The Last Cowboy from Hell

Rambo Kittystomper

Description

The world has forgotten metal. And am going to bring it back. I’m the last cowboy from hell and am on my way to find the metal. A long journey through hellspace the likes of your wildest pornos could only imagine. A cowboy on a quest to find a posse to save the souls of all our rock legends from the pits oh hell and to mosh in the pits of hell. Evil weed farmers from hell, twerking with the devil in the pale moon light and whisky lots of whisky. Even some cute dead kittens and some more fucked up shit enjoy the ride!

Sujets

• Rambo
• Fiction

Informations

• Publié par: Xlibris US
• Date de parution: 25 janvier 2023
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781669853879
• Langue: English

Extrait

THE LAST COWBOY FROM HELL
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Rambo Kittystomper
 
Copyright © 2022 by Rambo Kittystomper.
 
 
Library of Congress Control Number:
2022920960
ISBN:
Hardcover
978-1-6698-5386-2

Softcover
978-1-6698-5385-5

eBook
978-1-6698-5387-9
 
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
 
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.
 
 
 
 
 
Rev. date: 11/07/2022
 
 
 
 
Xlibris
844-714-8691
www.Xlibris.com
819912
Contents
Chapter 1   Deal with the devil
Chapter 2   On my way to metal
Chapter 3   Evil weed farmers curse
Chapter 4   Pillars of Smoke and Fire
Chapter 5   Lacey and Stacy want a bump
Chapter 6   A guy on a horse and a handful of gwar
Chapter 7   Home boy home boy
Chapter8
Chapter 9   Who wants a new boat?
Chapter 10   To the special place
Chapter 11   Pineapple under the sea and the devil
Chapter 12   Rock stars
Chapter 13   Stuck in rock star hell
Chapter 14   Battle of the Gary Coleman clones
Chapter 15   Up the stairs and a gift
Chapter 16   3 card Monty and a shit load of souls
Chapter 17   Off the island
Chapter 18   The dying fields
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
 
