Take Charge of Your Emotions

J. Solie Dr. Linda

Description

Respected Christian Psychologist Helps Readers Find Relief from Emotional PainLinda J. Solie, a psychologist who has been in private practice for more than 20 years, says everyone can benefit from taking charge of their emotional health. She gives readers the skills to take control of their thoughts and behaviors by first identifying the problem thinking that creates painful feelings and undesirable conduct. Then using a seven-step process, she helps them change their feelings and behavior. Throughout the book the seven steps are applied to a variety of situations, both short term--such as a distressing mood--and longer term, including significant longstanding emotional pain. Grounded in faith, the reader's relationship with Jesus is always central to the process.As William Backus pioneered a generation ago with Telling Yourself the Truth (more than 700,000 sold), Solie will reach thousands of readers who don't have easy access to mental health providers or can't afford them. Pastors and lay counselors will also find this an excellent resource to use and recommend.

Sujets

• Philosophie et théologie

Informations

• Publié par: Baker Publishing Group
• Date de parution: 15 septembre 2013
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781441262844
• Langue: English

Extrait

© 2013 by Linda J. Solie
Published by Bethany House Publishers
11400 Hampshire Avenue South
Bloomington, Minnesota 55438
www.bethanyhouse.com
Bethany House Publishers is a division of
Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan
www.bakerpublishinggroup.com
Ebook edition created 2013
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means for example, electronic, photocopy, recording without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4412-6284-4
Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com
Scripture quotations marked NKJV are from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked NLT are from the Holy Bible , New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotation marked NEB 1970 are from The New English Bible . Copyright © 1961, 1970 by The Delegates of Oxford University Press and The Syndics of the Cambridge University Press. Reprinted by permission.
The names of individuals and/or stories mentioned in this book are purely fictitious. Any resemblance of any character in this book to any actual person, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Cover design by Paul Higdon
To my parents, Bill and Judy Solie, with gratitude and love
Contents
Cover 1
Title Page 3
Copyright Page 4
Dedication 5
Acknowledgments 9
Introduction 11
Part I: Empowered Through Thoughts and Behaviors 17
1. Connecting Self-Talk, Feelings, and Behaviors 19
2. Taking Charge of Self-Talk 31
Part II: Empowered Through Jesus Christ 53
3. Building a Solid Foundation 55
4. Respecting Hazard Warnings 67
5. Solving the Unsolvable 83
Part III: Empowered Through People 95
6. Learning to Like Who You Are 97
7. Building Friendships With Others 113
Part IV: Taking Charge of Your Emotions 129
8. Defeating Depression 131
9. Overcoming Anxiety 151
10. Conquering Anger 179
11. Finding Joy 205
Appendix A: Seven Steps to Changing Feelings and Behavior 213
Appendix B: The Seven Steps: Tips and Troubleshooting 219
Appendix C: I/O Exercise 245
Appendix D: Gentle Confrontations 247
Notes 251
Seven Steps Topical Index 259
List of Selected Tables and Charts 261
Feelings List 263
About the Author 265
Back Cover 266
Acknowledgments
I want to thank a number of people for contributing to this book, beginning with my parents. They provided me incredible support throughout this entire journey. My mother, Judy, fixed me countless meals so that I could devote Fridays and Saturdays to writing with minimal interruption. She also carefully reviewed the manuscript, as did several people who generously shared their professional expertise, including my father, Bill, and my brother, John Solie, retired and current pastors, respectively; psychology professor Pat Frazier, author Nancy Nordenson, and entrepreneur Jim Carlson.
I am very grateful as well to Bethany House Publishers, and especially to acquisitions editor Tim Peterson for taking a risk on a first-time author and, with wisdom and kindness, guiding me through the publishing process. He, Christopher Soderstrom, and Nancy Renich have thoughtfully and skillfully refined this work at each editorial stage. I’ve been privileged and blessed to work with this talented team.
And I want to express thanks to others who contributed in a variety of ways to this final product, including Marilyn Anderson, Marti Anderson, Jim and Kris Bruckner, Erin Carlyle, Griffin Clausen, Lynette Clausen, Brian and Nancy Cripe, Luke and Elvira Englund, Nancy Gustafson, Betty Hall, Don Holt, Jeff and Barb Johnson, Sherrill Nelson, Mark and Carol Rholl, Chris and Catherine Solie, Holly Solie, Lee and Asta Solie, Matt Solie, and Stephanie Wendt. Most of all, I thank God, who created our emotions, for his guidance on how to manage them, and for orchestrating this entire adventure.
Introduction
M any people believe their genetics or brain chemistry doom them to a life of emotional pain. Moods descend on them like a dark cloud, and they are stuck with the miserable feelings until a wind stirs up to blow the gloom away. Thinking they are helpless, they passively suffer and simply live with the misery or look solely to medication for relief.
