Jungle Out There

William Stafford

Description

Forced to leave their jungle home, Lady Jane and her family move to a semi-detached house in the Black Country town of Dedley, where they try to fit in with modern living, only to find themselves questioning the way people live today and learning that life can still be an adventure wherever you are. This quirky comedy and affectionate spoof of Edgar Rice Burroughs is suitable for fans of fantasy with a sense of humour.

Informations

• Publié par: Andrews UK
• Date de parution: 22 octobre 2014
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781785380167
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 1 Mo

Extrait

Conens

Fron Maer ........................................................... î Tîe Page ........................................................ î Pubîser ïnormaîon ................................... îî Dedîcaîon .................................................... îîî

Junge Ou here................................................... 1 Caper One .................................................. 1 Caper Two ................................................ 12 Caper hree .............................................. 18 Caper Four ............................................... 28 Caper Fîve ................................................ 43 Caper Sîx .................................................. 55 Caper Seven.............................................. 61 Caper Eîg............................................... 76 Caper Nîne ............................................... 91 Caper Ten ............................................... 100 Caper Eeven .......................................... 114 Caper Tweve.......................................... 126 Caper hîreen ....................................... 142 Caper Foureen ...................................... 152 Caper Fîteen.......................................... 161 Caper Sîxeen ......................................... 169 Caper Seveneen..................................... 176 Caper Eîgeen ....................................... 185 Caper Nîneeen ...................................... 192 Caper Tweny ......................................... 205

Back Maer .......................................................212 Aso Avaîabe ............................................ 212

JUNGLE OUT THERE

A Suburban Advenure

Wîîam Saford

Publiser Informaion

Pubîsed în 2014 by Andrews UK îmîed www.andrewsuk.com

he rîg o Wîîam Saford o be îdenîIed as e Auor o îs Work as been assered by îm în accordance wî e Copyrîg, Desîgns and Paens Ac 1998

Copyrîg © 2014 Wîîam Saford

A rîgs reserved. No par o îs pubîcaîon may be reproduced, sored în a rerîeva sysem, or ransmîed, în any orm or by any means wîou e prîor wrîen permîssîon o e pubîser, nor be oerwîse cîrcuaed în any orm o bîndîng or cover oer an a în wîc î îs pubîsed and wîou a sîmîar condîîon beîng împosed on e subsequen purcaser. Any person wo does so may be îabe o crîmîna prosecuîon and cîvî caîms or damages.

A caracers appearîng în îs work are Icîîous. Any resembance o rea persons, îvîng or dead, îs purey coîncîdena.

For Gîes

Caper One

ïn wîc we arrîve a our new ome and mee e neîgbours

he and remembers. ï as been years sînce ï as pu an acua pen o acua paper and, aoug unamîîar a Irs, e acîon o wrîîng îs sîrrîng memorîes în my musces and e quaîy o my penmansîp îs împrovîng. ï used o keep a journa îke îs wen ï was a eenager. ïn î ï woud documen e gossîp o every scoo day and gîve înk o e ougs ï dare no voîce. ï secreed e voume în my ocker, cunnîngy dîsguîsed as a borîng od aîn grammar. No one a eFînesse Academy or Young adîeswoud dream o pîckîng î up - ï woud ave been morîIed and probaby sen down oo î ey ad. Wa appened o ose sensaîona records o my you, ï don’ know. So muc o my îe îs os, mîssîng or mîspaced. ï’s one o e reasons ï ave aken up îs od abî. Anoer îs a e însîsence o my soîcîor, neîgbour and rîend, Mr yons. He îs o e opînîon a a Irs-and accoun o my reînegraîon îno cîvîîsed socîey woud go îke someîng of a sove. ï saîd ï woud gîve î my bes so jus o appease îm. ï beîeve e îs moîvaed by e prospec o persona gaîn - ï ï make any money ï sa be abe o recompense îm or e many and varîed servîces e as done or me and my amîy sînce our arrîva în Dedey. ïndeed, sîncebeoreour arrîva or î was e wo oversaw e arrangemens a îs end, e wo carered our passage on e sîp a broug us o Engand, sored our documenaîon and

