Modern Gurukul

Bendre Behl Sonali

Description

Are you confused about how to raise your kids?How many hours should they spend with the TV, iPad or Xbox?Do you worry about what they should eat, drink and read?As the urban, nuclear family is becoming the norm, replacing the traditional joint family, what happens to the children who grow up with a single support system? In The Modern Gurukul, Sonali Bendre Behl shares her three principles of parenting that will help you find a balance between tradition and modernity, and show you how to raise your child in the digital age. Personal, anecdotal and honest, it highlights the need for a return to our roots to raise a healthy, curious and, most importantly, compassionate child.

Sujets

• Philosophie et théologie

Informations

• Publié par: Random House Publishers India Pvt. Ltd.
• Date de parution: 26 octobre 2015
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9788184007596
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 1 Mo

Extrait

SONALI BENDRE BEHL

THE MODERN GURUKUL
My Experiments with Parenting
RANDOM HOUSE INDIA
Contents
A Note on the Author
Introduction
1. Change is the only constant. Accept it.
2. It is time to bring the gurukul home
3. First Principle: Do it Yourself
4. Second Principle: Accept Failures
5. Third Principle: Draw the Line
6. Not without the father
7. Conclusion: Life comes full circle
Acknowledgements
Books of Interest
Follow Random House
Copyright
A Note on the Author
Sonali Bendre Behl began her career at a very young age as a model and then transitioned to acting. She has worked in over fifty Hindi films, and multiple Tamil, Telegu, Kannada and Marathi films.
When her son Ranveer was born in 2005, she gave up her promising career to play the most important role of her life: a mother.
It was only after her son started going to school and she was confident of the quality of time she spent with him that she resumed her career. She has since appeared on television as a judge on shows like Indian Idol, India s Got Talent, Hindustan Ke Hunarbaaz and India s Best Dramebaaz , and a daily sitcom with Balaji Productions called Ajeeb Dastaan Hai Yeh .
Sonali is also the brand ambassador for leading brands like Omega watches, Limca, Dabur Real fruit juice, Fun Foods and Prill soap among others.
To my parents,
Vasanti and Ashok Bendre
Am I allowed to ask my book whether it s true I wrote it?
Pablo Neruda
Introduction
From mothering to motherhood-this is my journey. When I was pregnant, I started reading various books available on parenting, which spoke of different techniques and methods. The more I read the more confused I got. So when I decided to write one myself I was not so sure in the beginning. I often questioned myself. Will my experiences be helpful to other parents? Is it worth sharing all that I ve learnt in my journey as a mother?
As an Indian, I am aware of some of our sound, time-tested parenting methods. But being a contemporary woman, I believe I should raise my child using advanced, scientifically proven parenting techniques. Marrying the best of both worlds, this first-time mother is all set to implement the rules to bring up a loving and compassionate child. I have to be the mother.
My bundle of joy-Ranveer-is born.
A new approach, an innovative theory, a unique style . . . American, French, Asian . . . contemporary, primeval, scientific, holistic-the journey to prove my mettle has begun. So has my son s victimization. Applying a zillion parenting methods on him has consumed me. Ranveer is ignorant of the price he may have to pay for being raised by such a confused mother. My son-the guinea pig of My Experiments with Parenting -is an incognizant martyr in this exercise.
Observing my loony doings, my husband, Goldie (Behl) cautions me, Hold your horses. But I cannot be wrong! These techniques are mentioned in some of the best parenting books I have devoured. Yet something is amiss. Everything is correct but nothing seems right. I am battling on all fronts-emotionally, physically, mentally, socially. I am a zombie-lost, exhausted and numb. What am I doing wrong? Mothering Ranveer is the only role I play!
It is time to pause. Ponder.
Truth beckons. Too many cooks are spoiling the broth. My hubby is right-the technicalities of mothering are slowly squeezing the life out of motherhood. What is wrong with me? Did I run so fast that I missed the bus? I am with my son 24 7, yet this disconnect exists.
I commence on an all-new journey. The less trodden path where I will follow my heart. My feelings will be my guidance system, and my gut, the leader.
The cooling off period gives me that one attribute I lack-perspective. My mind is now a clean slate (well, almost). Probably for the first time I take note of my son s behavioural nuances. I notice the streaks of individuality in my infant son. We start to bond.
As a parent I am suppo sed t o mou ld the clay I have to perfecti on. I ta ke tw o steps ba ck. I fir st beg in to obs erve an d respe ct the k ind o f clay I hav e in h and. Once my understanding crystallizes, a new quest for knowledge overpowers me. They say, When you truly seek knowledge, it presents itself to you . This time, my answers are in everything but parenting books. They are in the stories I read to my child, the TED Talks I listen to, newspaper articles I read, interviews of celebs printed in lifestyle magazines! It dawns on me that it is not about internalizing parenting methodologies, but rather about deciphering the uniqueness of the relationship between every child and parent, and carving out a distinct journey that is best suited to the pair.
In this quest, I continue to pursue hunting for the right ways of parenting in various avenues. My research takes me back to the Vedic times. How were kids brought up in gurukuls? What did they do differently? The emphasis then was on raising a compassionate human being using a holistic approach. Centuries later, I am amazed to find that their principles still hold true. But how can we adapt and imbibe them into our lives today?
Parenting is necessarily an intensely personal, private and unique journey of trials and conquests. Is it wise then to chronicle it for public scrutiny, I wonder. More importantly, though this journal may be my solo endeavour, parenting Ranveer isn t. As a parent, I work hard to help him eradicate his complexes, turn his flaws into his strengths, believe in his perfection. Is it prudent to eternalize his fears? Am I helping him win battles but ultimately lose the war? The dichotomy is petrifying. Is it ethical of me to broadcast (without his permission) specific personality traits he may want concealed permanently? What if he misunderstands my motive in writing this book when he reads it? That will be a heavy price to pay. Or, God forbid, eventually, if Ranveer turns out to be a wild child, the world may mock me. I don t know which way the wind will blow, but it is a chance I am willing to take.
This isn t a convent ional self- help book. It is an h onest an d sincer e narr ation o f my jou rn ey as a p arent. You need not necessarily follow my path of parenting, but I hope you will find solace in recognizing that you are not alone; there are others who face a similar predicament. I may not have dealt with a situation in an ideal way, but my journey can be a trigger for those who want to find their own path.
The usage of I throughout the book may make it seem that I have been on this roller coaster alone, but that s far from the truth. My husband, Goldie, is my pillar of strength. He has borne my idiosyncrasies patiently, balanced my lunacy with his stoic demeanour and amended his lifestyle drastically to become the best father he possibly can. He is part of the new-age brigade of fathers who take a keen interest in the upbringing of their children. This is as much Goldie s journey as mine.
1
Change is the only constant. Accept it.

