Summary of Sarah Schulman's Conflict Is Not Abuse

Everest Media

Description

Please note: This is a companion version & not the original book.
Sample Book Insights:
#1 Confusing being mortal with being threatened can occur in any realm. The fact that something could go wrong does not mean that we are in danger. It means that we are alive. Mortality is the sign of life.
#2 We can project our fears and insecurities onto others, and this can lead to unnecessary separation and pain. Because the question is so big, I will start with the smallest place: the flirt.
#3 The woman across the table from me is a bit naughty, and she uses the word Gspot in a professional setting. This is not unusual for queer people, who have a sexualized vocabulary that many straight people find inappropriate.
#4 Being accused of desire is as old as history itself, and it has been and still is dangerous for queer people. We have been excluded, shunned, imprisoned, and murdered for believing that others find us attractive.

Sujets

• Sexualité
• sexualité
• Sexualité
• Social history

Informations

• Publié par: Everest Media LLC
• Date de parution: 01 avril 2022
• Nombre de lectures: 1
• EAN13: 9781669373636
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 1 Mo

Extrait

Insights on Sarah Schulman's Conflict Is Not Abuse
Contents Insights from Chapter 1 Insights from Chapter 2 Insights from Chapter 3
Insights from Chapter 1

#1

Confusing being mortal with being threatened can occur in any realm. The fact that something could go wrong does not mean that we are in danger. It means that we are alive. Mortality is the sign of life.

#2

We can project our fears and insecurities onto others, and this can lead to unnecessary separation and pain. Because the question is so big, I will start with the smallest place: the flirt.

#3

The woman across the table from me is a bit naughty, and she uses the word G-spot in a professional setting. This is not unusual for queer people, who have a sexualized vocabulary that many straight people find inappropriate.

#4

Being accused of desire is as old as history itself, and it has been and still is dangerous for queer people. We have been excluded, shunned, imprisoned, and murdered for believing that others find us attractive.

#5

The use of accusations of desire as an overstatement of harm is a powerful example of how we project social evils onto personal relationships. We are unable to see the big picture, to imagine economic consequences, or to ask about other people’s motives and objectives.

#6

We cannot know everything about ourselves, and sometimes we reveal things to others that we are not ready to accept. But refuting male Supremacy does not mean pretending that we all understand ourselves completely.

#7

The role of anxiety in escalating conflict is why email and texts are so often the source of tragic separations between potentially enriching relationships. Refusing to speak to someone without terms for repair is a strange, childish act of destruction in which nothing can be won.

#8

If we can’t communicate with someone, it is the person with the most limitations who is in control. The desirable goal for all of us is not to restrict those who can, but to bring more communication skills to those who can’t.

#9

Emailing to ask for permission to make a phone call privileges the rage, Supremacy, and Trauma of withholding over the human responsibility to communicate and understand.

#10

People are not obligated to obey a unidirectional order that has not been discussed. Emails that command do not contact me are not legitimate orders, and should be discussed.

#11

The slogan Believe women! is a reductive shortcut that attempts to address the complex reality of human interaction, but it can also be used to deny the nuance and complexity of human reality.

#12

The contemporary, collective social model of abuse is that a man invites a woman to respond to his desires when she does not return those desires, nor has she suggested or advertised that she does. He is supposed to recognize that she never felt nor suggested those feelings.

#13

The movies we watch often depict the story of the single mother, who was hurt by her spouse. She never wants to be hurt again, and she develops a protective notion about herself. When she finally meets someone she enjoys talking to, she cuts it dead.

#14

If the movies replicated these restrictive values, movies would be even worse than they are already. No surprises. First impulse, only impulse. But in reality, romance doesn’t always start off on the right foot, and people change each other with their hope, forgiveness, and optimism.

#15

The problem with silence is that it is not accountable. It is unreasonable to expect other people to interpret our silences. That is an unfair burden. It is the responsibility of the person who is silent to explain themselves, and it is up to them to decide if they want to explain themselves or not.

#16

Sometimes, when we are upset, we pretend or convince ourselves that Conflict is actually not only Abuse, but a crime. We overstate the harm and call the police, and then we are in the arms of The State.

#17

The concept of mutual abuse is so commonplace in our culture that its construction is never questioned. It is a sign of maturity and decency to acknowledge that often all parties participate in making mistakes that can produce discord.

#18

The word Abuse has become overused, and is often used to describe situations where one person is being controlled by another or a group in a manner that the recipient has not contributed to and cannot change. But this does not mean that the person being blamed is abusive.

#19

Social workers are licensed by the government, and their misapplications of the word Abuse can have profound consequences on how individuals are treated by the state and their communities.

#20

When a social worker is trained, they are told what domestic violence is. But they were never told what it is not. They should instead ask clients questions that would elicit more information.

#21

The question Are you unsafe or uncomfortable. is very inspiring. Does the person feel unsafe when they are not actually unsafe, but rather because the other party is bringing up issues about their life that are troublesome and difficult to face.

#22

Asking What are you afraid of. can reveal either Conflict or Abuse. If the person answers with a clear and detailed explanation of their fear, it could be Conflicted.