Struggling to Forgive

Sue Atkinson

Description

Forgiveness is a central tenet of the Christian faith and yet it is so difficult to embrace and put into practise. With sensitivity and grace, Dr Sue Atkinson explores what it means. The example of Christians forgiving others is often heralded as one of the great signs of Christian love and yet the call to forgive can have a darker side, particularly for victims of injustice and trauma as it can add to their despair and guilt if they do not 'feel' love or the ability to forgive. Well-meaning Christians can make their situation worse with insensitivity and bluntness. In this timely and empathetic book, full of anecdote, story and illustration, Dr Sue Atkinson, tackles what the call to forgive really means. What do we really do when we forgive? Exploring Jesus teaching about forgiveness and justice, she explodes myths and outlines practical ways in which we can let go of resentments. Highly accessible and sensitive this important book will be a means of grace and comfort for those embracing the challenges of forgiveness.

Sujets

• Philosophie et théologie

Informations

• Publié par: Lion Hudson
• Date de parution: 20 juillet 2014
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9780857215628
• Langue: English

Extrait

Sue Atkinson spells out with costly honesty the hard work of forgiveness. No illusions or shortcuts, but a powerful sense of how this most radical of promises and imperatives actually fleshes itself out in human lives. We are shown how what seems impossible becomes real - but not with some sort of magical swiftness and ease, so that the centrality of the crucified love of Christ never moves out of focus. A book of real value and depth.
Most Revd Dr Rowan Williams, former Archbishop of Canterbury
Struggling to Forgive is a book which, as its title so aptly points out, is honest that forgiveness can be a struggle, and at times a very hard struggle. Well-informed by pastoral realism and theological integrity, Sue Atkinson leads us through many difficult questions to do with forgiveness with plenty of real-life examples. I warmly commend this perceptive book as thought-provoking, easy to read and eminently practical.
Dr Anthony Bash, Hatfield College, Durham University
Christians are often confused - not least by their pastors - about what it means to forgive and when it s appropriate. Mercifully free of glib clich , Sue Atkinson s book offers us a refreshingly honest, psychologically realistic, biblically responsible, and pastorally sensitive account of the varieties and complexities of forgiveness. Admirably clear in its writing and digestible in its organisation, Struggling to Forgive marries the wisdom of messy experience with thoughtful Christian reflection to produce plausible practical advice, both for those who struggle and for those who seek to help them. Many will find it a godsend.
Nigel Biggar, Regius Professor of Moral and Pastoral Theology, Oxford University
In this personal and passionate book, informed by difficult experience and extensive reading, Sue Atkinson tells the story not so much of her personal struggle to forgive, as of a larger struggle which involves coming to understand why and how so much preaching and teaching about forgiveness is unhelpful.
With remarkable restraint she pares back the crude mechanistic teaching that re-abuses victims by inflicting on them a need for a mechanical and fear-filled forgiveness, and then opens the door to true forgivingness which is usually slow and always accompanied by compassion, healing, uncertainty and all the other hallmarks of mature and realistic Christian living.
Accessible and honest, this is a book based on hard-won self-awareness and genuine compassion for others. It can therefore be placed with gentle confidence in the hands of victims of abuse - and perhaps more forcibly presented to those who have yet to understand that pastoral ministry is properly focussed on a creative could , not a threat-laden must .
Canon Dr Stephen Cherry, author of Healing Agony: Reimagining Forgiveness
A very good and illuminating read. A wonderful achievement. Sue Atkinson writes about the complexity of forgiveness with striking honesty and profound simplicity. Those struggling to forgive will be helped to understand themselves. Anyone inclined to instruct others to forgive will be chastened. People able to forgive will be given fresh insight into what they have done. Sue addresses our minds and spirits with great sensitivity. She has written a forgiving book.
Rt Revd Graham James, Lord Bishop of Norwich
Forgiveness is a huge word to confront as a survivor of child abuse or childhood trauma. Sue Atkinson has brilliantly examined the problems associated with this word for survivors within the context of Christianity.
My hope is that this book is not only read by survivors of child abuse but also by caring Christians who are interested in genuinely helping people to heal from the hurts of their childhood. Thank you, Sue, for once again bringing light and Christian insight to help survivors of abuse on their healing journey.
Liz Mullinar, founder of The Heal for Life Foundation, Australia
STRUGGLING TO FORGIVE
Moving on from trauma
Sue Atkinson

