Uniquely Me

Derrick Johnson

Description

This is my third book, and if you read any of my other books, you would know that I always think outside the box and try to give you the funniest poems and short stories that I can think of. So I hope that you enjoy this book as well.

Sujets

• Poetry

Informations

• Publié par: AuthorHouse
• Date de parution: 05 août 2022
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781665564632
• Langue: English

Extrait

Poetry and Short Stories

Uniquely Me
 
 
 
 
Derrick Johnson
 
 
 

 
AuthorHouse™
1663 Liberty Drive
Bloomington, IN 47403
www.authorhouse.com
Phone: [phone]
 
 
 
 
© 2022 Derrick Johnson. All rights reserved.
 
No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.
 
Published by AuthorHouse 07/20/2022
 
Library of Congress Control Number: 2022913292
ISBN: 978-1-6655-6464-9 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-6655-6463-2 (e)
 
 
 
 
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.
 
Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
Contents
A Crying Woman’s Tears
A Drink, Good Sex, And Some Weed
A Good Pen And Paper
A Midnight Snack
Abracadabra
Accidental Discharge
All Pillows Aside
Arabian Night
Beautiful As A Rose
Bedtime Story
Big Eyes
Blazed Up
Can You Think Of A Reason
Clocking You
Does Size Matter?
Don’t Ask Why!
Don’t Worry About Me, I Will Be Alright
Everybody Has A Flaw
For You
Forced
From The Cradle To The Grave
G2G
Ghettology
Grandfathered In To Stupid
I Want To Hold You
I Can’t Take No Mo’, One Of Us Has To Go
I Need Some Rain
I Was There, But You Chased Me Away
I Wonder
Just Shut Up
Let My Poem Cry
Lip Juice
Man Cans
Manish In Spanish
Math Head
O-Positive (O+)
Are You Down With O.C.D.
P. A. S. S. (People Are So Stupid)
Petals On The Floor
Rhonda’s Honda
Space Available Male (S.A.M.)
Stop Taking Or People (S.T.O.P.)
Social Feed
Statue
Taking Control Of Your Sexy
The Dirty Dozen
The Fink
The Mind Of A Freak
The Name Is Derrick
The Night The Clown Got Loose
The Side Chick
The T.H.O.T Of Her
The Watch Tower
There Are Two Sides To Love
There Is No Truth In Her Lies
What Is Love
What Is Romantic?
When I’m Ready
Who Was There?
When I’m Ready
Why Is She So Phat
A Crying Woman’s Tears
A crying woman’s tears has killed more men that Whiskey. They can drop tears when they are happy, sad, or feeling frisky.
They can cry on your shoulder and will never tell you why. But you can see those tears and be willing to die.
Tears are nothing more than liquid emotions leaving your body. These tears can be deadly to a man, especially if she is a hottie.
You can catch your woman cheating and she will cry you a river. Some women are so good at crying that they make their lip quiver.
Some men are some real suckers for the big wet eyes. They will end up forgiving them and accepting her big wet lies.
A crying woman will use her tears as a part of her plan. She can cry you into getting rid of her other man.
Don’t get me wrong, there are some crying men too. But I’m not talking about them; this poem is about Girl Boo.
Big tears of joy, tears of happiness, tears of pain, or tears of sorrow. I don’t want tears, because if she cries today, she will cry tomorrow.
Wars have been started because of a woman’s crying. In those wars, a lot of innocent people ended up dying.
So the next time that you decide to cry. Cry for the truth instead of a Lie.
A Drink, Good Sex, And Some Weed
A stiff drink, some good sex, and some bomb ass weed. Will be all I want to help with that sexual need.
Crack the bottle and give a big cup. Tilt that shit back and finish it up.
Tell her to take off her clothes so you can admire the flesh. Make sure she takes a shower, so that pussy is wet and fresh.
Let her exit the shower to ensure that she is dripping wet. Kiss the drops of water from her body before they began to set.
After you have kissed her body dry. Fire up that joint and start to get high.
Weed, sex, and good liquor will lead to an all-nighter. You must make her ass tap out like a UFC Fighter.
Play some crazy games like you are a fisherman and she is the fish. Pretend she is Jeanie, make her rub her tits and fulfill your wish.
She can be the bad girl and you are the new Sheriff in town. You can be her Life Guard as she as pretends to drown.
Be careful not to drink too much, you can fuck all night, but can’t “cum”. After a while you will feel like you are fucking with some old chewing gum.
Finally, she had enough and she is laying on her side. Now you are lying next to her with your limp ass pride.
