Attending the Dying

Megory Anderson

Description

A useful guide to being present and offering comfort to the dying and their families.

Megory Anderson was called to a vigil at the bedside of a friend who was dying one night. That experience was so powerful that she began working with others who needed help attending to those who were dying. Today Anderson is the executive director of the Sacred Dying Foundation in San Francisco, and trains others in the art of "vigiling," a way of attending to the needs of the dying.
This practical and concise handbook provides a brief overview of what to expect and how to respond to the needs of someone who is dying. Attending the Dying can be used by and for people of any faith perspective, as well as no particular faith. Chaplains, social workers, hospital-care workers, and friends or family of the dying will all find this a helpful companion for preparing themselves to be present to one of life's most sacred transitions.

Sujets

• Religion
• Christianisme
• Vie de famille
• Soutien psychologique et conseils familiaux
• Pastoral Resources
• Christian Ministry
• Philosophie et théologie

Informations

• Publié par: Church Publishing Incorporated
• Date de parution: 01 août 2005
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9780819225900
• Langue: English

Extrait

Contents Half Title Title Copyright Dedication Table of Contents Acknowledgements PART I: The Chaplain/Pastoral Caregiver's Role at the End of Life Chapter 1: Death as a Sacred Event Chapter 2: Bringing the Sacred to Dying PART II: Interacting with the Dying Chapter 3: Helping Others Prepare Chapter 4: The Dying Process Stage 1: Lucid but Approaching Death Stage 2: Actively Dying Stage 3: The Moment of Death Stage 4: After Death (Time with the Body) Part III: Assimilating Your Experience Chapter 5: Personal Processing and Reflection Appendix A: Special Circumstances Appendix B: Recognizing and Understanding the Dying Process Resources

Attending the Dying
Attending the Dying

A Handbook of Practical Guidelines
Megory Anderson
Copyright © 2005 by Megory Anderson
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.
Morehouse Publishing, 4775 Linglestown Road, Harrisburg, PA 17112
Morehouse Publishing, 445 Fifth Avenue, New York,
NY 10016
Morehouse Publishing is an imprint of Church Publishing, Inc.

www.churchpublishing.org
Cover design: Thomas Castanzo
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Anderson, Megory.
Attending the dying : a handbook of practical guidelines / Megory
Anderson.
p. cm.
ISBN 0-8192-2108-2 (pbk.) ISBN 978-0-8192-2590-0 (ebook)
1. Terminally ill—Pastoral counseling of. 2. Church work with the terminally ill. 3. Death—Religious aspects—Christianity. I. Title.
BV4338.A54 2005
259'.4175—dc22
2005004736
TO
the Reverend Lynn Baird and her
extraordinary ministry of pastoral care
at St. Gregory Nyssa Episcopal Church,
San Francisco.
She teaches us, by word and example,
that as our hearts bear witness
to suffering, God is known.
CONTENTS

