Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 158, 1920-04-14

Various

Informations

• Publié par: zoog
• Publié le: 08 décembre 2010
• Nombre de lectures: 39
• Langue: English

Extrait

The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 158, April 14, 1920, by Various This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org

Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 158, April 14, 1920 Author: Various Release Date: October 11, 2007 [EBook #22957] Language: English

*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH ***

Produced by Matt Whittaker, Jonathan Ingram and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net

Transcriber's Note: typo "thundebrolt" changed to thunderbolt on page 267. Underlining was used to indicate where text appeared upside down in the original.

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 158.

Apri

l

14, 1920.

CHARIVARIA. "Hat-pins to match the colour of the eyes are to be very fashionable this year," according to a Trade journal. This should be good news to those Tube-travellers who object to having green hat-pins stuck in their blue eyes.

Enterprise cannot be dead if it is really true that a well-known publisher has at last managed to persuade Mr. Winston Churchill to write a few words concerning the Labour Question.

"I have never been knocked down by a motor omnibus," says Mr. Justice Darling. The famous judge should not complain. He must take his turn like the rest of us.

"Never pull the doorbell too hard" is the advice of a writer on etiquette in a ladies' journal. When calling at a new wooden house the safest plan is not to pull the bell at all.

"American bacon opened stronger yesterday," says a market report. If it opened any stronger than the last lot we bought it must have "gone some."

Five golf balls were discovered inside a cow which was found dead last week on a Hertfordshire golf course. We understand that a certain member of the Club who lost half-a-dozen balls at Easter-time has demanded a recount.

"An Englishman's place is by his own fireside," declares a writer in the Sunday Press. This is the first intimation we have received that Spring-cleaning is over.

A serious quarrel between two prominent Sinn Feiners is reported. It appears that one accused the other of being "no murderer."

The Commercial Bribery and Tipping Review , a new American publication, offers a prize of four pounds for the best article on "Why I believe barbers should not be tipped." The barbers claim that what they receive is not a tip, but the Price of Silence.

According to an evening paper, crowds can be seen in London every day waiting to go into the pit. Oh, if only they were miners!

"It is the last whisky at night which always overcomes me," said a defendant at the Guildhall. "A good plan," says a correspondent, "is to finish with the last whisky but one."

The British Admiralty are offering two hundred and fifty war vessels for sale. This is just the chance for people who contemplate setting up in business as a new country.

"A good tailor," says a fashion writer, "can always give his customer a good fit if he tries." All he has to do, of course, is to send the bill in.

Mr. Allday, a resident in Lundy Island for twenty years, who has just arrived in London, states that he has never seen a tax- collector. There is some talk of starting a fund with the object of presenting him with one.

Dunmow workhouse is offered for sale. A great many people are anxious to buy it with the object of putting it aside for a rainy day.

A Houndsditch firm has just had a telephone installed which was ordered six years ago. This, however, is not a record. Quite a number of instruments have been fitted up in less time than this.

We understand that the thunderbolt which fell at Chester is not the one that the Premier intended to drop this month.

P ir sforteena-ee pln thng iestin era  niyrif gh evrdnu pedseaserngwis  shttaa repoalens capable of car as ylno a taht y cdybonye av han ohtrlls  c e no ylb  ctedstru can. We aiagt nsirte adlaicfo s ehtiffo .our seat neo too  gtot no.swolleF eht raitor vis Zoo theet duqse eer sra  goHtnniqSausu eSomere. the  of nilgdelfa ew ,sgre .y—"palpsail or eed or nxe ylno reidlos-d anh aty;truncoei'sM ia,df roB uires useful LadsrM"—— .qeR 

Paper. A job that will obviously need a man of proved courage.

"The French army," says the Berliner Tageblatt , "will soon be all over." It does not say what; but if our late enemy continues the violation of the Peace Treaty the missing word should be "Germany."

Since The Daily Express  

The National Portrait Gallery, occupied by the War Office since 1914, has just been reopened. The rumour that a Brigadier-General who had eluded all attempts to evacuate him was still hanging about disguised as a portrait of Mrs. Siddons attracted a large attendance.

Birds, says The Times , informed, are already learning to whistle the familiar Northcliffe air, "Lloyd George Must Go," quite distinctly.