It was a dark and shitty night! I was on my block trying to scrape up enough money to buy another bottle of whiskey, and drown all my fucking sorrows away. Another car passes, filling my ears with bullshit. Boom boom boom. I throw my empty bottle of drank at them. Where is the fucking metal I screamed and they didn’t even stop! Fucking pussies ride off into the wherever. Your music fucking sucks and all sound like nursery rhymes. Phew, I spit at the sound of that bullshit. Bring back the metal I screamed and fell over at the effort of all my cursing the air. Fucking air! I said trying to give it a good old sneaky kick. I got nothing but air and I felt smooth on my ass. I was drunker than shit! Not that that mattered. I was always drunker than shit, but tonight fuck tonight I screamed into the night. Fuuuuucccccck tonnnnniggghhhhht! Both my fist raised in defiance. Neither one holding a fucking bottle. Curse this night I said as loud as I can scream. Tears rolled down my face as the truth came to me .The ugly fucking truth. I put both hands over my face and hid my shame from the world. Metal was dead I cried to myself metal is dead! The finality of it all was too much. Devil I screamed! Hear me now! Listen to me good, you old son of a bitch you once came down to Georgia and challenged someone with the goddamned fiddle. Well here’s what I got for you! Fuck you and fuck fiddles! Eat my drunken asshole you son of a bitch... That song don’t even make fucking since. Where the hell were you huh on goddamned fucking vacation in the Bahamas? The Bahamas! Why the fuck did you have to come down to Georgia when coming from hell requires you to come up? Where the fuck were you? Do you really live in hell or are you just slumming on the weekends? Weekending fucking pussy. Come up or down wherever you’re fucking hiding I done been nothing but loyal to no one I’ve thrown my life away in your name whoever the hell you really are. If that’s even your name I doubt it! I fell over around middle of my rant and looked at my hand no fucking bottle .Fuck this! I said to myself. I’m going to give me a drink. I stumbled to the nearest watering hole and ordered three shots of whiskey, they weren’t dumb .they wanted their money up front. So I jumped the bar and grab me a bottle of the good shit I’ll take mine to go! I said and sailed out the door. Fuck you! I screamed bottle in hand, wind beneath my wings .I ran out of the bar with my fucking determination to find a way. A way to save the metal. IM the last cowboy motherfucker’s! The last cowboy from hell, and I’m going to find a way it is the fucking last thing I do! Skkkkeeeeat crash. That’s exactly when a Lexus came out of nowhere, and then all my troubles started. Goddamn Lexus knocked me straight to hell. Now were talking I said I’m off to save the metal. I’m the last cowboy and this is how the story goes CFH forever!
Chapter 1 Deal with the devil
Now my name is naked .Butt naked actually. The people call me naked for short. I’m the last cowboy and I woke here on hells doorsteps the domain called hell space in here I will stay until I can save the metal. The world needs me right now it’s been too long since there was metal music. Somewhere somehow I will save it and bring the memory of the metal back to the people. Somewhere here in hell it lays dormant in the form of rock gods long forgotten. They will be again. Rise from the ashes my friends together we shall all rise above this hellspace a posse from hell. Oh were coming the Cowboys from hell are coming! I got myself up dust myself off set about finding the owner this land. It’s a dirty dusty place this hell space but I lived in worse! The air was stuffy, not hot like you think when you think of hell but it was dark there were no stars only blackness somehow I can see just fine. This place was almost like any other place but it wasn’t at all really when it came down to it. Fuck it I said I see some lights at the end of this road I’m going down here to find out what the hell this place is and fast I don’t have any liquor fuck that! So off I went walking into the void. This is gonna be one hell of a journey I thought to myself and went off into the permanent night! As I approached the house at the end of the road which was the only road I could take. The house was more like a mansion of skulls. Evil made my skin crawl. My kind of place! It looked like vlad the impalor meets the Munster and they both went dumpster diving at the Halloween store the day after Halloween priceless. I stalked up to the door and it opened by itself. On its own accord the lights on the outside the door flamed up .and I walked in. Well it was like Halloween threw up all over this place. I loved it, it was like being in my own episode of the Munster .big staircase and all. Hello I said is anyone here? A deep laughter filled the air and then at the top the stairs stood the devil who look just like Charlie Sheen except with a red with liberty spiked Mohawk of horns. Welcome naked or should I say last cowboy. I know why you’re here. Tell me cowboy why do you care for something that no one even remembers. They don’t remember and that’s why I’m here they don’t remember what they’re missing. The devil urged me to come up the staircase where there was two chairs. Well chairs weren’t the actual term. They were pretty much people still alive molded together in awkward positions making the chairs. It was the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen it appeared to be some kind of study with library books lining the walls all the way up. Higher than I want to look. The two chairs were placed in front of a bad ass fireplace with the mosaic tile scene in the back that look like the world through the flames it looked as if the world was on fire and all the flames danced and the closer I looked at them the more it became clear that each one of them were souls on fire. Screaming in withering about soundlessly. Fuck I said out loud and the devil laughed. You like my soul fire I take it cowboy? I didn’t answer I was being drawn into that shit. I had to make myself snap out of it and it wasn’t easy. Cowboy the devil said again you want a drink? Hell yeah I want a drink I said as I plopped down on some fat chicks face this is awkward as fuck I said as I tried to reposition my ass to stop my chair from acting like it couldn’t breathe. I think I was smothering the chair and the devil laughed that’s just old Lorrain you’re okay cowboy don’t worry about her. I said oh good I thought I was suffocating her or something the devil laughed. You are that’s what’s so funny! Fuck me I said I jumped up ill stand I said. As you wish you should drink he said. I took the drink and the devil told me that I could just go ahead and sit down. I look back at the chair. It was just a normal chair this time it looked like it was made of human bones. That’s weird I said and took my glass and sit down now cowboy as you sit here my curiosity grows why do you come here? To challenge me or to mock me? I have no time for your bullshit games devil as I knocked back a glass of some of the finest scotch hell space had to offer. Immediately it filled itself back up amazed I told the devil he’s not getting his glass back. All he said was winning winning then reverted back to his task at hand. Like I was saying before I was rudely interrupted with your bullshit parlor trick cup I am here to bring the memory of metal back to the earth space. People have forgotten their