How to Counsel a Couple in 6 Sessions or Less

DMin Wright H. Norman

Description

How to Counsel a Couple in 6 Sessions or Less makes it easier to counsel couples over a brief period of time, but also addresses major marital issues of communication, family issues, decision making, and more. This highly practical resource for pastors, or anyone in ministry, can be used with The Marriage Checkup Questionnaire or as a stand-alone tool for quickly diagnosing problems and referring couples to a professional, as necessary.

Sujets

• Philosophie et théologie
• Psychotherapy
• Christianity

Informations

• Publié par: Baker Publishing Group
• Date de parution: 29 août 2011
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781441267597
• Langue: English

Extrait

PRAISE FOR
H OW TO C OUNSEL A C OUPLE IN S IX S ESSIONS OR L ESS
Having Norm Wright’s marriage counseling information in one, easy-to-read, concise book will be very useful. The questionnaire definitely cuts to the chase and will be helpful for me (or a counselor on our staff) to quickly get to the heart of the matter. I really do like that!
S TEVE A BRAHAM
P ASTOR , N EW L IFE C HURCH
I enjoyed reading How to Counsel a Couple in Six Sessions or Less . Dr. H. Norman Wright gives a practical resource to clergy and counselors who provide marriage counseling. This book will better equip pastors to help couples remain more happily married. Thank you, Dr. Wright, for the skills and strategies presented in this book—they will help me to be a better clergy counselor!
DR. D ANIEL B ORG
P ASTOR , B ETHANY B APTIST C HURCH
As you look at this book’s title, you might say to yourself, “Sure, you can counsel a couple in six sessions or less, but will it do any good? Can meaningful change take place that quickly?” After providing literally thousands of hours of marital counseling over the past 30 years, my answer is a resounding yes! Research on treatment outcome consistently shows that quality short-term treatment can be as effective as long-term therapy. A 12-year study published by a nationally known psychiatric institute showed that clients receiving brief therapy profited as much from that approach as those who received long-term treatment. This book will help you help couples by providing meaningful short-term solutions that can bear long-term benefits.
D R . G ARY O LIVER , T H .M., PH.D.
E XECUTIVE D IRECTOR , T HE C ENTER FOR M ARRIAGE AND F AMILY S TUDIES P ROFESSOR OF P SYCHOLOGY AND P RACTICAL T HEOLOGY , J OHN B ROWN U NIVERSITY D EVELOPER , G ROWTH -F OCUSED B RIEF T HERAPY S ENIOR A UTHOR , P ROMOTING C HANGE T HROUGH B RIEF T HERAPY IN C HRISTIAN C OUNSELING
Norm Wright has done it again! Immensely practical. Outcome oriented. And biblically grounded. How to Counsel a Couple in Six Sessions or Less is urgently needed and long overdue. Finally, we get a good look at exactly how Norm has been so successful with helping so many couples. This valuable book and diagnostic tool should be in the office of every pastor and counselor. We can’t recommend it enough!
D RS . L ES AND L ESLIE P ARROTT
S EATTLE P ACIFIC U NIVERSITY A UTHORS , S AVING Y OUR M ARRIAGE B EFORE I T S TARTS