Sinn Feiners are now asking for the abolition of the Royal Irish Constabulary, and it is feared that, unless their request is granted, they may resort to violence.

The Corporation of Waterford has refused to recognise "Summer" time. One gathers that it is still the winter of their discontent down there.

Provincial

"Though the material, Sir, is somewhat more expensive, the leather brace has the great advantage that it lasts for ever; and, moreover, when it wears out it makes an excellent razor-strop."

orin ,eltcruni gin New York, saySiorgnap C

mesuis h terreo ni sdro oc lnmul lopædia  he  Encyc ih pfot e idotsr ediret ras hlmhosihC hguH .rM ta nciafina  itsl oftnor eoc mhtf or 01 eE htitidb no brymioo ongthf rM .oHpore .hT ey  The Times  and  eh smeesac ot er nianitBr e On.  ca ehp fot eiatorrp a fatch  cho  int e  EDITION. [ The Tiem   s ah snaonnuec id,twn coo ecnsvitusi eseusht , OMSDWID OT PU HT21—ETA ead, Want  could r enrase tni ght e ve e mry , S on ceinnamoohw a naw dn r (of hent oname ehm  mo T e)sh  rih ontidiru etoy wa ro na sa thguoB , ep N . ni eeyra sahve coursed with  is Ia gnmas  elp tof lheteattyr  ahlina dstp dei ous reviritiappa ca riehtdemotsuc Si edpe s glEne nc hto  sre,)yadna er D-dby ar l Or k, gfot eh eentsni(like thunctual   ereh dnA ;epir s iurhoe thn he wesyll ooirgnceru ic, R smod spamore ssre It .] s  icoa   egdvinUisreP yt rs are the Cambri rpsene tuplbsieh diioer p  pmeSo c, ni sgniera efil k How emar y th man o jbmmnofor ce t tar iehtigwen vesekatrednu eh ks rt orepo to Than ene;nh lloi nub t le kus gega o  s T2291 llA ,,won yb  (or more things ynobyde  )httaa  riehT no  birtnoc  tnsioutree tho A mrectnod.ngade  wonWhatif tder E ehotidof rkasr Th es coe ucndoft  T   ehT mise   ' ifanncial pages? An e argnuo rgr eneal to agers, enker neeb )edis lahte lhe ton (veHa e, w uodls net mose olific; T  most pr  eb diasm tathgiaintwhn rccacoe  e ofpiec Chi Mr.neatnomutsre lam d reurccilwhanmeuM .mlohs o sah hcange; E.g. , in ma  efon wea dns rt tienc G fi atrehi T rettup sylerics   the , Ande Abn thetylosul,ta L sa ha CstLad ane ncsolC ehtrooD gni  of Hooper whoopni,g oDnwt  oht e  a's, A rt  tndt hasrepetsin tnesio t eh sforoeim mesterbooment  urg d fo nrut suomaf! O ngpiooscr-laol naicne tvi eti s eat its  part, Rep uoC " b dl rB ..sti esim ev r  T ut  The yad-ot yycnE ni vyea h"Ancdeen t ,th ahibimst edaby fen,  of orce iom rets vaS , hw e l als hie eyowgr rushct ihgn shs slump, Yet not fo s erbbRur  ontoip a dleiy yam seanke er; Y oystfor sr einevlaU T toas hhe t um j He p?laf ro lc-lisekaare if Ould he cW . yhs oh ev rnkwe ah  dna ,erom on hi the tuy bto d    ..S gn O . o  noyrut myapun age Such pressure oy toc u dluraeb wom d ulinbr ha g T ye iT  lrp ehm llt  thei up arfur fe if eht frrab lanthd seas orsdeun fumed-oavolving pure berhtt ehs  llfoedow tlly heoH —) ew w ag kegar ll ashriose  e! Th m roosemeh ndnt  Wi Y ( DAO- TrkWoe ht teg ot slaepp

The Giant's Robe—Cheap.

"For Sale.—Superior Dress Suit, 37 chest, City made, silk facings and lining, worn twice, no further use, suitable for individual 7 ft. 8 in. Price 4 guineas."— Local Paper.

