The Life and Times of Charles

Dryfuss W. Driftwood

Description

Accompany Charles as he visits contemporary, historical and, yes, story-book places. Join him as he encounters the enemy and leaves them completely disconcerted by means of his clever maneuvering techniques. He thwarts their vicious attempts, artfully outwits them, and gains International fame, too.
Be it known that the enclosed pages are designed to present you with humor and adventure—humorous adventure, if you please. This is an exciting saga of the good guys and the bad guys. Boy! How can you even think of staying home!
Thirty-year-old Charles is at home when the letter from his Uncle Charles arrives. Uncle Charles, on his death bed, in his death throes; writes a death note to nephew Charles. Its contents launch him on a life of high adventure!
Charles gains many friends in his travels and unscrupulous enemies too. You will travel from Africa across a slightly salted raging main to the Brave New World. You will find international intrigue as he stealthily steals his way through many modern-day cities of the world.

Sujets

• Humorous
• Fiction

Informations

• Publié par: Xlibris US
• Date de parution: 14 octobre 2013
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781493106622
• Langue: English

Extrait

The Life and Times of Charles
 
 
 
 
 
Dryfuss W. Driftwood
 
Copyright © 2013 by Dryfuss W. Driftwood.
 
ISBN:
Softcover
978-1-4931-0661-5

eBook
978-1-4931-0662-2

 
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.
 
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.
 
 
 
Rev. date: 12/15/2022
 
 
 
Xlibris
844-714-8691
www.Xlibris.com
600718
 
 
 
All the characters in this novel are definitely real-fictitious persons, even though, at times you may tend to relate. Their names are not to be confused with, nor are the characters intended to resemble any person living, dead or just hanging around.
Even some of the events may erroneously appear to be similar to some historical situations. But please, know and be assured that such apparitions must be purely a figmen t of the imagination. Therefore, any supposed resemblance would be obviously and purely coincidental . . . perhaps.—DWD
 
Important!—Before Embarkation
 
Dear Prospective Reader: Before embarking on your adventure with our hero, you must first be aware of the vital signs so as to be assured of maximum enjoyment in your proposed travels with Charles. Be it known that the following pages are designed to present you with humor and adventure—humorous adventure, if you please. Your author’s purpose is to attempt to provide you with a few moments of relief from the tension of modern living.
 
Charles’ unique personality and astonishing ability win out over the bad guys. This is satire; this is comic book. You will be with Charles in modern New York City; then you will jaunt through Sherwood Forest headed for the mythical kingdom of Thanks-a-lot. Indeed, you will fearfully find yourself riding with Charles right into the middle of the Indian wars in the American Wild West. What do you think of that? There is no relation between some of the adventures, as they take you through various historical times. But finally, it’s the good-guy spies against the bad-guy spies—as Charles is impelled into their present world of intrigue and deception.
Of course, our hero invites you to join him in his exciting encounters—but be careful, don’t get in his way!
 
Now for that uncertain, but greatly desired thing called humor. The adventure itself is comedy. But it is felt that this is not sufficient to satisfy your need for humor. Along the way, the narrative is punctuated with choice, tidbit sort of, explanatory notes, which are designed to be helpful—well, maybe. And, furthermore, you must be alert to perceive the innuendoes, contradictions, anachronisms, a few originally composed word-forms and poetry that you will find scattered along the way. Oh! How delightful, this is another crack at humor. Then, too, some vibrant characters will happen upon the scene and join our adventurer.
These, then, are the vital signs that must be discerned if your travels with Charles are to be successful. Oh! What choice times await you, Dear Reader, as your precious little eyes anxiously direct you through The Life and Times of Charles  . . .
 
Now, we are just about ready, if you are. Read, watch, and enjoy the bizarre, as Charles comes upon the unforeseen and cleverly thwarts his adversary. Therefore, nevertheless, and notwithstanding, you the reader, with absence of malice, but with caution in mind, are invited to accompany Charles. So sit back, follow right alongside and enjoy a few moments of refreshment from the seriousness of life. Boy! How can you even think of staying home!
 
