Recovering from Losses in Life

Norman Wright H.

Description

Life is marked by a variety of losses, says certified trauma specialist H. Norman Wright. Some are life-changing, such as leaving home, the effects of natural disasters or war, the death of a loved one, or divorce. Others are subtle, such as changing jobs, moving, or a broken friendship. But whether readers encounter family, personal, or community disaster, there is always potential for change, growth, new insight, understanding, and refinement. Writing from his own experience, Wright covers such issues as the meaning of grief, blaming God, and learning how to express and share in times of loss. Now repackaged and updated with additional material, Recovering from Losses in Life will help readers find hope in difficult times. Study questions included.

Sujets

• Philosophie et théologie

Informations

• Publié par: Baker Publishing Group
• Date de parution: 01 mai 2006
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781441200532
• Langue: English

Extrait

Recovering from LOSSES in Life
Also by H. Norman Wright
Making Peace with Your Past Finding Freedom from Your Fears Always Daddy s Girl Quiet Times for Couples The Complete Book of Christian Wedding Vows A Dad-Shaped Hole in My Heart Helping Those Who Hurt The Perfect Catch Experiencing Grief The New Guide to Crisis Trauma Counseling Before You Say I Do One Marriage under God Quiet Times for Those Who Need Comfort
Recovering from LOSSES in Life
H. N ORMAN W RIGHT
1991, 1993, 2006 by H. Norman Wright
Published by Fleming H. Revell a division of Baker Publishing Group P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287 www.revellbooks.com
Printed in the United States of America
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means-for example, electronic, photocopy, recording-without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Wright, H. Norman.
Recovering from losses in life / H. Norman Wright.
p. cm. Includes bibliographical references. ISBN 10: 0-8007-3155-7 (pbk.) ISBN 978-0-8007-3155-7 (pbk.)
1. Loss (Psychology)-Religious aspects-Christianity. 2. Bereavement-Religious aspects-Christianity. 3. Consolation. I. Title.
BV4905.3.W736 2006 248.8 6-dc22
2006002689
Scripture marked AMP is taken from the Amplified Bible, Copyright 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
Scripture marked KJV is from the King James Version of the Bible.
Scripture marked TLB is from The Living Bible , copyright 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
Scripture marked NASB is from the New American Standard Bible , Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
Scripture marked NCV is taken from the New Century Version Copyright 1987, 1988, 1991 by Word Publishing, a division of Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Scripture marked NIV is from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION . NIV . Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
Scripture marked RSV is taken from the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1952 [2nd edition, 1971] by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Material from chapter 10 taken from Will My Life Ever Be the Same? Finding God s Strength to Hope Again by H. Norman Wright. Copyright 2002 by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, OR 97402. Used by permission of author.
Material from When Life Isn t Fair by Dwight Carlson Copyright 1989 Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, OR 97402. Used by permission.
Excerpt from Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy by J. William Worden copyright 1982. Published by Springer Publishing Company, Inc., New York 10012. Used by permission.
Excerpt from The Secret of Staying in Love by John Powell, S. J. 1974 John Powell, S. J. Published by Tabor Publishing, Allen, Texas 75002.
Material from Losses in Later Life by R. Scott Sullender 1989 and used by permission.
Material from the book No Wonder They Call Him the Savior by Max Lucado copyright 1986 by Multnomah Press. Published by Multnomah Press, Portland, Oregon 97266. Used by permission.
Material from the book Pain s Hidden Purpose by Don Baker copyright 1984 by Don Baker. Published by Multnomah Press, Portland, Oregon 97266. Used by permission.
Material from Grieving: How to Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies by Therese A. Rando copyright 1988 by Lexington Books. Used by permission of D. C. Heath Company, Lexington Books.
Material from Men in Mid-Life Crisis by Jim Conway copyright 1978. Used by permission of David C. Cook Publishing Co.
Material from Last Thing We Talk About (formerly titled The View from a Hearse ) by Joe Bayly copyright 1969. Used by permission of David C. Cook Publishing Co.
Excerpts from Helping People through Grief by Delores Kuenning copyright 1987 by Delores A. Kuenning. Used by permission of Bethany House Publishers.
Excerpts reprinted from Where Is God in My Suffering? by Daniel Simundson copyright 1983 by Augsburg Publishing House. Used by permission of Augsburg Fortress.
Material from Necessary Losses by Judith Viorst copyright 1986 by Judith Viorst. Reprinted by permission of Simon Schuster, Inc.