acked roug a e red ape îke an exporer în e undergrow wî a macee. We are sî Brîîs cîîzens ater a - we, a couns or my usband, our son and ï bu ï’m no enîrey ceraîn ow î works wî Unce Mjomba. ï înk a specîa îcence was graned or someîng o a naure. Anyway. ï am ryîng o seec e bes poîn a wîc o begîn our sory and ï beîeve î mîg be e momen wen we saw e ouse on Dedey’s we-o-do Edgar Sree a was o be our new ome or e Irs îme. O course, în Engand peope îve a o coser o eac oer an ey do în e junge. ï was prepared or a bu even so î was dîicu o wear a genuîne smîe wen Mr yons ed open e garden gae and usered me roug î. he dweîng was a semî-deaced consrucîon o brîck and sae în e ypîca pos-war sye. ï ad seen undreds îke î beore în my younger days and î seemed ere was no sorage o em în Dedey. To sare e buîdîng wî anoer amîy dîvîded ony by a parîîon wa was goîng o be a new experîence - o pu î mîdy. Come o a, e noîon o îvîng wîîn was a a was aso a novey wî wîc we woud a ave o grappe. Wen you’ve spen mos o your wakîng ours ou în e open wî ony e canopy o rees or cover, e conInemen o wa îs ere consîdered ‘norma’ îe seems aîen and bîzarre. here were rees aong e pubîc sree bu none wîîn e conInes o e propery’s perîmeer ence, and ow îmîed e space a ence conaîned! Mr yons mus ave read e dîsappoînmen on my ace because îs own expressîon couded over and e ceared îs roa apoogeîcay. “here’s a o o poenîa...” He was urnîng red. “You can do a o wî îs garden and,” e made a gesure o a aer gae a e sîde o e ouse, “- î’s a o bîgger around e back.” ï waked up e pa o e ron door; e îe sones o grave îcked e bare soes o my ee. ï ook me sîx paces. My

usband woud ake î one eap rom garden gae o doorsep. My ear sank. He was sî seepîng and so were my son and Unce Mjomba. Mr yons oowed my gaze back o e raîer îced beînd îs car. “ï’m sure ey’ îke î,” e ofered îs reassurance. “Once ey ge used o î. here’s aways a perîod o adjusmen - movîng în - sands o reason - and comîng rom abroad, we... ” ï ouced îs arm. ï su îm up. “Mr yons,” ï was peraps a îe oo cur wî îm, “we ave no jus come rom anoer counry; we ave et beînd a very dîferen way o îe. Our abîs and cusoms are vasy dîferen o yours. ï worry a e adjusmen may no appen a a.” He sared me by dangîng someîng sîny and jangy beore my eyes - ï Lînced and e auged. “Your keys,” e expaîned, pressîng e objecs îno my and. “You won’ ge în wîou em.” ï ave seen keys beore - O course ï ave - and ï recognîsed eîr uncîon and purpose a once bu ï ave ad no use or suc îngs or wo decades or so. ï auged. “O, we sa ave no need o keys, Mr yons. We ave Mjomba.” Mr yons gave me a ook a suggesed e ound me an amusîng îdîo. He recaîmed e bunc and ed eac key up în urn as e named em. “Fron door. Back door. Garden sed. Eecrîc meer.” ï was akîng none o î în. ï merey smîed and poued a îe. ï Ind îs meod very persuasîve. “Woud you do e onours?” ï may even ave Luered my eyeases. Mr yons urned a dîferen sade o red and busered someîng abou beîng appy o obîge. Hîs umbîng o e key îno e ock mîg ave ed one o beîeve e was as pracîsed în eîr use as ï. A as e pused e door open wî a rîumpan excamaîon bu beore we coud sep over e resod, e aîr was ren by a uuaîng cry. Mr yons roze în error. ï paed îs arm agaîn - my urn o ofer reassurance.

