Skeletons in the Closet

Description

Family conflict has traditionally been studied by researchers who are at a safe intellectual distance from the families under their study. In Skeletons in the Closet, and in line with feminist research methodologies, the hierarchical distance between researcher and subject is broken down. All of the contributors to this volume are academics, and all are closely related to the families they write about.

Skeletons in the Closet consists of ten essays about unresolved or unresolvable family conflicts. The contributors start from the assumption that families—whether legal-marriage families, common-law marriage families, single-parent families, multiple-generation families, same-sex partnerships, or adoptive families—are cradles of intense emotion. That intensity, they argue, may translate into conflict, competition, domination, abuse, exploitation, or even hate. This book explores those areas most likely to grip family members in unresolved interpersonal strife, as well as the strategies people use to solve the issues and the shame and isolation that conflict brings in societies that normatively expect family life to be one of joy, mutual sharing, and caring.

This first-hand narration of family conflict by social scholars has much to contribute to sociological studies of the family, both methodologically and theoretically. The introduction and conclusion place family conflict within sociological and social psychological theories and methods.

Informations

• Publié par: Wilfrid Laurier University Press
• Date de parution: 28 septembre 2011
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781554587834
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 2 Mo

Extrait

SKELETONS IN THE CLOSET

This book has been published with the help of a grant from the Canadian Federation for the Humanities and Social Sciences, through the Aid to Scholarly Publications Programme, using funds provided by the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada. We acknowledge the financial support of the Government of Canada through the Canada Book Fund for our publishing activities.

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication
Skeletons in the closet : a sociological analysis of family conflicts / Aysan Sev’er and Jan E. Trost, editors.
Includes bibliographical references. Also available in electronic format. ISBN 978-1-55458-265-5
1. Families. I. Sev’er, Aysan, 1945– II. Trost, Jan, 1935–
HQ519.S54 2011 306.85 C2010-905176-9
ISBN 978-1-55458-318-8 Electronic format.
1. Families. I. Sev’er, Aysan, 1945- II. Trost, Jan, 1935–
HQ519.S54 2011a 306.85 C2010-905177-7

