The Little Book of Rambling Rhymes

F. J. Hewison

Description

The Little Book of Rambling Rhymes

Sujets

• Humor
• Form
• Verse
• Limerick

Informations

• Publié par: Tablo Pty Ltd
• Date de parution: 02 août 2019
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781925993905
• Langue: English

Extrait

IF YOU FIND YOUR NAME HEREIN,
IT SIMPLY WASN’T MEANT.
IT’S NOT THE ONE YOU REALLY ARE -
IT CAME AND THEN IT WENT.
I made a stop inside a shop,
To buy a pair of braces.
I have no buttons on my pants
So settled on shoelaces.
#
 
Bob glued a parrot on his head
And left it there all day.
It screeched and swore and carried on,
Then flew Bob’s scalp away.
#
 
Lou’s a sperm, which caused concern.
He wished that things got better.
And then by chance, he went to France,
Now Lou’s in some French letter.
#
 
Tom spun around, his mind unsound,
He swore he saw a ghost.
“Things aren’t that bad, you’re not half mad,”
Screamed the head nailed to a post.
#
 
Jack’s head is twisted back to front,
Does not know where he’s going.
The doctor told him what to do.
He’s on the river rowing.
#
 
Andre had a tadpole friend.
They shared their ham and eggs.
Then one day, it was a frog
And Andre ate its legs.
#
 
Clem was born with just one leg,
And leans upon his buttock.
So he entered politics
And leans on Philip Ruddock.
#
 
 
Col went in a lolly shop,
It seemed to make him randy.
He found the sweetie that he loves.
And now he’s stuck on Candy.
#
 
Bennie has no features,
He only has a snout.
Every time he sneezes hard,
His socks turn inside out.
#
 
Josh sat upon a thundercloud,
Enjoyed a little nap.
The lightening didn’t strike him,
But alas, he caught the clap.
#
 
I came upon this tiny man
Who wore this giant hat.
The band held up his trousers
And the brim was where he sat.
#
 
Sammy was an only child.
“What can we do?” asked Mother.
Dad arranged the gender change.
And now she’s Sammy’s brother!
#
 
Last night I saw a ghost I’m sure;
A spectre white and hairy.
I know not whom it haunted most,
Me or my canary!
#
 
Freddie had a wristlet watch.
He swallowed it one day
And now he’s taking Epson Salts
To pass the time away.
#
 
Harry jumped up much too quick.
His sense of smell was rotten.
The doctor found the reason was
His nose was near his bottom!
#
 
Mary had a little lamb,
Its eyes were black as tar.
And everywhere that Mary went,
It drove her Vauxhall car.
#
 
Her head was flat and round and brown.
She sought advice from many.
She took the one; the best of all
And changed her name from Penny.
#
 
Sue took her boa for a walk,
It slipped its lead and fled.
She’s lonely now and that is why,
She’s found a croc called Fred.
#
 
I’m an opera singer’s shoe.
Know songs that should be sung.
When I tried to tell him this,
Was told to hold my tongue.
#
 
Anouki is an Eskimo
Who always fished through holes.
Until a giant store came by,
With frozen food from Coles.
#
 
Banjo was a poet
Who got his lines all jumbled.
He ate that many biscuits,
He couldn’t think and crumbled.
#
 
Errol was a clever flautist,
Whose notes were loud and strong.
When the neighbours all complained
His flute became a bong.
#
 
I did not see this hungry ant
Sitting on my sandwich.
I chewed it up; it bit me bad.
I’m tongue-tied with my bandage.
#
 
Andrew was a trying lad;
Ever blew his trumpet.
Until one day it made no sound.
Was muted by a crumpet.
#
 
I cried all day my tortoise died.
I could not blame my wife.
She couldn’t prise its head outside,
To receive the kiss of life.
#
 
Jenny took her cockatoo
To share her lunch at Maccas.
She made a fuss, to no avail.
They’d only serve them crackers.
#
 
Sammy rides big kangaroos,
In all our country’s towns.
Although he wasn’t good at first
He’s learnt in leaps and bounds.
#
 
This camel flies above my head
And scares me half to death.
Cannot take much more of this,
I’m giving up the meth.
#
 
