Gift of More

Pamela Yates

Description

In 1993, Brock and Pamela Yates were living a charmed life. Happily married, they had successfully blended their families and watched proudly as their children left the nest and found their own way. But everything changed when Pams then twenty-five-year-old son, Sean, delivered horrifying news: he had a rare and incurable form of cancer.While chronicling both Seans and her journey through terminal cancer, Pam leads others through a poignant personal story that every mother hopes she will never have to tell. While burdened with a mountain of medical red tape, Pam details how she, her family, and Sean clung to hope, tried alternate therapies, adapted to in-home care, and finally relented to hospice. As fear and stress began to overshadow everything else, Pam reveals how she fervently prayed and received an insightful answer that provided her with an incredible blessing. Through it all, Pams story illustrates how illness and loss not only demand tremendous advocacy and faith, but also have the power to teach us about ourselves and those we love. The Gift of More shares a mothers touching story about courage, faith, and transformation after her adult son is diagnosed with cancer.

Sujets

• Philosophie et théologie
• Memoir

Informations

• Publié par: Inspiring Voices
• Date de parution: 07 octobre 2016
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781462411955
• Langue: English

Extrait

The Gift of More
Pamela Yates

 
Copyright © 2016 Pamela Yates.
 
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
 
Inspiring Voices
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Bloomington, IN 47403
www.inspiringvoices.com
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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
 
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.
 
ISBN: 978-1-4624-1194-8 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-4624-1195-5 (e)
 
Library of Congress Control Number: 2016946557
 
Inspiring Voices rev. date: 10/7/2016
CONTENTS
Author’s Note
Foreword
Acknowledgments
 
One Beginnings
Two “Mom, They Say I Have Cancer.”
Three Leaving Los Angeles
Four Fall And Faith
Five Marks
Six Christmas
Seven Winter of our Discontent
Eight Still Trying
Nine Faith Healers and Friends
Ten Going Home Again
Eleven Letting Go
Twelve Saying Goodbye
 
