How to develop self-confidence

Lucie Hazen

Description

This book is dedicated to all those who suffer from a lack of self-confidence and want to live a happy and fulfilling life. Throughout this guide, I present you with 21 practical exercises and different concrete tasks to try daily in order to learn how to connect with oneself; rid yourself from lack of self-confidence, how to create results, develop self-confidence and maintain it.

Sujets

• Self-confidence

Informations

• Publié par: nche159n
• Publié le: 09 février 2019
• Nombre de lectures: 5
• Langue: English

Extrait

How to develop self-confidence: 21 exercises and

concrete tasks

This book is dedicated to all those who suffer from a lack of self-confidence and want to live a happy and fulfilling life. Throughout this guide, I present you with 21 practical exercises and different concrete tasks to try daily in order to learn how to connect with oneself; rid yourself from lack of self-confidence, how to create results, develop self- confidence and maintain it.

I hoped that this book will guide you to where you want to reach

© Lucie HAZEN - 2017

All rights reserved.

Introduction

Table of Contents

The benefits of self-confidence

What is self-confidence?

Where does self-confidence come from?

How to conduct the education of the child to help him acquire self- confidence?

Indicators of lack of self-confidence

21 foolproof exercises to try when self-confidence is lacking

Conclusion

“It's never too late to be what you should have been” George Eliot

INTRODUCTION

Why is self-confidence important?

- Self-confidence is crucial for the development of the person and his influence.

- Lack of self-confidence is one of the worst scourges of our society. It is estimated that it affects 80% of the people of all social classes and all generations.

- Nobody is confident in100% of the case.

- Being myself an old shy person and through a process of learning about self-confidence: University studies in psychology, training in personal development, experience, books... I was able to reach a comfortable situation to progress in my life, and I wanted to share with you, in all humility, this guide book containing tools and practical exercises to begin the journey to achieve self-confidence and be able to release all the potential which is already within you in order to live happily.

Learn how to regain self-confidence and become the hero of your life!

"Self-confidence is the first secret of success" according to the philosopher Emerson

The benefits of self-confidence

Self-confidence allows you to:

- Overcome your fears and your shyness.

- Believe in yourself.

- Get out of your comfort zone to realize and achieve your dreams

- Seize opportunities.

- Take actions.

- Thrive, be happy and grow.

"The common element which successful people share is self-confidence" - Brian Tracy

What is self-confidence?

Some notional benchmarks:

Before answering this question, I would like to define the expressions:self-esteem, self- confidence, self-loveandself-affirmation, to allow us to distinguish accurately between them. In general, the nuance between these four concepts is often blurred and many people confuse them.

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem:This is the image we have of ourselves. It is the result of the assessment we have about ourselves: our physical appearance, our skills, our actions, our accomplishments, our successes...

Self-esteem is a changing value. It can increase or decrease throughout the periods of life.

"Self-esteem is the strong belief in our value as human beings and thus our importance, regardless of our achievements" - Virginia Satir

Ask yourself the question: how do I feel with the image that I have of myself?

Self-confidence: It's the ability to dare do and undertake actions despite the fear and doubts in order to get what is important to you. It is an inner State, a feeling, a belief in one’s possibilities.

It has five key features:

1. self-confidence is always a prediction, it exists first in the mind, it is not an innate quality.

2. self-confidence is realistic, it is the result of an accumulation of real experiences.

3. having self-confidence is predicting with realism that we have sufficient resources to find solutions.

4. self-confidence is a prediction that applies to a particular area.

5. self-confidence is temporary. It evolves through experience.

Thus, the definition of self-confidence is "A timely and realistic prediction that we have the resources to deal with a particular kind of situation".

What is self-love?

Self-love: Is the ability to embrace yourself, to accept yourself and to appreciate yourself

in your weaknesses and your strengths, it is an unconditional love.

Self-love is to be in deep connection with yourself, with others and with everything around you, which will give you a deep serenity, self-confidence and a state of well-being.

" Self-love is a self-respect that is so deep and strong that you only choose situations and relationships, including those with yourself, that reflect this respect and unconditional love." Christine Arylo

Self-love is built by focusing on your needs, your values, your aspirations and your desires.

How much do you love yourself? How do you love yourself?

What is self-affirmation?

Self-affirmation: Is the ability to express your opinions, your emotions, your needs, your limits, your values... in a constructive way and take your place with respect and confidence among other, to say 'yes' and 'no' clearly. It's what’s referred to asassertiveness.

These four concepts are linked and interact.

Where does self-confidence come from?

The basis of self-confidence:

Self-confidence is built gradually during childhood. The psychotherapistIsabelle Filliozat distinguishes four "stages" in the subject matter during our development:

1. The sense of security

2. The confidence in oneself

3. The confidence in one’s skills

4. Relational trust

1.The inner sense of securityis the basic trust built during pregnancy and the first year of life.

It's the good body feeling of belonging, being strong, feeling safe, realizing that the love of his parents is unconditional, feeding from physical contact, looks, gestures and the loving words of parents...

"It's the feeling of comfortably laying back inside, comfortably sitting in his base, in his spine in his sacrum" - Isabelle Filliozat

Thanks to this intimacy, the child will have a conviction, a sense and an identity, he will know that he’ll be able to deal with a life full of challenges and that he will have his own place "I exist", "I am". The baby, who has not had sufficient authentic physical contact with his parents will tend to look for what he lacks outside, he will become dependent on others adult or objects of substitution: food, smoking, alcohol, work, drugs, shopping... and he will never reach fulfilment since he's looking for it in the wrong place.

Close your eyes and create complete inner silence.

How are you feeling?

Can you stay a long time like this, alone?

Āre you in good company?