Excerpt from I Never Know What to Say by N. H. Donnelley Copyright 1987 by Nina Hermann Donnelley. Reprinted by permission of Ballantine Books, a Division of Random House, Inc.
Excerpts from Coming Back by A. K. Stearns Copyright 1988 by Ann Kaiser Stearns. Reprinted by permission of Ballantine Books, a Division of Random House, Inc.
Excerpts from The Survival Guide for Widows by B. J. Wylie Copyright 1982 by Betty Jane Wylie. Reprinted by permission of Ballantine Books, a Division of Random House, Inc.
Go Down, Death from God s Trombones by James Weldon Johnson copyright 1927 the Viking Press, Inc. renewed 1955 by Grace Nail Johnson. Reprinted by permission of Viking Penguin, a division of Penguin Books USA Inc.
Contents
1. The Losses of Life
2. Losses We Never Considered
3. The Meaning of Grief
4. Problems in Grieving and Recovery
5. Adjusting to Our Losses
6. Saying Good-bye
7. Recovering from Loss
8. Growing through Our Losses
9. The Loss of Identity: Who Am I?
10. Will My Life Ever Be the Same? When Loss Is Trauma
11. Helping Others with Their Losses
Study Questions
Bibliography and Other Recommended Resources
Notes
1 The Losses of Life
S HE STOOD IN FRONT OF the large group, radiating confidence and assurance. As she interacted with the people, smiling and laughing, it was obvious she was in good spirits. Life seemed to be going well for her.
But several of those in the group she was leading appeared just the opposite. An air of sadness hung over them. A few of them sat stoically. There were no smiles or laughter, no confidence or assurance. After a while, the speaker noticed the ones who seemed to be struggling, and during a break she went over to them.
One by one, the stories poured out. One man had lost his job after twenty-seven years. A mother had a son who was in the last stages of AIDS. Another woman s husband had been killed three months previously. And one man had chronic undiagnosed back pains.
The speaker listened attentively to the stories of recent upsets and then said, I can see we all have something in common. We re all dealing with significant losses and experiencing a lot of pain.
A man spoke up. It s true, he said. We are, but you couldn t be struggling with a major loss. We ve watched you this evening, and you are nowhere near where any of us are. You re not struggling as we are.
You re right, the speaker replied, when you say that I m not struggling as you are. I m not now-but I was. And it was difficult. Two years ago, I was in the same type of situation as many of you are: an unfaithful husband, divorce, loss of a home, and my dad s sudden death from a heart attack. I was deep in despair. I am still grieving. I am still recovering from my losses. I m just at a different step. I was where you are, and someday you will be where I am.
Loss . It s a simple four-letter word that is one of our common companions throughout life. But we don t talk about it very often. Like a silent conspiracy, we seem to have an unspoken agreement with others not to talk about our losses. Yet with each and every loss comes the potential for change, growth, new insights, understanding, and refinement-all positive descriptions and words of hope. But they are often in the future, and we fail to see that far ahead when we are in the midst of our grief.
Nobody likes to lose. Life is supposed to be filled with winners. Look at the headlines on the sports page. The accolades are given to winners, not losers. Losing hurts. It carries sharpened points that jab into our nerves and cause pain. A small loss or a large one-it doesn t matter. It hurts. And it hurts even more because we have not been taught to expect or how to handle the losses of life. We want to be winners. We want success. We want to be in control of our lives, so we build walls around us with signs that say, Losses-No Trespassing! Then, if losses occur, we feel violated.
Too often, a person who has suffered a loss is blamed for it:
She must not have been a good wife for him to leave her.
They failed as parents. Otherwise that child would have stayed in the church and wouldn t have become involved with that crowd.
He lost his job. I wonder what he did wrong.
If they had been living the Christian life, this wouldn t have happened.
They should have known not to build their house in that area.
Have you ever had such thoughts about another person, or about yourself?
This attitude has been with us for a long time. In John 9:1-3 the disciples expressed such thoughts to Jesus about a blind man:
As He passed by, He saw a man blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind? Jesus answered, It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him.
NASB
You have experienced many losses in your life already. You may not even be aware of some of them, or you may not have realized that what you experienced were actually losses. Some are over in twenty-four hours. Others last for years. How you respond to them or what you let them do to you will affect the rest of your life. You can t avoid loss or shrug it off. Loss is not the enemy; not facing its existence is. Unfortunately, many of us have become more proficient in developing denial than we are in facing and accept