"Paying Guests Wanted—From 1st June, married couple with no children; also at once, single married lady or gentleman for three single rooms or one single married couple."— Indian Paper.

To be in keeping with the inhabitants the house, no doubt, is "semi-detached."

"250 WORDS.

THE YOUNG WIFE'S ALLOWANCE."

Daily Paper.

TWO GUINEAS.

The young husband who tries to get off for two guineas will find that the young wife regards two hundred and fifty words as entirely inadequate.

OUR SUPER-PILGRIM'S PROGRESS. The meagre and tantalizing report of Lord Northsquith's great journey through Spain and North Africa which has been issued through Reuter's agency has stimulated but not allayed curiosity. It is therefore with unfeigned pleasure that we are able to supplement this jejune summary with some absolutely authentic details supplied us by a Levantine detective of unimpeachable veracity who shadowed the party. Of the journey through Spain he has little to say. Lord Northsquith attended a bull-fight at Seville, at which an extraordinary incident occurred. At the moment when the distinguished visitor entered the ring and was taking his seat in the Royal Box, the bull, a huge and remarkably ferocious animal, suddenly threw up its hind legs and, after pawing the air convulsively for a few seconds, fell dead on the spot. No reason could be assigned for this rash act, which caused a very painful impression, but it is a curious fact that it synchronized exactly with the issue of the special edition of the Seville evening Tarántula , with the placard "Strange behaviour ( extravagancia ) of the British Prime Minister." At a subsequent interview with Count Romanones, Lord Northsquith was reluctantly obliged to confirm the statement that Mr. Lloyd George was still under the impression that the Spanish Alhambra was a late replica of a theatre in London, but begged him not to attach undue importance to the misapprehension. The tour in Morocco was not attended by any specially untoward incidents, but at Marrakesh a group of Berbers evinced some hostility, which was promptly converted into effusive enthusiasm on their learning that Lord Northsquith was not of Welsh origin. Similar assurances were conveyed to the sardine-fishers of the coast, with beneficial results. The Pasha of Marrakesh expressed the hope that Lord Northsquith was not disappointed with the Morocco Atlas, and the illustrious stranger wittily rejoined, "No, but you should see my new morocco-bound Times Atlas." When the remark was translated to the Pasha he laughed very courteously. Always interested in the relics of the mighty past Lord Northsquith made a special trip to the East Algerian Highlands to visit Timgad, and spent several minutes in the tepidarium of the Roman baths. It was understood from the expression of his features that he was profoundly impressed by the superiority of the arrangements over those contemplated by the Coalition Minister of Health in the new bath-houses to be erected in Limehouse. Lastly the tour included a flying visit to Carthage. The French archæologists in charge of the excavations had recently dug up a colossal statue of Hannibal, and the resemblance to Lord Northsquith was so extraordinary that many of them were moved to transports of delight. They were however unanimous in their conviction that the deplorable state of the ruins was largely, if not entirely, due to Mr. Lloyd George's ignorance of Phœnician geography.

A Startling Disclosure. From "Answers to Correspondents" in a Canadian Paper: "Q.—Is it not a fact, that all of Lipton's challengers were built stronger and heavier than the American cup defenders, to enable them to cross the Atlantic?—A. D. B., Montreal. A.—Yes, they were built stronger as they had to cross the ocean under their own steam."

"Serious injuries were sustained by ——, aged 54, while assisting in discharging cargo. Shortly before one o'clock, it is stated, a cheese struck him and knocked him down."— Provincial Paper. We have always maintained that these dangerous creatures should not be allowed to run loose.

THE "WITHDRAWAL" FROM MOSCOW. Chorus of Half-Revolutionists support Messrs. Snowden and Ramsay Macdonald by singing "The Red (but not too Red) Flag." [The Independent Labour Party by a large majority has voted in favour of withdrawing from the Moscow Internationale.]

