Back to School with an Emu

Merv Lambert

Description

This fantastic edition to the Colin the Librarian series contains three new exciting stories.Colin at Grumples or Back to SchoolColin and M find themselves at Grumples Academy in the 1920s. This expensive private school with poor facilities and extremely bad teaching is run by the formidable Dr. Scrote, who is only interested in discipline. Colin in his role as a 12 year old boy becomes the friend of Harry Barking. In a series of hilarious scrapes Colin and M rescue Harry more than once. Finally Colin organises the great escape of the youngest boys and causes the closure of the school. Unfortunately Harry is not welcome at home. The next story shows us why.Barking MadColin and M help Harry Barking disrupt the plans of his awful stepmother to marry him off to any available wealthy woman. Instead he becomes engaged to Heather, who works in a florist's shop in the nearby village. M also manages to disrupt the local foxhunt. The phoenix arranges the arrival of Colin's wife Olivia and his Auntie Flo posing as the Duchess of Merseyside. Heather appears at the evening meal at Barkingham Hall, and causes trouble with her tennis racket. Harry angrily explains to his family that they have neglected and mistreated him for years. He disowns them and his inheritance. Finally Colin and M trap Harry's two loathsome older step-brothers into proposing marriage to the twin sisters Drusilla and Hortensia. M also takes an interest in stamp collecting.The Purple Heather PerpsA third encounter with Harry Barking leads Colin back to the 1920s. With the help of his two cousins Billy and Jilly, and of course M, he foils an attempt by Harry's family to ruin the new garden centre that Harry and his wife Heather are just setting up. M takes an interest in swimming.

Informations

• Publié par: Andrews UK
• Date de parution: 11 février 2014
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781783336142
• Langue: English

Extrait

Title Page
Back To School With An Emu
By
Merv Lambert



Publisher Information
Back to School with an Emu
Published in 2014 by Andrews UK Limited
www.andrewsuk.com
This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior written consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published, and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
The characters and situations in this book are entirely imaginary and bear no relation to any real person or actual happening.
Copyright © 2014 Merv Lambert
The right of Merv Lambert to be identified as author of this book has been asserted in accordance with section 77 and 78 of the Copyrights Designs and Patents Act 1988.



Introduction
Colin the Librarian owns a special, ancient book with a magic bookmark that has a red phoenix on it. His adventures are sometimes begun by him merely starting to read the book and then immediately finding himself taking part in the story, or perhaps the bookmark will give off a red flash, transporting him straight into the action. Often he is accompanied by his computer-generated emu friend M, who is invisible to everyone except Colin and certain members of his family. Sometimes M lives with Colin’s cousins Billy and Jilly, but more often than not he is to be found at Colin’s house.