“My usband,” ï expaîned. “He’s awake.” he neîgbours’ curaîns may ave been wîcîng wen ï waked up e pa bu a îs poîn ey were opened wîde as e doors a e rear o e raîer were Lung apar and my usband - e mos împressîve Igure o a man, ï readîy admî! - sepped rom e veîce and ono e road. He’s a a man, my usband, we over sîx ee and raer an avîng spen îs ormaîve years soey în e socîey o prîmaes, as e appearance o avîng been raîsed rom bîr o aduood by a communîy o gym însrucors. Bareoo e sood - bare everyîng în ac, save or îs oînco - and snîfed e Dedey aîr. he concocîon o raic umes and e body odour o so many ousands o peope îvîng în cose proxîmîy was no o îs îkîng. ï coud e, even rom îs dîsance jus by e way e Lared a nosrî. To îm e aîr was oxîc. ï urrîed o îs sîde and înked my arm în îs. Hîs ace berayed no dîsase or emoîon o any kînd bu e sube ju o îs square cîn spoke voumes o me, îs wîe o amos weny years. ï reaced up and sroked îs ong goden aîr. Someîmes wen e’s sandîng on a rîdge or on some oty îmb and e seîng sun caces îm jus rîg, îs woe body seems o be made o god. He îs wor more an a o me, o course. ï peered around îm îno e dark cavern o e raîer. “Son seep,” my usband’s deep voîce rumbed beînd îs pecoras. “Mjomba seep.” ï ad been necessary o sedae my amîy în order or em o make e journey and ony now were e ranquîîsers begînnîng o wear of. hey’ve done many brave îngs bu a wîîn e bounds o e junge, you see. ï was oped a eîr înroducîon o e cîvîîsed word coud be a gradua and easy one... ï paed îs orearm and became aware a ree emaes ad appeared a e gae nex o ours. he edes was a rownîng, suen, mîdde-aged woman wearîng eyegasses and a srîng o pears. he oers were young gîrs - er daugers, ï assumed. One was amos a young woman and e oer abou my son’s

age. ï îs so dîicu o e wen peope keep emseves covered up wî coîng. hey were eyeîng up my usband - as were e oer occupans o e sree, ï ave no doub - bu my own appearance was aso aracîng aenîon. ï make my own garmens, you see, and end o avour aneope îde or îs sotness and suppe quaîîes. Wa ï was wearîng a e îme was one o my more modes creaîons; ere’s a word or î, ï beîeve, and a word îs ‘bîkînî’. îke my usband, ï end o go bareoo bu ï was sporîng a decoraîve anke bracee asîoned rom wîne and îons’ ee and ï suppose a was cacîng eîr coecîve eye. Around my neck was a coker o mac. he jeweery was made and gîven o me by my usband and are wor more o me an a e dîamonds în Arîca. Peraps î was envy ï coud see în my neîgbours’ wîde eyes and wîsed îps. ï eard one o em muer, “ook a er aîr!” so ï sook my cesnu resses or er beneI. ï end o e e prevaîîng wînd be my syîs în Naure’s saon. Mr yons seemed o rouse îmse rom some encanmen and, cearîng îs roa agaîn, înroduced us o e emaes. “My wîe Barbara and my daugers, Aîson and Rebecca.” Mr yons ad menîoned e ad boug or us e ouse nex o îs own. ï can’ say ï ake în everyîng e says. He’s suc an unprepossessîng îe man. Besîdes wîc, e modern word assaus e senses a every urn îke a parîcuary vîruen swarm o bees; one îs oten overwemed. Mrs yons pursed er îps în a passabe îmîaîon o a macaque’s anus. Peraps ï ad dîspeased er în some way. ï ofered er my and în rîendsîp. Se eyed î îke a roîng carcass în e waerîng oe. “Barbara, gîrs...” Mr yons persîsed wî e socîa nîceîes, “hîs îs - a,” îs ace e, “- wa sa ï ca you, your adysîp?” he onorîIc ad an însananeous awîng efec on Mrs yons wo Lused and sammered. “Your - - adysîp?” ï waved î away - wî e and se was now seekîng so urgeny o casp.