Accidental Dad

Joshua McDowell

Description

Joshua McDowell is a single father on a mission. He believes being a parent is the most rewarding experience in the world. For that reason, he wants you to help him change the family court system. Each year, millions of children grow up in fatherless homes, resulting in teen pregnancies, school dropouts, depression, and suicides. In Accidental Dad, McDowell talks frankly about his own fatherless childhood. Each child wants, needs, and deserves to grow up with a strong relationship with both parents, but those parents have to be there for the right reasons. McDowell is not an expert in conventional terms, with qualifying degrees to counsel others, but he knows how it felt to grow up without his father, and he also knows how it feels for a single father to have to deal with the court system that can make a father feel worthless. He worked on this book for several years and eventually sought a professional writer to help him bring his experiences and reflections to readers. He shares firsthand information about our family courts to provide a clear understanding of the bias in courts across this country against fathers who want custody of their children. Joshua McDowell is handing us all a challenge. Help McDowell change the world, and help bring loving, caring, good fathers back to the head of household! This book will even help those young boys who are thinking about having sex to wait. They certainly can learn from the author's mistakes of having a baby too young and dealing with the court system.

Sujets

• Philosophie et théologie

Informations

• Publié par: First Edition Design Publishing
• Date de parution: 15 février 2016
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781506901275
• Langue: English

Extrait

ACCIDENTAL DAD
Struggles Unmarried Men Face When Entering Fatherhood

Joshua McDowell
Accidental Dad,
Struggles Unmarried Men Face When Entering Fatherhood
Copyright ©2016 Joshua McDowell

ISBN 978-1506-901-02-5 PRINT
ISBN 978-1506-901-03-2 EBOOK

LCCN 2016930378

January 2016

Published and Distributed by
First Edition Design Publishing, Inc.
P.O. Box 20217, Sarasota, FL 34276-3217
www.firsteditiondesignpublishing.com

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No part of this book publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means ─ electronic, mechanical, photo-copy, recording, or any other ─ except brief quotation in reviews, without the prior permission of the author or publisher.

Although the author and publisher have made every effort to ensure that the information in this book was correct at press time, the author and publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause.
DEDICATION