Cover design by David Drummond using an image from istockphoto. Text design by Catharine Bonas- Taylor.
© 2011 Wilfrid Laurier University Press Waterloo, Ontario, Canada www.wlupress.wlu.ca
Every reasonable effort has been made to acquire permission for copyright material used in this text, and to acknowledge all such indebtedness accurately. Any errors and omissions called to the publisher’s attention will be corrected in future printings.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written consent of the publisher or a licence from The Canadian Copyright Licensing Agency (Access Copyright). For an Access Copyright licence, visit www.accesscopyright.ca or call toll free to 1-800-893-5777.
CONTENTS
Introduction: Opening Closets, Rattling Family Skeletons: What Will They Say?
Aysan Sev’er (University of Toronto Scarborough) and Jan Trost (Uppsala University, Sweden)
1 A Sudden Death and the Long-Term Fragmentation of a Family
Aysan Sev’er (University of Toronto Scarborough)
2 Grandmother and Grandson
Jan Trost (Uppsala University, Sweden)
3 Rupture and Repair: The Cascading Effects of Mental Illness on a Family of Innocents
Sheldon Ungar (University of Toronto Scarborough)
4 “Not My Happy Ending”: A Family Struggle to Define Roles in a Challenging Time
Thembela Kepe (University of Toronto Scarborough)
5 My Sisters Are the Problem: Sibling Struggles over Power and Identity in Relation to Caring for an Aging Parent
Bonnie Lashewicz (University of Calgary)
6 Sitting at the Steps of Hope, Love, and Hospitality
Hugo Kamya (Simmons College, Boston)
7 A Gay Actor with Multiple Scripts: Impression Management Strategies to Comply with Traditional Chinese Family Norms
Kin Ho Wong (Ryerson University)
8 Noises and Unwanted Odours in Old Closets?
Si Transken (University of Northern British Columbia)
9 A Brother No Longer: A Real Story of Family Dysfunction and Abuse
Anonymous
10 Female Excommunicated: A Life Course and Family in Conflict with Norms and Tradition
Clary Krekula (Karlstad University, Sweden)
Conclusion: Strategies That Work and That Fail to Work
Aysan Sev’er (University of Toronto Scarborough) and Jan Trost (Uppsala University, Sweden)
Appendix
About the Editors
INTRODUCTION
Opening Closets, Rattling Family Skeletons: What Will They Say?
AYSAN SEV’ER
and
JAN TROST
We welcome you to a moving collection of narratives about unresolved, and sometimes unresolvable, family conflicts. First and foremost, we thank every colleague, whether our graduate students or peers, for participating in this amazing collection. A few others expressed interest in our work and offered their encouragement but did not agree to write a chapter.
Many participated, however, and we are deeply grateful for their enthusiasm. Anne Michaels, in her widely popular novel Fugitive Pieces (1998), reminds us that writing is an act which has healing powers. “Write to save yourself… and someday, you’ll write because you have been saved,” she asserts (p. 165). We do not know if our contributors were writing because they were still grappling with their family skeletons or writing because they had managed to rise above their family secrets. Whatever the case may be, and in a world where family issues are still privatized, being able to share one’s most intimate family quarrels is nothing short of social heroism. We are certain that our readers will be amazed at our contributors’ candid stories.
After reading the narratives about the family struggles of our authors, our readers may also develop insights into their own family conflicts. Moreover, the narratives in this book turn upside down what otherwise is the most common pattern of the sociological study of families. In our judgment, the personal intensity captured in the narratives in this book will expand the “safer” and “more distant” methodological boundaries of traditional family research, such as studying families though the census, or through surveys, or even through interviews and observations. As social scientists, we are mostly—one might say exclusively—trained to study “others.” In this book, however, we turn the table around. We asked social scholars (including ourselves) to focus the inquiring lens on what they consider to be their family conflicts. The journey each of us took is unique, and we will venture to suggest that none has been easy, because “skeletons” come with or bring about a closet full of emotion. However, examining and sharing these narratives have their own rewards, whether by providing relief to others who may have similar family issues or by providing the authors themselves with insights and new perspectives. Giving voice to parts of our lives that have remained silent (or silenced) has its own redemptive qualities. Reading about the struggles of others may provide vicarious relief to our readers.
Shortly, we will delve into an in-depth discussion of the metaphors we use in our title, introduce a critical discussion about the concepts and terms central to this collection, and launch our views about different theoretical positions on the family and methods of study. However, before we do, we would first like to share with our readers how the idea for this book about family skeletons emerged. In May 2008, some ISA (International Sociological Association) members attended a conference on aging and families organized by Lasell College in Newton, Massachusetts. We (Aysan and Jan) were two of the 50 or so attendees. Aside from an interesting intellectual exchange, the host college had organized an afternoon tour of the Boston and Newport regions. During the relatively long bus ride to and from our conference destination, we happened to share adjacent seats and had an opportunity to discuss the conference in general. Our unstructured chat about the sessions we had already attended led us to an equally unstructured discussion about what types of sessions to include in upcoming sociology of the family conferences. Because her area of expertise is intimate partner violence, Aysan expressed a desire to incorporate more sessions addressing family conflict. “Conflict,” Jan said. “If you are interested in conflict, I have a story for you!” Within the evening shadows of a moving bus, Jan told a version of the story which now appears as Chapter 2 in this collection. This initial narrative, told by one colleague/friend to another, led us to the phrase “skeletons in the closet.” Soon after, Aysan also shared a family story, a version of which now appears as Chapter 1 . During the remainder of the Lasell conference, and through countless emails that followed our return to our respective homes (in Toronto and Uppsala), we started to talk about how important it is to tell, write, share, discuss, collect, and analyze narratives of family conflict. Through our increasing interest, we came to the conclusion that, as unique as each family conflict may be, skeletons of some kind reside in most family closets.
Initially, we mentioned this idea of “skeletons” to a few close colleagues. Although we brought up the idea casually, we were amazed and emboldened to see a resounding interest. Almost every colleague we talked to was eager to share a riveting story considered to be a “family skeleton.” Some of those narratives, along with their authors’ perceptions and analyses, have been presented as chapters in this book. During our interesting journey of collecting narratives, we also heard about many other skeletons from many other closets. Some of those narrators chose not to submit a written version of their stories for reasons that are important for them. We truly respect their need for privacy, and we respect their choices. We wish them well in their personal attempts to find alternative ways of finding a restful place for their skeletons.
We believe that family conflicts, feuds, and grudges are common; they probably date back to the origins of humankind. They also form a common thread in religious teachings. With long-accumulated wisdom about the devastating effects of conflict among different generations, prophets of all major religions have stipulated tolerance and respect among people who are closely related. These religious stipulations reach their absolute clarity in prescribing respect toward one’s parents. It is no coincidence that religious teachings repeat the obligations to love and honour one’s mother and father. Love-and-honour themes (with the frequent addition of “obey”) have also been applied to husbands and wives. From Cain and Abel to Siddhartha, themes of family conflict can be found in the stories and teachings of all the major religions. And