How to Understand the Man You Love

Rick Johnson

Description

Men are fairly simple creatures with fairly simple needs. Yet women often find themselves frustrated trying to understand those needs in order to improve their marriages. Relationship expert Rick Johnson ends the guessing game, giving women an open and honest look inside the world of a man's needs and helping them understand how best to use their influence to have a satisfying and exciting relationship.

Sujets

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Informations

• Publié par: Baker Publishing Group
• Date de parution: 21 juillet 2020
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781493425914
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 1 Mo

Extrait

Cover
Half Title Page
Title Page
Copyright Page
© 2012 by Rick Johnson
Published by Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
PO Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.revellbooks.com
Spire edition published 2020
Previously published in 2012 under the title The Marriage of Your Dreams and in 2015 under the title Understanding the Man You Love
Ebook edition created 2020
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4934-2591-4
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™
Scripture quotations labeled NKJV are from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Dedication
To Tudi, still
Contents
Cover 1
Half Title Page 2
Title Page 3
Copyright Page 4
Dedication 5
The Woman of His Dreams 9
1. What’s with His Mother Anyway? 13
2. His Father 33
3. His Relationships 55
4. His Communication 73
5. His Work 95
6. His Sexuality 113
7. His Need for Respect and Admiration 131
8. His Odds of Meeting Your Expectations 151
9. His Emotions 167
10. His Desires in a Wife 185
11. His Cheating Heart 203
12. His Needs of His Woman 221
Conclusion 239
Acknowledgments 241
Notes 243
About the Author 249
Back Ads 250
Back Cover 255
After he disconnected from Adrian, he sat there trying to figure out why Kate was still mad at him. She’d been mad when he first told her he was going to be gone for a month and wouldn’t tell her why, and he understood that, but then she came to his house, and she didn’t seem so mad at all, and then for some reason she got mad all over again, and now she was refusing to talk to him, and he couldn’t keep up with how her moods kept changing.
The easiest way to understand it, he guessed, was to not bother trying, to recognize the obvious fact that women were different from men, and to keep in mind that he, Stonewall Jackson Calhoun, did not understand them, and he just had to accept it. Women didn’t think like men, they didn’t have the same emotions as men, they didn’t behave like men. They didn’t love the way men did, either.
Calhoun loved women—or at least, he loved Kate Balaban—but he had no idea what made her tick. In fact, he was in awe of her. She was utterly unpredictable, and as far as he was concerned, that made her endlessly fascinating.
Now she’d decided not to talk to him, and there was no sense in trying to figure out why, because the reason was buried somewhere in that inscrutable woman-ness that he loved about her but that sometimes frustrated him beyond tolerance.
Excerpt from William G. Tapply , Dark Tiger
The Woman of His Dreams
The idea for this book stemmed from several women asking for a book similar to my book on authentic masculinity, The Power of a Man . They wanted to know how to be the best wife possible and how to best meet the needs of their husbands (many of whom were unable or unwilling to articulate their needs and desires to their wives). They wanted to know what men really need and want from a wife so they can fulfill those expectations. They said most books only address the physical aspects of a woman that are attractive to a man. They felt they could not live up to that “Barbie” factor and so were discouraged. Instead of guessing, they wanted to understand a “standard” that men have of women. They wanted to know (from a man) all the things that are attractive in a woman and what a man needs or expects from a wife. After all, if you don’t know what is expected of you how are you supposed to meet those expectations? I think many women feel like they are playing a losing game in this arena.
As usual when I write books for women, I asked a large number of females for their input. I was curious about what they wanted to know most about men. I surveyed a wide range of women, both young and mature, married and single. I talked to women from as many races, religions, and backgrounds as I could. These women were surprisingly (even shockingly) open about the questions they had regarding men (you’ll see some of their questions with my answers at the end of each chapter). I also surveyed a number of men—particularly about their relationships with their mothers, which seems to be a topic most women are interested in.
I received quite a number of responses from women who feel the way this woman does:
This particular topic—although probably needed—does not appeal to me and in fact seems demeaning to women. If the church weren’t so busy telling wives that “they need to please their man” maybe the men would need to stop being so spoiled and blaming their wives for their own poor communication skills and simplistic approach to life.
Hmmm, I wonder what she really thinks? But I believe she has a valid point, at least in some regard.
I also received just as many responses from women at the other end of the spectrum who feel like this woman:
I really wish women could just get over themselves. The world doesn’t revolve around us, and maybe instead of unloading all of our blah-blah-blah on our husbands, who aren’t equipped to handle that sort of mass “woman-formation,” we should meditate and learn how to quiet our minds and save our need to “emotionally vomit” for our girlfriends. Then we’d be more apt to put on something sexy and meet our man at the door at the end of the day than to unload on him and then freak out that he doesn’t understand what’s going on.
I’m not sure that those radically diverse answers were specifically helpful, but they did confirm to me how complicated women are regarding most issues, including this one.
I know some of you are thinking, “Not another book on what men need! I spend my whole day meeting the needs of other people. What about my needs? When is someone going to write a book about what I need?” Believe me I sympathize with you. I realize the brunt of nourishing families and maintaining relationships falls upon women. I also know that men in general tend to be a bit self-focused or even selfish. I acknowledge that this is a heavy burden and that without women there would be no civilization (in fact, no human race at all). But women have been uniquely qualified and gifted to be able to meet these challenges. Part of what makes this responsibility easier is understanding your motivations and the expectations of those whose lives you fulfill and complete.
Many women’s frustrations stem from wondering, “What does he expect from me? I’m doing everything the best I can. Doesn’t he know I’m at the end of my rope here?” Maybe if, instead of guessing, you are able to put your efforts into more efficient and productive endeavors, it will help ease that burden.
Women seem to be driven to make all things in their lives—relationships, marriages, children—better. Part of the challenge most women face is they interpret their husband’s needs through their own filter. This book gives women an open and honest look inside the world of a man’s needs (which even he might not recognize) and helps them understand how best to use their powerful influence to have a satisfying and exciting relationship.
My previous book, The Man Whisperer , focused exclusively on how a woman can communicate with her husband. This book addresses a wider range of topics about how a woman can satisfy and support the needs of her man. It will help a woman understand a man’s sexual needs and how he feels about work. It will help her encourage his emotional growth, recognize common traps most men fall into, encourage him as a father (and in his other roles in life), and know what men admire and desire most in their wives. This book gives women a look at the insides of a man to understand how he thinks, how he operates, and what motivates him. It also sets a standard of desirable femininity from a man’s perspective.
Hopefully, it will help a wife become the woman of her man’s dreams—the woman her man fantasizes about.
one What’s with His Mother Anyway?
To a mother, a son is never a fully grown man; and a son is never a fully grown man until he understands and accepts this about his mother.
—Unknown
While researching this book, I discovered something that caught me completely by surprise. A number of women asked if I would be willing to explore the role that a man’s relationship with his mother plays in the relationship he develops with his wife. They reported feeling like they’re paying for the perceived sins of their husband’s mother, both in positive and negative ways. One woman said it this way:
I find myself curious about the thoughts men have about their mothers and how those thoughts are manifested in the women they choose to surround themselves with. I believe you have explored the edges of this theme, at least in your talks, but I’m wondering what men actually have to say about their moms and mothering. I find that they seem to have very strong emotions about mothers and mothering but I’m always feeling baffled about the thought processes behind those emotions. Maybe they really just don’t think about it at all , but they act on those emotions.
For some reason (despite having written several books on the mother-son relationship) the thought had never occurred to me to investigate the importance a man’s mother plays in his marriage relationship.
A man’s relationship with his mother is a co