also wrong with me and unworthy of love, success, and happiness.

#11

I had created a cage of niceness around me, which was the source of my anxiety and fear. I needed to break free from this in order to reach a new level of confidence, freedom, and joy in my life.

#12

I made a decision to be more authentic and less nice, and I spent hours reading about honesty, direct communication, and being more authentic and less nice. I began to reprogram my mind, let go of old, toxic beliefs, and shatter fears that prevented me from expressing what I felt and asking for what I wanted.

#13

As you let go of niceness, you will notice that your life improves in many ways. Your relationships improve, your self-esteem skyrockets, your sense of personal and social power increases, and you feel more relaxed around people in all situations.

#14

To find your Nice Score, add up all of the numbers you wrote above and divide by 14. The higher your Nice Score, the more you tend to be nice.

#15

If your score is low, you will feel miserable and your life will be affected in many ways. As your score increases, your life gets better. You feel different, your relationships improve, and your level of power, influence, and success skyrocket.

#16

You can be yourself around anyone, without fear of whether they’ll like you or not. You can break free from the cage of the nice person.
Insights from Chapter 2

#1

Being nice is about being liked, which is not a bad thing. But the problem with nice is that it takes a normal human desire and turns it into an absolute necessity. It turns a preference into a serious attachment that we obsess over, as if somehow we won’t be OK if this person is upset with us.

#2

The problem with standard conditioning and socialization is that it is designed to create polite, non-aggressive, and obedient children who mind their parents. It can be difficult to always be sure that what you’re doing is actually best for your kid.

#3

Parents who are constantly frustrated, angry, and disapproving of their children send the message that they are not calm, peaceful, and non-aggressive. This eventually turns politeness into a fear-based sense of following the rules.

#4

When they’re young, we hammer in the don’t defy me message. But then, once they become adults, we want them to go out into the world and be direct, assertive, confident, persistent, bold, and a leader who doesn’t take no for an answer.

#5

When you think back to your childhood, what messages about being nice did you receive. Sometimes these were direct messages, like: If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all. Other times they were indirect, like a certain look your dad would give you if you disobeyed him.

#6

You can’t receive love from others if you don’t live up to the Good List and sometimes do things on the Bad List. You can receive love only if you are yourself and share your thoughts and feelings with the world.

#7

The Approval Seeker is the part of us that wants people to like us, hates conflict, disconnects from disagreement, and wants everything to be smooth. When we are being nice, we are usually identified with the Approval Seeker.

#8

The Approval Seeker is a constant strive to win the approval of others. It makes you a neurotic mess, and it will make you run all your nice person habits double and triple time. It will make you appear unappealing to others.

#9

When you have a strong need for approval, it can feel like you’re walking through life like a student who is wandering the halls without a hall-pass. You constantly fear getting chastised for doing something wrong, which undermines your self-esteem.

#10

You must become aware of your Approval Seeker, and how it affects your life and your decisions. It may show up in certain situations, such as when you have to deal with people you find intimidating or powerful, or when you meet someone you think is beautiful.

#11

The Approval Seeker is concerned with getting approval from others. The Powerful You does not need anyone’s approval, as you know that you are a source of approval yourself. The Approval Seeker is constantly afraid of being disliked. The Powerful You gives permission for others to think whatever they want, and loves the diversity of human experience.

#12

The reason we get so anxious about losing approval is because of our primal experience of connecting with other humans. We learned how to attach to others in our first relationships, and how to connect and attach emotionally to them.

#13

The emotional centers in your brain have more control over your behavior than your intellect. In the face of perceived threat, they hit the override switch, and you end up doing something different. You will begin to see that there is no threat in the disapproval of others, which allows you to relax in a deep and powerful way.
Insights from Chapter 3

#1

Guilt is what keeps us from being ourselves. We’re afraid of being ourselves, and we’re also afraid of hurting others’ feelings. We end up being disconnected from ourselves and from others because of guilt.

#2

Healthy guilt is a feeling of regret or remorse for doing something that you would rather not have done. This happens to all of us. It is the warning light that goes off when we are out of alignment with our values and who we want to be as a father.

#3

destructive guilt is the type of guilt that most people feel most of the time. It is a chronic sense of failing others, falling short, not doing something right, and otherwise being bad.

#4

The Guilt Bubble is an energy field that surrounds us and distorts reality. It turns neutral events into terrible, bad things we’ve done to hurt others and destroy the world. When we live in the Guilt Bubble, we’re like the villain of our own movie.

#5

You must flush out all the debris before you can install a new program. You can’t install a new program on top of a bunch of old, conflicting ones. You have to uninstall those, then install the one you want, the one that will serve you best.

#6

The rules we use to determine whether we are good or bad are the same rules that tell us how we should be. These are the rules about what is acceptable and appropriate, and how we should feel. If we have unrealistic rules that are impossible to follow, like I should never feel sad, then we suffer.

#7

When you change your rules, you will be able to think, act, and feel differently. These statements are not hype. Changing your rules is that powerful. The majority of this book is dedicated to helping you do just that.

#8

To better understand how your mind works, list all the rules that affect you on a daily basis. These rules use the word should, and they are all related to conversations. For example, you should not interrupt someone when they’re