© 2002 H. Norman Wright
Published by Bethany House Publishers 11400 Hampshire Avenue South Bloomington, Minnesota 55438 www.bethanyhouse.com
Bethany House Publishers is a division of Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan. www.bakerpublishinggroup.com
Bethany House Publishers edition published 2014
ISBN 978-1-4412-6759-7
Previously published by Regal Books
Ebook edition originally created 2011
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version ®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.
Other versions used are:
AMP —Scripture taken from THE AMPLIFIED BIBLE, Old Testament copyright © 1965, 1987 by the Zondervan Corporation. The Amplified New Testament copyright © 1958, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
KJV — King James Version . Authorized King James Version.
TLB —Scripture quotations marked ( TLB ) are taken from The Living Bible , copyright © 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved.
Cover and interior design by Robert Williams Edited by Amy Simpson
CONTENTS
Chapter 1
When a Couple Seeks Your Help
Chapter 2
Before You Decide to Counsel
Chapter 3
Get to Know Your Counselees
Chapter 4
Pave the Way for Change
Session One
Chapter 5
Make Goals a Reality
Session Two
Chapter 6
Change the Outlook
Session Three
Chapter 7
Meet in the Middle
Session Four
Chapter 8
Overcome Conflict
Session Five
Chapter 9
Give up Anger
Session Six
Epilogue
Endnotes
WHEN A COUPLE SEEKS YOUR HELP
“Pastor, can you help us? Our marriage is falling apart.
You’re our last hope.”
“Pastor, you’ve got to straighten out my wife’s thinking.
It’s affecting our marriage!”
“Pastor, what do I do? It’s his third affair.”
These familiar words often come from a desperate phone call. You are asked to do the impossible and repair years of destruction. Can you help them? Can you do anything? And can you devote the time that’s needed to assist them? Through this resource, it is my hope to provide you with answers to these questions and more, paying particular attention to how you can counsel a couple effectively by sticking to a plan where you will evaluate a couple and then determine their needs in six sessions or less.
E XPECTATIONS
Remember that you will not help every couple who comes to you. It would be dangerous to use statistics of how many couples still divorce as criteria for counseling success. With this in mind, it is critical that you know your own expectations as couples seek your assistance so that one day you don’t blame yourself for a failed marriage.
The reasons behind couples seeking help vary greatly. One couple might come to see you as a token effort to show that they have tried to save their marriage, but their hearts aren’t in it and likely they have already decided to divorce. On the other hand, another couple might not benefit from counseling because you just don’t connect with them. This is okay. You won’t be able to work well with everyone who comes to see you. Some will come wanting you to take sides and when you don’t, they will tune out even the most helpful suggestions. Others will resist only because they don’t like your recommendation to a problem, while some are unwilling to change no matter how skilled you are. But always remember that it is important to come to grips with the fact that you are neither responsible for their past, nor can you fix their relationship for them. You cannot force them to do anything. In all likelihood, you will not have the time that is needed to help some couples sort through their issues in order to turn their marriages around. 1
I like what DeLoss and Ruby Friesen suggest concerning how your own values will affect what you do, as well as what you can expect from yourself.
It’s not possible or desirable to completely separate your values from the situation. The counselor, however, may reveal his or her values without imposing those values on the counselee. For example, we will share, if appropriate, our belief (value) that many more couples could make their marriages work if they were more committed to doing so. Not all of our couples share this belief. 2
The Friesens go on to list some realistic expectations for the counselor:
• You may be able to set achievable goals by helping to identify the real issues involved and whose issues they are.
• You may be able to help with behavior changes that will work toward achieving the goals of the couple.
• You may be able to help sort out various options and the consequences of choosing or not choosing these options.
• You can work with the couple as a team to try to find solutions.
• You can help the couple identify strengths and how they might use their strengths in a particular situation.
• You can help individuals develop more control over their own destinies (by taking responsibility for one’s own happiness, greater happiness in the marriage may follow).
• You may be able to help the couple accept past events; they can learn that the past does not always have to forecast the future.
• You may be able to act as a stabilizing force when the couple has lost hope. 3
However, the greater the severity of the problems, the more likely a couple’s help will be limited. Dr. Everett Worthington suggests the following:
Couples with severe problems usually require more sessions and usually improve less than couples with less severe difficulties. But what is a severe difficulty? 4
Worthington expands on his “What is a severe difficulty” question with at least eight important predictors of poor counseling outcome, which, based on my own experiences, almost always result from what some counselors consider “severe difficulties.” It is my conclusion that the more difficulties a couple experiences, the less success the counselor will have. Keep these in mind when evaluating a couple, and you could save yourself time, energy and frustration.
1. An ongoing affair that one spouse refuses to terminate.
2. One or both spouses use overt threats of divorce and a lawyer has been contacted.
3. Presence of severe personal problems such as chronic depression or alcoholism.
4. Both spouses are non-Christians or involved only on the fringes of the organized church. Or if one spouse is bitterly opposed to Christianity and the other is actively involved in it, the effect is similarly pessimistic, though the couple will tend to have different problems.
5. Lack of intimacy and pleasantness in the couple’s interaction. This is different from the presence of hostility and negative behavior.
6. Severe patterns of conflict that are harmful, over-learned, well rehearsed, deeply disturbing and demoralizing. Conflict involves power struggles that are well entrenched. During conflict, the couple attacks each other personally and disparages the worth of the relationship.
7. Continual focus on the problems with the relationship and with the spouse. If the couple returns to the d