Setting Boundaries(R) with Difficult People

Allison Bottke

Description

Continuing her popular Setting Boundaries(R) series, Allison Bottke offer her distinctive "Six Steps to SANITY" to readers who must deal with difficult people.S...Stop your own negative behaviorA...Assemble a support groupN...Nip excuses in the budI...Implement rules and boundariesT....Trust your instinctsY...Yield everything to GodWhether it's a spouse, in-law, boss, coworker, family member, neighbor, or friend, readers who have allowed others to overstep their boundaries will learn how these six steps can help them reset those boundaries and take back their life...for good.Setting Boundaries(R) with Difficult People is designed to inspire, empower, and equip readers with the tools to transform lives.

Informations

• Publié par: Harvest House Publishers, Inc.
• Date de parution: 01 octobre 2011
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9780736941341
• Langue: English

Extrait

Readers and reviewers offer praise for Allison Bottke s first Setting Boundaries book, Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children
No one knows the pain of dealing with adult children who have lost their way better than the parents of those without boundaries. Sometimes it feels as though the setting of these boundaries is more difficult than living with the anxiety, stress, and heartache, but that s not so. Allison Bottke, writing through her own hurt and experience, has compiled a masterpiece of advice. She doesn t just tell you or show you how it s done. She walks along beside you.
Eva Marie and Jessica Everson authors of Sex, Lies, and the Media and Sex, Lies, and High School
Lack of boundaries with adult children is a worldwide epidemic with catastrophic consequences. Allison not only shares her experience as a parent who has traveled this painful road but also gives readers concrete tools to stop the insanity and start living a life of hope and healing. Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children is destined to be the official resource of hope for countless parents and grandparents.
Heather Gemmen Wilson author of Startling Beauty: My Journey from Rape to Restoration
Allison Bottke has stepped forward in a courageous, straight-from-the-heart manner and dealt with an issue that has plagued parents since the dawn of time: setting (and enforcing) boundaries for rebellious adult children. Having been not only a parent but also a pastor who faced this issue countless times, I am excited to see that a mother who has wrestled with demons to see her child delivered has written a heart-felt yet practical book of advice and encouragement that will bless each and every one who reads it.
Kathi Macias author of 20 books, including Mothers of the Bible Speak to Mothers Today
ALLISON BOTTKE

