Young Woman's Guide to Setting Boundaries

Allison Bottke

Description

The teen years, when you're no longer a child but not yet an adult, can be hard. How do you deal with the stress of school, home life, boys, teen depression, peer pressure, and so much more?It's never been easy to be a teen, but today's world brings special challenges that require special skills. The good news is you can learn how to cope with all your stresses when you understand the power and freedom of setting healthy boundaries. You can experience God's unconditional love and acceptance, and find the courage, confidence, and hope that will transform your teen years and become the foundation of your life for years to come. When you discover how to begin setting boundaries, you'll be joining thousands of readers of all ages who have benefited by Allison's popular Setting Boundaries(R) series.

Sujets

• Philosophie et théologie

Informations

• Publié par: Harvest House Publishers, Inc.
• Date de parution: 01 août 2014
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9780736956703
• Langue: English

Extrait

About Allison Bottke s Setting Boundaries books
In 2008, author Allison Bottke launched her Setting Boundaries series of books with the publication of Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children. That book has now sold more than 150,000 copies and has helped countless parents deal with the fallout of having adult children who have never taken responsibility for their own lives.
In the years since she wrote Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children , Allison has added these important titles to her series:
Setting Boundaries with Your Aging Parents
Setting Boundaries with Difficult People
Setting Boundaries with Food
Setting Boundaries for Women
This new book, A Young Woman s Guide to Setting Boundaries , encourages teens to make smart choices and cope with stress by looking at the role boundaries play in life and love. As in the previous books in the Setting Boundaries series, Allison offers the valuable SANITY acronym to help you regain your sanity by setting appropriate boundaries and sticking to them.
Allison Bottke writes from the heart. She digs deep into her own experience with the complex issues people face daily. In Allison, you ll find a compassionate friend-and an author whose words can help you change your life.
For more information about the books in Allison s Setting Boundaries series, please turn to the back of this book.
HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS
EUGENE, OREGON
Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version , NIV . Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Verses marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Verses marked NRSV are from the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1989 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the USA. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Cover by Garborg Design Works, Savage, Minnesota
Published in association with the literary agency of The Steve Laube Agency, LLC, 5025 N. Central Ave., 635, Phoenix, Arizona, 85012.
SETTING BOUNDARIES is a registered trademark of The Hawkins Children s LLC. Harvest House Publishers, Inc. is the exclusive licensee of the federally registered trademark SETTING BOUNDARIES.
This book contains stories in which people s names and some details of their situations have been changed to protect their privacy.
A YOUNG WOMAN S GUIDE TO SETTING BOUNDARIES
Copyright 2014 by Allison Bottke
Published by Harvest House Publishers
Eugene, Oregon 97402
www.harvesthousepublishers.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Bottke, Allison.
A young woman s guide to setting boundaries / Allison Bottke.
pages cm
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-7369-5669-7 (pbk.)
ISBN 978-0-7369-5670-3 (eBook)
1. Teenage girls-Religious life. 2. Teenage girls-Conduct of life. 3. Christian teenagers-Religious life. 4. Christian teenagers-Conduct of life. 5. Interpersonal conflict-Religious aspects-Christianity. 6. Interpersonal relations-Religious aspects-Christianity. I. Title.
BV4551.3.B68 2014
248.8 33-dc23
2013048204
All rights reserved. No part of this electronic publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means-electronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any other-without the prior written permission of the publisher. The authorized purchaser has been granted a nontransferable, nonexclusive, and noncommercial right to access and view this electronic publication, and purchaser agrees to do so only in accordance with the terms of use under which it was purchased or transmitted. Participation in or encouragement of piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of author s and publisher s rights is strictly prohibited.
Dedication
To Steve Laube
And to my Harvest House family
You have loved, supported, and encouraged me with your words, actions, and truth.
You have taught me with your leadership, wisdom, and faith.
I am a better person for having known you.
I am deeply grateful.