Acknowledgments
PART I: The Chaplain/Pastoral Caregiver's Role at the End of Life
Chapter 1: Death as a Sacred Event
Chapter 2: Bringing the Sacred to Dying
PART II: Interacting with the Dying
Chapter 3: Helping Others Prepare
Chapter 4: The Dying Process
Stage 1: Lucid but Approaching Death
Stage 2: Actively Dying
Stage 3: The Moment of Death
Stage 4: After Death (Time with the Body)
Part III: Assimilating Your Experience
Chapter 5: Personal Processing and Reflection
Appendix A: Special Circumstances
Appendix B: Recognizing and Understanding the Dying Process
Resources
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
My profound gratitude goes to Chris Bennett, my friend and colleague, for her many hours of assistance in the creation of this book. Her knowledge and skill are on every page. She will tell you that she is not the expert in the sacred art of dying, but she truly has the higher wisdom. Thank you, Chris.
My thanks also goes to the Reverend Nancy Witt for her contribution of the very practical information in Appendix B, "Recognizing and Understanding the Dying Process." As a health care professional and ordained clergy, she combines very practical medical information with a greater understanding of the spiritual process of dying.
Special thanks to the staff, board, volunteers, and friends of the Sacred Dying Foundation. This work would not be brought to life without their support and hard work.
PART I
The Chaplain/Pastoral Caregiver's Role at the End of Life
CHAPTER 1
Death as a Sacred Event
I was sitting with an elderly woman who was close to dying. She had been moved from the hospital the week before to a skilled nursing facility. She wasn't strong enough to go home, and they didn't really know what else to do with her. Her name was Ida.
We chatted a bit on and off, but mostly she wanted to sleep. She seemed to find comfort in my holding her very frail hand. It was covered with deep bruises and I held it gently.
Mid-afternoon, a young-looking clergyman came through the door.
"Are you Ida?" he asked. "I'm Jim Robinson, the new assistant at St. Andrew's Church. I heard you weren't feeling well."
Ida opened one eye but then closed it and went back to sleep. I smiled at the man as he pulled up a chair.
Jim began to talk. "Is she asleep? I'm new at the church so I don't know everyone yet. Perhaps I should go. At my last church I was youth director, but at St. Andrew's they have me visiting hospitals and nursing homes."
He looked around nervously. "I think I like kids better than I like hospitals. You aren't expecting them to come in the room, are you, to do shots or needles or anything like that? I'll wait outside if that happens."
I murmured something sympathetically.
He continued. "I had Clinical Pastoral Education in seminary, but mostly I worked with vets and rehab. It was different than this. Hospitals make me nervous."
Ida opened one eye and commented wryly, "It took you long enough to get here."
"Well," he replied, "we're kind of busy at the church. There's Advent coming up and everything."
Ida closed her eyes again, and began talking. "I've been at that church for over sixty years. Don't talk to me about Advent. Why weren't you here before?"
The young priest looked down at the floor. "Ma'am, I got here as soon as I could."
"I was married at that altar," Ida told him, "and I raised my children there. I taught Sunday school, baked pies for the ECW, * and was head of the altar guild for over twenty years. Every time the church needed something, I was there helping out. It was my duty."
She looked at him head-on, her eyes flaming with anger.
"Now that I'm alone and ready to die, you take your sweet time. Just because I can't do all those things anymore, do you think I'm not a member of the church? Sixty years I gave to God at that church, and now you can't bother with me!
"Let me tell you something, young man. You'd better have a better excuse than Advent coming up!"
I chuckled under my breath. This woman was not ready to die yet! As she turned to me and explained, her voice grew a bit calmer.
"In my day," she told me, "the church was everything. We didn't have much religion around the house. Church took care of all that.
"My children are all grown and moved away. My husband died years ago. I'm all alone. Do you know what that's like? And now this. I know I won't go home. I know I'll die in this bed. What am I supposed to do?"
Her eyes began to fill with tears.
The young clergyman spoke up. "Ma'am, I don't know what you want me to do. I guess I can find a prayer from the Prayer Book. And I can come back on Sunday with communion. Would you like that?"
"Harummph."
"Ida," I said. "Tell us what would make you feel better."
"Communion would help," she said. "But... it's not enough. I mean, you young people are always in such a hurry. In and out. The body of Christ and good-bye. I'm dying. Isn't that reason enough to stay a few minutes?"
She looked at me again.
"Your sitting here feels nice. Sometimes I get afraid, and I can feel your hand, and that helps. And when I wake up, maybe I want to hear you tell me things. Like God is waiting for me and it will be all right. Or that I'll see Henry when I finally die. That would give me comfort."
"I have this daughter," she continued. "She lives in Connecticut now. She calls and says hello, and she was here when I first got sick. But now . . . maybe I'd like to tell her some things before I go. I don't think the nurses will help much. But maybe you might," she said to me.
I spoke up. "Of course we'll call your daughter. That's no problem. What else can we do? Maybe someone from the church can come and sit with you. Read to you."
Her eyes brimmed with tears. "I'm so old now, and I'm tired. But I'm afraid to die.