It's Not Too Late

Dan Dupee

Description

It has long been said that once kids are in high school and college, they are beyond the influence of their parents. This pervasive cultural myth is not supported by research, biblical teaching, or even anecdotal accounts. Yet because of it, many Christian parents live in silent angst about the faith of their older and adult children, thinking they can no longer do anything to shape their kids' spiritual and life decisions. Drawing on sociological research and Scripture, Dan Dupee shows parents that it is not too late--and in fact these turbulent years of transitioning into adulthood are a time when their kids may need their guidance the most. He shows parents how to make the most out of the opportunities they have to offer guidance, wisdom, and spiritual support, with the goal of seeing their children not just survive college with faith intact but enter adulthood with a faith of their own--one that will carry them through all that life brings their way.

Informations

• Publié par: Baker Publishing Group
• Date de parution: 08 mars 2016
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781493401628
• Langue: English

Extrait

Cover
Title Page
Copyright Page
© 2016 by Dan Dupee
Published by Baker Books
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.bakerbooks.com
Ebook edition created 2016
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4934-0162-8
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com
Scripture quotations labeled ESV are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ESV Text Edition: 2007
Scripture quotations labeled GNT are from the Good News Translation—Second Edition. Copyright © 1992 by American Bible Society. Used by permission.
Scripture quotations labeled KJV are from the King James Version of the Bible.
Scripture quotations labeled Message are from The Message by Eugene H. Peterson, copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations labeled NLT are from the Holy Bible , New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Some names and details have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.
Endorsements
“Parenting is the most difficult, painful, glorious and sweet gift I have known in this life. Parenting college-aged young adults is as complex as any calling on earth. Dan Dupee—a parent, an educator, and president of one of the most remarkable college ministries in America—offers tender, humbly wise, and compelling counsel for walking the tightrope of parenting children who are of the age to not want to be parented. Dan guides us to neither give in to the need to micromanage or justify cowardly detachment. Further, he explores the wealth of opportunities to participate in learning to join your child in the adventure of making faith the framework to explore all knowledge. Your relationship with your child will grow far beyond your wildest dreams as you explore this glorious book.”
Dan B. Allender , professor of counseling psychology and founding president of The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology; author of How Children Raise Parents and Healing the Wounded Heart
“Dan Dupee has great news for all of us raising teenagers: We continue to be the most influential people in our kids’ lives. With biblical wisdom and a healthy dose of common sense, Dan encourages us to realize that our teenagers need us now more than ever—and with love and guidance, we can send our kids out into the world with a vibrant faith of their own.”
Jim Daly , president of Focus on the Family
“As a parent of two teenagers, I found It’ s Not Too Late both encouraging and empowering. Dan Dupee deconstructs myths that leave moms and dads feeling inadequate to influence their children’s faith and replaces them with God’s wisdom, grounded in Scripture, sociological research, and anecdotal experience. You will find help and hope in these pages!”
Jerusha Clark , coauthor of Your Teenager’ s Not Crazy
“ It’ s Not Too Late . That is Dan Dupee’s important message to parents of children who are in the transition from child to adult. As a college professor myself, I see many people in this age group every day, and while they are coming under other influences, I agree that parents remain vitally important in the lives of these young men and women. Dan gives great practical advice based on theological insight and, out of his long experience as CEO of the Coalition for Christian Outreach, a deep knowledge of this age group and their parents. Every parent ought to read this book!”
Tremper Longman III , Robert H. Gundry Professor of Biblical Studies, Westmont College