Contrary to popular belief, single fathers are getting the short end of the stick. I dedicate this book to all single fathers who truly love their children and want to be a major part of their lives. My son is my life. Without a doubt, I would give up my life for him. That’s how much I love him, yet there were days in court when I would get so frustrated, so angry, and so tired of battling the bias against fathers – against me – that I was almost willing to walk away from it all. Fortunately I didn’t, and neither should you. Never give up hope.
I also dedicate this book to my smart and wonderful son. I love you, my buddy boy, with all my heart. I want you to learn from my mistakes. I tell my story here for you as well as for other dads, for family court judges, and for those lawyers and social workers who sincerely care for families and want to make the lives of children living with single moms a whole lot better.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I would like to thank Missy for our son because he’s the biggest blessing of my life. My bond with her is everlasting, and I hope we can be friends in the future.
There are people I must thank who have made a positive impact on my life. James Willard McDowell encouraged me to write this book years ago. If it wasn’t for my older brother putting the idea in my head, I never would have considered it. James has always been there for me as an adult, whenever I’ve needed someone to talk to or when I just needed a good laugh. We have had our ups and downs and even went years without speaking to one another, but I have always looked up to him. He is a truly wonderful person with a tremendous heart.
Kevin Richardson has always believed in me. I love you, Uncle Kevin. If it wasn’t for you, I probably wouldn’t have even made it through high school; in fact, I know I wouldn’t have. You were always there for me while I was growing up, and I’ve always thought of you as a father. Aunt Jodie Richardson, I thank you as well. Whenever I needed something, you were there, and you never gave up on me.
Chad Richardson, my cousin, was always watching my back as we were growing up. He loved me enough to tell me “like it was.” We, too, grew apart a time or two, but when we did see each other, we would talk as if we have been in each other’s lives forever. Thanks, Chad, for always telling me what I needed to hear. I love you, man. You are a great father, and I am very proud of you.
My uncle Pete Baker has bailed me out of jail a couple times and understood that I was there through no fault of my own. I love you, Uncle Pete.
Louise Stewart, my step-grandmother, believed in me and prayed for me in my time of need. She reminded me that there is and forever will be an almighty God, our Heavenly Father. Everyone in the McDowell, Richardson, and Stewart families helped me find my way in life and supported me through everything. I am glad to have such an amazing family. I love you all. God bless you and your families.
I want to say thanks to one of my best friends, Bryan Smith. We have been through a lot together. I remember Bryan driving five hours down south with me to be my corner man at my first MMA fight. Bryan even let me borrow $1,200 so I could get book reviews for this book. Now that’s a friend. I remember driving four hours down south to see a Luke Bryan concert. That was a good night, man.
I also want to personally thank all the men and woman who serve in our U.S. military. What you do matters. It’s because of your bravery that I can do the things I do for my son. The news about veterans of war is grim. I understand that some fathers come back from being on the front lines and find it hard to adjust to fatherhood. Please don’t ever think your children don’t need you. Your children will always love you, and, most importantly, they will always look up to you. Teach them everything you can to help them become adults who can make things better in this world.
There are people who helped me finish this book that I would like to thank personally. Adrienne Hudson, a friend who typed my answers to questions my editor asked when I wasn’t able to type because of injuries to my hands. I am so glad God put her in my life.
When I wrote the first version of my story, my editor, Autumn Conley, was very patient dealing with me. I know it wasn’t easy for her to take on such a challenging client. I thank her for the great job. If you are looking for an editor, here’s her email: [e-mail].
The editor of this second version of my book wishes to remain anonymous to protect her family’s privacy. She helped me because she understood what I was trying to achieve and how stressful it was for me to try to get my words out to a reading audience. She believed what I had to say was important and offered to help me make it a more far-reaching story.
I would like to thank the other dads who gave me their stories to use. There have been dozens. As the word spread about my book and this hot topic, more and more men have told me that they also would like to see the courts, currently so caught up in chasing down “deadbeat dads,” to instead work on becoming father-friendly, which is the same thing as family friendly.
There is someone else I must thank whose name I don’t even know. When I was losing everything I had worked for – my son, my job, my savings, my health and, it seemed, my sanity – I thought about killing myself. I went out and bought a gun off the streets. I walked into the middle of nowhere. I put one shell in the chamber, said my goodbyes, and put the gun in my mouth. As I tightened my grip on the trigger, tears running down my cheek, I was knocked to the ground by a force at my back. My glasses flew off my face. It was late at night, so I couldn’t see anything, but I heard a man say, “It’s not your time, son.”
Call me crazy. I knew I needed help, and I feel God gave me a second chance. I walked about two miles to a hospital and explained that I was feeling suicidal. They took me in. If, by chance, that man happens to read this, I want him to know he saved my life. Because of him, my son has a father, and I have written this book to help other fathers build better lives for their families.
Finally, I would like to give special thanks to all the negative people in my life, those who told me I would never make it. To all the people who turned your backs on me when times got tough, thank you. That only pushed me to keep going. You helped me move forward, gave me the motivation to discover that I am someone, that I’m God’s child.

ACCIDENTAL DAD
Struggles Unmarried Men Face When Entering Fatherhood

Joshua McDowell
Chapter 1 - The Elite Four Percent

I happen to be in a very special group of unmarried fathers who have fought to have their children live with them and won. I have often heard that custody of the kids is granted to dads in only four percent of divorce court decisions in the United States. I most recently read that sole custody to fathers occurs in 6 percent of cases that are mediated and 11 percent of cases when there is court-ordered parent evaluation or a trial. Statistics can paint a very confusing picture, and many of these figures seem to come from the 1990s anyway. That was a generation ago, when researchers first took interest in this subject of children without fathers. What we do know for sure is that millions of American kids have been and are growing up without a father. Some sources say it’s now 43 percent.
The message these numbers seems to be sending is that most dads are either unwilling or unfit parents. If you really think about it, though, they might suggest that most single dads, whether they want their children in their lives or not, whether they can be decent parents or not, do not seek custody. Why not?
I personally believe the family court system plays a big part in this proliferation of fatherless homes simply because it turns the process of deciding custody into a battleground. Many mothers, for good reasons or bad, want to keep their children away from the fathers; too many men get tired of feeling pushed around, or else they run out of money, so they leave without a fight.
I believe children should grow up with both parents there for them, and I also recognize that if a mother and father constantly fight and just can’t find a way to get along, then they should not live together. Nevertheless, to force a dad out of the picture completely or to make him feel unnecessary, to raise a child without a dad, has terrible consequences.
A quick look at http://fatherhoodfactor.com/us-fatherless-statistics/ reveals that 90 percent of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes; 71 percent of pregnant teenagers; 63 percent of youth suicides; 85 percent of kids with behavior problems; 71 percent of high school dropouts; and 75 percent of adolescents