Around The Tea-Table

T. De Witt (Thomas De Witt) Talmage

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• Publié par: thawyag
• Publié le: 08 décembre 2010
• Nombre de lectures: 21
• Langue: English

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The Project Gutenberg EBook of Around The Tea-Table, by T. De Witt Talmage This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net Title: Around The Tea-Table Author: T. De Witt Talmage Release Date: January 11, 2005 [EBook #14662] Language: English Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK AROUND THE TEA-TABLE *** Produced by David Newman, Melissa Er-Raqabi and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net). AROUND THE TEA-TABLE. BY T. DE WITT TALMAGE, Author of "Crumbs Swept Up," "Abominations of Modern Society," "Old Wells Dug Out," Etc. PUBLISHED BY THE CHRISTIAN HERALD, LOUIS KLOPSCH, Proprietor, BIBLE HOUSE, NEW YORK. BY LOUIS KLOPSCH. PREFACE. At breakfast we have no time to spare, for the duties of the day are clamoring for attention; at the noon-day dining hour some of the family are absent; but at six o'clock in the evening we all come to the tea-table for chit-chat and the recital of adventures. We take our friends in with us—the more friends, the merrier. You may imagine that the following chapters are things said or conversations indulged in, or papers read, or paragraphs, made up from that interview. We now open the doors very wide and invite all to come in and be seated around the tea-table. T. DEW. T. CONTENTS. CHAPTER I. CHAPTER II. CHAPTER III. CHAPTER IV. CHAPTER V. CHAPTER VI. CHAPTER VII. CHAPTER VIII. CHAPTER IX. CHAPTER X. CHAPTER XI. The table-cloth is spread Mr. Givemfits and Dr. Butterfield A growler soothed Carlo and the freezer Old games repeated The full-blooded cow The dregs in Leatherback's tea-cup The hot axle Beefsteak for ministers Autobiography of an old pair of scissors A lie, zoologically considered CHAPTER XII. CHAPTER XIII. CHAPTER XIV. CHAPTER XV. CHAPTER XVI. CHAPTER XVII. A breath of English air The midnight lecture The sexton The old cradle The horse's letter Kings of the kennel The massacre of church CHAPTER XVIII. music CHAPTER XIX. The battle of pew and pulpit CHAPTER XX. The devil's grist-mill CHAPTER XXI. The conductor's dream CHAPTER XXII. Push & Pull CHAPTER XXIII. Bostonians CHAPTER XXIV. Jonah vs. the whale CHAPTER XXV. Something under the sofa CHAPTER XXVI. The way to keep fresh CHAPTER XXVII. Christmas bells CHAPTER XXVIII. Poor preaching CHAPTER XXIX. Shelves a man's index CHAPTER XXX. Behavior at church CHAPTER XXXI. Masculine and feminine CHAPTER XXXII. Literary felony CHAPTER XXXIII. Literary abstinence CHAPTER XXXIV. Short or long pastorates CHAPTER XXXV. An editor's chip basket CHAPTER XXXVI. The manhood of service CHAPTER XXXVII.Balky people CHAPTER Anonymous letters XXXVIII. CHAPTER XXXIX. Brawn or brain CHAPTER XL. Warm-weather religion CHAPTER XLI. Hiding eggs for Easter CHAPTER XLII. Sink or swim CHAPTER XLIII. Shells from the beach CHAPTER XLIV. Catching the bay mare CHAPTER XLV. Our first and last cigar CHAPTER XLVI. Move, moving, moved The advantage of small CHAPTER XLVII. libraries CHAPTER XLVIII. Reformation in letter writing CHAPTER XLIX. Royal marriages CHAPTER L. Three visits CHAPTER LI. Manahachtanienks CHAPTER LII. A dip in the sea CHAPTER LIII. Hard shell considerations Wiseman, Heavyasbricks CHAPTER LIV. CHAPTER LIV. CHAPTER LV. CHAPTER LVI. and Quizzle A layer of waffles Friday evening SABBATH EVENING TEA-TABLE. The Sabbath evening teatable CHAPTER LIX. The warm heart of Christ CHAPTER LX. Sacrifice everything CHAPTER LXI. The youngsters have left CHAPTER LXII. Family prayers CHAPTER LXIII. A call to sailors CHAPTER LXIV. Jehoshaphat's shipping CHAPTER LXV. All about mercy CHAPTER LXVI. Under the camel's saddle CHAPTER LXVII. Half-and-half churches CHAPTER LXVIII. Who touched me? CHAPTER LVIII. AROUND THE TEA-TABLE. CHAPTER I. THE TABLE-CLOTH IS SPREAD. Our theory has always been, "Eat lightly in the evening." While, therefore, morning and noon there is bountifulness, we do not have much on our tea-table but dishes and talk. The most of the world's work ought to be finished by six o'clock p.m. The children are home from school. The wife is done mending or shopping. The merchant has got through with dry-goods or hardware. Let the ring of the tea-bell be sharp and musical. Walk into the room fragrant with Oolong or Young Hyson. Seat yourself at the tea-table wide enough apart to have room to take out your pocket-handkerchief if you want to cry at any pitiful story of the day, or to spread yourself in laughter if some one propound an irresistible conundrum. The bottle rules the sensual world, but the tea-cup is queen in all the fair dominions. Once this leaf was very rare, and fifty dollars a pound; and when the East India Company made a present to the king of two pounds and two ounces, it was considered worth a mark in history. But now Uncle Sam and his wife