Your pseudonymous Author:
Dryfuss W. Driftwood
CONTENTS
Chapter 1Charles of Bechuwanaland
Chapter 2The Attempt of the Vicious Diamond Thieves
Chapter 3Trouble in Bechuwanaland
Chapter 4The Mythical Kingdom of Thanks-a-lot
Chapter 5It’s Larceny! Grand Larceny!
Chapter 6Charles Braves a Slightly-salted Raging Main
Chapter 7Charles Rides into the Middle of the Indian Wars
Chapter 8Charles Boards “The Mississippi Gambler”
Chapter 9Business Returns Charles to His Jolly Old England
Chapter 10The Outer Mongolian IV Dung Dynasty
Chapter 11The King Is Dead—Long Live the Queen
Chapter 12How the West Reall y Was Won!
Chapter 13For All the Tea in China
Chapter 14The European Connection
Chapter 15Summoned to Washington
Chapter 16The Fortune Cookie Caper
Chapter 17Charles Reveals Himself to His Readers
CHAPTER 1 Charles of Bechuwanaland
I t was the time of the year when the turtledove was heard in the land. Melting snow in the mountains started the increased rushing of streams shimmering along like silver threads down the hills and along the valley floors. It was the time of the year when primeval kings sallied forth and armies marched. It was the season for the swallows to come winging their way back from Capistrano.
It was at this time of the year, in a small hamlet set deep in the hills of Yorkshire in southwest England that something else was happening. This was something bigger than those cooing turtledoves, far brighter than those silvery streams, much more important than all of those blasted kings and their armies that had marched, and even bigger than those pesky swallows picking away at their “Capistrami.” For early on one bright spring morning, Charles came into the world . . .
He was a frisky little fellow, mewling and squirming in his mother’s arms just like all newborn infants. Soon, though, he was to be the typical, reluctant schoolboy, with early morning face, creeping like a snail unwilling to go to school. But alas, Charles was not destined to join the ranks of those of his age in their normal march to manhood. Rather, he was to be whisked away from normalcy much too soon. At the early age of twenty-eight, he was to find himself hurried off to be involved in worldly pursuits that would thrust upon him a life of high adventure !
This, of course, was to the dismay of his loving parents. His mother and father were quiet country people, and it was a great joy for them raising their only son. Petite, spirited Martha was a bright-eyed, energetic little lady. She remembered how frightened she would be and had scolded Tom often, when he would playfully toss little baby Charles up in the air and then catch him.
“Thomas, stop that! He’ll fall and hit his head if you don’t watch out!”
“Now, love, don’t you worry. Our son needs this kind of experience. I want Charles to be strong, versatile—capable.”
Of course, Thomas wanted his son to grow up and be just like him.
Well, one time it did happen as predicted. That day, his father was tossing little Charlie up and catching him, amidst giggling and hearty laughter. One time, tossed up, giggling little Charlie baby looked down and saw only one of his father’s two arms extended to catch him; the other was stretched behind due to a pain in the rear. The little fellow, plummeting down, passed the point of no return and hit the floor with a thud! It wasn’t that bad, though, his body was protected by his head, which hit the floor first. The stout young lad cried a little, but quickly recovered. Thomas had always grieved over the misfortune, but it seemed that no damage had been done. However, maybe, just maybe, Martha would wonder every once in a while . . . maybe that’s why Charles was the way he was? Now don’t misunderstand, he was an intelligent, able-bodied young man, capable of taking care of himself as we shall soon see. Nevertheless, there was this little, well, little way about him that . . . well . . .
They would often wonder about and discuss their son’s strange ideas while at his work. It was the famous “Leon & Ferren, Original and Genuine Yorkshire Sauce,” where young Charles was an assistant manager. The town of Yorkshire, a twenty-minute drive from their home, became world renowned for its delectable meat-flavoring sauce. Its varied ingredients provided a delicious, enhanced flavoring for soups, gravies, seafood, steaks, and it was superb for barbecues. But Charles, of course, always felt that it lacked something; it could use a tinge of something else. Finally, the day came when he approached his boss, Mr. Ferren, with the suggestion—“Anchovies!” He declared, “Mr. Ferren what the sauce needs is anchovies.” They tried it; it worked and proved to be a great improvement to the taste.
But, Charles My Boy, what made you think of anchovies?”
“Well, Sir,” he answered, one hand brushing back his well-groomed, thick chestnut-brown hair, “I don’t like the way the little fellows are packed so tightly in those narrow cans. I kept looking at them all cramped up, Sir. They should be set free to swim around and enjoy life.”
His listener, eyes narrowed, mouth somewhat open, found himself glancing sideways at his employee with a peculiar expression on his face.
“But how? Where? I pondered the question, Sir. Then it came to me, of course—the sauce. That’s it! In our sauce, of course! They can be free, swimming around in our sauce!”
At that, Ferren’s mouth really fell, and eyeballs popped.
“After all,” continued Charles, enthusiastically displaying his love for nature, “they were born free, too! Free as the wind blows, free as the wind blows . . .” Then, with emph