Do you feel secure?

Do you feel strong?

Do you feel that you have your place on Earth?

Āre you where you belong?

These questions are essential because they define our inner security.

To restore basic trust, here are some tips:

- Practice meditation

- Practice cardiac coherence

-Offer yourself a massage session

- Do some breathing exercises

- Practice martial arts

- Practice artistic expression

2. The confidence in one’s own person, own desires, own needs.

It is between 18 months and 2 years that confidence in one’s own desires and needs is built. The child develops his own personality, learns how to listen to his needs, to oppose and to make choices. He enters the period of 'No', he seeks to define his own limits and become a person independent from his parents.

The stakes are big. If the parents do not allow him to be himself and be different from them, he will either stay stuck in the opposition phase, or he will become the little nice boy who will stop trying to be himself because he assumed that it would be dangerous for him or for the relationship.

When the empowerment of the child is encouraged and respected, the child will strengthen the confidence in his own person, which will allow him to say "I want".

Conversely, the child will not assert himself and will be detached from his own emotions and choices. His replies will be "As you wish", "Whatever...".

To assert your desires and your needs, ask yourself every morning the following question: What do I feel like today?

3. The confidence in one’s skills

Between three and six years old, the child begins to do things, to act alone, to experiment and explore the world. During this period of life, the child will multiply the experiences of autonomy "I’m doing" and acquire confidence in his skills "I can".

To have confidence in his own abilities is to feel able to do or learn how to do something.

Ālso, the fact of achieving a goal gives the child a great pride and personal satisfaction.

It is essential that the adult allows the child to take initiative, to encourage him in case of failure and congratulate him if successful. This confidence is therefore extremely threatened when the entourage does not adopt the right attitude, and when we lack confidence, we underestimate ourselves, we underappreciate ourselves, we doubt ourselves and our abilities, which triggers the limiting beliefs of: "I am not competent", "I can't do it"

"When parents do something on behalf of their child, for lack of time, by impatience, to simplify their lives, or worse, by contempt for his abilities, the later will not have the opportunity to get a feel of what he is capable of doing by himself." - Isabelle FILLIOZAT

It's obvious: no one is supposed to have the skills when he starts, and the confidence in his own skills is built in action.

« -Ah me, I'm not able to do this!

- But have you tried?

-No, I'm not able.

- But how do you know that since you haven't tried? ».

So,the question to ask is not “do I have this skill?” but “can I develop this particular skill?” Ānd above all of course, “do I want to develop it?”

To rebuild confidence in one’s skills, here are some tips:

- Ācquire knowledge specific to a domain that you are passionate about

- Learn new things using the internet, books and training...

- Explore new horizons...

- Register for a new sport, artistic or linguistic activity

4. Relational trust

Up to 12 years, relational or social trust is developed first within the family through the contact with parents, brothers and sisters, but also by interacting with school classmates, friends and the social environment - "I am recognized". It can be influenced, for example, by how someone is viewed and perceived by his environment. If the child is mocked by his brothers and sisters, or rejected and humiliated by his classmates, he will not feel protected, will lack relational trust, and possibly develop social phobias.

Growing up safely with the others and passing a positive perception of self-worth to the child, allows him to develop a positive view towards life and allows him to be open to others: "Myself and the others".

To develop relational trust, dare to experiment actions that you didn't do before:

- Take a new path when going back home.

- Enter a store that you don’t know.

- Go to a neighbor and ask him for a service (sugar, salt or something else to lend you).

- Talk to an unknown person in the street, at the bus stop etc...

Conclusion:

Now that you know the different levels of the building of self-confidence, you understand that it is built with love and education.

It's about parents that have a strong attachment with their children, parents that give a sense of security, love and self-respect and accept their children’s empowerment process...

This also includes teachers and educators... that use strategies that guide the education of a child for the acquisition of self-confidence.

"Self-confidence, in life, is not innate, it is given to us by others, first by parents, then by the entourage." - Catherine Gueguen

What is your view on the four stages of confidence?

In which stage are you?

What do you want to develop?

Which action will you take?

How tocoNduct the educatioN of the child to help him acquire self- coNfideNce?

Afew guidelines to build self-confidence in children during their learning process:

- Encourage the child with affection, attitude and care... This will boost his self-confidence.

- Teach the child to talk about himself in a positive way.

- Put his difficulties into perspective to help him overcome them and advance in his learning.

- Give him responsibilities in accordance with his age, which encourage him to be more confident and this will accentuate his self-confidence.

- Celebrate his successes and write them down in a “success notebook” to allow the child revisit them again if necessary to regain his confidence.

- Recognize, honor and value his successes and his progress, even if they may seem minimal.

- Congratulate him on his curricular and extracurricular efforts, which will encourage him to take challenges and strengthen his self-confidence.

- Avoid comparing one child with another, they do not function in the same way, each has his potential and his limits.

- Believe in his abilities: believing in the success of someone can help him improve and achieve his goal and the opposite is also valid: "The Pygmalion effect".

Indeed, the child detects via nonverbal language and emotions if his parents believe that he is able to succeed in life or not, and this will influence him.

- Learn how to manage the child’s grades, according toANdré GiordaNandJérôme Saltetin their book 'Learning to learn', grades are an evaluation of a work and not the person.

Self-confidence is a fluid concept, it is the result of the environments in which we operate, of our experiences and of our living conditions. And even if the four stages of the building of confidence go well, our self-confidence can be undermined by the accidents of life which can be multiple such as trauma (grief, harassment, rape...), failure, fear (of how we are perceived or judged by others, of not meeting expectations...).

Lack of self-confidence is the result of a bad experience or comes from a difficulty in adapting to a new situation.