Oxford, UK & Grand Rapids, Michigan, USA
Text copyright 2014 Sue Atkinson Illustrations copyright 2014 Joyce Dunn This edition copyright 2014 Lion Hudson
The right of Sue Atkinson to be identified as the author of this work and Joyce Dunn to be identified as the illustrator of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
Published by Monarch Books an imprint of Lion Hudson plc Wilkinson House, Jordan Hill Road, Oxford OX2 8DR, England Email: [e-mail] www.lionhudson.com/monarch
ISBN 978 0 85721 561 1 e-ISBN 978 0 85721 562 8
Acknowledgments Scripture quotations (unless otherwise stated) are from The New Revised Standard Version of the Bible copyright 1989 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of Churches in the USA. Used by permission. All Rights Reserved. Scripture taken from The Message . Copyright by Eugene H. Peterson, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
Cover image: Getty/Andrew Unangst
The many stories in this book are all based on real incidents. However, please note that key details such as names and places have been changed to protect confidentiality.
Contents

Acknowledgments

Foreword by Elaine Storkey

Preface

Section A

1. How Do We Start to Think About What Forgiving Means?

2. The Complications of Forgiveness

Section B

3. Richard and Marion s Stories: A Difficult and Confusing Process

4. Jamie s Story: Weird Christian Thinking, and Striving for Justice

5. Diana s Story: Forgiveness isn t a Cure-all

6. John s Story: Forgive Now, or You re Doomed

7. My Mother s Story: Hatred Going Down the Generations

8. Attacked: Dealing with Outrage and Seeking Justice

9. Louise and Her Children are Abandoned: The Relationship Between Forgiving and Getting an Apology

10. Lizzie and the Sex Offender: More Weird Christian Thinking

11. Everyday Forgiving: Problems in Ongoing Relationships

Section C

12. It s Not the Same for Everyone

13. The Bible and Forgiveness

14. God s Forgiveness and Ours

15. It s All a Matter of Attitude

16. Letting Go

17. Justice for Everyone

18. Trivializing Forgiveness

19. Truth Telling and the Link to Justice

20. Saying Sorry: Apologies and Burdens

21. Why Can t We Shrug it Off?

22. Why is Forgiving So Hard Sometimes?

23. It Takes Time to Forgive: Limbic Lag

24. Forgiving Ourselves and God

25. Can We Define Forgiveness? The Forgiveness Umbrella

26. The Forgiving Process: Untangling Some Threads

Section D

27. Strategies to Lighten the Load

28. For Supporters of People Who are Struggling with Forgiving

Resources
F OR A, WITH MY LOVE .
By the same author
Breaking the Chains of Abuse
Building Self-Esteem
Climbing out of Depression
First Steps out of Depression
In Times of Need
Pathways Through Depression
Jonah s Whale of a Time Book
Mrs Noah s Rainy Day Book
Acknowledgments

Over the eleven years I have been writing this book a great many people have helped me. Some of them were in groups I convened, and knew they were helping me, but others were people in workshops I was running, or attending, or just talking about their lives and the struggles they were having following some devastating experiences.
Thank you so much for sharing part of your life. Being able to weave together so many different experiences helped me enormously to get a wide view of the effects of traumatic incidents, and to think through what forgiveness means as we learn how we recover from them and walk free of our burdens.
In some ways this book is a sequel to my book Breaking the Chains of Abuse . It was as I researched that book that the problematic nature of forgiveness became clear, and I knew I had to explore further.
I ve greatly valued comments from the various clergy groups I ve had the privilege of leading while sharing thoughts on how to respond well to survivors of abuse, and what forgiving might mean in that context. My special thanks to my colleague Carolyn Buckeridge, whose wisdom and friendship over many years has supported me as I worked through demanding issues in difficult settings. Thanks also to Janet Craske of the Methodist Church, who I heard talk about forgiving in the context of domestic abuse in a way which I found incredibly helpful.
I couldn t possibly have completed this book without the support and help of David, my husband. We ve spent years hammering out ideas, and his theological and pastoral insights have been crucial. And helping me in the final stages actually to finish the script was amazing. You re a great completer/finisher ! Thank you.
Thank you also to both Andrew Hodder-Williams and Tony Collins of Lion Hudson/Monarch. First for liking the book enough to publish it! And second, for your insightful editorial comments which enabled me to stand back from the text and think again about the central issues.
My thanks to Joy Dunn for the evocative illustrations.
Thank you also to three special women: Anne Townsend and Kate Litchfield, who have helped me enormously as I ve struggled to understand what forgiving means for me and for others. And Penny Bird, who listened, suggested, shared her thoughts and kept encouraging me.
Finally, for keeping me sane over the last few years of the book, thanks to my lovely friend Gwyneth Chatten, the best and wisest triathlon training partner ever. Finishing this book was just like us cycling up Fire Mountain! We got there in the end. And thank you Tanja Slater for being such an inspirational coach and for helping me do things I never thought