Summary of Dr. Alan E. Fruzzetti & Dr. Marsha M. Linehan's The High-Conflict Couple

Everest Media

Description

Please note: This is a companion version & not the original book.
Sample Book Insights:
#1 The central idea in this book is that highly aroused, negative emotion is the core problem for high-conflict couples. There are specific skills partners can learn to manage their emotions effectively, which in turn makes effective communication possible.
#2 Emotions are complex processes that affect us and others. They are not things, but rather things we do that affect other things inside us and outside us. We don’t have a good word for the process or the whole system in which we have emotions.
#3 There are many components to our emotion system. Our attention, sensation and perception, and our awareness of what’s going on around us all influence our emotions. How we label our emotions and how we express them affects the course of those emotions.
#4 When we are dysregulated, we are not in control of our emotions. When we are out of control, we are not thinking or acting in a clear manner. We are no longer focused on our longer-term goals but are instead focused on the immediate goal of reducing this negative tension or arousal.

Sujets

• Conflict resolution

Informations

• Publié par: Everest Media LLC
• Date de parution: 26 mars 2022
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781669365020
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 1 Mo

Extrait

Insights on Dr. Alan E. Fruzzetti & Dr. Marsha M. Linehan's The High-Conflict Couple
Contents Insights from Chapter 1 Insights from Chapter 2 Insights from Chapter 3 Insights from Chapter 4 Insights from Chapter 5 Insights from Chapter 6 Insights from Chapter 7 Insights from Chapter 8 Insights from Chapter 9 Insights from Chapter 10 Insights from Chapter 11
Insights from Chapter 1

#1

The central idea in this book is that highly aroused, negative emotion is the core problem for high-conflict couples. There are specific skills partners can learn to manage their emotions effectively, which in turn makes effective communication possible.

#2

Emotions are complex processes that affect us and others. They are not things, but rather things we do that affect other things inside us and outside us. We don’t have a good word for the process or the whole system in which we have emotions.

#3

There are many components to our emotion system. Our attention, sensation and perception, and our awareness of what’s going on around us all influence our emotions. How we label our emotions and how we express them affects the course of those emotions.

#4

When we are dysregulated, we are not in control of our emotions. When we are out of control, we are not thinking or acting in a clear manner. We are no longer focused on our longer-term goals but are instead focused on the immediate goal of reducing this negative tension or arousal.

#5

There is a third or middle path between being resigned to being treated badly, on the one hand, and both people treating each other badly, on the other hand. To break the cycle, you must first understand how you get into these hair-trigger situations.

#6

People can be emotionally sensitive, and this can be unsettling in a conversation if not handled properly. People with high emotional sensitivity seem to understand intuitively how other people are feeling and coping.

#7

When we do notice something that is emotionally relevant, our reaction may be small or large. Big reactions are often louder, more rapidly and intensely expressed, and are accompanied by higher emotional arousal. Thus, big reactions can communicate more clearly what a person is feeling, but they can also result in the person reacting too quickly.

#8

Emotional equilibrium is the state in which we can think and act clearly and purposefully. When our arousal goes up, it takes a certain amount of time to come back down to baseline. For some people, this happens quickly, while others may take several hours.

#9

Negative emotional arousal can affect your relationship in many ways. It may lead you to overreact in some situations, and perhaps even underreact in others. This makes it more difficult for your partner to respond in understanding and soothing ways.

#10

When our emotional arousal is very high, we are unable to take a balanced or long-term view, and our thinking abilities are similarly overwhelmed. We say and do things that reflect being overwhelmed, we become defensive, or we simply do not describe the heartfelt desires and emotions that lie beneath our negative arousal.

#11

We all have a tendency to judge situations and people as good or bad, and this can lead to emotional upset. If we are able to describe the situation, what we want, and legitimize the emotional process, our emotional arousal will return to a lower state.

#12

The goal of couples therapy is for partners to bring up issues that bother them when they are relevant, and they do so in a nonaggressive, descriptive, and clear way. The other partner listens, tries to understand, and communicates that understanding even when he or she disagrees.

#13

In a mutual avoidance pattern, partners dysregulate each other. When one partner experiences something negative and starts to get upset beyond a certain point, the other partner begins to spike emotionally as well. Then, each person, aware of the other’s high negative arousal and potential for dysregulated responding, avoids bringing the issue up.

#14

destructive engagement is the end result of the avoidant pattern. It is when partners end up expressing a lot of hostility, fail to remember or express their love for each other, and are unable to understand each other’s point of view.

#15

The engage-distance pattern is when one person wants to discuss or pursue a topic and be together, but the other person, at least in that moment, does not want to discuss a topic further or perhaps even be together and instead seeks some alone time.

#16

Research has shown that being in a healthy, close relationship is good for people. Being in a distressed or highly conflictual relationship takes its toll on individual well-being, and rates of substance abuse, anxiety disorders, health problems, and so on are higher among distressed and high-conflict couples.

#17

This book is about learning to manage your emotions effectively in order to promote better communication, foster love and closeness, and solve problems. It is based on principles of dialectical behavior therapy, a treatment for severe and pervasive problems of emotion dysregulation developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan.

#18

The book’s chapters should be read in order. The materials and skills are designed to build forward and cumulatively. Although you could skip ahead, mastering earlier skills will make later skills easier and the likelihood of success greater.
Insights from Chapter 2

#1

Mindfulness is the ability to pay attention to things that matter to us the most, and use that awareness to direct our actions. It involves an awareness of ourselves, our partners, and how we are connected to each other.

#2

In any partnership, the things we do as individuals affect the other person and the relationship. In a couple, if one person is distressed about something, it is also the other person’s concern, whether they acknowledge it or not.

#3