Colin at Grumples or Back to School
Colin did not want to go back to school. Probably this was because he was already a grown man. However, that was where the phoenix on his magic bookmark had sent him apparently. He quickly checked what he was wearing, and to his horror saw that he was in grey short trousers and a complete school uniform including a white shirt and a dark blue blazer and tie. Fortunately though M, who was there with him wherever they were, was not wearing a school uniform. That would have looked ridiculous. Whoever heard of an emu wearing short trousers and a blazer? And such a ridiculous school cap! Of course, given the chance, M would probably have done so out of sheer curiosity and his own peculiar sense of fun. In fact everyone would have been alarmed, even when he was standing still because the garments would have appeared to be mysteriously suspended in mid-air, and, if he started moving, he would have caused panic or even a stampede.
“Well,” thought Colin, “at least I’ve got a clue to the time factor here. I must be stranded in the earlier part of the 20 th century, possibly the 1920s or 30s”
He had never been very tall. At present he was shorter than he usually was, so he rubbed his chin. No stubble or beard met his fingers. Hmm! He was now probably about 12 years old, although in reality he was in his late twenties and married with children. Really! What was the phoenix up to this time? Colin had been alone at home, and had opened his special book at no particular page, when without warning there had been a tremendous red flash, and now here he was at the beginning of another adventure.
Next Colin glanced around the room he was in. Its walls were painted a horrible grubby green colour. The furnishings were simple - six small beds with a small locker or cupboard standing next to each one. He was the only person there until the door banged open, and a small fair-haired boy, who looked about 12 years old, burst in, carrying an old-fashioned suitcase, which was also not very big.
“Hello!” he shouted. “I’m Harry Barking. Who are you?”
Smiling, he thrust out his right hand for Colin to shake. It seemed a quaintly old-fashioned gesture, but Colin gave it a gentle shake, careful not to reveal the immense strength the magic phoenix bookmark gave him.
Colin introduced himself, but then said, “Although I didn’t expect to be here.”
“Why not?” was the reply. “Grumples is one of the best private schools around or so they say, though I’m not so sure myself.”
“What do you mean?” asked Colin.
“Well, I thought they would be strict here, but so far strict seems the wrong word. Brutal fits better, but come on. I think we’ll be late for tea, I mean dinner. We’re probably in trouble already.”
“O.K.” answered Colin, as he and M followed his new young friend down a corridor and into what was obviously the dining-room, where a crowd of boys of various ages, but none of them younger than Harry and Colin, were already seated at long tables.
“A sharp voice rang out. “I say, you two boys, you’re late!”
Then Harry cried, “Ow!” The owner of the voice, supposedly a prefect, had just clipped him across the ear. When he tried this on Colin, however, he winced in surprise, and shook his fingers in disbelief. It had been like hitting a rock.
“I shouldn’t try that again,” murmured Colin, “whoever you think you are.”
“Harbinger to you. Prefect Harbinger,” was the sneering reply. “You will both report to me at the Prefects’ Room at 6 o’clock.” He was unaware of the emu next to him raising his eyebrows rather doubtfully.
“Will we?” smiled Colin. “I look forward to that.”
When he saw what the kitchen staff had put on their plates, he thought to himself, “Yes, it’s much as I expected - lumpy mashed potatoes, burned sausages, hard garden peas and thin gravy. Can it be improved? Immediately the magic phoenix bookmark, pulsed in his top pocket, and straight away the new boys all found that the food on their plates had suddenly become very tasty. They tucked in, and all of them, including Colin, cleared their plates. Harbinger, however, was not faring so well. He did not know it was M shooting the hard peas at him and hitting him in the face. It happened once, twice, and then it stopped for a minute before it happened again. One! Two! Three! All of them stung. Furiously he glared round at the other prefects. Which of them or which ones were the culprits? He couldn’t tell. They were not talking, not laughing, merely ploughing resignedly through the meal in front of them. By the end of it Harbinger had had enough.
“Come on,” he said to the other boys at his table, “which of you rotters has been firing peas at me?”
They all stared back at him in amazement.
“None of us has. You’ve been imagining things,” laughed Henderson, one of the Head Boy, Dabek’s friends. At that very moment M spat one last pea out of his beak, and it hit Harbinger on the end of his nose.
“Aaargh!” he cried, and stamped peevishly out of the dining-room, determined to vent his anger on someone.
After the meal he was standing impatiently waiting outside the door of the Prefects’ Room for the arrival of his two intended victims. Of course he did not see M striding along behind them.
“You’re late again!” he snapped.
Colin smiled, which infuriated the pompous prefect even more, and when Colin said, “I never could stand bullies,” he exploded with rage.
“What?” he roared. “You snivelling little toad! You will not speak to me like that. You are going to be my school slave.”
Colin’s 12 year old self roared too, but his were roars of genuine laughter. “What’s the word these days for someone like you? Oh, I know - twerp!”
Harry was staring in amazement at his new acquaintance. Harbinger was staring at him too, both astounded and infuriated that this obviously much younger boy was not taking him seriously, and was treating him with scant respect. He shouted angrily again. “You will clean all my shoes immediately. At once. Do you hear?”
Colin continued to grin at him and said nothing, so the prefect stepped forward intending to strike him again, having forgotten the pain caused to his fingers the previous time he had done that. However, unbeknown to him, a certain emu had tied his shoe-laces together, and he crashed forward landing painfully on his face.
By now a number of the other prefects, drawn by the shouting, had come out to see what was going on. They did not like Harbinger very much, and one of them, Will Dabek said, “Clear off, you shell boys. Harbinger seems to have met his match.
As Harry and Colin strolled off, Colin asked him, “What’s a shell boy?”
“Oh, it’s what everyone at Grumples calls boys in the first year here. I think it’s like we’ve just hatched out.”
“Right, but I don’t think Harbinger has finished with us. He’s sure to try something else. We must be on our guard.” M was nodding his head sagely.
Colin found that he fell into the old school routine at Grumples Academy easily enough. It had some overtones of a previous adventure, when he had served in the R.A.F., and as usual time seemed to pass very quickly. He slept quite well in the dormitory with Harry and four other boys all new to the school. Already he knew that Harry was the youngest son of the Duke of Barking, who, it seemed had sent him to this expensive boarding school because it kept him out of his way and out of his life on his vast family estate. Harry said it was like being a father by remote control. Also Colin sensed there would be trouble tomorrow. He knew that was when they would meet the notorious, fearsome Dr. Ernest Scrote. He also knew that some of the lessons would be dire. He foresaw encounters with one or two really awful teachers, and of course the twerp Harbinger was likely to feature prominently in the coming events. Yes, he and M were really looking forward to all of that!
The next day did not disappoint. At 9 o’clock all the new boys, the shell boys, were waiting nervously for the arrival of the reputedly utterly ruthless, awesome headmaster. His deputy, a short frowning individual wearing a shabby brown suit and an old black academic gown that hung untidily from his shoulders, and sporting a jaunty ginger moustache, stood glaring at the boys, as if daring them to speak so that he coul