When you get “Blazed”, you must take the pussy like a “Goon”. You still must pace yourself and try not to cum too soon.
All the booze, drugs, and sex is your license to chill. But if you want to take it to the level, get the “Smurf Pill”.
The “Smurf Pills” will cost you some cash, “in God we trust”. Those “Smurf Pills” could also make your heart bust.
My advice to you is, don’t try to fuck all night all night long. You are not in the Mighty Jungle and you are not, King Kong.
A Good Pen And Paper
A good pen and paper, is all I need to write me a good caper.
I can take any words and turn them in ta a fiendish plot. I can be like a twisted Shakespeare “to be or not”.
I can control your mind and destroy all your dreams. I can manipulate your thoughts, feelings, and screams.
My pen is like Zorro’s Sword, I can cut you down from A to Z. All I need is some ink and fresh paper from a solid oak tree.
The smooth flow of my writing is like a surfer on a wave. I can make you become good, bad, sexy, or miss-behave.
The world is my resource, with plenty of knowledge to gain. The people are full so of sorrow, anger, happiness, and pain.
My other resources come from the place called the cradle of life. This is where the boy meets girl and soon husband marries wife.
Human beings, animals, and insects all must fight to survive. All forms of life doing whatever they must just to stay alive.
Yes, I am a writer with thoughts of a wild and crazy imagination. So, when I do something crazy, I write it down with no hesitation.
I’m a fighter that became a writer and I love what I do. If I feel it, I write it, OK, it has nothing to do with you.
My thinking and my logic can sometime get a little weird. However, I never talked about a circus lady with the beard.
But I have imagined having some wild sex with a sexy female clown. I would honk her red nose and pull her polka dot panties down.
Can you imagine her big red clown shoes under my bed? I will have her under the big top giving me some clown ass head.
I love this pen, it’s like a private jet taking to the sky in flight. I love to mastermind my sentences in the direction of left to right.
I can go on forever and a day writing about the things that I can do. But if I keep writing about me, I will never know anything about you.
I want you to write me something about you that I haven’t read. Talk to me about your most intimate thoughts while you are in bed.
Take your time and become one with your writing craft. But don’t make up lies about catching a whale with only your rod and a raft.
A Midnight Snack
I t’s the middle of the night, earlier you and your girl had a nasty fight.
You don’t have a taste for makeup sex, because that was something that you always did with your ex.
So, you both lie there turned away back to back. This whole time, you are just planning your attack.
You wait until she falls asleep, and then you get your midnight snack.
Just like a snake you slither and swerve. Using your tongue to feel her every curve.
Staring from head to toe, pausing briefly to taste those hips. She will be excited when you kiss those juice filled lips.
She will grab those ears and guide your head right. She has already forgotten about that silly ass fight.
The best part about the midnight snack, is enjoying the 69 while you are on your back.
Let her ride your face until it’s soaking wet. And then slowly scoot her down on your baseball bat.
Fuck her well with no remorse or pity. Put one hand on the thigh and the other one on her tittie.
Take full control of this fuck and don’t give her any slack. Once your fucking is complete, thank her kindly for the midnight snack.
You have to be careful, because the hormones are still all over the place. And she might not be finished and want to continue fucking your face.
You can’t stop now, because you have started some shit. You got that pussy so hot, that it’s starting to spit.
The only two choices you have are to; fuck for another hour or make her hot ass take a cold shower.
Whatever decision that you make, you must please that crack. And the next time, plan for meal instead of a midnight snack.
Abracadabra
A bracadabra is a word that is use to divert or represent a disappearance in a form of a magic trick. I sometimes use it to describe a person who is trying to be sneaky or slick.
Hocus Pocus; you better keep your head clear and your eyes in focus.
I had an evil woman that had me on the run. The only way to shake her was to marry me a Nun.
She was a sweet young virgin, or so I thought.