May God continue to richly bless your lives as you have blessed mine.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
C OLOSSIANS 3:15-17
Contents
About Allison Bottke s Setting Boundaries books
Dedication
Foreword by Tricia Goyer
Introduction
1. The Truth About Smart Choices
2. The Scoop on Boundaries
3. It s All in Your Mind
4. Just Say No to Stress and Yes to Love
5. The Center of Balance
6. The Foundation of Faith
7. How to Build a Lasting and True Love Relationship
8. Claim Your Identity-Understand Your Value
9. Unpack Your Emotional Baggage
10. The Secret Power of SANITY
11. Under the Dome of Pressure
12. The Exhaustion of Expectations
13. Violated Boundaries
14. Internet Predators and Cyberbullies
15. Teen Dating Violence
16. Life Interrupted-a Baby Changes Everything
17. Accept Responsibility-Develop Your Plan of Action
18. How to Assemble a SANITY Support Group
19. In Closing
Notes
Endorsements
About Allison Bottke
About the Publisher
Foreword
by Tricia Goyer
I couldn t believe I was only 15 years old and having to make this decision. I was sitting in a Planned Parenthood office, and the woman across from me was discussing my pregnancy. She looked me in the eye and talked to me woman-to-woman.
You re smart, and you have a good future ahead of you. I d suggest you have an abortion, she said. It s a simple procedure, and then you can continue with your life. You can finish high school and go to college. I know you won t regret it.
I listened to her and took her advice, but she couldn t have been more wrong. I did regret my abortion-not that I d tell anyone that for many years. Instead, I tried to mask my pain by sleeping with guys, drinking with friends on the weekends, and with losing myself in soap operas or long novels that took my mind off real life.
My bad decisions started long before that day at Planned Parenthood. Starting in elementary school, I had crushes on my classmates, and I longed for love and attention. When an older guy finally gave that attention to me, I thought I d fallen in love. I thought he was the one I d be with forever. When he moved away, I was crushed, and I continued to date and to give myself to other guys, hoping to find fulfillment. I never found it. Not there. Not with him. Not with any high school boyfriend.
I d grown up going to church, and I knew right from wrong. I knew not to listen to music with foul language, or watch horror shows, or sleep with my boyfriend, but no one ever taught me how to make wise decisions. No one ever taught me how to set boundaries or even why they were important. So when I slipped up once, I just assumed I d blown it and there was no hope for me. So why not slip up again? And again? I didn t understand that every day could be a new day to make positive changes.
The adults in my life didn t know how to help me. My mother never wanted to cause conflict between us, so she rarely said anything about my choices. Looking back I see now that she was more interested in being my friend than my parent. So instead of trying to find out why my choices weren t satisfying me, I kept trying to find happiness in all the wrong ways.
By the time I found myself pregnant again two years later, I was in a different frame of mind. I realized boundaries weren t meant to keep us from having fun. Boundaries were for protection, for guidance. I learned that my emotions didn t have to guide my decisions. Yes, my heart could want something, but that didn t mean it was best for me-it didn t mean I should pursue it. I also learned that I could turn unhealthy habits, impure thoughts, and unwholesome actions over to Jesus.
So I became a mom at age 17, and even though I haven t always made perfect choices, Jesus has walked beside me. When I didn t have the strength to stand firm, He gave me strength. Jesus showed me I didn t have to try to stick to my boundaries alone. He longed to be there for me. And what a difference it made when I turned to Him! He brought me an amazing husband and five more kids-three through adoption. Today, I write books, encourage other moms, and travel the world. It s ironic that I thought boundaries would keep me from having fun instead they opened up my world in ways I never imagined!
For the past 12 years, I ve led a support group for teenage mothers. Currently, I serve in inner-city Little Rock, and these young mothers come from generation after generation of men and women who didn t know how to set healthy boundaries and who continue to make wrong, hurtful choices.
As I ve worked weekly with these young women, I ve seen them face the same struggles I once faced. But I ve seen some of them learn to set healthy boundaries in their lives. As a result, I ve seen their lives transform, benefiting not only themselves but also their children! I ve also seen them reach out to other young women, encouraging them that they, too, can set boundaries before they make too many wrong choices. They re helping others in ways no one ever helped them! And that s the whole point. Our positive choices can influence others. When you place healthy boundaries in your life, you not only reap the benefits, but others do too.
And that s w