Epilogue
Addendum
Some of the Things You Need to Know …
About the Author

“Farmstead” our home 1994

To my mother, Rose.
For her strength, wisdom, and great huma nity.
AUTHOR’S NOTE
T ime and distance often put a different perspective on things. In the years since the first printing of ‘The Gift of More’, I have learned many things and gained insight into the process of loss and grief. Given that time often softens memories and adds additional insight, I have consciously chosen to stay true to the feelings and perspective that I was immersed in during the original writing process in order to stay true to the reality of the situation at the time.
Staying true to my emotions during the original writing process does not mean that I cannot change an erroneous impression that many readers came away with. Over the years, it has come to my attention that many felt my relationship with my daughter, Stacy, was strained or severely damaged while caring for Sean.
I was often approached to see if my daughter and I had healed the rift or made peace with each other. At first, I was unable to respond because I didn’t understand why would they ask that. What had I written that had given that impression? I truly felt I conveyed that Stacy’s support, bravery and love, coupled with my husband Brock’s was what kept me going. Much to my horror, many readers saw something different.
Stacy helped to edit my book before it ever went to print and was fully aware that my narrative often reflected negatively on her but she never said anything, believing that my need to tell Sean’s story and the story of our family, circumvented her need to assuage her ego. Since my perspective at the time, was my reality, she said nothing; allowing the writing process to be a cathartic release after the pain of losing my son.
As a writer herself, Stacy stands by the belief that the writing process needs to be worked through; emotions and memories recorded as truthfully and starkly as the writer feels as the time, so she did not wish to silence or edit my feelings for the sake of her own. Her initial hurt upon reading my words were quickly put aside because she knew how close we were as a family and understood the situation was multilayered and complicated by grief and exhaustion.
During the initial writing process, I put my feelings about my relationship with Stacy into statements that I clearly did not define well enough. Often misinterpreting Stacy’s emotional distance as rejection instead of her own need to protect herself during this devastating time. I was so afraid I was losing not only my son, but also my daughter and that emotional turmoil came out in my writing.
Mixed signals and misunderstood reactions are par for the course during times of stress, and caring for a child with a terminal illness is about as stressful as it gets. So, for those who question my relationship with my daughter; Stacy and I are wonderful, closer than we’ve ever been, with a bond forged not only by biology but also through the raw and painful experiences we endured.
The complexity of family dynamics while dealing with chronic or terminal illnesses cannot be undersold. Pain, grief and fear create layers within a family which either forge a connection so strong nothing can break it, or create cracks which never heal. I am happy to say that Stacy and I are strong and proud survivors, scarred by experiences but deeply aware of the blessings we have in each other.
FOREWORD
I t is said that nothing can be more traumatic for an adult than the loss of a child. Moreover, it borders on the impossible to believe that such a tragedy can be the source of inspiration and a strange, mysterious contact with higher powers.
I was involved with such a phenomenon in the autumn of 1994 when my beloved stepson, Sean Reynolds, died in our arms after a long and courageous battle against a rare form of cancer. While I played a supporting role in the tragedy, I witnessed the strength and courage of my wife Pamela, who not only stood steadfastly in support of Sean, hour by hour, day by day, during his agonizing and painful decline, but, following his death, garnered the inner strength to write this chronicle—a passionate yet powerful journal of the events that led us, in the wake of our loss, to find inspiration and hope.
Where most people might be expected to crumble in the face of such heartache and loss, Pamela found a mysterious kind of divine inspiration in the midst of her trial. Having experienced the incident that magnifies and enhances this otherwise painful experience, Pamela found the raw bravery to chronicle the following in her own words. A woman of great talent as a former professional singer and successful business- woman, she had never written anything more involved than a college term paper. Yet she composed the story that follows with admirable skill. As a professional writer, I was prepared to edit and modify her material, but instead discovered that with her innate skills with the English language the words fell easily on the page and needed little or no tuning.
The result is a story of personal power and inspiration that transcends the shattering loss of our son and—through a flash of mystery and an expression of humanity and strength— brings hope and faith to all who read it.
Brock Yates Wyoming, New York
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
H aving spent so many years in the writing of this book, I am compelled to remember and thank all the people who have traveled on this journey with me. The obvious ones appear on the pages that follow. As I recalled each person, I began to see my life as one large, unfinished mosaic. Each encounter with a person, be it good or bad, placed a piece in the picture. Each piece was vital to the whole. Every encounter lent strength and structure to an unknowable finished work. I came to believe that each person I met along the way contributed to the tools and skills I needed to master the trials that life has put before me.
Therefore, to all the people who have touched my life, positively or negatively, my undying gratitude. Nothing has been easy about this book. Not in the living, not in the writing, and not in the publishing. The publishing has been a strange story in and of itself. So, thanks to Debra Hampton and John Sprague, formerly of Thomas More Publishing, for their sup- port and encouragement. To Todd, our Son-in-law, for his endless hours spent in schooling me, and cajoling me, into conquering my fear of computers; and all things technical putting this manuscript together. Much love and gratitude. To my editor Carla Dochterman, for her wisdom, talent and sense of perspective in keeping me focused. Her sensitivity made the painful process less demanding. To our agent Jim Fitzgerald, who took a giant leap from representing “guy books” to finding a home for this distinctly different story. Sean and I will be forever in his debt.
For reasons of personal privacy and legal complications, many names of people, and those of some institutions, have been changed. With approval, certain names have remained unchanged because I wanted them to be honored for their significant roles in this story.
To our friends who loved and supported us through our ordeal and who grace our lives still: Scott and Susan Hill, Ross and Paula Sherwood, Adriana Betts, Bill and Lynn Neal, and Wayne and Linda Purdy.
To Barbara Bramer, our secretary at the time of Sean’s illness who handled all the details of our careers so that I could concentrate on Sean. She was truly an angel sent from heaven, a special person at a special time. She helped in ways she can never fully know.
To my mother and father for always being with me in good times and bad.
To the true champions of our story: Dr. Avrum Bluming and Dr. Robert Nadeau; Cary Milda, R.N., and Betty James, R.N. of Hospice, Batavia, New York; attorney Michael Law, and Chris Reynolds, paralegal, of Phillips, Lytle, Hitchcock, Blaine & Huber, for their commitment to making the world a better place.
For his courage in covering our story, I acknowledge Bob Davis, investigative reporter for USA Today . He understood the big picture.To Sandy Beach o