In Take Charge of Your Emotions , I will demonstrate another way.
Medication is a popular remedy for soothing emotional pain; antidepressants are some of the most commonly prescribed drugs in America. Yet taking medication as the only response to distress does not help sufferers develop competence in overcoming uncomfortable moods. And it’s true that all people, at times—whether or not on antidepressants—face emotional challenges. Everyone can benefit from discovering or improving on how to take charge of their emotions. I aim to show how to do just this by capitalizing on three types of relationships: relationship between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors relationship with Jesus Christ relationships with people
As we focus on managing emotions, I will use the terms emotional health and mental health interchangeably to refer to a state of emotional well-being involving relief from painful moods like depression, anxiety, and anger. Further, although this book teaches skills to overcome painful feelings, it does not argue against antidepressant or anti-anxiety medications. Nor does it endorse ignoring your physician’s advice if such treatment has been prescribed for you.
Take Charge of Your Emotions is divided into four parts that build on one another. Parts I, II, and III examine how to capitalize on a particular type of relationship in order to find relief. Part IV puts the first three together.
Part I: Empowered Through Thoughts and Behaviors
Thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are physiologically connected. For instance, how we interpret life strongly affects how we feel, and our actions also regulate our emotions. Though many people fear having a faulty brain that consigns them to a life of depression or anxiety, scientists have discovered that our thoughts and behaviors influence brain chemistry and genetic expression, even impacting whether new cells develop and others die. Taking charge of thoughts and actions changes brain functioning, empowering us to improve our mental health.
For nearly thirty years I have been helping clients take control of their thoughts and behaviors. The method I developed enables people to identify the problem-thinking that creates painful feelings and undesirable conduct, and then turn it around. You can apply the Seven Steps to Changing Feelings and Behavior toward overcoming a single distressing mood, or you can practice this skill daily for a month or more to relieve intense and long-standing emotional pain.
The Seven Steps involve writing, requiring time and effort. Effort itself is essential to “rewiring our brains,” according to the internationally renowned neuropsychologist John Arden. [1] Over time, new thoughts and behaviors become automatic.
Writing also facilitates analysis of problem-thinking to a level of detail beyond what we typically can do in our heads. The more detail, the more effective the technique. In addition, writing activates a different part of the brain than thinking, further increasing the potential impact on the mind. Investing time and energy to change our thinking offers emotional rewards.
Capitalizing on the relationship between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors includes taking charge not only of our thinking but also our actions. What we do affects what we feel, so changing problem behaviors offers another path to emotional relief. Helping to build a house with Habitat for Humanity, for example, is likely to provide more satisfaction and joy than sitting home alone day after day watching TV.
The Seven Steps are a psychological tool that appears throughout the rest of the book. If you prefer to postpone learning this more technical skill, you could skip chapter 2 for now and jump ahead to part II, which explores the impact of choosing a particular guide for our thoughts and behaviors.
Part II: Empowered Through Jesus Christ
Who shapes your worldview? What guides your thinking as you encounter life each day? Selecting a guide for thinking and living is a very individual decision—it’s up to every single person to decide.
The Christian faith asserts that God exists, that he created the universe, and that he came to earth in the person of Jesus, in part to offer himself as guide to everyone. Take Charge of Your Emotions accepts these claims as truth, and part II explores how a relationship with Christ provides a solid foundation for emotional health. It enhances well-being by delivering comfort and confidence that penetrate and permeate the soul, guidance on avoiding traps that lead to misery, and hope in the face of life’s many challenges.
Part III: Empowered Through People
Humans are social beings who suffer emotionally when alienated from self or others. We can enhance our mental health by improving relationships with people, starting with the self. Strong friendships with others are high priorities for many, but how intentional are you about building a satisfying relationship with yourself? No matter how busy life may be, at times the pace slows and we must look in the mirror. If we don’t like what we see, such feelings as insecurity and discontentment arise; as they impact thoughts and behaviors both to