Ernie coughed, his eye popped out
It’s carried in his pocket.
Now all the little change he has,
Is stored inside his socket.
#
 
He has this awful steely stare;
His name is Donny Dusty.
His mother never lets him cry.
His eyeballs might get rusty.
#
 
Spirits drift around my room,
Some are very frisky.
But the one I love the most of all,
Is the genuine Irish whisky.
#
 
He loves his mathematics,
It doesn’t get him far.
He runs around in circles,
This fellow 2 pi  r.
#
 
Angus catches cane toads.
He gives them little hope.
They end up in the local shop,
As ‘Angus’s Cane Toad Soap.’
#
 
Phillip has this crocodile.
He keeps it in the bath.
He took it to the local dance
And reduced the girls by half.
#
 
A ghostly shape in the half dark light;
Transfixed with fright was he.
Was just the wife without her teeth,
Getting out of bed to pee.
#
 
Albert loves to dance all night
But when he tried the jig,
His partner lost her hold on him
And she’s sitting in a fig.
#
 
Robert always paints weird things;
Prints of blues and reds.
Much of it the critics love,
Depends where Robert treads.
#
 
There was a woman who lived in a shoe;
Smallish and poor, to all known as Beth.
Then a one-legged bum, barefoot was he,
Tried on the shoe, squashed Beth to death.
#
 
Rosie was a careless girl.
She brushed her teeth with glue.
They stuck together, oh so tight
Now talks to very few.
#
 
The beady eyes, the awful fangs;
They pierced my inner soul.
Was not the way to spend a night,
Inside a wombat’s hole.
#
 
As they kissed and bade farewell,
She knew what he was thinking.
‘Ease up on the garlic please,
Your breath is really stinking.’
#
 
He sat so aloof in his carriage,
Proud yet full of remorse.
He hadn’t moved for one whole week,
For someone had stolen his horse.
#
 
Samuel was a porcupine;
The rumors ran around,
That he bought himself a waterbed
And leapt in it and drowned.
#
 
One night I caught a furry bat.
It was hanging in the thicket.
It didn’t live for very long;
I used it playing cricket.
#
 
She was a young lassie named Lena,
Who lived in the town of Bundeena.
Until one night, she hid out of sight
And nobody seems to have seen her.
#
 
“A cow jumped over the moon.”
No matter what others might say,
My theory is one of sheer logic.
Was en route to the Milky Way.
#
 
Twinkle, twinkle, little star
You just go off and on.
I think I’ll roll the other way
And pretend that you have gone.
#
 
Hickory, dickory, dock,
The clock fell on my cat.
I scraped it up and dried it out.
Now it’s my front-door mat.
#
 
Jill met a handsome boy one day.
I believe his name was Jack.
His nails I know, were one foot long
And he poisoned poor Jill’s back.
#
 
Jack and Jill went up the hill.
They said they wanted water.
They stayed up there for nine whole months,
And brought back down, a daughter.
#
 
Otto had this problem wife.
She really was a puzzle.
She talked each day and half each night,
So now she wears a muzzle!
#
 
David walks on hands and knees;
No reason can be found.
He disappeared from home one day.
They found him in the pound.
They haven’t lost young David since;
His mum remained tight-lipped.
It’s not a secret anymore;
She’s had him micro-chipped!
#
 
A wombat joined the country club;
It suits them to a tee.
They point him where they need him most
And he digs the holes for free.
#
 
Kenny has his ups and downs,
He looks from left to right.
Hasn’t solved the crossword yet.
With any clues he might.
#
 
I came home drunk, quite late one night
And thought an egg I’d poach.
But it did not have the taste it should,
That disgusting large cockroach!
#
 
Darryl had this talking horse.
It loved to have its say.
But then they had a falling out
And now it won’t say, “neigh!”
#
 
I love my nightly dog food snacks,
I tried to cease but couldn’t.
But now I’ll have to stop real soon;
I’m licking things I shouldn’t.
#
 
Garden gnomes, I have a few.
They come inside my house.
They tend to ease my loneliness,
With small talk they espouse.
#
 
Johnny lived inside a cave;
Ever black as night.
Now he’s joined the local church,
Because he’s seen the light.