every year pour thirty million pounds of it into their saucers. Twelve hundred years ago, a Chinese scholar by the name of Lo Yu wrote of tea, "It tempers the spirits and harmonizes the mind, dispels lassitude and relieves fatigue, awakens thought and prevents drowsiness, lightens and refreshes the body, and clears the perceptive faculties." Our own observation is that there is nothing that so loosens the hinge of the tongue, soothes the temper, exhilarates the diaphragm, kindles sociality and makes the future promising. Like one of the small glasses in the wall of Barnum's old museum, through which you could see cities and mountains bathed in sunshine, so, as you drink from the tea-cup, and get on toward the bottom so that it is sufficiently elevated, you can see almost anything glorious that you want to. We had a great-aunt who used to come from town with the pockets of her bombazine dress standing way out with nice things for the children, but she would come in looking black as a thunder cloud until she had got through with her first cup of tea, when she would empty her right pocket of sugarplums, and having finished her second cup would empty the other pocket, and after she had taken an extra third cup, because she felt so very chilly, it took all the sitting-room and parlor and kitchen to contain her exhilaration. Be not surprised if, after your friends are seated at the table, the style of the conversation depends very much on the kind of tea that the housewife pours for the guests. If it be genuine Young Hyson, the leaves of which are gathered early in the season, the talk will be fresh, and spirited, and sunshiny. If it be what the Chinese call Pearl tea, but our merchants have named Gunpowder, the conversation will be explosive, and somebody's reputation will be killed before you get through. If it be green tea, prepared by large infusion of Prussian blue and gypsum, or black tea mixed with pulverized black lead, you may expect there will be a poisonous effect in the conversation and the moral health damaged. The English Parliament found that there had come into that country two million pounds of what the merchants call "lie tea," and, as far as I can estimate, about the same amount has been imported into the United States; and when the housewife pours into the cups of her guests a decoction of this "lie tea," the group are sure to fall to talking about their neighbors, and misrepresenting everything they touch. One meeting of a "sewing society" up in Canada, where this tea was served, resulted in two law-suits for slander, four black eyes that were not originally of that color, the expulsion of the minister, and the abrupt removal from the top of the sexton's head of all capillary adornment. But on our tea-table we will have first-rate Ningyong, or Pouchong, or Souchong, or Oolong, so that the conversation may be pure and healthy. We propose from time to time to report some of the talk of our visitors at the teatable. We do not entertain at tea many very great men. The fact is that great men at the tea-table for the most part are a bore. They are apt to be selfabsorbed, or so profound I cannot understand them, or analytical of food, or nervous from having studied themselves half to death, or exhume a piece of brown bread from their coat-tail because they are dyspeptic, or make such solemn remarks about hydro-benzamide or sulphindigotic acid that the children get frightened and burst out crying, thinking something dreadful is going to happen. Learned Johnson, splashing his pompous wit over the table for Boswell to pick up, must have been a sublime nuisance. It was said of Goldsmith that "he wrote like an angel and talked like poor Poll." There is more interest in the dining-room when we have ordinary people than when we have extraordinary. There are men and women who occasionally meet at our tea-table whose portraits are worth taking. There are Dr. Butterfield, Mr. Givemfits, Dr. Heavyasbricks, Miss Smiley and Miss Stinger, who come to see us. We expect to invite them all to tea very soon; and as you will in future hear of their talk, it is better that I tell you now some of their characteristics. Dr. Butterfield is one of our most welcome visitors at the tea-table. As his name indicates, he is both melting and beautiful. He always takes pleasant views of things. He likes his tea sweet; and after his cup is passed to him, he frequently hands it back, and says, "This is really delightful, but a little more sugar, if you please." He has a mellowing effect upon the whole company. After hearing him talk a little while, I find tears standing in my eyes without any sufficient reason. It is almost as good as a sermon to see him wipe his mouth with a napkin. I would not want him all alone to tea, because it would be making a meal of sweetmeats. But when he is present with others of different temperament, he is entertaining. He always reminds me of the dessert called floating island, beaten egg on custard. On all subjec