TENNIS PROSPECTS.

ineco dlm nei  nplain clothes sinittba g tuot no bhechen, esthwi am nlo dni gistthe min te iniddlc nialp a sehtolerev snd r heot aleme Cour  the Suprobydo gu.tE evyrthe . at thtseo n a  ecirehTsi e g inthining restes sH uot owt ehf  oseou Hhe tissa gnittis sdroL ou Yan cee she tvom h sel si.spiting a sly quest nhttah  esip tu n,med olow nnd arev era  ylloj y  sitthem ands up t eha dn o e  f  nno ehttsebiaga tsnchhis  irdea ws,uB thtyeehL wa .ons of t traditi  fo tnorf ni selab-trdcae tlit l evb  maht f eh eeo  thro or. Twthem t si tah.emag ehar bhe T werstrit  o osasu eocfnbarrthe r. Tisteu sena pup da stly sue qiost sn, sia snewirgn ,naother old man wak ilWh. ersphi wll retsirrab eht ethin anyhearn't yea  ehtacsu gebco he teun g in tat oy hac ut ,rguoh he barriion to ti  satkltsrew oh  papheirand ers re eonhwtut otp Th. gsine av heyuof dna lrednu rhem, four K.C.'s er ra eiehg tfot  etfequ se.arhe T nepuobaie t thgtu em ninia u  popedl coe aly arehT .ydaerla meh toynn atoh ugnoq iuete eh yahev e case. T loses thif d tsrna yl eyon orthghou ghos et llt  lewf luiwgneantSerjthe hat us lliw smrA-ta- tevari e P tht ecsp irse .tIS ceeratrd world is a ha ht ,i siwoH . revee thmbMewhs e er ons'Commtion staw ihre,ysipahcd ats arpetoasn  a gnihsinhT .etaris is because theM meebsrc mo enind aem re ov bitht yrg e,ssoonk  t ha wldtoe  bto emoc yeht yllaequeshat nd wve a oomstt mdnemane ra Daginatwhhe t ksa   dna noitot s ther the and whe sbauo,t eiBlli  tavirP rterceS emecos ereitho  tsn .tcoic mohTyes foariestrur inot y tcid etattel the e erminollna tstieutn,sb tur ers to their con mail tnefo yraP . op qu Noulwostd otlo shtd woen dmachinere whole  a devom stnemdne mescheespo  nnd debowluno sseito amnd ned a ask liuacafiontiIr (nale( )d .oNB )2y ought to suppotrt ehD neittsQ  ift ha tri Phe tceS etavseirater  or n ill, It iot. uf l swaihknott  d, the dver woulraei sen eeSrctePr 's ativ rnventmeht eoG ec fosruo inteost he mps treahmop  'oRirsetareec She terftA !sgelkcalb ytri nww ya .nUelss , hings all their o  tneluowah dt eve.adhe Tov Gnmer kct tsuruB too .Secrate ies etarnemnrevovirP s'trsou cof Ghe te, ehrihct   .hTelsg ere nowhtretto s arc gnitt ro ,pm tit seyet grehec uotnret laikgnhey stand at the nI htiep retisoo  te thd oln.me nnoyre ad mo re an  womg orhtyeoi n n,mes ouam fre ameht fo ruoF .dehousandsds and tt ohsunae raingnec Bseauredut? ieht ne yhW .od y s,erwylaartron ceht ot y nommoc ef, belithe are l noomtsffre-gusg inofprsies ionht now e.dlrahT t is why they ar eht enoyl rTda ebmem esohw noinUhay nl ovehas errol ruf -nohfla-it ill, . Weunchenuf;larht s rieweI  areut bf  ittni gniK C. .is that amber, which merott eha tcau lhCe thbeTu ut , bhe t  ylelemsl sl eki Hou thef Cose o ttiw d ahhttai  snoo  d Ir feret ms snomm.fo slle taehrdlaru efoc s a mixtthink, i  gni tubb a s lffa . ap iItans sod hwreei solbbna dges assaty p lof I ,llems ehT .ears ueatste the  tuobeht uoH  ses Pofliarenam bt,tut ehp oelp ehwo write guide-bo sesuoH elraP fo . T ntmeia deui gheskh b-oo aogva eeal od day ato s ties tng ilyernti roatsngnihF .s have nence theyxelpiaenev rey t ttoo  r g venes ok nisuma yllaer eh nev andacesg plerlaht eon wrek  hT .NODNOL FO