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS
EUGENE, OREGON
All Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version NIV . Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
This book contains stories in which the author has changed people s names and some details of their situations in order to protect their privacy.
Published in association with the literary agency of The Steve Laube Agency, LLC, 5025 N. Central Ave., #635, Phoenix, Arizona 85912.
Cover by Garborg Design Works, Savage, Minnesota
SETTING BOUNDARIES is a trademark of The Hawkins Children s LLC. Harvest House Publishers, Inc. is the exclusive licensee of the trademark SETTING BOUNDARIES.
SETTING BOUNDARIES WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Copyright 2011 by Allison Bottke Published by Harvest House Publishers Eugene, Oregon 97402 www.harvesthousepublishers.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Bottke, Allison.
Setting boundaries with difficult people / Allison Bottke.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references (p. ). ISBN 978-0-7369-2696-6 (pbk.) ISBN 978-0-7369-4134-1 (eBook)
1. Interpersonal conflict-Religious aspects-Christianity. 2. Interpersonal relations-Religious aspects-Christianity. I. Title.
BV4597.53.C58B53 2011 241 .67-dc23
2011018972
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means-electronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any other-except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.
Printed in the United States of America
11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 / VP-SK / 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
To the special faith-filled women God has placed in my life.
Your love, support, encouragement, and prayers have changed me. The blessing of your friendship has changed my life.
I thank God for you.
Sharon Hill Suellen Roberts Nancy Robinson Donna Skell Thelma Wells
I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.
P ROVERBS 8:17
Contents
Endorsements
Foreword by Karol Ladd
Introduction
Part 1: Get Ready
1. Keeping Your Eye on the Goal
2. Understanding Boundaries
3. Embracing the Most Important Relationship
4. Identifying Core Challenges
5. Addressing Emotions
6. Tracking the Temperaments
7. Confronting Anger
8. Choosing to Change
9. Moving Forward with Purpose
Part 2: Get Set
10. The Power of SANITY
11. S - Stop Your Own Negative Behavior and Destructive Patterns
12. A - Assemble a Support Group
13. N - Nip Excuses in the Bud
14. I - Implement Rules and Boundaries
15. T - Trust Your Instincts
16. Y - Yield Everything to God
Part 3: Go!
17. How to Practice SANITY
18. Our Circles of Concern
19. Our Center Circle of SANITY
20. Our Circles of Immediate Family and Relatives
21. Our Circles of Close Friends and Acquaintances
22. Our Circle of the World
23. Before We Go, Just Say No!
24. In Closing
Sample Letters
A Final Note from Allison
Notes
Setting Boundaries with Negative Thoughts and Painful Memories
Setting Boundaries with Food
Also available from Allison Bottke and Harvest House Publishers
About Allison Bottke
About the Publisher
Foreword
by Karol Ladd
As much as we would love to be surrounded by kind, refreshing, easygoing people without any issues, in reality we will always have some difficult people in our lives. Coworkers, family members, neighbors, or even cashiers at the checkout line may annoy, intrude, overwhelm, hurt, or simply bring us down by their negativity. The question is not how to avoid all difficult people, but rather how to set wise and healthy boundaries so we can respond to them in a positive way.
The good news is, we have a choice. We can choose to let difficult people rob us of our joy and drain us of our strength, or we can choose to set loving guidelines to protect ourselves as well as those around us. Using biblical truths and keen insight, Allison Bottke provides us with the tools we need to carefully set boundaries and maintain our sanity.
I have admired Allison for many years as both a colleague and a friend. She is open, honest, and real with people-no pretense. She s astute and encouraging, and she tells it like it is. That s why I like her, and that s why I like her writing style. Her books are filled with powerful and practical insight as well as engaging illustrations, personal stories, and memorable quotes. As you read this book, you ll be encouraged and uplifted by her witty and wise personality, which engages you on each page. You will also be helped and strengthened in making loving decisions regarding the challenging people in your life. Allison will show you that you can set boundaries in a way that honors both you and your difficult person.
It s time to stop the frustration you feel when you are around sandpaper people or difficult loved ones. It s time to stop allowing them to dictate your life. It s time to move forward with positive steps of action using loving boundaries to help you do it. As Allison puts it, stop the insanity. Start making positive and purposeful choices. Allow Allison to lead you to respectful and healthy solutions in dealing with the difficult people in your life.
Introduction
I d like to believe that most difficult people do not intentionally set out to be difficult, that the people who cause us pain don t wake up every morning and say, Today I m going to be as difficult as humanly possible and make life miserable for so-and-so. Nonetheless, here s the rub: Regardless of their intent, they often make us uncomfortable and sometimes make life virtually unbearable.
For that reason, we can and should set healthy boundaries with the difficult people in our lives. Yet too often, we ignore the need to do so because we don t want to be misunderstood or because we want to be good Christians. We simply wait passively, letting the chips fall where they may. Or worse, we respond emotionally and aggressively, protecting ourselves at all costs. Either way, we are continually putting out fires instead of preventing them in the first place. If only we could change the difficult people in our lives!
Are there difficult people in your life who frequently disrupt your peace of mind and rob you of joy? If so, what makes them difficult? Is it something they do or don t do? Something they say or don t say? Or do they merely need to walk into the room to make your blood pressure rise?
In her book Living Successfully with Screwed-Up People , Elizabeth Brown offers sound advice on the relationships in our lives that make us feel crazy.

Unfortunately, difficult relationships are like swamps. In a swamp your vision is obscured by vines, alligators, snakes, and mosquitoes. Screwed-up relationships are mired in muck and swamped by chaos. So much is going on, you don t know how to find solid ground. About the time you begin to wade out of a period of turmoil, a snake bites or an alligator threatens and you lose your footing. Your struggle for self-preservation so occupies you that you are unable to analyze the source of your problems. You wonder: Am I responsible for all this chaos? Or is the person who drives me crazy truly messed up and responsible for the havoc? 1
An Uncomfortable Truth
This book explores an uncomfortable truth regarding setting boundaries with the difficult people in your life: Your focus cannot be on changing them-it must be on changing the way you respond to them.
The responsibility for change is yours .
If you re struggling with difficult people, if you re turned inside out and living from one crisis to the next in pain, fear, anger, or frustration because of the behavior and choices of others, there s a strong probability that you re making some poor choices yourself. Please don t misunderstand-I m not blaming you for the problems you may be having with difficult people. They are very likely behaving in reprehensible or inappropriate ways. But their actions, no matter how atrocious, do not dictate your response. How you respond to them can m