“There is no one I trust more on this topic of raising kids who can transition well into their young adult and college years than Dan D upee. I’ve watched his leadership within the campus ministry organization he leads and how he pays attention to the ways young adults thrive and grow, and I’ve seen his family, including his own young adult kids, and admire them greatly. This book is one of a kind, bringing together great stories with reliable research, helpful biblical truth, and keen insight gleaned from focus groups and interviews with parents of older teens and young adults. He knows the issues and he has learned what works, even in difficult times and in painfully messy situations. Our culture implies that parents have little influence over their college-aged sons and daughters, but Dupee proves otherwise and invites us to hopeful, engaged, positive parenting. This book will be reassuring and helpful to parents and will change the tone of the conversation about emerging adults in the church.”
Byron Borger , Hearts & Minds Books
Dedication
To my wife, Carol, truly a woman of noble character, and to our parents, Dave and Kay Dupee and Jerry and Mary Gail Korsmeyer, who have shown us how to love our kids by loving us.
Contents
Cover 1
Title Page 2
Copyright Page 3
Endorsements 4
Dedication 5
Introduction: There’s Hope for Your Great, Scary Expectations 9
1. A Foundation of Wisdom 15
2. Getting Clear on the Goal 23
3. Seven Myths That Might Be Sabotaging Your Parenting 33
4. You Are Nowhere Close to Being a Perfect Parent: That’s Okay 45
5. Losing Control as Your Kid Grows: Time to Develop Influence 61
6. Center on Home: It Is Still the Place of Greatest Opportunity to Grow Faith 85
7. Invite Community: Good Parenting Requires More Than Parents 107
8. Invite Kids: Guide Your Kids from Peer Pressure to Peer Positive 123
9. Christian Kids Can Thrive through College 141
10. When the Wheels Are Falling Off: Look for Spiritual Growth 157
11. The Worst Is Happening: It’s Not Time to Give Up 171
12. There’s Hope for Your Great, Scary Expectations, Revisited 189
An Afterword for Fathers 197
Acknowledgments 201
Notes 203
About the Author 207
Back Ad 208
Back Cover 209
Introduction
There’s Hope for Your Great, Scary Expectations
You’re in a classroom with an unlikely collection of people (the guy behind the meat counter at the grocery store next to your college sweetheart), while someone who looks vaguely like a professor begins to pass out a final exam. The feeling in your stomach goes from butterflies to pre-ulcer panic, because—son of a gun!—you forgot to show up at this class for an entire semester! You realize this is not going to turn out well at all. To make the whole experience complete, you are not wearing pants.
Thankfully, at this point you begin to wake up and shake off the dream. Hey, wait a minute , you think. I haven’t taken a final exam in thirty years, and I’ve never been in a classroom with the guy behind the meat counter. Whew! Your subconscious has been working overtime on some loose end in your life—something capable of producing regular anxiety.
If you are a Christian parent of a child ranging from sixteen to twenty-three, I have at least one idea of what might be making you anxious. You might be turning two questions around repeatedly in your head: “Will my child navigate the dangers of post-high school and make a successful transition into adulthood? When my child gets to the other side of college or into the job market, will he or she still be following Christ?”
At the core of your anxiety is your changing relationship with your child. While your child is navigating his or her most turbulent, life-defining season, you feel ill-equipped to help. Worse yet, you feel your own sense of power to guide your child shrinking at an accelerated rate. In fact, according to popular culture, your time of influence is past, and your child’s peers are far more important than you are.
You might even think of yourself as in a dead zone. When your child was a toddler, you had some control; when he or she was in elementary school, you were perceived to know everything. Now that your child is sixteen to twenty-three, you know nothing and are relegated to the role of observer, financier, and prayer warrior. Your child might eventually come to value your opinion again, but by then it may be too late. For now, you’re in an anxiety-inducing dead zone. You may fear your best efforts haven’t been enough or your failures have far overshadowed your successes. In many cases, you have to watch your child in transition from a geographical distance as the behavior boundaries of a kid living at home are dissolved.
As a Christian parent of four young adults, two newly post-college and two in college, I’m familiar with the anxiety. To me, nothing is more important than my kids having and living out a vibrant relationship with Christ. Of course, I also want them to grow into mature, healthy, and independent adults.
In addition to being a parent of four, I am former president and now chairman of the board of the Coalition for Christian Outreach (CCO), a campus ministry. Over the past seventeen years, I’ve shared coffee or meals with countless parents struggling with a sense of powerlessness as their children navigate the most turbulent years of life. Christian parents in this state look to youth pastors, youth trips, and campus ministry to do what they feel they can’t do: influence their child in healthy spiritual and life-affirming ways. Christian parents look to people like me for answers.