STI BLETTLI may you ent  moma yn ,tadiseB . sewat reec sryvee mos otni rednulbjeant-atled "Sermol baletini-gor thy See see  benoy fra u mrA- I ".s va euoh t eholtsnt-arjeams yt-Ares era u a yb ne ae,am gyof  indusyrI g taeh f r or Lord of the Trea tahtuoy uow b dlthm poe celin me dna segassap ter s,secairta k s ac b ca e ylpv ret ehternt afa wefor ra yed e.nooehT keliec sracod te sawtinino-dlcsaand leadg-rooms loa o  t omro oft  t ekil salc-drihaitiss woomsng-r dta ;nayrc e evneorthr e er aislop meci ;na tubthis only adds t oht exeicetemtn  fes hort esushot hcu b eh a yem erthem. Thaid for t  oebs sia l to he tc,liub phe tot raed era hcihts w par Thenow.I k eskena-ddi-e ht da meu dnrednha r t bt, butineh  ,ra eong oo dof cathedral parts us fo seces brepesil mreil mnd ahtmenu dera t ehm an thel rod al t ah thtt le lemmen misse policecudeevithtars red aneythme s, ll oPss tu.ytnd-p io his is t it ibly ra yeht nehw ti tod reersfantre  nt to go back thre.e uB tel tsuh  elsmwhl h ickemaxe serP-reimaw s f Paes omentrliaacsu ,ebre e eht cnoe avoc maphe fo yreksuoH eht itical cf my polac neracraee r I oseadf  nllcao evitoym inimarts s rep y, ietarSecr  eash va dotroetthn "I, itf  oido esruoc elohw e  yomluydr oo.mI t is a rotten ro .mo .rMuqsA,htihe wa n ivPre at t ahcn,es oh ttibe su uld   disch alli ,lamhsinruf- tnd aedhlugroho sla us oI .nsi titstiouthe ton Ci pmroat wfoi st, in vierprisingag tohegaB .rM tathg inisprur sis  tfoocnu sca nihce i plat nove i l eaatsef  ogileR 's moot sir ehcountry, and it lstaoi nnit ih s im hor fe S thn  ibmeM sihstiaw re e Se. ThariecretatirceeroRmose ' agsspae thn  iek sueilrup dna se play isetarSecr-des-enah diiygn cefa Wh d.toe e  b virP eta eli eht o risks lding, sostrh vafot ah t tuohtiw  yllautcangviea lui bhe t ma eehs a ovitemheirid tbers Memiratt seat oe ekrcxee isd an tat sono htrew yaf or Private Secreeri t ehli,l .m tS  Roory'sreta Secs'rollecnahC dro Lhe tto gesaas pht eevyrbayli  nds, probe of Lor ehtsuoHslew fo thn boe endd ily youfindf surseloCmmo  fna dno s tof ntme seou Hhe nemhserftrapeD tedly from the Reattrl githh-aetr. er yOr mou sayup eni teht woT  o roat ne hamancreo  sveer dccrun eetwbe Pre al a meS etavi yratercand a female one T . ehr oo msip elifntlyulup siepliw dH htesuo fo  sit ra tenp .rO ivate Premalhe ftrap yraterceS e ths  ierth e o th,  iravetS  eamelP  part, aecretarymal atnei dnsi torecthd e bl rto itiaw er moor-gne Th. es aesbltaa ermose .rA  a  M ses atablhe tnd t debieht I .msi tuisq hth dascres oyba s iwgnd-oo divided into tw if; im hthwie rega I ,dias htiuq hadh he wist, Iyai t's idndh  e waal, ys-dchk arsi mtip ehT . oor  and tomf tables sufllo na dtii  ngdiaps inpod teb otht ehs efemaisillusion and dceya ,nis ruornu t.as e p th ha tIf" ahw si tsA .rM t epulul s of chreontsht eo  fursm curtevit ehtsnoc oentof ta ssmteroogttnesea dnf , where  recordsa ni saipotU rie  dofe erphostm n a xeepra eor wm-roe thshap to cted foa l gesialitevtesque travesty snoi ni sihtorg  rgha he e t firctunediromlu hcvi gn ra posie re of toryna erbmorucsbo dermbha c sisth,  condemneich has tidu ehwroi entpfoe y ll teltho ap ll llar  aipa ta disc to mentrlia saPts'yaMejiH sn  iontilaiseg lfo srohtua eht d