We are modern women. When we are weary and bruised inside we hide the signs with the latest makeup techniques. We think we can give birth one day and go on with our lives the next. Some of us do, the trouble is others simply cannot.
Elif Shafak
When I was expecting, a lot of people said, Motherhood will change your entire life. But I firmly believed I had nothing to worry about. I had handled enough change in my life to know better. And I knew well how to manage crazy work schedules. After all, that was something I had been doing all through my career as an actor. There were times when I had shot for seven to ten films simultaneously. Working two shifts daily over long periods was normal for me. I d shoot all day in Mumbai, fly to another city for the night shift, and fly back to Mumbai for the next morning shift! I d catch up on my sleep while on the flight or in the car while travelling. I was a superwoman once; I could play that role all over again! Besides, this time I would have nine months to prepare! Thus began my journey . . .
Get. Set. Go.
I started reading the right books, doing the right exercises, listening to the right kind of music that would soothe my senses and make me feel good. Having been a health-conscious eater all my life, my diet was not a cause for concern; in fact, that aspect of my life only got better. I had everything under control. That was most important for me-I knew where I was heading, and I knew all that needed to be done once my baby was born. (Or so I thought!)
People believe that you shouldn t buy things for a child before he is born or prepare in advance for the child s arrival; it is considered bad luck. This myth has survived through ages. I suppose in earlier days when science hadn t made so many advances, the rate of infant mortality was quite high. It would have been unbearably tough to deal with a situation where the mother was all prepared to nurture her child but there was no child. Maybe that was the logic behind the myth. However, my personal experience was exhilarating! I felt great when I began preparing to welcome my unborn child. I didn t know whether I would give birth to a girl or boy, but I was just so excited to be able to talk to the child in my womb. Things became even more real when I saw my baby during the ultrasound. It was overwhelming-this feeling of being connected with the one growing inside me. In my mind, I was already addressing my baby when I was doing everything for him. And that bond kept strengthening with each passing month.
Suddenly, one day, it was time. The delivery date had arrived! With it came the big question: Would I take the epidural or not? For many months I had been debating if I would. On D-Day, however, I decided against it. Just the thought of lying down and not being able to move was scary. No matter what, I wasn t going to lie down. I kept walking up and down the corridor for as long as I could. The labour pain started intensifying and eventually, it